SS : Kayamayth Tak

This is a really short story that I wrote a few days ago, when I was quite depressed so I am warning you right now to not read it if you don't want to be sad at parts of it. This is to all the people who have ever loved someone else with all your heart and soul, may that love be with you forever…

This is part of Bani's story... about her and her love, Jai.

You know they say tell someone you love them before it's too late, well I always thought it was just one of those things that you say until one day…

I was born in a small town, where almost everyone knew everyone else. There were usually no robberies, and no violence in the area. The kids could run around in the playground in front of the gate and there we played, me and Jai.

When we were kids, we had the best kind of friendship. He would yell, I would yell back. He would tease, and I would tease back. He would fight and I would fight back. He would love and I would love back. Everything is simple when you are young kids, all the fights are temporary, and the love is extraordinary. Communication never seems to be a problem, you say what you want to say without worrying what the response will be.

And then you grow older and you realize that it becomes harder and harder to tell your feelings because the person might reject your wants and desires.

School started and before we knew it we were applying for universities and it seemed that we wanted to do totally different things. I wanted to study and become a doctor and he wanted to be a businessman, so we applied to different places and later on ended up picking different colleges. Before we left for college, everyone got together for a reunion party and I decided that it was time to let him know the truth.

During the entire party, though, we were surrounded by people and there was never a time to let him know what I felt, in a hope that maybe we could have a future together. After the party ended and we all went home, I couldn't fall asleep. I tossed and turned and knew that before we went off to college I had to go tell him everything. I had to tell him how much I loved him, and had always loved him.

I drove over to his house and found him sitting on his roof, looking up at the stars. I joined him up there and I looked into his eyes to tell him the truth but before that we started to talk about the stars and the moon and about how he wanted to reach to that level one day. He wanted to do well in the future and be a really successful businessman.

He told me that the only way all his dreams would come through would be if he worked really hard in college. He said that he wanted no distractions and that is why he was going so far, to a place where no one knew him so he could concentrate on his goals.

And I couldn't tell him. I drove home that night, tired and defeated. The next day, I said goodbye at the airport and declared to myself that after college was over, I would tell him for sure.

The next four years were great years, college was fun and exciting and everyone meets knew people. I started dating men but never found any of them exciting nor did I feel anything for any of them as I had for Jai. We were emailing each other and telling each other about our tragic and stupid dates.

And then one day in the mail came an invitation to his wedding. I knew it was going to end up coming, I mean he had landed a job right where he was studying, and he had told me about his girlfriend but it was still a shock.

I got onto the plane and went to the wedding to prove to myself that I was no longer in love with him. I took one look at him when I got there and asked him who was I kidding, of course I still loved him.

I wanted really badly to go tell him I loved him but he looked happy with his to-be wife and I didn't want to be the one to break any relationship. I danced with him, enjoyed with him, and hoped the best for those two. Before I left, he asked me if I loved someone and I replied, "I do, but not everyone is as lucky as you."

I was proud, at least I had mentioned it in a slight manner. I continued my life, I got myself a job and I was proud of the person I had become. I got into a serious relationship but realized that I only liked him because of his similarities to Jai and it wasn't fair to him.

Over the year, I continued to email Jai back and forth and we maintained our friendship and then all of a sudden I received no emails from him for months. I called his house phone number that I had but that had been disconnected.

Then about three months later, I got am email that told me that he was coming home for a while. I was expecting his entire family to come but only he stepped out of the plane and he came and hugged me as soon as he saw me. He told me about his divorce and how he had left his old home. He had gotten another job California and decided to move there.

He stayed for three weeks and I realized that I loved him still and that God had given me another chance. I knew what I was going to do, I was going to tell him that I loved him.

That night he called me and said that he wanted to talk and I agreed to meet him. I waited for him to show up at dinner for two hours and then tried calling his cell several times. I went home and emailed him but got no response for a few days. His cell phone was now off, and I lost touch with him.

A week later, I got a phone call from the police that I had filed a complain to that he had died on his way to the dinner. I cried for hours and hours and then I got another call, from the people who were going to read his will.

I controlled my emotions and went all the way to New York where it was going to be read. His ex-wife along with his family and his wife's family were present. The money and property were divided up mainly between the two families and I wondered why I was called there.

The agent came and handed me two things, the first-- his Diary and the second was the property of the house with the roof that we always sat and talked on.

It took me almost a month to get out of the shock and to actually open the diary. I read it in one go and cried for what seemed like eternity.

He had written that he had always loved me but was never able to say it to me. He met his wife at a college party and saw things about me in her and fell in love. However, after marriage they both realized that they never really loved each other. He was always unhappy with the way she did things because he expected her to do it like I did…

The day he was coming for dinner, he was going to tell me he loved me…

But he never made it…

And now I sit here, wondering what would have happened if I had told him that I loved him. What would have happened if one of us had the courage? Would I be sitting in this big house all alone? Or would he be here with me to stop the tears? Instead of this silence, would I have children's laughter running around the house?

If only, he had made it…