Thank you janu_2006, ragamthalam0, suwas, nadia.s, jeenal20, Isa_de, ducky_euro, sadsunzarsum, Indian_Goddess, johnangad, chemistry101, raiindrop (Welcome andThank you soooo much for the wonderful and touching words), scorpion3110
Sorry if I missed someone.
Enjoy, please ignore mistakes. It has been months since I wrote such a scene and please comment.
Part 7
- The day you just loose-
Bani stood in front of her house with the transfer papers in her hand. She had received a call from the travel agency. The board of the research centre had paid for her ticket and they had sped up the process for her visa application, which had been approved. She still had not told her parents. Bani stepped in the house, preparing herself for the conversation. She could imagine her parents' reaction, but hearing it would be difficult.
**
'Are you still angry at me?' Nishikant asked his daughter.
'No papa.' Bani shook her head vigorously. 'How can I be mad at you?'
'For what I said the other day? You know I didn't mean that. I'm sorry beta.'
Bani stood up and walked over to the sofa. She sat down in between her parents and wrapped her arms around her father.
' I know you didn't mean that papa. I love you.'
'Then why are you leaving?' Her mother said in between sobs.
'Mujhe jaana hai ma. Bani said while turning to her mother. 'Aise mauke baar baar nahin aate. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.'
'So it has nothing to do with Pushkar?' Nishikant asked.
The colour on Bani's face changed. It just happened four days ago and she didn't want to remember Pushkar anymore. But she could, almost, honestly say that her accepting this position had nothing to do with him. Bani shook her head.
'I really want to do this papa. And I am sorry for not telling you, but...'
'its okay.' Kiran said to her daughter. 'you should do what you want Bani. Ek baar humne tumhaare liye faisla kar ke bahut bari galati ki hai, ab nahin.' Kiran said while touching the still prominent cut on her daughter's lip.
Bani hugged her parents and showed them the paperwork she had completed for her leave and the letters of recommendation the director and her supervisor had written for her. The praise in both of them definitely cheered them up.
**
Nishikant walked towards Jai's office. As always he waited till Jai's secretary told him he could go inside. Jai sat in his chair with the window view behind him, looking annoyed at the man entering.
'Uncle, kitni baar kaha hai ki aap seedha andar aa jaaiye, par aap hai ki permission chaahte hai.'
Nishikant just smiled and placed the file on Jai's desk. 'Maine check kar diya hai and I think it is all right now. Read the new clauses carefully before you sign, pichli baar ki tarah ab garbar nahin chaahiye na?'
'Thanks Uncle. Aap kuch lenge?'
Nishikant glanced at his watch. 'Not today Jai, but thank you anyways. I have promised to take Bani shopping. She needs some things before she leaves.'
'Before she leaves? Bani kahan jaa rahi hai?'
'Arre, mai to bataana bhool gaya.' Nishikant said excitedly. In just one night he started liking the fact that one encounter with a horrible man had not made his daughter weak in any aspect and was ready to do something different and new.
'Bani's visa got approved.' Nishikant continued. ' She will be leaving India the day after tomorrow.' He said, assuming that his daughter's best friend was aware of everything. 'I have to leave now otherwise she will be mad at me.'
He left Jai behind, who looked stumped.
Several hours later, when he finally could react properly to the news, he picked up the phone when it was ringing.
'Jai Walia speaking.' He barely could whisper.
' Jai, mai bol rahi hoon, Bani.'
Jai smacked the phone down. The line got disconnected. Bani heard the dial tone again.
**
Bani was pacing in her room. She almost had done all the packing after lunch and was figuring what to do next. It was already dark outside. Yesterday she spent her entire evening calling Jai and trying to talk to him, but in vain. He must have found out about her transfer.
Even today she managed to spend almost the entire morning trying to talk to him, still he wasn't picking up. She had hoped that Jai would be there for the lunch her parents had planned for close friends and relatives to see Bani before she left, but it was not attended by him. Krishna came, hugged her and cried along with Kiran before she wished Bani all the best and ordered her to come back soon. Even though lunch was a noisy and busy affair Bani's eyes kept looking at the door, waiting for one person who never showed up.
Bani's looked at the clock on the wall. If he went to the office, he must be home by now. It was eight in the evening. Bani gathered her bag and her keys. She went to the living room where her father sat, ready in his favourite suit. She frowned, but then remembered that it was Sharma uncle's 30th wedding anniversary and they were all invited. Her mother was getting ready.
'Bani, don't you want to go?' Her father asked her.
Bani shook her head. ' I think I will meet Jai and then come home and sleep. Kal subah jaldi uthna nahin na. Just wish them on my behalf. Is Krishna Aunty also going? '
' Yes she is, and it's okay. I will wish Sharma and his wife.' Nishikant agreed with her. 'Jai ke paas kaise jaogi?'
'Taxi lekar.'
'Naraaz hai tujhse?'
Bani nodded.
'Then why didn't you tell him before? You know, that you were going? I thought he knew when I told him.'
'Because he would stop me Papa.' Bani answered softly. She couldn't meet her father's eyes. How could she say to her father that she was leaving so she didn't have to be around Jai? How could she tell him that they had kissed but it had meant nothing to him, and everything to her? How could she tell him that the only thing she could lately think about was Jai and she was afraid she was going to loose her mind? She was running away from him, but couldn't stop herself from running towards him. And even to her this sounded bloody desperate and needy, something she didn't want to be.
Bani checked the amount of money she had in her bag, shouted a 'bye' to her parents before she left the house and climbed in a taxi.
**
Jai sat in his study. The dim light from the table lamp made it's effort to illuminate the room, in vain. The curtains were drawn so the room would match Jai's dark mood. His mobile phone was in his hand. Thirty missed calls. 25 were from Bani, most of them made during the day and just before lunch hour. He knew about the gathering at her place but he chose not to attend it. Not like this. Not when he had to hear from other people that his best friend was leaving the country without bothering to tell him too. If she didn't need him then he certainly did not need her. It might have been the biggest mistake he ever made, including his marriage, to kiss Bani. He should feel guilty about that. He wanted to apologize the morning after.....after they kissed. That must have been out of guilt. Yes.....it was guilt, remorse he must be feeling. But now that feeling was replaced by anger. She should have told him.
The door to his study opened. Bani stood in the door opening, waiting for him to raise his head. Jai could sense her presence but he did not move one inch. She called him softly.
Jai stared at the file in front of him, but nothing made sense to him. He was just trying to get rid of her.
Bani stood there waiting.
'Jai. why....'
'Get out Bani. You are disturbing me' Jai said in a low voice, acting engrossed in his work when he was scribbling something on the paper.
'Jai I just want to talk....'
'Mujhe tumse koi baat nahin karni hai!Get out!' Jai said somewhat louder this time, but not shouting at her. He didn't want to give her the importance she didn't deserve by shouting at her.
Bani looked at his bent head for a while. His hair was shielding his eyes this time. He was working, the least bit affected by her presence, so she thought.
Tears sprung in her eyes, but she tried her best not to let them fall. He wouldn't understand anyway. She turned around and slammed the door shut with a loud bang. Jai heard her footsteps. She was running.
He felt wretched and wanted to stop her. Or at least see whether she really was crying or that he was just imagining it. Jai rushed to the door and opened it. He walked briskly through the hall, towards the front door of the house when he saw a figure clad in a saree sitting in the dark room, on the sofa, clutching her bag. Bani head was bent. She looked so small, so vulnerable when he approached her. And his instinct was right. She was crying. Even with her bent head he knew that. But he wasn't in the mood to comfort her. Not even when he felt pained himself. She hurt him.
'What are you doing here?' Jai asked her in a cold, casual tone.
Bani sniffed but didn't answer.
'What are you doing here?' He asked her again.
'Mujhe aapse baat karni thi.'
'Kyun? Sab kuch to tay ho gaya. Ab kya baat karna?'
'Jai...'
'Dont Jai me!' Jai said, turned around and walked to his study. ' You have made your decision. Ab yahan kyun aayi ho?!' The poor door suffered again when Jai slammed it.
Bani entered the study moments later. 'Jai you need to understand.'
'What do I need to understand Bani?' Jai paced in front of the window. 'That you are leaving India for I don't know how many years and you didn't find it necessary to tell me?'
'It's not that Jai.'
'Then explain! Baat kya hai?! I thought everything would be normal after what happened, but you still.......'
' I still want my own life Jai.' Bani barely whispered. 'Yahan rehkar mai kya karoon? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Why should I let it pass?'
Jai looked at her ' Then don't let it pass, go away! Chali jao na, roka kisne hai!' He said waving her out of the door. 'Go, and don't even bother to come back!'
Bani started crying again. 'Jai why are acting like this?'
'I am not acting like anything.' Jai said heatedly. 'Tum jaana chaahti ho to jao na! don't let me get in your way! Why should you stay here?!" Jai shouted this time.
' Yes Jai, why should I stay here? For whom should I stay here?' Bani screamed matching his every tone. 'Shaadi toot gayi! Ma aur papa khud ko dosh de rahe hai! Bua ke sasuraal waale usko kos rahe hai! and all because of me! And you also said.....you tell me Jai, kyun ruku mai yahan?'
Silence crept in. Jai turned to stare out of the window again.
Behind him Bani slowly moved towards the door. She had just put her hand on the doorknob and turned it when she felt a large hand on hers.
' Why cant you stay here?'
'You know why Jai, itne nadaan bhi mat baniye.' Bani answered not mincing her words one bit.
Jai slowly shook his head. His face was calm, but his eyes betrayed his real emotions. It told Bani that he was aware of the tenor of her words. 'That cant be. We are friends. Just friends!'
Bani swallowed back the rest of her sobs. She blinked her eyes a few times to clear her vision from the tears and looked at the man next to her.
' you haven't been just a friend to me Jai.' Bani took a deep breath and mustered all the courage she had. She was leaving tomorrow no matter what happened. What did she have to loose? His friendship? He was mad at her anyways. Their relationship had been bad since the last few weeks, ever since she started doing things separately from him. Once she moved away Jai would forget her. She really had nothing to loose and she needed to tell him this, for her own sanity.
'I love you.' Bani whispered while searching for his eyes and savouring the touch on her hand. ' I love you.' She repeated with all the emotions she had felt all time. The frustration, the helplessness and the confusion for falling in love, and keep loving her best friend, the anger at herself for not being able to put all these emotions aside and see it as a silly crush, but most of all..... the profound and all consuming love she had for him, hidden deeply in her heart.
Jai had expected the world to spin around him, the earth to shake and the heaven to start pouring, but nothing happened. Instead he felt calm. Calmer than he had been in days. She loved him. Bani loved him.
'I don't know why, I don't know how.' He heard Bani mumble. 'And I know ki yeh sab galat hai. She was right, it's absolutely wrong. Aapka aur mera koi mel nahin, par mai......mai phir bhi....aapse pyaar karti hoon.'
Bani removed her hand from under his after she opened the door. She was about to run away when he grabbed her hand, pulled her inside the study and locked the door by turning the key in the keyhole.
'Let me go Jai.' Bani pleaded.
He wouldn't relent. Not after what she had told him. He needed some explanations, some clarifications, something......
' Who is 'she'?' Jai asked grabbing Bani's upper arms. Bani winced in pain. They were still bruised and sore from the assault. Jai let go immediately and cupped her face instead, tilting it upwards so he could look into her eyes.
'Who is 'she'?'
'Nina. She was right. I'm not right for you, phirbhi mai aapse pyaar karti hoon.'
'Kab se?'
Bani closed her eyes. His gaze seemed to accuse her. 'Pata nahin.'
'I don't do relationships well Bani.' Jai turned away from her. 'Tum to thi yahan when I was married. I cant ......... relationships like these are not my forte. Why cant we be just friends?' Jai asked her.
'Because I don't know how to do that! I don't know how to be 'just' your friend. I have loved you for such a long time. I cant change that!' Bani's temper flared.
'I have to go.' Bani decided when Jai stared at her and made no attempt to say anything or do anything. She had just managed to put her hand on the key when she felt Jai pull her away from the door again by her wrist.
'Jai I have to go. I am leaving tomorrow.'
'What if I feel the same way about you?'
Bani laughed, just the humour was missing in the sound of her laughter.
' You don't Jai, You forget that I know you.'
'You cant leave.'
And he meant it. She had to stay, and he was going to make her stay, no matter what.
'Jai, choriye.' Bani said while trying to twist her wrist out of his hold. 'Leave me.'
She winced in pain again. He turned her wrist but couldn't really see what made her react like that. The study was too dark for that. He leaned over her and switched on the main light. It was then that he saw her bruises clearly. They had turned purple, but the finger marks were still clearly visible. Jai rubbed his thumb lightly over them. Bani tried to pull her hands away again.
' Jai, please. Dard ho raha hai.' Bani cried.
'You cant leave!' Jai ordered this time.
' Why Jai? Why are you stopping me? Let me go, poora ka poora jhanjhat hi khatam ho jaayega. As it is you feel guilty for what happened.' Bani shouted at him. ' Don't look so shocked Jai.' Bani said a lot calmer then before when she saw Jai's expressions. 'I don't want anything from you. Not your love and not your pity. Now leave me.' Bani said while trying to remove his hand from her bruised skin. 'I just wish that you wouldn't feel guilty, but maybe that is a lot to ask for.'
Jai held her wrist tighter. Bani struggled to get out of his iron grip. When she managed to do that she felt herself being pushed against the wall with hands placed on her hips. It hurt her, the bruises there had been worse, but she wasn't scared of him. She knew he would never hurt her deliberately. She was scared of herself. Bani tried to move his hands. They moved.
Jai would have never done this with anyone else. Why he was acting like a brute with the woman he knew and loved, in no matter what way, ever since he could remember and was an important part of his life, he didn't know.
'You cant leave.' Was the only thing that was ringing through his mind. It was the only thing that he said until he moved forward and closed the little space between them. 'You cant leave, you hear that.' He murmured before he captured her lips, playing tricks with her mind. Every rational thought both of them had flew out of the window.
It felt different. something unexplainable that Jai couldn't and wouldn't end willingly. He did make an effort to stop, but......
Bani felt a piercing pain on her left hip. She tried to ignore it and it was very easy with everything she was feeling other than the pain. His fingers touched her face gently, travelled over the scars on her collarbone to the fabric covering her body. Bani felt like the time she first realized that she was in love, the moment she was waiting for Jai in the terminal of the airport. She remembered that blissful first kiss at the farmhouse, but the pain brought her back to reality. Bani pushed Jai away.
Jai stumbled back a few paces. Bani tried to gather herself before she could take in his flustered appearance. In just few moments Jai jerked back to reality, realizing the impact of what he had done, and what he had felt. Actually what he was feeling right now.
'Bani...I.....I.'
Bani gathered the contents of her bag which had spilled on the floor. She kept quiet the entire time Jai struggled to find the right words. Frustration mounted when he ran his hand through his hair. Bani got up and turned to him. Her face was calm.
' I have to leave.'
'But...Bani...I.'
' Leave it. You don't know what you want, what you feel.' Bani said after taking a deep breath. 'And I am not willing to settle for anything less Jai. Yeh meri zindagi ka sawaal hai. You should live your life the way you want, mujhe bhi wahi karna hai. When you do decide what you want I will know the answer. I hope you will be happy, no matter what you do and whom you will love. Goodbye Jai.'
Bani walked out of the study and out of the house, not turning back once. Jai stood there watching her leave. He couldn't stop her for a feeling he couldn't name. Not when she was making such a huge step in her career, in her life. She deserved the whole package. Love, marriage, children, everything she wanted and he couldn't offer her. Not until he found out what he wanted and what he felt.
Bani left India the next day.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
CID
