Shocked to see me write an FF?? 😳😆 Did you get a jatka 😆😉 This is something I done when I was bored 😳 Enjoy it..😆 It might sound crap, but then again its my first time..So forgive me 😉😆
Intro:
"Shiv pick the god damn phone up..." Gauri said to herself whilst driving on the way home from work...She needed to tell him that she won't be able to cook dinner tonight as she had to see some customers. She hated the home visits because she would get home late and she wouldn't be able to watch TV and relax. But thats the career she chose to do so she's gotta live with it. Shiv just sat there on the sofa watching the cricket, ignoring the telephone....Shiv's mobile started ringing..He looked at the caller and it was Gauri..He picked the phone up.."Hello what do u want?" Gauri replied "What the hell you finally decide to pick the phone up you a***wipe...Jus ringing to let you know that your gona have to get something or make something yourself..I have customers to see this evening and I won't be home till 9....So happy cooking!"....Shiv replied saying "Arghhhhhh what the hell, am busy watching the cricket today and your telling me to cook my own dinner?! What man cooks his own dinner?." Shiv kept talking and Gauri couldn't be bothered to listen so she slammed the phone down on him...Tonight was gonna be a bad night for Shiv...He either had to cook his own dinner, something which he'd never done before or grab some fast food..........
Part 1:
Shiv woke up and realised it was all a dream..He got quite scared because he thought he actually had to cook himself..That was walking into unknown territory....Gauri woke up too and wondered what Shiv was doing awake..
"What you doing awake now? Had a bad dream?" Gauri asked.
Shiv replied saying, "Yeahh it was actually..Awful dream..Your gonna laugh if I tell you.." Gauri asked what it was...Shiv replied back "I had a dream that I either had to cook dinner myself or get some fast food.." Gauri burst out laughing..It was 2 o' clock in the morning and she was laughing really loudly.
"You cooking?!!? Don't make me laugh! You can't even make cheese on toast to save your life so don't go there with cooking!!" "Actually it wouldn't be a bad idea!! I wanna see what you can actually do in the kitchen besides stand there and watch" Shiv just dozed off..He couldn't be bothered to listen and went to sleep...Gauri kept talking away to herself unaware Shiv had already gone sleep.
Next morning Shiv woke up early and sat there watching Sky Sports News..Gauri came down the stairs and she was expecting the breakfast to be ready.
"Shiv where's my breakfast??? I thought you was gonna make breakfast this morning" Gauri lied to see what Shiv would say.
"What? You having a laugh?? Your the one that said I can't cook anything so why should I bother?" Gauri loved it when Shiv got wound up..She stood there laughing and then went into the kitchen..She smelt something burning and dashed there to have a look...She saw burnt toast..rotten black..and the tea over flowed onto the gas cooker..She looked at the burnt toast spread margarine on it and poured the tea into a mug and called Shiv..
He came into the kitchen and said "What the hell have you burnt? I thought you were a good cook? What happened here?"
She got strawberry jam out of the fridge and spread it on the toast, that was just to get the toast to taste sweeter after all Shiv had to suffer the punishment of burning the bread....
Gauri looked very annoyed and said "Excuse me Mr...This is the effects of your "cooking" burning things and leaving pans on the gas cooker and then you go away and watch TV, you just wait there...I am gonna make you eat this burnt stuff even if I get late for work!"
Part 2:
Gauri handed Shiv the plate of burnt slices of toast and Shiv just stared at it like "What..I ain't eating that" Gauri said "You burnt it, so pay the price.." She went off with an evil laugh..Gauri loved winding Shiv up like this..She knew he wouldn't really eat it...
Shiv threw the toast in the dustbin and ate Cornflakes instead. Gauri went to work and switched on the radio and "beautiful girls remix by Jojo was on the radio. She loved that song especially the line "I'll have you suicidal" She rang up Shiv quickly and told him to put it on the radio...Shiv listened and he knew what was coming...The song he hated....He switched off the radio and left for work.
His mobile started ringing again and it was his dad..He said:
"Shiv your gonna have to come to ours to help me out with the wallpaper stripping after you get back from work, bring Gauri as well"....Shiv moaned
"Arghhhhh do I have to?? Ask Dadaji to help you..am sure he'll be able to move up and down..You know how tired I get after work. I'll send Gauri to help you..Am sure she won't mind. Bye"
Mahen thought to himself "Oh how you have changed" The next time they came face to face, Shiv was gonna get told off bad for denying Mahen.
Shiv sent Gauri a text message saying she had to go straight to his dad's house after work.
Gauri rang him up, "What the hell is going on..You didn't even ask me if I could go to Dad's house and help..Oh well I will go BUT that means your gonna have to do the housework before I come back. Housework including COOKING the dinner...I'll be fine because I can eat there, but dunno about you" Gauri hung up and then started laughing.
Shiv's face just turned sour! He thought he would have got away with not going, but now he's gona have to go home after work and do the housework.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*--*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*--**-*-*
6pm..Shiv finished work, got home and he wasn't looking forward to the rest of the evening. He was gonna be by himself and doing housework..He hated that stuff.
Meanwhile back at Mahen's house, Gauri was ready to strip the wallpaper and wasn't worried about what Shiv was doing..She knew he was gonna struggle tonight..Thats the only reason why she agreed to go to her in-laws house and help decorate.
7pm—Nikhila asked Gauri if she was gona come down and join them to eat, but Gauri said "No he's not..I think he wants to cook his own food today..Lets see how it turns out" Both of them started laughing.
Shiv didn't know what to do..He couldn't get a takeaway because then Gauri would find out. Or he could find a recipe off the internet. Instead he decided to make any random thing..He started chopping the onions and was crying terribly...He put the outer onion thing on his head to make him stop crying but it didn't work. He rang up Nikhila to find out what he could make. "Hello mum, give me a simple Indian dish to make for myself, as Gauri is gonna eat there." Shiv was crying.."Errr why are you crying, whats happened to you, stop being a big baby?" Nikhila thought it was something serious as Shiv's words weren't coming out propely ..She called Gauri over. She told Gauri that she's gona have to go home as Shiv is crying...........
Part 3
"Gauri come here..Shiv is crying, I think you have to go home..Don't worry about the wallpaper, I'll try and finish it myself" Nikhila sounded worried...Gauri didn't wanna go, but she knew she had to. She wondered..what kind of problem is Shiv actually in that she needs to go home? She was having fun stripping wallpaper.
Meanwhile at Shiv's house..He was crying..The pain was unbearable...He ran upstairs and pulled one of the draws open and found some swimming goggles. This was the last option..His eyes were getting heavy and couldn't take the pain anymore.
Gauri asked Nikhila if she could go to her house instead to see what the matter was with Shiv.
Shiv came back to the kitchen and started chopping the onions again with his goggles on..he let out a big sigh..Feeling much better now.."I miss Gauri..I shouldn't have sent her..where is she..She should be cooking my dinner not stripping wallpaper.." He thought to himself.
Twenty minutes later..Shiv managed to chop the onions and other vegetables..He didn't even know what he was cooking! He put the radio on full blast, got his apron on and started cooking..He put beans into the onion pan and mixed it up. This is what he saw Gauri doing one day..He stood there spying..
Nikhila was on the way to Shiv's place. He didn't know that Nikhila was coming.
He left the beans to boil for a while and went off to watch TV. He still had the goggles on.
As the football was on, he wouldn't budge from the television. The beans were over flowing but Shiv couldn't smell the burning.
Nikhila knocked the door..Shiv just sat there..His head was literally in the television. Nikhila banged the windows and Shiv looked at the window to see his mum there. "S***..what's she doing here?" Nikhila looked into the window but couldn't see anyone. Shiv had his apron on and the gas was still on. He was a goner.
He opened the door and was shocked to see his mum there.
"Shiv what took you so long to open the door. You was crying on the phone so I decided to come instead of Gauri. Anyways whats that apron you got on? It looks horrific, its the one from the free Domestos bleach pack that you get at Asda init?" Nikhila started laughing at Shiv because he had goggles on as well.
"And get those stupid goggles off" Shiv stood there looking embarrassed..He took it all off.
Nikhila walked into the house and sniffed a few times..
"Whats the awful smell? What have you been cooking?! Ughh its unbearable..get the air freshner"
She walked into the kitchen and was shocked at the state of the kitchen.
Part 4
Nikhila walked into the kitchen and let out a big sigh....She looked at the state of the cooker and went crazy at Shiv.
"SHIVVVVVVVVV!!!! What the blooming hell have you done here?!" Shiv ignored her and went off to watch the football.
"Am talking to you fool! You tried to be a hero and cooked some food and look what you done!!..Gauri is gonna go crazy when she see's this!" She picked the pan of beans off the cooker, the handle was hot so the whole pan of beans fell on the floor. Shiv came because he heard the loud bang. He thought Nikhila bashed her head on the pan.
He saw the pan on the floor and the beans had spilt everywhere..
"Errrrrr mum, what you done here..I'm gona tell Gauri it was all your fault" He went away laughing..
Nikhila ended up cleaning the kitchen, she wasn't gona tell Gauri what happened as she would go crazy because her beloved kitchen was a mess.
Twenty minutes later, kitchen was spotless. "You better come down and eat at ours tonight seeing as your not capable of cooking yourself..Hero bane chalaya aur kuch aur kardala." Shiv just started laughing..
"Don't gimme a bhashan dear, yeah maybe I did want to be superman and fulfil a childhood dream..Oh well I'll prove to you and everyone else that I can cook! I will cook better than you as well, just watch!" Shiv said..
"Pull the other one will you!! Don't gimme that bob..I heard that kinda stuff before from your dad..You need to take the example of Anupam..He's a great cook..Go learn things from him. And he'll teach you for free!" Nikhila replied..laughing at Shiv.
"Oh really..Then its great..I can be a hero then..woohoo" Both left for Nikhila's house..
Part 5:
Shiv and Nikhila arrived at her house. He hated going there because his granddad would ask about work and why he didn't come there to help out. Those were formalities for Shiv.
Gauri came downstairs and was shocked to see Shiv..
"I thought you weren't coming here..What happened..Why were you crying?? Did the ghosts come out of the walls or something?" She stood and laughed at him.
"Shut your gob..No ghosts..Was trying to make some food but something went wrong."
"You better not have cocked up my kitchen..Otherwise your dead" She went off and started laughing.
Both Gauri and Nikhila were in the kitchen, Nikhila told Gauri what happened at her house.
"He made masala beans on toast..Can you believe it!? I couldn't..I knocked the door and I could smell the mix outside the house.. Neighbours could smell it as well. But I was shocked..He had goggles and a chef's hat on..He looked so funny! Anyway, he wasn't successful..When you go home don't tell him I told you what happened. The beans were on the floor but I cleaned it up so its fine." Nikhila told Gauri. Gauri got a shock..Shiv cooking!? That was a first!
"But you know what he said? He said that he's gonna prove us wrong and be a good cook!!!" Nikhila told Gauri..
Gauri replied saying "Yeah? And pigs might fly..The day that man starts cooking the world is gona turn upside down. He doesn't even do the hoover so whats he gonna cook? Black toast, beans? I wanna see him cook some proper Indian stuff..Lets see what he can do..Starting from tomorrow I'll make him cook!! Lets see how he does..
Part 6:
Next morning Gauri left a list of things to do for the day..Shiv had a day off work. He came downstairs, Gauri had already gone to work. She left early and left a list for Shiv. She knew he would be shocked when he saw that list, so thats why she left early for work so she wouldn't have to listen to him moan.
He came downstairs and switched on the television unaware of the list that Gauri had left on the table. He was flicking the channels and rubbish was on television. He got up and the list caught his eye. He started reading it:
- Do the hoover
- Mop the kitchen and bathroom
- MAKE THE DINNER!!! Gonna be late home tonight. You have to make rice and chicken tikka.
And one more thing if you don't make it then your dead meat!! I'm gonna come eat you instead!!
He sighed....But then again, if he wanted to prove to his mum that he could cook he would have to do this. He got dressed quickly and watched the cricket on tele for a bit.. There was 9 hours till Gauri came home from work so he would be alright. He looked in the fridge but there wasn't any chicken or anything to use to make the dinner. And he didn't even know how to make it...He was confused..didn't know what to do..
He rang up Anupam, who was a cooking king, to ask the instructions on how to make it..
"ring ring, ring ring..This is the Vodafone voicemail service..The person you are trying to call is unavailable at the moment, please leave a message after the tone BEEEEEEEEEEEEP" Shiv was getting annoyed and was worried, he didn't know what to do. How was he gonna make the chicken tikka and rice? He had an idea...And this idea would work 100%..He was sure of it...He got in the car and sped off.
Part 7
He put the accelerator down and then suddenly he put the brake on, as he saw a speed camera..He was doing 80mph! He remembered he had to mop the kitchen and do the hoover. He quickly turned in one of the streets reversed and then BANG!!!!
"Oh my god, what the hell happened there" Shiv knew something was wrong..A car came from the front and banged into his lavish Audi TT. He ran out of the car and looked at the extent of the damage.
"What the hell have you done here?!?!?!" Shiv shouted at the other driver, whose face he couldn't see because of the darkened windows in the other car. Shiv was talking to himself.
The man from the other car came out. Shiv looked up and saw it was Anupam.
"What you doing here..You just banged into my car..Look at the bumper..Its gonna cost me thousands to get this repaired now." Shiv screamed at Anupam.
"Hey, hey, don't shout at me...It was you who put your foot down without looking at both sides. And anyway, look at my car as well..Whose gonna pay the repairs on mine? I don't think you are!!" Anupam replied back..He was rich anyway..driving around in his Lamborghini.
Shiv was getting angry.."I rang you earlier and you never picked up..Where were you?" A crowd had gathered up on the street and people were examining Shiv's car. It was badly beaten up.
Shiv just stood there looking at them with evil stares..
"Are you gonna pay for the repair?? What you staring at?" He shouted at the passers by....There was an OAP who just frowned at him.."No course I ain't gonna pay for it..You having a laugh?? Your fault you crashed it...Thats the problem with you guys these days, drive around in your flashy cars at 100mph and don't care about anyone else.." Shiv took no notice..
Anupam was on the phone to Ipshita. "Shiv crashed into my car..stupid fool..Goes he rang me earlier as well..Probably wanted something done as usual. So I'll be home late today...Can't go to Nandos and eat."
Shiv came back to Anupam.."I called you earlier and all I got was the Vodafone voicemail..Where were you?" Anupam replied saying "Oh I changed my number...Some stupid fool kept prank calling me for his small jobs so I couldn't be bothered with him no more so I changed the number. I forgot to tell you....Anyway, have you called your insurance company to tell them about your wonderful job you did today.." Anupam replied sarcastically.
"Well then you should have...." And then there was a loud BANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG..Shiv turned around and just stared at his car...........
Part 8:
He turned around and looked at his car. The back was on fire..The day couldn't get any worse for him. There was smoke coming out of the car...He was shocked..His beloved Audi TT demolished. He rang up Gauri at work..Meanwhile the fire brigade were spraying water on his car..
"Hello can you put me through to Gauri Kapoor please..."
"Hello Gauri, guess what happened..My car has been burnt..." He told Gauri reluctantly
"WHAT? I told you be careful while driving..But you never listen..So what you gona do now? Ring up the insurance people see what they say. And have you done the things I told you to? Leave it for today because I know how depressed you'll be so you won't lift a finger. Leave it..I'll sort something out when I get home.." He was surprised Gauri didn't hit the roof like she normally does!!
He breathed a sigh of relief..He wouldn't have to cook the dinner tonight. He rang up the insurance people and then got a lift home from a taxi.
Later that day, the insurance company dropped off another car while his Audi got repaired. He went outside and looked at it..
It was a Ford Fiesta...He was like "WHAT"😆 he's never driven one of those before.
He decided to go for a spin in the car to test it out..Put his foot down...50, 60, 70 mph on a normal road..Police were speed checking the area..and he wasn't aware the siren started going off..He looked in the mirror
"Shooooooooooooooot....police after me..OMG...Ummmm...." and he pulled over....What the hell was happening to him today..Car burning, police chases..What else could go wrong.
"Please step out of the vehicle..." said the policeman...He looked at Shiv and got shocked.
"Hey Shiv what you doing speeding in this car..Where's your Audi??"
Shiv got shocked he looked at the policeman..
"Baba..oops sorry didn't realise you was on duty today" Shiv felt quite embarrased..His father-in-law caught him speeding..Because he knew Alok, he was let off with a warning.
He went back home and decided that he would surprise Gauri and make her some dinner.
He got out his cooking apron again and decided to boil some eggs.. He was gona make egg curry.
The eggs were boiled and he left them for a while before he was gonna peel the shell off.
He went off to watch the TV and his head got glued to the television.
It was 6pm and Gauri's time to come home..he quickly got up and put the gas on..chopped some tomatoes to make the sauce and then put the eggs in the microwave to warm up before adding them to the sauce.
He put the eggs in for 30 seconds...10 seconds had passed and then BANGGGGGG
Shiv ran back in the kitchen and was shocked.
Indian Idol 15
