Originally posted by: supercool3
I've been a silent reader of your posts, but today I just had to comment.
Thank you so much for coming out of the woodwork to reply to this! 😃
I really like the way you view things beyond what's there on the surface, and give it a completely different perspective 👏
I think, even despite this track, the show has opened a lot of discussion towards how DILs are treated, how sons behave post marriages, and how in-laws react to the changes that are happening. The mixed reviews, and even the extreme responses on both sides of the spectrum are a sign that the show is successful in accomplishing its purpose - that is making the audience think beyond the structures and frameworks we are so comfortable within. And this doesn't just relate to the patriarchal structure that the writers are working around. This even includes ideas and notions that we may assume to be "correct" , which don't necessarily fit into that patriarchal view.
I completely agree with you. In some ways, the extreme reactions are actually symptomatic of discomfort in seeing something that doesn't conform to their expectations. We are used to being given stories that clearly demarcate themselves as comedies, tragedies, and romances. A lot of viewers, especially on seeing the promos, figured this show as a romance with Ishwari as the obstacle. But the irritation began when it became clear that Ishwari was not just an obstacle to overcome, but a full protagonist in her own right. So it's not just about overcoming the obstacle, it's about people negotiating relationships with one another.
Our moral compasses, as you mentioned, make us super judgmental about the way the characters behave and at times even confuses us as well. Unfortunately it really isn't as simple as black and white. I myself have felt completely perplexed at times wondering why some characters behave the way they do. In fact, I most of the time find my thoughts and reactions to align with that of Sona's (the privileged minority as you put it 😆). At the same time, I can completely imagine an older relative in my family itself who would beg to differ from my perspective and may sympathize more with Ishwari. Does that mean either of us are wrong? Definitely not. We have different experiences and just need to find a way to bridge the gap.
Absolutely! Thanks for understanding my intention with this post so well. When I mentioned empathy, it was all about finding that bridge. I really believe that in order to move forward, we have to understand what held, or is still holding, parts of our society back. No person or family is an island, and until society as a whole progresses, the individual's progress is always limited.
If we have the idea of an ideal mother in the back of our minds, then Ishwari will come out very short, but if we try to challenge that embedded idea, what if mothers aren't innately selfless and kind? Then we begin to open our minds to new possibilities.
^ I really like what you wrote here. When we think of a mother, we think of them as someone who represents God. I mean, isn't that what we are taught as a kid? That mata, pita and guru are the gods that live on earth with us? Hence in our minds, we find it hard to digest at times that a mother can be selfish at times. In a way we are a bit like Dev here. We don't want to find faults in the idea of a Mother 😆.
YES! A thousand times yes! 😆 This show is doing the unthinkable by showing a mother in an unflattering light. It's exposing the ugly side-effects of the kind of mother-child relationship we tend to idealise. Ishwari herself is so caught up in this image of the ideal mother that she is, ironically, willing to put her own kids' happines on the line to maintain it. Some like to see Ishwari as evil because they still view her as the obstacle; I like to see her as a product of the time and society she was raised in, someone who did everything she thought she was supposed to, only to find the rules had changed by the time she got to the finish line!
If you think about it, our culture has brainwashed us with this ideal mother concept for so many years now. The completely selfless and devoted mother (Mother India, mere pas ma hai!, Rakhee in Karan Arjun, Jaya Bachchan in K3G) is an omnipresent trope that we take so much for granted, it blinds us to the humanity and fallibility of mothers. Especially when they are widows, they are depicted as having no desires beyond their children's well-being, and no purpose other than to raise them. What makes Ishwari so fascinating is her conflict between her natural desires as a human woman, and the pressing need to live up to this societal expectation. It's the conflict that drives her entire plot.
As for Neha and Radharani, they aren't inherently bad people. Yes, at times their actions come across as being annoying and interfering. But I don't think Neha finds much happiness with her behaviour right now, at least not subconsciously. She somewhere does want to see Sona succeed in bringing the changes. As for Radharani, the fact that she was the first to treat Sona's wounds when she burnt herself on the firecrackers gives me hope that there's a lot more to her than what we see daily.
Neha has always been my favourite character because she is so raw. Anything she feels, she wears on her sleeve, and I think it's no different with her resentment of Sona. She is jealous and feels keenly the perceived injustice of Sona's happiness. I have a feeling that she would be much more receptive to Sona if the latter were to open up about her dissatisfactions (maybe not in the house at first, but at work or some neutral topic).
We saw when Ishwari was moving the swing that there was the briefest moment of kinship when Neha saw Sona as one of the downtrodden under Dev and Ishwari's reign, but it quickly subsided when Sona took the high road. Again she reached out when Sona looked disturbed in Friday's episode, but Ayan came and stole the moment (and how!). In order for Neha to open up to her, I think Sona has to do her share of opening up as well. She can't always come off as the wise, all-knowing one because that grates on people, especially those with inferiority complexes like Neha.
Friendships are formed based on moments of shared vulnerability, something that poor Sona has always struggled with (as evidenced by her lack of friends outside family growing up). That, to me, is her journey on the show.
I initially thought that its the execution of all these ideas at once that is causing a disconnect these days. But then I read one of your replies, where you said that the episodes just don't have a tangible goal in mind hence we feel it's going nowhere. I guess it is true that on TV we look for issues to be sorted out one after another, whereas in real life we don't get that same opportunity. There will always be some issues that require immediate attention, while others would continue to linger in the background. So thanks for giving me another perspective on that as well 😆
Happy I did! 😃 The way they are dealing with issues on this show kind of reminds me of the south Indian "mega-serials" where they have like 15 plots running at the same time. In a daily format, it gives them more flexibility with scheduling, and I think mirrors reality much better. Again, the track by track, step by step structure would make sense if this was a traditional romance with Ishwari as the obstacle, but why not open our minds to the possibility that it is not?
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