DOTW: My Loss is Greater..Or is It??

My Loss is Greater Than Yours…Or is It??

Last week in Kasam Se…..

Bani reaches the place where the mysterious caller had asked her to come to find out the truth about the Park Road incident. After a lot of drama, Jai reveals to Bani that on June 29^th while driving and having a fight with Roshni about their relatiobnship, he had accidently killed her mom, Kiran Dixit. He says this after pushing away Bani from the bomb which she was standing on which was planted by Roshni. In the current circumstances, Bani fears loosing Jai to death and therefore goes and embraces him as to say that if she can't stay with him, she won't stay without him either. The bomb explodes and both are safe. Roshni comes and taunts them saying that now that the secret is out, they'll have trouble living together. Bani shouts at Jai and tells him that because of him she and her sisters had becomes orphans and her father destroyed himself in the memory of his wife. She then faints. On the other side it is the suhagraat of the three couples where Rano/Sahil and Rohit/Anu share a cute moment while Ranveer tells Raashi that she can sleep on the bed and he on the sofa and there is not going to be any relation between them. Jai takes Bani to the hospital and is very anxious to know what happened to Bani. Doctor tells him that Bani is pregnant. Jai is overjoyed and hugs the doctor and is thrilled to hear the news that he is going to be a father. But, reality strikes him and he is shattered to think that Bani hates him, he goes and cries his heart out. Massi etc find out about Bani's pregnancy and are overjoyed. Jigyasa thinks that Bani is carrying someone else's child and is happy to think that now she will tell Massi about the actual relationship between Jai and Bani and will get Bani kicked out of the house. Bani comes home and starts packing her bag to leave while having flashbacks. Jigyasa tells Massi the truth and Massi questions Bani who just keeps her head down; Massi is shattered and leaves. Jigyasa then breaks the news of her pregnancy to Bani and insults her as to whose illegitimate child is she carrying. Jai comes from behind and gives Jigyasa a tight slap and tells her not to say anything about his child. Bani is shocked to know that she is pregnant and goes to sit down totally confused. Jai tries to talk, but Bani who is too confused and in dejavu, just leaves.

When Bani was desperately trying to find out what the Park Road incident was all about, once she confronted Ranvijay and demanded to know what the truth was. Ranvijay got scared and blurted out that on June 29^th Jai accidentally killed his wife but it was just an accident. On finding this out, Bani goes to Jai and tells him that she knows that he killed Ranvijay's wife on Park Road but it is okay as it was just an accident and he didn't do it purposely.

Then when Bani finds out that Jai actually killed her own mom accidently on Park Road, she is furious. She shouts at him and blames him for everything. Although what she had known before was almost the same story except the characters had changed.

Even though this happened in a TV serial, it is very much similar to how it is in real life. When Bani thinks that Jai accidently killed Ranvijay's wife, she didn't think that he also had two kids who were affected by their mom's death but when she finds out about her mom, she immediately thinks that Jai ruined their lives and their father's. In real life also, we tend to look at situations this way. When something happens with someone else, we very easily give the others our opinions and what 'they should do' in the situation without keeping ourselves in their spot and thinking what would it be like if the same thing happened with us.

I think that is wrong and very selfish of us humans to deal with situations this way. If we have some principles then those should apply to everyone and myself too. If I think that the person who accidently kills someone on the road is the one to blame then that's how it should be whether it is my loved one who died or some other XYZ person.

What do you all think?

Should people react the same way in situations whether it is concerning their loved one or some other person?

Can people just get away with this by saying that it is human nature?

Is it right or wrong to not show the same feelings and attitude for other people's losses as compared to our own?

Tell me what you guys think!!!

I think that its very easy to say that I would react like this in a certain situation, but we can't, because it's not true. If that were the case than people would never hold grudges. I think its a lot easier for us to say that we should forgive Jai, because when Bani was told a LIE by Ranvijay, Jai never corrected that assumtion.

Sorry to say it is basic human nature to react to news depending on how it affects you, because it totally changes your life and the way that you were viewing it, the things that believed in are completely shaken to the core. I think especially when your, what, 20+ years of age, and are told that your mother actually wasn't killed by illoness, but run over by none other than the man you love. Sorry, but its basic human nature to react angry and blame Jai for everything.

However, I do belive that forgiveness is in most humans, it may take time, but we all learn to forgive someone, for what ever wrong that they have done to you, whether its accidental or purposefully.

And as far as reacting differently when your loved ones are concerned, than that is also true, because we are connected to our loved ones from the heart, so the pain that they give us is much greater, and it makes you react completely differtly in situations. And to be truthful, if you didn't bend your principles once in a while, that would make you perfect, and no one is perfect on this world.

Hope that answers your questions, if you disagree, let m eknow 😉

hey girl!! thnx a lot for posting this; will make it a sticky!!!

cheers
khoo

PS: will answer the questions later!

i agree with you too chickster....even though our brain says that it is wrong for us to do that...our heart still over rules our brain and makes us work according to what it wants! maybe i would have done the same thing if i was (god forbid) in bani's place but amazes me to think how even great hearted people break down and forsee their principles when the matter is about their loved ones.

Thanks Dear for staring this topic-
will surely write my views also on this topic-
cheers
monika

Hi Crazyfan...great topic and very well timed...

here is what I think...There are always 2(or more) sides to the story... When it happens to someone else it is one side and when it involves us or our loved ones it is the other side...

The devil is in the details...When it is someone , we don't care for the details as much as we do when it is us and the issue is magnified for us and minimised if someone else is the involved...

Also maturity at emotional level has a lot to do as to how we percieve things...Even though Jai and Bani's characters are not how most ppl their age act, I will use them as example..When someone Bani's age experiences injustice or grief they will act out and speak up but someone closer to Jai's age would tackle it more diplomaticaly.

Having said that Should people react the same way in situations whether it is concerning their loved one or some other person? Yes they should but they can't because reacting to every situation as if it is your own would require a lot of emotional involvment which is not possible... Ppl should have compassion for all and that would help for the greater good..

Can people just get away with this by saying that it is human nature?
No because ultimately it confuses you if you have 2 sets of principles...It is far more better not to be judgmental about anyone until we have put our own selves in the situation..

Is it right or wrong to not show the same feelings and attitude for other people's losses as compared to our own?

If we all love each other at a basic level and not be consumed by our own existence or ego there would never be an issue of right or wrong... What may be right to me could be wrong for the other.

Well this was a great topic and allowed me to peak into myself.....

Take care....

i am stumped..!!!

get back to me when i have an answer!!

Thats a great topic to mull on...

I agree...one' s ethics, one's principles should not be contextual...they need to be applied in every situation irrespective of whether it affects one personally or not...As a generel case, this would undoubtedly be the norm...

In Bani's case I think, there's another point to be noted....When Ranvijay told her that Jai accidentally was responsible for his wife's death, he also categorically acquitted him of all blame...He made it a point to stress that it was just an accident...It was destined to be so and therefore Jai should not be held guilty of the act...That in itself would have gone a long way in making Bani feel a lot better...If the person who she would have thought most affected by the Jai's action did not wish to blame him, it would have been hardly logical for her to jump the gun and take cudgels against Jai...Mind you, she didnt even ask for any details....She accepted Ranvijay's version of events as it was...She had no reason to believe that he was lying to her or even saying things under pressure...Obviously one doesnt fight for people who dont want to be fought for...What good would it do for her to rake up the past in this case!..

So Bani's natural reaction was to go and comfort Jai, the man she loves...to reassure him that it was alrite and he neednt be stressed...She did not underplay the enormity of the deed....only tried to make him see that bygones could be bygones...

The case of her mom is different...Jai has told her how he accidently caused her death...He has described how her father held him guilty for it...How he himself felt responsible for causing this tragedy in her life...Bani feels shattered, victimised and betrayed...She therefore lashes out at Jai...with anger...hurt and bitterness...!!!

Bani's character is such that I doubt she would deliberately be a silent witness to any injustice happening before her...She has her blindspots when it comes to the people she loves, but her sense of justice is strong too....Remember how she pleaded with Rano for the sake of Rashi...how seh was willing to sacrifice her own sister for that of Anu's marriage...

Human nature is what one defines it to be...If one thnks that justice is important, forgiveness and sensitivity are important too....so is the ability to judge situations differently....Perhaps it would not be to everyone's good if the same parameters would be applied to every circumstance...The world would be a more uncomfortable place to live in!!!

I agree this topic is nice for discussion and sure give my views on it 😃

I feel Bani is in grief and sometims as humans we cannot forgive the other one but since she considered Jai has her love I too am shocked that she couldnt forgive him or did she have higher regard for him and she felt he could never go wrong but as Ranvijay told her that he accidently killed his wife and she was ok about it this shows thatshe knew her husband could make mistakes as any human does and was ready to forgive him but when she came to know he killed her mother for instance she was angry though the she was presented with facts from ex gf Roshini 😡who by the way was attempting to kill them which she forgot 😕only thing she remembers is husband killed her mother but I feel she should question Roshinis motive has she too was involved in the accident and hiredSandy rockstar to break open secret she even forgot that Jai had saved her life in so many times this shows blood is thicker than water though she shows her love for Jai was more than anyone else with her actions I kind doubt it😕 has now she feel he has let her down and as a dauhter she wanted to take revenge through hatred but in a way she is gonna hurt herself in bargain because hatred always brings sorrow just like Nishikant destroyed his life hating Jai similarly I hope she doesnt destroy hers and Jai future by cribbing about the past has her mother is dead and wont return back by her hating anyone itwill increase her pain and suffering its only if she trys and forgives him after she has cooled down then I see a bright future but I am sad this aint happening soon But any ways now she is pregnant hope she acts wisely andthinks about her future and her family that is Jai and her unborn baby😛

Hi Chickster,
Honestly speaking,everybody has their own stand point of view,in reguards to reacting to ones own loss n the other!In situations like this,one's heart rules over their mind,that person, only going to look at their own loss rather then the other.But,then there are ppl who would consider looking at both side's of the stiuation,and deal with whatever circumstance's may follow.

Unfortunately hun,these are the dark ages,nowdays ppl are self centered n only think about their loved ones,money,fame etc.This is plain old human nature n nobody could change that.Unless,if the person is a saint or something?

I do,though agree that it's wrong n not apporpriate,as to not to have the same kind of feeling,towards another persons loss.But,then again,it's totally different feeling,lossing a loved 1 to someone,we dont know.A person can easily grieve n shred afew tears, over someone else's loss.But,they could never,ever place themselves in the other persons shoes.

In Bani's, stituation her mom died leaving bani's,dad to take care of d 3 girls.Instead,bani's dad became an alcholic,which left her incharge of taking care of her other two sisters.In doing so most of her childhood was taken away from her.As in mrRajvijay's case,even if his wife, did died,then he was there to support his kids.p
Plus the guy was filthy rich!As 4 bani's dad,he wasn't rich,so all responsiblity fell on bani's shoulders.What i'm tring to say is dat,it was okay 4 bani to react lyk dat in Rajvijays case.Bani's loss was greater than his wud have been.

I hope i answered ur questions....btw,very nice topic.