Chapter 3
Bani pulled up to Malvika's office and sighed. Another appointment to see her son, another chance to witness his growth…
Another trip without Jai holding her hand and smiling at her side like the other fathers…
And it hurt.
Getting out of her car, she was immediately stung by the fresh crisp air as she walked towards the tall medical buildings. She saw some other happy couples arriving as well, their hands linked and their smiles bright as they talked about names for their child. One man had his hand around the woman's waist and a gentle hand caressing her stomach. Bani wanted that; she wanted to be with Jai while they discussed names for their baby, where they would live, what color the nursery would be. Sure, they were simple little things, nothing too important, but still they meant the world to her.
"Ma'am," a young gentleman held the door for her, his wife already inside the lobby. The man was tall, dark brown hair and matching eyes with wire glasses. He was handsome too; wearing his business suit like it was made only for him. His wife was rather tall as well, shoulder length hair pulled into a braid that hung loosely behind her head. She had dark brown eyes and wore a maternity dress that Bani thought might have been a tent once. It was simply huge! Both seemed friendly enough as she waddled through the door.
"Thank you," Bani smiled, rubbing her belly gently, soft soothing circles that often made her feel better. Today it wasn't working.
His wife smiled at Bani, taking her husband's hand into her own as he joined her in the lobby. She looked Bani over, trying to decide what to say. "First child?"
Bani nodded, surprised that the woman was talking to her. "Yours too?"
"No, third for us," she giggled, placing her hand on her belly. "We have three-year-old twins at home with their grandmother."
"Wow, do you know what you're having?" Bani asked as they all headed for the elevator. She couldn't even begin to imagine *two* children without Jai; she was having a hard time with just the one!
"Yes, a girl," the man smiled proudly. "We have two boys so we're very excited…"
"He is, I love my sons. Hand them a truck and they're just fine. Girls get so complicated, I should know," she laughed.
Bani offered a weak smile as they climbed into the elevator. She would have loved a daughter, one with her eyes and Jais' dark hair and features. Their daughter would have been just beautiful, not that she wasn't looking forward to their son. "Mind if I ask your names?"
"Not at all," the woman replied with another giggle. "My name is Saira and this is my husband, Suhel. We're the Seths'."
"Pleasure to meet you both," Bani smiled. "I'm Bani…Bani Jai Walia."
"Where's your husband, Bani? Is he a workaholic like me?" Suhel chuckled, motioning to his business suit. Obviously he had to go to work after the doctor's appointment and had no plans to stop and change afterwards.
"He was at one point," Bani's smile faded, her hands beginning to play with her wedding band. "My husband was killed in a storm. We had only been married for short period of time."
"Oh, Bani, I'm sorry," Saira gave her a hug before Bani could protest. As soon as she moved away, she looked at Suhel. "Suhel, give me one of your business cards."
Suhel dug into his pockets, removing a card from his law firm. "Why, Saira? I don't think Bani needs an advertisement."
Saira rolled her eyes; sometimes she worried about her husband. Grabbing a pen from her purse, Saira added her cell phone and home number to the back of the small white card. "I know we just met," she began, handing Bani the card. "But if you need anything, and I'm talking right down to just a 'Hi. How are you?' call me."
Bani stared at the card, her eyes blurring with tears. "Maybe we can have lunch some time…you can tell me about this baby raising stuff. I don't have many people to talk to about it."
Saira nodded. "I'd like that," she grinned, just as the door opened for Bani's floor. "Going to see Dr. Sharma?"
Bani nodded. "You?"
"No, actually we're here for Suhel today. He broke his ankle a while back and it's been hurting lately. The doctor thinks it may be arthritis."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Bani offered him a smile. "Hope you feel better soon," she stepped off.
"Thanks," Suhel smiled. "Bye Bani."
"Call me!" Saira exclaimed as the door closed.
Bani smiled. She would definitely call Saira. She didn't know why, but she felt very close to her…
Closer to her than anyone before…
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Bani arrived at the shelter by ten-thirty. Already tired and irritated, she wasn't looking forward to an afternoon with over two-dozen rambunctious children but when she thought of their smiling faces, she knew she couldn't complain. The only thing she could possibly be thankful for was Sameer. Amazingly, with some coaching, Sameer wasn't half bad as a counselor. In fact, he was just a giant kid trapped in a man's body anyway. He was kind and compassionate, friendly and funny and the children simply adored him. Some of the girls even had crushes on him and the boys loved beating him at basketball. He was amazing and Bani knew that he would make a great father one day…
Just like Jai…
She parked the car as close to the front door as she could, not really in the mood for walking across the parking lot. Actually, she wasn't sure she wanted to get out of the car at all. This building was one of the hardest for her to enter and leave, one of the many places in Mumbai she and Jai shared. Bani considered this place their starting point, the place their lives first meshed for beyond their wildest dreams. This was the location that forever bound them, the place that changed them once and for all. She would never be able to thank God for helping her find Jai, for having Jai and her coming together to save the little girl who belonged to the shelter walking alone at night who had obviously gotten lost. In fact, she couldn't imagine one moment of the last three years being different in the least.
Well, she could imagine ONE moment being different.
She would have loved to change her honeymoon, begging him not to take her out on the boat but instead staying in the room…dining in the restaurant…making love in the hot tub again and again. She would give up everything she had to have Jai at her side now, to have him hold her at night again. But she wouldn't get him back and she would never get revenge on her family…
She was failing Jai.
Closing her eyes, Bani could see the last time she held him…
Crawling along the beach, Bani tried to see without the sunlight, the wind blowing the sand up into her face. Her eyes teared, trying to protect themselves from the harsh grains of sand. She had to find him; she just had to be in his arms again.
"Bani," a voice called, so softly she wasn't sure she was hearing it. Where was he?
"Jai?" she called out, continuing to move along in the dark. "Jai is that you?"
"Bani!" he called again, this time somewhat louder.
"JAI!" she finally spotted his body to her left near an alcove. She quickly made her way to him, collapsing into his strong arms. "Jai!"
"Bani," he kissed her. "I thought I lost you for good this time."
She looked into his eyes. "So did I, Jai, so did I."
He kissed her again, this time lingering against her cool lips. "I found a cave. We can take shelter in there…"
The door to her car flew open, waking Bani from her daydream, and a hand appeared in the open space. "Need some help getting out, Bani? I remember my bhabhi had problems getting around sometimes," Sameer's voice filler her car, his head appearing moments later.
"No, I can get out of the car, I just wasn't so sure I wanted to," she pulled herself out of the car and locked it, leading him inside.
"How are you feeling today?" he asked, helping her into a chair in the office and smiling. His hand lingered on her arm for a second, before he moved away slightly.
She sighed. "Tense, irritable, tired, depressed…about normal I think. Though I did meet a very interesting couple at the doctors this morning. Very sweet…"
"That's good," he sat across from her. "You need to meet more people, especially mothers-to-be. You don't get out as much as you should."
Bani nodded. "You're telling me. I'm going to need all the help I can get," she began caressing her stomach. "So, I was wondering if you would mind doing the arts and crafts lesson for me this afternoon, I'm really not in the mood for panting with menni and chenni."
"Oh man, those two are hold terrors, aren't they? The purple and pink painting wars are like a daily thing though; I don't know why we don't just make them use crayons."
She giggled. "Because kids prefer finger painting to crayons, Sameer, get with the program." She smiled, her eyes twinkling. For once she looked genuinely happy.
He laughed. "That's the first time I've seen you so happy…"
And the smile was gone.
"Bani, I'm sorry that was incredibly stupid…"
"It's ok," she offered a weak smile. "You know, I'm feeling kind of hungry, Sameer. Would you mind running to the kitchen and getting my usual from Rubi?"
"Sure, Bani, but I want to talk to you later. I have something important I need to ask," he said as he left the office.
"If it's what I think it is, Sameer, it won't happen. I won't betray Jais' memory by seeing his one of his best friends," she sighed, opening the ledger in front of her. She had some work to do before Sameer got back and she wanted to be ready for the swarm of kindergarteners that were due in an hour. Looking at the picture of Jai on the desk, she smiled slightly. "Love you jaan."
And she could have sworn she heard him say it back.
To be continued…
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