Chapter 47: The Hardest Decision
Milind was used to sleeping with his body extended towards all corners of his bed and Prachi's bed was considerably smaller. He couldn't even shift too much for the fear of waking Prachi who was already fast asleep. He quietly got up and made his way to the window. His eyes followed the path that the moon lit into Prachi's room they finally rested on the picture stand in one of the corners. He walked over and observed the memories that Prachi had collected over the years in frames of all different sizes. He hadn't taken a close look before. He noticed that some of them were engraved and he took one in his hand to read what it said. It was a frame of Prachi holding an infant Ritwick in her arms and touching his little nose with her index finger. The engraving read "There is nothing sweeter than a baby boy, snuggles & cuddles, laugher & joy." There were several more of similar frames with Prachi and Ritwik tracing his growth. Milind realized just how much he had missed in the 5 years that he was away and his eyes moistened a bit. He placed the frame back in its place and his eyes fell on the next shelf where Prachi had kept the pictures of her family. There was one frame that stood out from the rest because it was the biggest. It was picture of Inder throwing little Prachi in the air and someone had caught that moment of delight for Prachi to treasure for a lifetime. Milind looked at the photograph in fondness'at the happiness on Prachi's face, the dimples on her cheeks, that were much deeper in her childhood, the sparkle in her eye. Milind read the engraving on the frame that said, "If tears could build a stairway & memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven & bring you home again." There was a smaller frame with Inder holding Prachi in one hand and PL in the other and it seemed that they were dancing and the engraving said, "Love lives on forever, in soul, heart and memories". Milind looked at Prachi who was now facing the window and the moonlight shone on her face making her look even more like an angel. He placed the frame back but his hands knocked over some of the smaller frames and he looked at Prachi in panic in case the noise had awakened and sure enough she stirred and slowly opened her eyes.
Milind looked at her apologetically as she got out of bed wondering what he was doing by the picture stand. "I couldn't sleep so I was just'looking at Ritwik's pictures", he explained as she proceeded to help put the frames back in their place. "Sorry" he whispered even though no one else was around. "Its ok Milind, its not a big deal if I loose some sleep'but you have an early day to start. Get some sleep" she replied, thinking that maybe it wasn't a good idea to have asked Milind to stay the night. She knew Milind needed more room to be comfortable than her bed was providing him. As they got up to put the last frame back, Milind noticed the photograph was a childhood picture of Prachi with two other girls and wondered who they were. The engraving on it said, "Sister-to-Sister, Heart-to-Heart, bonded together from the start". His immediate thought was that they were friends of Prachi's, possibly Shruti and Kasturi. But the girls looked identical, twins. "Prachi, yeh kaun hai" he asked curiously. She took the frame from him. "Yeh Anjali aur mein'Anjum di ke saath". Milind stared at her for an explaination but she didn't notice. "Anjum????" he voiced his confusion and Prachi realized that he had no clue. "Anjum di was Anjali's sister" she clarified and placed the frame back. Milind was shocked to find out that Anjali had a twin. He asked again, "Anjum WAS Anjali's sister??" and Prachi replied turning away, "She is not with us anymore" and Milind remembered Prachi telling him that Anjali had lost her entire family in an accident. He looked back at the photograph and though he didn't know which of the twins was Anjali he could see even in a photograph that the sisters were very fond of each other. He felt a wave of sympathy for the little girl who had lost her whole family one sudden day. Looking at her innocent childhood he couldn't think badly of her. She had been through much at a tender age. Life hadn't been fair to her either. So maybe'maybe he could find it in his heart to forgive her. What would he get from holding a grudge anyway. Besides, it could partly be attributed to her that he was now married to Prachi. So just maybe he didn't want to hate her anymore.
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Milind woke up to the singing of the morning arti. It took him a moment to remember that he was in Shah mansion, in Prachi's room, sleeping next to her. He found himself hugging Prachi close to himself, his hands on her waist and his legs crossed over hers. Prachi had remained awake in the night thinking that she should allow Milind to fall asleep comfortably and then she could join him. So now she slept peacefully in his arms and he didn't have the heart to wake up. But he was awake and he knew he had to go to work and he had to go home before that to get some important paperwork. He tried to slowly remove himself away from her but she stirred and turned around in her sleep and Milind froze in his position when her hands fell on his chest and she held onto his kurta tightly. She was smiling in her sleep and Milind just lay there still, not wanting to move. A few minutes later, maybe due to his irregular breathing, she came out of her deep sleep and her smile gave way to confusion as she felt something unfamiliar around her and she slowly opened her eyes and focused on Milind. He had closed his eyes not wanting to face the discomfort of the situation when Prachi opened her eyes. Though she thought he was still sleeping she was quick to remove her hands from him and she got up blushing. Milind still had his eyes closed when she was running towards the bathroom but she stopped and looked back at him. He looked so much like a child when he sleeps, she thought and she walked back to him and sitting down next to him she fought the urge to run her fingers through his hair. She then covered him with the blanket that was tossed away. Milind opened his eyes when he heard the bathroom door close. He sat up wondering if he had just imagined it or had Prachi been about to touch his face. He had felt the heat of her hands close to his face but he couldn't be sure. But she definitely had come near him to put the blanket on him. Did it mean anything? He hoped it did'he hoped it meant that she too cared for him beyond what she was expressing.
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It was that afternoon when Prachi had been looking for Ritwik around the house to give him his glass of milk that she ventured into Milind's study. She had strictly told Ritwik not to come in there but when she hadn't found him anywhere else, she thought he might be hiding in here. The study was quite and Prachi was about to turn around and leave when she heard a suppressed giggle. She smiled and her eyes darted around the room to find where he was hiding and finally she grabbed him from behind one of the cabinets. He made his usual excuses not to drink the milk but Prachi was adept at making him do exactly what she wanted. It was after he ran off however that her eyes fell on something black sitting on the table. She wondered what was so carefully placed in black satin on an otherwise clutter-less desk. She opened it out of curiosity but regretted it the very next moment. Her hand involuntarily went to her chest as she tried to gain control of her emotions. What were these doing here? Why had he kept them? For all these years, carefully wrapped'he had kept the memories of her love. This only meant one thing'that he loved her. The thought shook Prachi. He loved her'it hadn't been a passing fancy'he was in love. Her body slumped to the floor and the contents of her hand slipped away. "What have I done???????" she lamented aloud, tears streaming her cheeks. He spent the last 5 years waiting, hoping and all for what'she cursed herself. It was all her fault. She wished she had never laid eyes on him, had never met him, had never fallen in love. But it was too late now. She couldn't undo anything. She couldn't make him forget her. Then a thought struck her. He didn't know'he didn't know who she was. If he had known, he wouldn't act so ignorant around her. She was sure he didn't know her identity and maybe it should remain that way. If he ever knew who was the cause for his heart-ache'she'd never forgive herself.
She thought back to last night when they had enjoyed each other's company at the party. What was wrong with her. She was supposed to push him away if he ever tried to get close. But she was encouraging him. She had worn the gifts he had given her'what kind of message did that send to Milind. She was angry at herself and her chest heaved with the burden she carried. How had she been so selfish. She couldn't do that to him. She couldn't break him'not again. She wouldn't be able to bare the sight. He should hate her, she thought. She closed her eyes in agony'that was the only way. It would be the hardest thing to do'but if it ever came down to it, she would tell him the biggest lie of her life'it's the only way to protect him.
She didn't know how long she had sat on that floor thinking, agonizing, cursing herself and crying. But she quickly got up when she heard Asha tai calling for her. She collected the contents of the black satin cloth and wrapped them up and hiding it with her dupatta she stepped out of Milind's office. She was glad to escape everyone's eye and she breathed when she reached her room upstairs and she stashed the black cloth between her clothing. Later in the evening as expected Milind had noticed it missing from his office. He had inquired with the servants who had gone there but none of them knew. Prachi watched him questioning the servants and an involuntary tear fell from her eyes. He still cared, she thought. Now was that good thing or bad? This marriage is nothing but a compromise for him, she reasoned ignoring the little voice in her head that told her that he looked at her differently now. She ignored that voice because it made things a lot easier. Regardless of whether it was wrong or right, she would have to leave him and it made her feel less guilty to think that he too didn't want to be in this marriage. She was choosing the lesser of two evils'but that didn't make the decision any less painful. Neither for her nor would it be for Milind who had completely let go of his past and infact had wanted to throw away the contents of the black satin cloth. He had been in a hurry that morning and left it on the desk and was surprised to find it missing when he returned. But he had only wanted to throw it away himself, never to think about it again and when he didn't find it he thought maybe it was God's way of telling him that he was free from that past'it wasn't something he should be thinking of any longer. Prachi on the other hand, oblivious of Milind's thoughts, was praying to her dear Ramji to show her a way'a way that would help her leave him. And like always, God heard her prayers.
~~~~~~~~PART II~~~~~~~~~
After dinner Sukriti had ventured to the terrace and was staring at the stars. She needed guidance tonight and she looked at the skies wishing that her baba was among the stars looking down on her now and would tell her what to do. She felt someone's hand on her shoulders and turned around to find Shruti. "Want to talk about it?" she offered and Sukriti was so glad to have Shruti in such a crucial point of her life.
Sukriti: "How do you trust someone again? After they have butchered it mercilessly'how is it possible to believe what they tell you."
Shruti: "A logical mind would never trust again. But we are not just a logical mind. We have an emotional heart, that knows only to trust. So we can trust again when the heart rules over the mind. But that takes time, because our mind is like a shield for our vulnerable heart. A strong mind doesn't allow us to make the same mistake twice."
Sukriti: "So you think I should listen to my mind or my heart?"
Shruti: "You are a sensible girl Sukriti. You made a mistake once'but don't loose faith in your own ability to make the correct judgments. And in my experience, our mind tends to over analyze things. It gets clouded sometimes with doubts and our heart gets clouded by emotions. Its better to clear your mind of any biases before making a decision. You'll be able to make a firmer choice."
Before leaving Shruti added, "Sukriti, insaan ke liye sabse jyada mushkil hota hai usko maaf karna jisne hamaara bura kiya ho. Lekin jab koi sachche dil se pachtaava kare aur usse mafi mil jaaye, toh uske liye yeh jeevan daan hota hai." Then she left Sukriti to mull over what she wanted to do.
The next day Sukriti met with Alaap after her classes. She had listened to Shruti's advice on clearing her mind before meeting him. But it was hard not to be disgusted at the sight of him. It was with great effort that she managed to sit down in front of him. But she allowed him to speak and he didn't have anything new to say expect seek forgiveness, which he had done a million times over the phone. But somehow it was different to see him begging her in person because it seemed more honest. She caught that thought and scorned it. Alaap'honest'the two words don't go in the same sentence, she told herself. Why should she believe that he had changed. What had caused this change that didn't come in the past 5 years. Why was he remorseful now when he wasn't remorseful at her suicide attempt 5 years ago, he wasn't remorseful when her baba had died'then what was making him guilty now?
After a few more of such meetings with him till she finally believed that he had changed. But did it matter. Did it matter now? To him it did because he believed that there was still hope. He thought somehow she would agree to start afresh with him. Getting back with Alaap was the last thing on Sukriti's mind, however. She was here to complete her education and that is what she planned to focus on. But her mind was distracted by a guilty Alaap who insisted that he would wait for her forgiveness. She couldn't concentrate on her studies while waging a war within herself. What did she want to do? Did she want to forgive him completely and start a new life with him and their son. Did she want to close that chapter of her life forever and never see him again and live only for her son. Or did she want to continue holding a grudge for a lifetime. She didn't know. But it was frustrating that she couldn't decide.
Finally as if sensing her misery, sitting miles away in Mumbai, Milind decided to give her a surprise visit. He was coming to Delhi for the inauguration of his new hotel. Milind had wanted to take Prachi and Ritwik along but she refused to let Ritwik miss school. So he thought he'd surprise Sukriti and spend a week with her. He went to see Sukriti in the evening when she was supposed to be back from her classes but she hadn't arrived yet, so he waited and told Shruti not to call Sukriti to inform her. He wanted her to be surprised. However, it was getting late and Sukriti still hadn't come and even Shruti confirmed that she should have been back by now. A worried Milind tried to contact Sukriti but her cell phone was turned off. Milind tried not to panic and told himself that she would be fine but soon they watched the news about riots breaking out in the part of the city where Sukriti's college was. Milind couldn't sit still any more and he was already out the door when Akaash drove in. He smiled at Milind, surprised to see him, but seeing Milind's worried face he pointed to his jeep. Sukriti came out from the back of it and Milind breathed a sigh. But soon his eyes were clouded with concern when he noticed the bandage on Sukriti's head.
"Sukriti yeh kya hua..tu theek toh hai na?" he said grabbing her hands and examining to see if she was hurt anywhere else. "Chal doctor ke paas chalte hain" he was dragging her but she stopped him laughing. "Bhaiya, main doctor ke clinic se hi aa rahi hoon. Akaash bhaiya pehle vahin le gaye the hame. Lekin aap kab aaye?" she asked surprised.
Then the smile on her face faded as she watched Milind's face harden. She knew he had just seen Alaap standing behind her. She tried to say something but Milind had already put her out of his way. She ran past him and stood between him and Alaap.
"Tu yahaan kya kar raha hai?" Milind roared over Sukriti's head. But it was Sukriti who answered, "Bhaiya yeh mere saath aaya hai." And Milind looked at her incredulously. "Bhaiya Alaap ne meri jaan bachaayi hai. Aap please kuch mat kahiye isko" she pleaded in front of him. He still looked at her in a daze. What was going on here. Sukriti'his Sukriti was defending this low-life. He had saved her life???? Milind didn't buy that. Maybe he was the one who had put her in danger so he could come out looking like the hero. Not wanting to create a scene in front of Akaash and his family Milind pulled at Sukriti's hand taking her to his car. Akaash had tried to intervene but Milind stopped him, "I am sorry Akaash but I am taking my sister." he made clear that he didn't want any mediators and left with Sukriti who kept looking back at Alaap.
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Milind had vented his anger in front of Sukriti once they were back in the hotel room. He didn't understand what Alaap was doing in Delhi. Why this guy had followed her here. Sukriti remained quite though she now knew that Alaap had been living in Delhi for the past several years. She didn't reply to any of Milind's inquiries because he was consumed by anger. She sat still and once Milind was done he walked out. Sukriti sighed. It would be a long arduous task but she had to get Milind to forgive Alaap. She knew that now. Because all the time that Milind had been ranting about the cons of Alaap's character, Sukriti had been thinking how he had changed and had improved from what he was. She had seen him in a new light and now it was clear to her what she wanted to do.
Milind kept busy for the next two days with his work and after the inauguration he didn't want Sukriti to stay in Delhi for another day. He had already decided to take her back to Mumbai and she could continue her education there. But what he didn't know was that Sukriti had already contacted Prachi and told her everything. Prachi who had been shocked to know of the developments had called Alaap and asked him to come to Mumbai asap.
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Once they were in Mumbai, Sukriti had been approached by Prachi. She confided in Prachi that she wanted to give Alaap a chance to show that he had really changed. She believed that he had changed and wanted to give him the chance to prove it to his family and her brother. She didn't want Ritwik to be burdened by the knowledge that he was an illegitimate child'she didn't want him to have to hate his father. And all this was now possible because Alaap had changed for the better. But Prachi too had the same concern as Milind. She hadn't seen or talked to Alaap after he had left for Delhi. She too had a hard time believing that Alaap had changed. But she was less skeptical than Milind. Prachi had never expected things to come down to this. But maybe this was God's will as well. Maybe Ritwik really was lucky enough to have both his parents. All Prachi could do was pray that all would work for the better'for Sukriti, Alaap and mainly for Milind who worried for his sister's welfare more than anything else in this world.
Translations "Prachi, yeh kaun hai" Prachi Who is this
"Yeh Anjali aur mein'Anjum di ke saath". This is Anjali and Me with Anjum di.
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Before leaving Shruti added, "Sukriti, insaan ke liye sabse jyada mushkil hota hai usko maaf karna jisne hamaara bura kiya ho. It's the hardest to forgive those who have done us harm. But someone who is repenting for their sins, forgiveness is like a new lease of life" Then she left Sukriti to mull over what she wanted to do.
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"Sukriti yeh kya hua..tu theek toh hai na?" What happened, you are alright right?
"Chal doctor ke paas chalte hain" come lets go to the doctor
"Bhaiya, main doctor ke clinic se hi aa rahi hoon. Akaash bhaiya pehle vahin le gaye the hame. Lekin aap kab aaye?" Bhaiya I went to the doctor already. Akaash had taken us there first. But when did you come? Lekin jab koi sachche dil se pachtaava kare aur usse mafi mil jaaye, toh uske liye yeh jeevan daan hota hai.
"Tu yahaan kya kar raha hai?" What are you doing here?
"Bhaiya yeh mere saath aaya hai." Bhaiya he is with me.
Bhaiya Alaap ne meri jaan bachaayi hai. Aap please kuch mat kahiye isko" Bhaiya Alaap saved my life today. Please don't say anything.
Edited by jinc118 - 16 years ago
Love Friendship Dating and Relationships
Bindi
