Thank you all for such positive feedback. I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you all cry. That was totally not to intention. When I had gotten an idea to write something different, I wanted to write something emotional as I've already written so much lovey dovey stuff and haven't really expiremented with out and out emotional stuff as of yet so I decided to give it a try. Again, I'm sorry if it made me emotional. Didn't mean to make you all cry.
Hope you like this chapter. The updates should be regular now as the summer course is over and I will have a bit more extra time on hand before fall semester starts again.
Thank you again and Happy Reading!
Anam
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Chapter 2
"Good morning, Sonali! I listen to your show all the time and I'm so excited that you're letting me do this on the air!" A giggle followed the statement from an obviously happy female. Too happy and far too enthusiastic for whatever time it was.
Sonali's laughter then filled the room and Bani groaned; it should be illegal to be that giddy when other people were suffering, especially when one of those people was she.
"No problem," Sonali's chuckles subsided. "Ok, Nandini, tell everyone why you're calling this morning."
Who cared? She was blissfully happy and ruining Bani's morning all ready. Couldn't she just go away?
"Well, Sonali," the over exuberant woman replied. "I just found out that I'm pregnant and my husband doesn't know yet, he works the night shift at a hospital and I'm dying to tell him about the baby!"
'Good for you,' Bani thought, rolling onto her side.
"Well, Nandini, what if we tell you that you already did?"
"What?"
"Go on, Rahul…"
"Nandini, baby! I can't believe it! We're preg…"
And that was all Bani heard before she slammed her hand against the blasted alarm clock, shutting it off with a cruel beep. It wasn't fair that Rahul and his wife Nandini were able to be so joyful this morning, sharing information that a couple should in private. Jai had a right to know about his son, but he didn't and never would. Her eyes filled with tears; it just wasn't right that Rahul received the news she had been dying to give to her husband. Right now she seriously hated Rahul and Nandini!
Sighing, she looked through bleary eyes at the glowing green numbers and pushed herself up. Another morning without him in her life…
"Good morning," she grumbled, looking over at his smiling picture and attempting a smile. She just wasn't able to pretend that everything was going to be all right this morning. It wasn't all right and it was never going to be all right again.
Pushing herself off the bed, one hand immediately went to her stomach as she walked towards the closet to find something to wear. She had a doctor's appointment so it had to be easy to remove, but she also had work to do at the shelter with the children, which meant she also needed something comfortable. Sighing, she opted for a simple shalwar kameez …
Sometimes being pregnant had its drawbacks.
Grabbing the selected items from the closet, she trudged back to the dresser for some underclothing and then headed for the bathroom. She was in dire need of a warm shower…
And Jai, but she would have to settle for the shower.
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Twenty minutes later, Bani exited the steam filled bathroom, fully dressed with her hair in ponytail on the top of her head. Now all she needed was some breakfast and then she could leave to meet Malvika. She had been going every month since she found out about the baby for an appointment, watching the baby that appeared on the monitor and wishing Jai could be there to witness the miracle that was happening.
Shaking her head, Bani wearily left the room, her feet dragging along the marble floor as she headed for the dinning table where glorious smells were coming from the kitchen. Mausi was at it again, cooking up a storm in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for the five people still living in the house. Jigayasa refused to come back to the house where her elder brother no longer lived and the memories were too much for her to bear. However, the kids refused to leave the house where they had been born and grown up with their mamaji. In fact, Pushkar had moved into the Walia mansion to be close to everyone. Anu refused to leave Bani in such a state and had made it clear that if Jigayasa didn't want to live in the Walia Mansion then it was her personal decision but she can't and won't force anyone to leave the house. Bani shook her head and coming out of her thoughts. Of all the ways Mausi found to distract herself from the pain of losing Jai, it just *had* to be cooking! Pregnancy and Mausi's cooking were definitely hazardous to Bani's figure!
"Morning, Bani mami," Sahil greeted her in the hall as they both headed for the kitchen. He seemed calmer this morning, though not happy, but at least it was an improvement.
"Oh thank God, just the person I could use this morning. Sahil, I know you might hate this idea, but I really need someone to massage the muscles in the small of my back…"
"Cramp again?" he asked, his hands beginning to massage her sore back like he had done before. Everyone in the house had taken turns helping Bani through morning sickness, cravings and cramps. After all, she was carrying Jais' baby…the only grandchild he would ever produce.
"Yes," she whined, immediately relaxing as his hands began to rub soothing circles on the small of her back. "Oh thank you, Sahil, I really needed that and I just can't reach."
"No problem, Bani, you know we're all here to help you through this," he dug his thumbs into her aching muscles.
She sighed. "Jai should be doing this, you know?"
"Yes, I know, but he's not here and he won't be doing this any time soon…" he felt terrible saying it, but he couldn't seem to control his mouth.
"Go on and say it, Sahil," she stepped away and turned to face him. "Jai won't be doing it ever because he's gone. He's never coming back…"
"Mami…"
"No, no. It's all right. I guess I should learn to face it, right? I mean husbands just don't come back, do they?" She whimpered. "He really isn't coming back, is he?" her eyes began to fill with tears.
"No, I'm afraid he isn't," he pulled her in for a hug. "Mami…"
"Please don't, Sahil," she pushed him away, swiping angrily at the drops of water rolling down her cheeks. "I don't need anymore pity from anyone; I get it every day! What I need is my husband…the man whose child I am carrying!"
"I can't give you that," he replied softly.
"I know," she sighed. "No one can," she left him standing in the hall as she walked down the stairs to the table. There was Mausi, coming out of the kitchen with Tony behind her carrying breakfast and Anu, sitting at the table beginning to munch lightly. If she couldn't have Jai back, she would settle for bringing a little cheer into this house. Of course, she was on the right track with the baby. The family was looking forward to her son's impending birth almost as much as she was.
"Bani, beta, sit…eat!" Mausi instructed, as she saw Bani sitting down.
"Mausi, what is all this? There are only seven of us…" Bani shook her head, grabbing a dish and placing some food on it.
"Yes, but one is eating for two and three always eat for four. I didn't know that Sahil, Pushkar and Ranveer could possibly consume so much…"
Bani chuckled lightly. She wouldn't have believed it either if she hadn't witnessed Jai eat so much alone in the morning for breakfast…and that was after he had a banana and two glasses of milk. That man was constantly eating and still managed to lose weight. Then again, he also was very…energetic. She smirked. Ok, so she might have had something to do with the way he kept off the pounds.
"How are you this morning, beta? Sleep well?" she asked, setting a glass of juice down before Bani and ignoring Bani's reaction.
"I miss chai," she huffed, looking at the glass of juice with disgust. "I really miss caffeine."
"You don't have any choice, beta…it's…"
"For the baby, I know," Bani sighed again, imagining Jai saying something similar to her. He would have been all over her about the way she was eating, the amount she was eating and what she was eating. With a shake of her head, she erased her thoughts and turned her attention to Mausi. "In answer to your original question, I'm fine and I slept the same as always."
And that brought that conversation to an end. They all knew how Bani slept at night, curled up on her side and whimpering in her sleep, as she was plagued with nightmares of losing Jai again and again. For months it was like this, her mind replaying the nasty events of the stormy night so long ago when Jai was taken from her. It was horrible, but at least she was able to see him again.
"What time are you leaving for the mandir, Mausi?" Anu asked, looking up from her barely touched plate of food.
"I should leave soon…"
Bani nodded in understanding. "Jai would've been so happy…"
"Mamaji would have thrown a party," Anu tried to sound cheerful, but failed miserably.
Bani simply nodded. "Mausi, breakfast looks wonderful, please eat something before you leave."
"I've eaten, beta. Besides, I'm leaving now," she placed a kiss on Anu's head and then Bani's
Bani pushed away her dish. "Ever suddenly lose your appetite?"
"All the time," Anu replied, motioning to her dish. "Don't you have an appointment with Malvika today?"
Bani nodded. "Feel like coming?"
"Can't, I have an exam…"
Bani nodded. "I better get going. I have to meet Sameer at the shelter and then I do have a rather early appointment with Malvika. I have my cell if anyone needs me for anything. Ok?"
"Mami, is it a must that you go to the shelter in this stage of your pregnancy?" Ranveer, who had been quiet the whole time asked.
"Ranveer, tum jante ho na…I feel close to Jai when I'm there with the kids. Jai was so involved with the Shelter and the kids. He made sure to go and see them at least few times a week. He made sure that shelter never had any financial problems. It was almost like his own personal project. How can I let the shelter suffer just becaue he isn't with us anymore? I'm only carrying on his legacy…"
"I know but you realize, those kids are so energetic, they literally go all over the person."
Bani chuckled "Yes I know but being there makes me feel close to him and seeing their faces light up when they get presents or when they see someone come to see them, it gives me a great feeling."
"I give up. There is no way; I'm going to win this, am I?" He asked, already knowing the answer very well.
Bani smirked and just shook her head in negative.
"Anu, call me after your exam and we will go out to shop, ok?"
Anu nodded. "Are you going there again today?"
Bani offered a weak smile. She knew exactly where "there" was. With a nod, she replied, "Don't I always?"
Handing Bani some money, Anu said, "Daisies. I always gave him daisies when he was sad. Can you bring him one for me?"
Bani's eyes teared. "All right, Anu, I'll bring him a daisy. Anything else?"
"Tell him…tell him I'm sorry I haven't been by more…"
Bani gave her a hug. "I'm sure he understands. Not all of us are able to live in the past," she replied, leaving the table and heading for the front door. As she slid into his coat she whispered, "And some of us just never leave the past because we don't have any reason to."
With a final sigh, she walked out the front door and headed for her car.
To be continued…
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