I know....I know, I read a few posts and comments about last night's post leap episode and figured that not many are very happy with the leap.......Hell I am utterly and butterly disgusted, but what's new in that? I laugh it off now, it's just fiction after all and if BT/ZT don't give a damn I have decided to stop wasting my sleep over it too.
While I can't do anything to change the joke that Kasam Se has turned into, I thought why not try and make you folks smile.
Am trying okay, I might end up failing as miserably as KS but still....So here goes some humor from me to you.....this is just purely for fun, no bashing intended, sachi
INDIAN POP HITS
The Indian Top 10:
1. Tears on My Pillau.
2. Its my chappalti and I'll cry if I want to.
3. Tikka Chance on Me.
4. Scatnaan.
5. Korma Korma Chameleon.
6. What's the Story Morning Tandoori.
7. Easy like Sanjay Morning.
8. You Can't Curry Love.
9. Poppadum Preach.
10. Sheikh Your Body. All available on the fantastic new album, Turban Hymns by Donner Summer.
Bohemian Curry (sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen)
Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now he's dead.
Naan-aa, dinner just begun
But now I'm going to crap it all away.
Naan-aa,
ooh-ooh
Didn't mean to make you cry,
Seen nothin' yet just see the loo tomorrow,
Curry on, Curry on,
'cause nothing really madras.
Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers up my spine
Rectum aching all the time.
Goodbye every bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
Naan-aa,
ooh-ooh,
This Dopiaza's mild,
I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all...
(Guitar solo)
I see a little chicken tikka on the side,
Rogan Josh,
Rogan Josh
Pass the chutney made of mango.
Vindaloo does nicely
Nery very spicy
ME!
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani and a naan,
(A vindaloo loo looo... )
I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to a lavatory,
Stand you well back
Cause this loo is quarantined.
Here it comes,
There it goes,
Technicolor yawn.
I chunder
No!
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
It's coming up again, (Up again) Coming up again (up again)
Here it comes again
(No no no no no no no no no No).
On my knees, I'm on my knees, I'm on my knees, Oh there he goes
This vindaloo is about to wreck my guts
Poor me... Poor me... Poor me!
(Guitar solo)
So you think you can chunder and still it's all right?
So you want to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Ooh maybe, now you'll puke like a baby,
just had to come out,
just had to come right out in here...
(Guitar solo)
Korma, saag or bhuna,
Balti, naan, bhaji.
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference to me.
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Taliban TV Guide
MONDAYS:
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Ali McBeal"
TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Osama Says Its Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"
WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "Bowling For Food"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"
THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"
FRIDAYS:
8:00 - "Judge Laden"
8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"
9:00 - "Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionaire"
9:30 - "Achmeds Creek"
10:00 - "No-witness News"
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Who are the three most famous Chinese virgins?
"Tu Yung Tu," "Tu Dum Tu" and "No Yen Tu!"
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Top 10 reasons for being Indian:
1. Chicken Madras.
2. Lamb Passanda.
3. Onion Bhaji.
4. Bombay Potato.
5. Chicken Tikka Masala.
6. Rogan Josh.
7. Popadoms.
8. Chicken Dopiaza.
9. Meat Bhuna.
10. Kingfisher Lager.
Top 10 reasons for being American:
1. You can have a woman President - without electing her.
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be a crook/adulterer and still be President.
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6. If you can breathe, you can get a gun.
7. You can invent a new public holiday every year.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9. You can call everyone you've ever met 'buddy'.
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth when you're not at all.
Top 10 reasons for being English:
1. Two World Wars and one World Cup, doo-dah, doo-dah.
2. Warm beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. Union Jack underpants.
6. Water shortages are guaranteed every summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you're still a world power.
8. You can bathe once a week - whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto - changing underwear.
10. It beats being Welsh or Scottish.
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This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
------------------------------------------------------------ --
To My Dearest Wife,
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:
We will wake the kids - 54 times
It's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot - 18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26 times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching the late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??
Love, Your Hubby
**********************
To My Dearest Husband,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to scr*w the cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went s*ft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were scr*wing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling.
What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
Love, Your Wife
------------------------------------------------------------ --
Husband store
Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...
First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.
Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."
------------------------------------------------
What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and a Jackass to pay for it all.
------------------------------------------------
Bill Clinton finds a magic lamp. He rubs it and out comes a genie.
The genie gives Bill one wish.
Bill pulls out a map with many red marks on it and says "I'd like world peace."
The genie says "You are asking too much of me. Even I can't bring peace to all the world."
Bill says "Ok. Well just make my wife trust me."
And the genie says "Let me see that map again." src="http://tafmaster.com/taf/1939/251206/dG VtcGxhdGVfdGVzdDA5/?referrer_url=http%3A//www.aarons-jokes.c om/joke-11801.shtml%3Fsort_frm%3D%26catagory_frm%3D23%26coun t%3D">
------------------------------------------------
Last week a very important meeting took place among God, the Pope and Moses.
They were troubled because the President of the United States was behaving in an inappropriate manner and there were many people who saw nothing wrong in what he had done.
They decided that the only course of action left was to create an 11th Commandment to get their message across.
Now, the problem remained exactly how to word this new commandment so that it matched the other commandments in style and holy inspiration.
After great meditation and discussion they concluded: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."
------------------------------------------------
Computer Poem
A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show of note. A window was something you hated to clean and ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend and gig was a job for the nights. Now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age. A CD was a bank account. And if you had a 3 inch floppy, you hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage, not something you did to a file and if you unzipped anything in public, you'd be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire. Hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived and a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did, with a pocket knife. Paste you did with glue. A web was a spider's home and a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pen and paper and the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead!
------------------------------------------------
Merits of a mistress
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress.
The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.
The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.
The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer.
You want more........all you have to do is say Give Me More
Anupamaa
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
