This is for our dear friend Shoba, who will be away from the forum for a month.
A Perfect Man{/b]
You see, when weaving a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the weaving of that blanket to let the soul out. ~Martha Graham
I Jai Walia stand alone in my empty mansion…my home, a home that used to be filled with laughter and joy and one time. Gone are my brothers…my sister...my nieces and nephews, dadi and my masi…masi who was more than a mother to me. But I don't regret the going of these inhabitants…I regret the loss of my love…the woman who consumed me with love and hatred and the children…the children she gave. Yes she gave me three beautiful children, the twins Atharva and Krishna…ah my little angel named after my mother and she gave another angel Ganga… it is Ganga's death I regret the most. Why because I was responsible for it…I Jai Walia the richest man in India, called The Perfect Man by outside world, is in reality an Imperfect Man.
Yes I admit I am imperfect…I am imperfect because I did not see the untruth in the lies my sister told me about my wife…I choose to believe my sister rather than ask my wife…by beloved…did you betray? Did you take a lover all the while telling me I was the only one for you? You see I did not trust my heart because instead of listening to my heart, I listened to my mind, believed my eyes and trusted the one woman who has from the onset of my marriage had done everything to destroy the woman I loved…destroy my marriage and my family.
In my anger I threw her out more than six years ago, not caring what happened to her…not once looking for her to find out if she was alive. Even when she turned up on my door a year ago, I let the hatred rule my heart…she fell at my knee and begged me to forgive her and to help her save our daughter Ganga. Yes, Ganga was my daughter but I refused to believe she was mine until it was too late.
Once again a year ago, I kicked Bani out refusing to believe her pleas that Ganga was mine and her child…Refusing to believe my angel was dying…yes she had leukemia and I the Perfect Man callously brushed aside the truth and threw her out.
I first saw Ganga in the hospital bed six months ago, weak from the blood transfusion and drugs they were plying her body with to keep her alive until a bone marrow could be found for transplant. How did I end up at hospital? Because another angel…my best friend Meera blackmailed me…yes she blackmailed me, but for once I was happy to be blackmailed as it gave me a short time with my daughter Ganga.
Meera found out I had thrown Bani out from who else but my sister Jigyasa…who never gave up an opportunity to gloat over what she saw as her victory. Meera was mad at me, she gave me hell…she called me names no one had called me before. She accused me of behaving like God…yes like God, being the judge and the jury. Who was I to judge Bani? How could I let my ego rule over heart and let a child die? Meera told me it did not matter if the child was mine or not…the important thing was a child needed help…a desperate mother had begged at my door to save her child and I the God of Walia Empire had let my ego rule my heart.
She left that day in anger…yes Meera left saying she could not be friend with someone who did not have love for a child in his heart. She went looking for my Bani and she found my Bani and my angel three months later living in a hutment within a squatter's colony. Meera took them under her care and had Ganga hospitalized and gave Bani a place in her home. Tirelessly she worked with the doctor to save Ganga.
One day Meera turned up at my door and begged me to come with her because my daughter wanted more than anything to see her father once. I don't know why I went with Meera that day…may be because I did not have hatred in my heart for her…may be because those months she had kept away from me I had missed my best friend.
I saw my angel on her deathbed. Even in pain she smiled at me, a smile that reminded me of my Krishna…and I knew in that moment what a fool I had been. There, lying on that bed was my Krishna. God had sent her back to me but I had refused to believe without even taking a one look at her that she was not mine. From that day I could not meet eyes with the two woman who loved me…one my wife Bani and the other my best friend Meera. How could I meet those eyes when I had fallen down from pedestal and shattered to the core?
I spent three months trying to save my daughter. I hired the best doctors money could buy but it was not to be. Once again my child was taken away from…but this time I was at fault…I had failed as a father…I had failed as a human being. I had asked Bani for forgiveness and in her soft voice she said there was nothing to forgive. I had not been responsible for what destiny had in store her daughter.
This time my Bani left me. She said our love was weak…it was not strong enough to keep us together. I let her go and chose to remain alone. Since then one by one my family and friends deserted me…deserted me because I had fallen in their eyes…I had fallen because once again I had let a child die.
I the Imperfect Man, stand alone in my room looking out at the night sky. I stand here everyday and look at the stars shining down on me and three of them are my angels smiling down on me…smiling down on their father who is living but is dead because without the love my children and my wife how can I be alive.
The End
Book Talk
Anupamaa
