Ishwari portrayal - Simply unhealthy

If USP of a show is realistic portrayal of real life, of different shades of love then the return is the connection it makes/has made with the audience. TRPs show that it does not connect with the mass TRP audience and time & again the makers have stressed that people's appreciation is what they have earned.

The biggest challenge and risk is to maintain that connection. Even when a character flaws are brutally exposed, to make the audience feel a level of sympathy or feel something, just not feel 'Disconnection'.

Ishwari

There are such people in real life but we do not connect with them ... I have seen such people but not seen anyone agreeing to their feelings, actions or behaviour. It is a huge risk to take a characterization this selfish and expect the audience to feel for her.

Mothers do not have a copyright on (pun intended) being selfless. That's we who have built such role criterias. They are after all human and being selfish is part of being human. Why put this huge pressure on mothers to be giving all the time. Let them breathe too.

'A member here beautifully described the time her young Son asked her to leave his hand while crossing the street. He was growing up. She cried at home as letting go is always tough but then gave her Son his space.' Pardon me I don't know the name of the member but could connect to this feeling.

Ishwari is not going through pangs of change. Change is always tough and letting go is never easy!
Her attachment with the man of the house is plain n simple unhealthy!

- we take decisions together
- if he says ok for Sister to join office, she voices her concern but agrees
- if he says ok for Sister to go to camp, she voices concern but agrees
- when someone brings up the topic of Dev's marriage, she says he knows his responsibility. He has 3 sisters to marry off.

But for Dev to feel so deeply that he never had anything of his own. Something to call his. Someone he can talk to & share. A feeling he is deeply treasuring now.
He was engulfed in a bond so tight but stood all alone.

Neha grew with this unhealthy bond and knows how deep the attachment runs for her Mother.
She is a wholesome human being (as we get to see now) and all this while she only acted out her dejection & feeling of emptiness.

Both kids have been lonely.

The younger 2 kids are just there and the elder kids do a brilliant job of taking care of them.

Where is the Mother in all this nurturing?
A big yes that they went through tough times but 'they' went through it not just the Mother.

After reaching the heights of prosperity, a Son still never had anything of his own, a Daughter was left feeling worthless that she fought for her identity in things like AC and a Mother who cannot look beyond the illusion she has created of the perfect Mother and the fear of losing her place of influence.
This is crooked to say the least masked in the white walls of perfection!

Yes, this is a journey of a Mother and the process of change, adjustment & letting go but while we all can understand this and sympathise with the feeling (even if we may not be mothers ourselves), Ishwari's unhealthy characterization now may make us forget the good we saw in her.

While there are obsessive, selfish, self-possessed people in this world; who connects with them?
And the one thing any story needs is audience emotional connection.

If Dev was the only child, the portrayal would make some sense but with 4 children and a Mother holding tight and going through the process of change with only one is ... Simply unhealthy.

Originally posted by: ARCH21

If USP of a show is realistic portrayal of real life, of different shades of love then the return is the connection it makes/has made with the audience. TRPs show that it does not connect with the mass TRP audience and time & again the makers have stressed that people's appreciation is what they have earned.

The biggest challenge and risk is to maintain that connection. Even when a character flaws are brutally exposed, to make the audience feel a level of sympathy or feel something, just not feel 'Disconnection'.

Ishwari

There are such people in real life but we do not connect with them ... I have seen such people but not seen anyone agreeing to their feelings, actions or behaviour. It is a huge risk to take a characterization this selfish and expect the audience to feel for her.

Mothers do not have a copyright on (pun intended) being selfless. That's we who have built such role criterias. They are after all human and being selfish is part of being human. Why put this huge pressure on mothers to be giving all the time. Let them breathe too.

'A member here beautifully described the time her young Son asked her to leave his hand while crossing the street. He was growing up. She cried at home as letting go is always tough but then gave her Son his space.' Pardon me I don't know the name of the member but could connect to this feeling.

Ishwari is not going through pangs of change. Change is always tough and letting go is never easy!
Her attachment with the man of the house is plain n simple unhealthy!

- we take decisions together
- if he says ok for Sister to join office, she voices her concern but agrees
- if he says ok for Sister to go to camp, she voices concern but agrees
- when someone brings up the topic of Dev's marriage, she says he knows his responsibility. He has 3 sisters to marry off.

But for Dev to feel so deeply that he never had anything of his own. Something to call his. Someone he can talk to & share. A feeling he is deeply treasuring now.
He was engulfed in a bond so tight but stood all alone.

Neha grew with this unhealthy bond and knows how deep the attachment runs for her Mother.
She is a wholesome human being (as we get to see now) and all this while she only acted out her dejection & feeling of emptiness.

Both kids have been lonely.

The younger 2 kids are just there and the elder kids do a brilliant job of taking care of them.

Where is the Mother in all this nurturing?
A big yes that they went through tough times but 'they' went through it not just the Mother.

After reaching the heights of prosperity, a Son still never had anything of his own, a Daughter was left feeling worthless that she fought for her identity in things like AC and a Mother who cannot look beyond the illusion she has created of the perfect Mother and the fear of losing her place of influence.
This is crooked to say the least masked in the white walls of perfection!

Yes, this is a journey of a Mother and the process of change, adjustment & letting go but while we all can understand this and sympathise with the feeling (even if we may not be mothers ourselves), Ishwari's unhealthy characterization now may make us forget the good we saw in her.

While there are obsessive, selfish, self-possessed people in this world; who connects with them?
And the one thing any story needs is audience emotional connection.

If Dev was the only child, the portrayal would make some sense but with 4 children and a Mother holding tight and going through the process of change with only one is ... Simply unhealthy.

You are right absolutely no one connects with such mothers not even their sons after a point. I guess that is the main purpose of this show not to glorify her obsession but to show her journey of growing up.

Originally posted by: vinshe

Very well written.. I too feel that Ishwari's hold on Dev is very unhealthy.. it's not correct.. she has daughter's too.. she expects them to get married.. if all mothers turn out to be like her then all girls should stay at home..

If Dev was her only kid then too this is wrong.. can't he have a private life? Mother's should be happy when their kids find that special someone with whom they are happy.. that's my POV

Very true.

Every Mother goes through this adjustment phase and it is painful but Ishwari seems to be facing this with Dev only. With her daughter's, there was t even a need of adjustment...
All this conveys is the Son is most important. Daughters are just there... I had more hopes from this show than this...

Yes, it is unhealthy. And unnatural too to an extent.

Originally posted by: ARCH21

If USP of a show is realistic portrayal of real life, of different shades of love then the return is the connection it makes/has made with the audience. TRPs show that it does not connect with the mass TRP audience and time & again the makers have stressed that people's appreciation is what they have earned.

Absolutely. I doubt the makers wanted to show ugly relationships with total disregard for whether the audience is interested in such a show :) One point on the TRPs though - TRPs for Sony's shows are low in general but among all of its shows this one seems most popular..and why not? It had everything going for it for the first 90 odd episodes. Each episode was so positive and a pleasure to watch with meaningful interactions between characters (except GKB). It was a pleasure to see Ish/Sona scenes too

The biggest challenge and risk is to maintain that connection. Even when a character flaws are brutally exposed, to make the audience feel a level of sympathy or feel something, just not feel 'Disconnection'.

Ishwari

There are such people in real life but we do not connect with them ... I have seen such people but not seen anyone agreeing to their feelings, actions or behaviour. It is a huge risk to take a characterization this selfish and expect the audience to feel for her.

Mothers do not have a copyright on (pun intended) being selfless. That's we who have built such role criterias. They are after all human and being selfish is part of being human. Why put this huge pressure on mothers to be giving all the time. Let them breathe too.

'A member here beautifully described the time her young Son asked her to leave his hand while crossing the street. He was growing up. She cried at home as letting go is always tough but then gave her Son his space.' Pardon me I don't know the name of the member but could connect to this feeling.

Ishwari is not going through pangs of change. Change is always tough and letting go is never easy!
Her attachment with the man of the house is plain n simple unhealthy!

- we take decisions together
- if he says ok for Sister to join office, she voices her concern but agrees
- if he says ok for Sister to go to camp, she voices concern but agrees
- when someone brings up the topic of Dev's marriage, she says he knows his responsibility. He has 3 sisters to marry off.

But for Dev to feel so deeply that he never had anything of his own. Something to call his. Someone he can talk to & share. A feeling he is deeply treasuring now.
He was engulfed in a bond so tight but stood all alone.

In fact, not just Ish I feel they have made Dev and Sona's characterization unhealthy too, especially Dev. Whatever the circumstances, showing a male in his late 20s (one whp supposedly has to run a huge business) run around with no time to call his own, feeding his mom, feeling guilty if he does not dedicate every waking hour to her, return from work late and feed his mom who is perfectly able to eat on his own is very disturbing. I do not want to second guess but judging by the show's promos he will initiate a break up for these reasons. Are they trying to set such a person up as a role model?? Are you a role model if you kill all your own hopes and dreams? Are the rest of us who try to strike a balance lesser mortals??

Sona, less said the better. They have taken a strong character and diluted it a fair bit.

Neha grew with this unhealthy bond and knows how deep the attachment runs for her Mother.
She is a wholesome human being (as we get to see now) and all this while she only acted out her dejection & feeling of emptiness.

Both kids have been lonely.

The younger 2 kids are just there and the elder kids do a brilliant job of taking care of them.

Where is the Mother in all this nurturing?
A big yes that they went through tough times but 'they' went through it not just the Mother.

After reaching the heights of prosperity, a Son still never had anything of his own, a Daughter was left feeling worthless that she fought for her identity in things like AC and a Mother who cannot look beyond the illusion she has created of the perfect Mother and the fear of losing her place of influence.
This is crooked to say the least masked in the white walls of perfection!

Yes, this is a journey of a Mother and the process of change, adjustment & letting go but while we all can understand this and sympathise with the feeling (even if we may not be mothers ourselves), Ishwari's unhealthy characterization now may make us forget the good we saw in her.

While there are obsessive, selfish, self-possessed people in this world; who connects with them?
And the one thing any story needs is audience emotional connection.

If Dev was the only child, the portrayal would make some sense but with 4 children and a Mother holding tight and going through the process of change with only one is ... Simply unhealthy.

Originally posted by: _Payalj_

You are right absolutely no one connects with such mothers not even their sons after a point. I guess that is the main purpose of this show not to glorify her obsession but to show her journey of growing up.

In real life also a point comes when the very son these women have been clinging to either emotionally disconnects them or ends up becoming a shell of a person. They end up losing the very love and respect for which they stoop to such levels.

This stage will come in this show also. Just wait and watch. One cannot fool all the people all the time. First Dev will break relationship with Sona, then somehow convince Ishwari and marry her. In the initial stages he will trust Ishwari implicitly and lash out at Sona but the ultimate over rrwill only be Ishwari. Dev might take time to understand her true nature but understand he will

Given the way Dev's character is sketched, he will leave Sona & become a shell of himself but will try everything to keep his Mother happy. I can see things going exactly as you described after the marriage and given how Sona's character is, she will never complain and will keep as much kitchen politics away from Dev as possible.
This then sadly turns into every other Daily soap & I am sure I wouldn't want to see all that then...

At this point I just want to feel something for Ishwari and am just unable to...

Originally posted by: bookworm123

<font color="#0000cc">Yesterday, I was trying to make sense of what the makers are trying to portray. I think they have broken down the stages of their relationship and accordingly plan the episodes</font>

<font color="#0000cc">Sometimes what they intend to show does not translate very well or screen or make for pleasant viewing. For ex - they had this entire phase of Sona recognizing her love for Dev but him staying clueless about his own feelings. Some episodes stretched credulity and left us face palming! No male can be that clueless. However, they balanced it out by letting the audience see his interest ...</font>

<font color="#0000cc">Post epi 76 they seem to have a similar approach.</font>

<font color="#0000cc">-telling each other they are in love</font>

<font color="#0000cc">-meeting in secret and getting to know each other, ignoring everything else</font>

<font color="#0000cc">-mamiji suspicious and alerts Ish</font>

<font color="#0000cc">-Dev trying to balance the time this relationship needs with his regular routine</font>

<font color="#0000cc">-Agreeing that they need to let others know, Dev a little reluctantly because they will not have a private moment after that (I do not blame him really)</font>

<font color="#990000">-others cluing in on their closeness - her family questioning her, his sisters questioning him, his mother disturbed by Sona's influence..(we are in this phase now but the portrayal is very disturbing and not something we can connect with especially because they have abandoned the USPs of the show - dignified and strong professional heroine, respect for heroine etc,) As you rightly pointed out, they cannot show what they want to show regardless of whether the audience can stomach it!</font>

<font color="#0000cc">-shortly he will inform her and from the SBS videos it appears that Ish will appear to be happy (once he informs her that he is in love and happy, she can hardly refuse except to express disappointment at being informed late)</font>

<font color="#0000cc">-post that they will either separate or wonder if they should seeing her displeasure</font>

<font color="#0000cc">-marriage and mutual adjustment</font>

<font color="#0000cc">-somewhere there will be a realization track for Ish</font>

Absolutely. They did everything right (faltering a bit here n there) for the first 90 or even 100 episodes. They set a lovely base and now is the main body of the story. Always a difficult part. But now am unsure about what they really want to show...

- a mothers obsession for her Son - overflowing love - check
- a parent feeling daughters are good for only one thing (ok! 2) - taking care of house n getting married and then taking care of that house. - bringing up sanskari daughters - check
- a dutiful, beautiful Daughter-in-law who absorbs all shit but doesn't even blink to her Husband - Super bahu - check
- a Son who struggled, worked so hard that while he grew up, he also grew an empire and took care of every small/big need of his family. Ok! Superman - check

Yes, this is the same old story in a new bottle but if it had to include this single-minded obsession then don't make the screenplay so realistic. Let it be OTT as all other shows.

The problem probably also lies in Sony not being clear of their positioning. The channel has fallen in ratings and even though most shows on other channels are crazy, you know what you will get from a Star or a Zee...the positioning is clear.
The same production house has a new show on Star where the situation is similar in the story with a slight difference - the boy/girl are in love but the Father is against. The Father makes similar scary expressions and he has the same old fashioned ideologies (Son important. Daughter follows etc)... The lead pair know what they want, are shown strong & no apologies about loving each other, being passionate and don't want to revolt and do want the Father to support. They might separate too in the story but they will carry the phase with self-respect.

I am having my doubts about Dev-Sona. Subtlety does not mean blindness!

I would've had some sympathy for Ishwari had she shownw atleast some emotions towards her daughters.. less than 10 mins after neha's bidaai she was obsessing over her son and his lack of responsibility.. in the havan also,she ignored the fact that her daughter who just got married has come to visit her and instead of spending time with her she chose to sulk in her room.. her constant manipulations have taken away any realness that was left in her character.. yesterday's episode Dev said he's feeling guilty that he is unable to worship her.. I know those weren't his exact words but that's what he meant!

Lovely post!

Oh yes I can't seem to sympathize with Ishwari anymore... And I feel disconnected with all the three of them off late - Dev, Sona & Ishwari.

The letting go'/separation aspect is very much needed for a child & the mother. Had posted this few days back:

Asha is a mother who is open to the fact that her daughter is wise enough to make/take decisions on her own. Whereas, Ishwari still needed to control her son's decision making ability. Asha falls under the league of mothers, who must have encouraged the 'letting her' aspect in her child. Letting her choose things, letting her make friends, letting her play the games she wanted, letting her bond with her brother & cousin and letting her have a love relationship. Where as in Ishwari's case, if you remember, there was this flashback scene, when Dev was playing football with his friends, and she was upset that he wasn't studying, so she intentionally broke a vase so that she would get yelled by her employer & that would get his attention. She manipulatively got his sympathy. And Dev like an obedient child went back to study. I understand it was the situation which forced her to behave like that.. but at the same time she robbed him of so many things... But now when their situations are so so so much better, why still hold onto the past, why hold onto Dev?? Let her child live his life the way he wants to. Controlling him is never going to get her anything. She let Neha marry the person she loves, so why not Dev too? She has one rule for her son & another for her daughters...

The fact that Neha said that Ishwari would never let her daughters come between the mother & son...itself sounds very unhealthy. Neha understood her mother the best.

For Ishwari, the moment Dev was born she became a mother to ONLY him. And Neha became the mother of Riya & Nikki. A mother nurtures (cares & protects) her children, not control them. Neha understood the meaning of nurturing better than Ishwari. And Neha seems to be a better mother than what Ishwari is...

If Dev was the only child, the portrayal would make some sense but with 4 children and a Mother holding tight and going through the process of change with only one is ... Simply unhealthy.

I wonder why they even have Neha, Riya & Nikki on the show. They don't seem to matter at all. If it was only Dev then I still could've related to this kind of possessiveness...