ff: ''a many splendoured thing', update pg. 102 - Page 44

by the time that the party wound up, and most of the guests had left, the gang had figured that the evening had decided taken a turn for the worse. on the ride back home, raj thought that everyone must be tired out to talk very much. certainly, he had never seen ms. soni as quiet as she was just now. especially if preet was in close banter-proximity. and just after an evening that had been a huge success for the junejas. he squinted at the rear-view mirror where he could see the three faces and frowned. it was rare to see prem and preet look out of the window when they rode together. raj shifted in his seat. it must have been some party.

soni, sandwiched between the brothers in the back seat, thought it was just as strange that they were not talking just now. there had certainly been quite a drama building up as they had wound up their dinner. such a different end to the night, considering how spectacularly the evening had started. she wondered when it had started to go bad, and thought back on the night.

everything had been jovial and congratulatory at the start of their dinner. she had been seated between preet and hiten and couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so much. nandita had been chatting with heer, while chloe had been in an argument with harman.

prem had been mostly quiet, but that was not unusual for prem. what had been unusual for prem was that he had not participated in the conversation at all. and after a while, it had been obvious. he had been staring into space for such a long time that chloe, who had been trying to getting him to side with her in her argument, had finally slapped his arm slightly and had said rather peevishly, ''prem, i swear, you're no help at all. i thought you'd be sure to stand up for the realtors on this one.''

prem had looked at her and shrugged. ''sorry, chloe, i was a little distracted.'' he had started. but did not get to finish.

''of course, you are distracted, prem! after all, it's just me, not heer. i'm sure that if she had asked, it would not have taken her three times to get you to respond.''

across from heer, nandita, startled, had tried to cut off the disaster from happening ''chloe! would you please calm down? that was a bit much.''

chloe had turned around to her in a flash, ''what part was it that was a bit much? that it would have not taken heer three tries to get prem to listen to her? c'mon, nads. if it was heer, i'm sure that prem would have heard her even before she said anything at all!'' no one could mistake the frustration behind the sarcasm. the really odd thing was no one refuted the accuracy of that statement.

in the thoughtful silence that followed, chloe had discovered something about life that she hadn't realised before: that sometimes having everyone agreeing with you so absolutely was not quite as desirable as you would think.

she had flushed a dull red when preet mused aloud. ''well, yes, but heer would have had to think it first. before she said it, but after she thought it.''

hiten had picked it up saying, ''yes. true. i mean, if he agreed with her even before she thought it, that would be a little too much.''

they had looked at each other, devilish laughter lighting up their eyes. ''of course, this is prem.'' hiten continued emphatically.

''yes,'' preet had been all but laughing out aloud, ''pb does have a tendency to go overboard on doing anything.''

which had given soni the perfect opening to start on her stock of prem stories.

prem had not said a word after his first apology to chloe. it would have been unusual to anyone who knew prem to not join the banter. instead, he had gone back to that unusual silence. only this time, he had sat staring at his hands clasped on the table in front of him. now that chloe thought about it, that was when things had started going weird.

soni had recounted a tale from a ttime that they had been at grad school. about the one time that she had gotten into serious trouble. and it had taken all of prem's ingenuity to get them out of it. prem the wonderboy.

harman had laughed at that, and said that he'd always thought that his prem bhaiyya was a god. except, he had said ''when i found out that bhaiyya had a huge soft spot -- towards me and preet.'' harman's face had become rueful, as he had looked at prem's brooding face, turned away from him, ''how can anyone who is truly divine have a soft spot? bhaiyya would do anything for us. and i remembered then what dad had told me once: that no man is an island, that every one has to have a base, something to moor him. and for bhaiyya, it was us.'' he had said, his voice becoming purposely pompus, ''which led me to conclude, my lord, that pb is human. because no man is an island.''

at that point, heer's voice had come in, ''what if he wanted to be?''

all heads had swiveled towards her. she had looked startled, as if surprised to get everyone's attention. but her eyes had been as grave as ever, as she had said. ''a person can be an island if they want to be, can't they? most artists have spent their lives on their own. their only companion have been their ideas, their tools. da vinci, michelangelo -- these were people who created the most beautiful things we have ever seen, and they created them in splendid isolation.''

harman had grinned at her, ''hmmm. mozart was an inveterate womaniser. shakespeare could not write without an adoring crowd. these were artists too, who created wonders that make them appear divine, even though they were of earth and blood and bones.''

heer had still been grave, leaning forward to balance her chin on her hands at the table. ''neither of mozart, nor shakespeare, had a muse, did they? who drove them in their search for perfection in their art. perhaps if mozart had spent more time with his music, we would have more of his music to enjoy. perhaps he may have just lived longer?''

hiten had piped up with, ''perhaps, lovely heer, but he would most certainly have been sadder.''

heer had frowned, ''whether he was sad or happy had nothing to do with his creating music. there is nothing about his music that suggests the person he really was.''

it was then that preet had said, ''that's the trick, isn't it, trying to answer a question about love and life with what has happened in the past? sort of like believing that anything that is to happen, has to have already happened before?'' he paused. ''but that would limit so many possibilities that perhaps we had never imagined. and that is what happens always.''

preet had been looking at heer when he said, ''what i think is that, we should always be prepared for surprises. the unexpected is the only constant. and we just have to deal with what we get, no matter how prepared we had been for something else.'' a silence fell as everyone around the table remembered what preet had gone through a couple of years ago.

he had grinned crookedly at prem who had been staring at him, ''what, pb? you think you are the only one who can philosophise? i'm quite capable of learning from life too, you know. without your having to tell me what to learn. somethings,'' he leaned over across the table, and reached out his hand to heer, ''i learnt from someone else.''

which is when things got a little strange, soni thought, as she sat squeezed between two brothers who were not talking to each other.

prem had stood up abruptly, his chair nearly falling over. as he turned to move away, harman had asked, as startled as everyone else, ''hey! where are you going?''

everyone got even more surprised when prem had said, ''the island has a headache. i was thinking of getting raj to take me home.'' but when heer had asked whether she could catch a ride with him, everyone had settled down and let prem go to find raj. heer would be able to deal with whatever was eating prem juneja.

but it had not been prem who had come back for heer, it had been raj. who had told her courteously that prem had told him she had wanted to go home, but to excuse him since he had found some old friends that he wanted to have dinner with.

if that had not been weird enough for those who knew prem to find disturbing, the crestfallen look on heer's face that had been quickly replaced with a small smile had been enough to make harman's face darken and for preet's face to get livid. she had quietly refused to hear any one offering to accompany her home, or to have a quick dinner. and after a while, no one had the heart to fight against the rapidly stubborn set of her jaw.

as they watched her walk away with raj, it had been hiten who had spoken first.

''exactly what has gotten into prem tonight?''

there was a strange note in his voice, as preet had muttered, ''i could thump him.''

and because she had always known how his little brothers had adored prem, it took soni a little while to realise that, for the first time since she had known prem and his family, his little brother was furious at him.

and I agree I wanna thumb Prem, count me in Preet

---------- ph ---------- ph ---------- ph ----------

when it had been time to leave, soni had tried very hard to catch a ride with someone else, anyone else. but hiten had his hands full with his mother and a very drunk friend of the mother. harman and nandita were taking chloe home on the other side of town where she lived. the only choice left was to catch a ride with prem and preet. as they were waiting for raj to bring up the car, preet had rounded on prem and asked ''pb, how could you have been so rude to heer tonight? why the devil did you not take her home?''

prem had been cool and shuttered as he had said, ''didn't raj explain? i ran into some old friends...''

preet had exploded, ''oh, yeah? the ones for whom your headache magically vanished?'' he had glared at prem.

prem had been weary as he had said, ''it did not vanish, preet. i just...''

preet had been on a roll, so furious had he been. ''oh, good friends who you tolerated despite having a headache -- like you could not tolerate heer. who could have been more important than heer? especially tonight! how could you have?''

soni had watched prem trying to retain his calm, ''preet, i know how important heer is to you. it's just...''

preet had bulldozed over his words, as if prem's struggling to explain was angering him even more. ''damn, it, pb! not just important to me! she's important to all of us. and after tonight, you must know how important you are to ..''

prem had suddenly barked, ''enough, preet! i am not going to have this conversation with you just now, at the end of a really tiring evening, standing in the chold, surrounded by our guests. you hear me?''

standing between them, witnessing a part that she had never seen in all her eight years of knowing the two, soni had wanted to vanish into the ground. for a moment, preet had bristled but had seen the look in his brother's dark eyes, the set of his jaw and suddenly turned to soni with a sigh and apologised. soni had murmured something but she had never been more glad to see raj and the car than when he appeared.

now, as the car reached her apartment, she was silent as she walked up the stairs with preet. but at the door she caught his arm before he could turn and walk away.

''preet.'' she called softly. and at his questioning look at her, she said ''be easy on him. i have never seen him so troubled before. and prem is such an oyster.''

preet grinned at the description, ''don't worry, sweetheart.. he is too tough to crack. but,'' he continued, with his crooked grin. ''i am going to give cracking him up a darned good shot if he keeps refusing to understand what a pearl he has.'' as soni winced, preet chuckled ''hey, it was your analogy!''

and he leaned down to kiss her cheek. ''thank you for caring so much, sonia.'' he said, making her blush.

preet ignored prem all the way back to the brownstone. he expected prem to retire to his bedroom as soon as they reached their floor. he walked into the den asking uncle john for some coffee. some of stuart's comments on the final blueprints meant slight changes for what they needed to get done before they could start building. preet wanted to get harman's advice on how to get it done without any changes in the permissions, and the way he was feeling just now, he would need a stiff shot of coffee to survive the session.

for the first time since the evening started preet registered that his shoulders were aching. he started stretching, but stopped midway when he caught sight of prem watching him from the doorway.

''hey pb.'' his voice was pleased. but then he remembered that he was angry with him, and his voice turned sardonic. ''i thought you said you had a headache?'' then, he shook his head as if correcting himself, ''oh, but then you didn't have one -- you were having such fun with 'old friends'!''

prem ignored him, as he walked to stand in front of the draughtboard. there was such a look of intensity on his face as he stared at the board, even though there was nothing to see, that preet suddenly felt sorry for what he had said.

''look pb...'' he started, but had to stop when prem looked up at him. for his brother's eyes were fierce and troubled all at once, and preet had a curious feeling that the tremendous confusion was somehow linked to himself.

''prem bhaiyya..'' preet started, wanting with all his heart to comfort his brother. but prem held up his hand, motioning him to stop.

''preet, i need to talk to you. i have been meaning to talk to you for a while. but it has been so hectic around here, with this presentation and the project. i never found the right moment. besides,'' his mouth twisted, ''i never expected you to... i did not think you would... '' he stopped, and preet watched, fascinated against his will. pb at a loss for words again??? what was happening to his prem bhaiyya?

prem sighed heavily, and shoved his hand through his hair, his profile standing out sharply against the cream walls.

preet suddenly remembered that it had not been more than two days since prem had collapsed from being overworked, and suddenly felt contrite. he knew pb was troubled, and was just piling on the tension. he felt like a heel as he spoke to the brooding profile in front of him.

''look pb, i know that it has been a hard day. heck, it's been a hard couple of weeks. should we just call it a night and chat in the morning? you don't have any meetings for tomorrow, have you?''

prem's eyes were tortured when he turned to look at him. ''no, child, i have no meetings for tomorrow. i usually keep my saturdays for you and your prototype, remember? but,'' he continued quietly, ''i'm afraid this cannot keep for tomorrow. because if i don't speak to you now, i will not be able to sleep tonight.''

as preet leaned back against the table, waiting with his arms crossed in front of him, prem tried to remember what he had wanted to say. he felt sure that if he could start, the rest would follow. but somehow those first few words seemed to be really hard to find just then.

prem jammed his hands into his jacket pocket, and found there to key to unlock his heart. something that was soft, felt delicate, a little cool to the touch. he pulled it out, and there it was -- a twig of the sweet pea that heer had dressed her hair with so much love and care at the start of the evening. a twig that had gotten entwined in his fierce fingers thrust into her hair, holding her head, lifting her face for that hungry kiss on the dance floor.

he remembered that when he had drawn away his hands at the end of the music, the flowers had clung to his fingers. yet, the petals had caressed her cheek as they pulled away and they both had smiled. he had carefully tucked the lucky sweet flowers into his pocket before tucking her hand in his arm and stepping off the dance floor. he could still remember the feel of her at his side as they had walked together. and in a way that was completely involuntary, but almost ridiculously apt, prem said, ''heer.''

preet looked up. ''huh?''

prem muttered fiercely, still looking at the delicate pink and lavender wings drooping, crushed on baby green branches. ''heer is mine, preet. she is mine, as much as i am hers. that is the way of it. and no matter what any of us might want, it will be that way forever.''

preet shook his head -- what was pb talking about?? ''uh.... huh??''

prem raised his head finally, and looked his brother straight in the eye. ''all my life, preet, all that i really and truly cared about has been to make sure that you all are proud of me. because there has been nothing that i have loved so much as you all. nothing. at first, i thought it was just something that i had to do. something that everyone did. what baba did.''

preet watched his brother's dark eyes go blank for a moment as if he was seeing something else that was not there in the room.

but prem's eyes had turned back to preet with that same look he had before. as if he was being driven against his will. he said, his voice pitched low but firm, ''later, when i was grown up enough to think i had choices, i realised that it was what i choose. i chose to love my family more than anything else in the whole world. there was nothing that i treasured more than you guys. remember when baba set up the firm? i was so happy. i was able to help him with his projects -- and baba was getting so much more praise for his work than when he was with the olsen's.''

preet remembered. his brother had been old enough -- and suddenly he had to shamefacedly admit to himself, responsible enough -- to spend all those late nights standing shoulder to shoulder with his father, at the board poring over the details of the designs. pb had been the one taking over the long hard treks to the quarries and the material sourcing companies. prem used to come back, dusty and exhausted but with a fire in his eyes. and preet remembered how father and son used to stay awake late in the middle of the night talking about what he had found.

all that had stopped once prem had decided to specialise in finance. preet remembered how melancholy his father had been for months after that.

preet suddenly asked, ''you loved working with materials so much. why did you give it up, pb?''

prem said simply, his voice calm, ''baba needed someone to deal with the finance end that he could absolutely trust, didn't he? he was working like a mad man with the firm growing the way it was. and he could never trust handing over the money matters to anyone else after the way the olsen's took him for a ride.'' he looked down at the flowers, caressing the petals gently.

''i knew he could find people for all the material work and the construction. but he would always peer over the shoulder of anyone handling finances. ultimately he would always try to be both the ceo and the cfo, which was unhealthy.'' he shrugged. ''i loved doing both, was good at both. and it was obvious to me that he needed me more there. between what i loved and what was needed, it was easy to choose to do what was needed.''

preet stirred. he remembered the arguments, his father's misery. now he remembered how strangely calm pb had been then. ''let's call a truce on it tonight, baba.'' that had been such a common phrase around the dinner table in those days.

it always was a cue for harman and him to leap into the simmering silence with their tales about what had happened at univ that day, defusing the atmosphere. but only until the next argument.

preet remembered the glow of happiness that prem's face always had when he was working on the ground, and the calm way he had taken all his father's arguments in those days, and suddenly wanted to cry for his brother. at least, he needn't have fought it out on his own.

prem continued, ''then you took up architecture, and i knew that it would be okay. that i had made the right decision. baba was so happy. he got everything that he wanted. everything he deserved.'' prem's voice became fierce and glad for a moment. ''he was happy, you were happy. and so was i.''

there was silence for a moment. prem twirled the little flower in his hands, gently, carefully, not allowing the petals to fall.

''but now,'' his voice had become low again. ''now is different, preet.''

preet watched the twirling flower spin faster and faster in his brother's fingers.

''you may need heer, preet. but you will never be able to love her.'' preet had never heard his brother's voice so adamant and fixed before. ''not like i do.'' prem's fingers stopped abruptly, and preet watched as he gently cupped the flowers in the palm of his hand, protective, possessive!

''no truce, this time, preet. not on heer.'' prem's eyes shone bright in a calm face. ''she is mine.''

that last line...she is mine!

I iwll come back to this I have to go sleep after the ultamatum from my sister