CHAPTER 12
"Oh my God!" "Oh my God! Ayan! Wake up! I think my water just broke!" Imaan screamed…"Huh?! Oh Oh right…" and in a few minutes time they were in their car zooming off to the Toronto General hospital…
"Hey Zeeshan it's me…I'm on my way to the hospital with Imaan" , "Oh…ok I'm on my way…" , "Zenny…" "mmm…" she moaned turning away from him, "Zenny…" he whispered "Get up…Imaan is at the hospital" , "Hmm…" she was still not in her senses…they had barely slept for an hour…when Ayan had called… "Wake up…" he whispered again…and when she didn't, he simply pinched her nose…so she couldn't breathe…she gasped and woke up, "Aaah! you trying to kill me!" she yelled at him… "No, I was trying to wake you up…" he said calmly getting off the bed, "Well try to be more mature next time" she said angrily, still wondering why he had woken her up… "I tried the mature way, but love you sleep like a log" he chuckled… "Thanks to you…I couldn't sleep early…" , "Hey don't go putting the blame on me…you came after me…God help me! I mean I had just entered the room innocent of your plans…your crying…all of that…just to…" he left the sentence unfinished…chuckling mischievously…he was enjoying her….her face was flushed…she felt like hiding herself…God! Why had she cried…she felt foolish all of a sudden…hiding it she threatened him with her tiny index finger "Zee, you dare repeat this again…why did you wake me up in the middle of the night??" , "Because…." He paused holding her finger, "because what? Zee please…I'll go back to sleeping, and if this is your way to annoy me, then I'm gonna kill you in the morning…right now I've no energy…" and with that she pulled back her finger and turned to sleep, "Ok then, I'll just have to go by myself to the hospital" he said walking towards the mirror, "Hospital! Oh my…Imaan di?" when she saw him smile, she rushed for the washroom…and in about fifteen minutes she was ready, wearing her long brown coat…her hair tied up in a casual pony tail…he looked at her from the mirror as he combed his hair… "you're still not ready…uff! Hurry Zee no one's coming to see you…" she said, shaking her head disapprovingly…muttering something under her breath… "I think I'm looking perfect, what do you think" he asked her, she didn't answer him all she did was sigh…and went downstairs…
They were both excited….while Zeeshan wanted a boy…Zeenat wanted a girl…
"You know what Zee…" Zeenat said suddenly excited, "I want a girl…" , "Well I want a boy…but I guess we could manage both…" he said , "Zee!" she said alarmed at him…he was so! So…immature… "Forget it, I'm not talking to you…" "What? What did I say?" he asked amused that she was now looking out the window, her hands folded across her… completely ignoring him…
They waited and waited…Ayan bhai was inside the operation theatre…God! The wait was unbearable…and she was so excited! It was her sister's first baby…she wanted to hold him…cuddle him…but that would have to wait…because she couldn't cuddle him yet…probably after a few months…when she was all chubby and stable…Zeenat really wanted a girl, so she could dress her up…'well that's not the only reason' she reasoned with herself…'I mean girls are much cuter, I could get cute dresses, and clips and shoes, and bangles and paayal…and dolls…and…' her thoughts wandered on about the things she could get for her niece, meanwhile Zeeshan was eagerly waiting to know if it was a boy or a girl…personally he preferred a boy, he would teach him to fight…and drive…and they could play with his playstation…God! What was he thinking…all that would take years…he chuckled…right now he didn't care…he just wanted to hold the baby…kiss his tummy, sleep holding him close…his soft, chubby body…she would kiss her feet…those little fingers…that little chin…the cheeks oh! She wanted to pull them… "and then I'll give a big kissy to my…" she said pouting her lips, while the rest was a mumble because she realized she had said it out loud…Zeeshan turned looking at her, surprised and amused…she gasped and covered her mouth, going red, she couldn't believe herself, "Oops, I'm sorry…" was all she said and nervously laughed… "Oh, don't be…I'm all for it…" he winked…she didn't bother answering him, she was too embarrassed…just then Ayan came out…
"It's a boy!" he said, smiling…they could see he was happy… "I'm a father! God, my first child…my baby boy…" he said again…smiling…Zeeshan hugged his brother congratulating him, while Zeenat rushed into see Imaan…and her nephew ofcourse…the nurse had just wiped the baby…and Imaan had the little thing in her arms…he was crying…Zeenat took him in his… he wasn't very cute she figured…newborns aren't cute…they look so fragile and weak… "Why is he all pink and red?" she asked worried, "Zeenat, don't say that about my baby…" Imaan said sulking… "They are all pink when they're born" Ayan pitched in chuckling at her worried face… "Why don't you give him your big kissy" Zeeshan said, while Zeenat turned red, and said "No, thanks…I'll do that when they bath him…" , "Zeenat…" Imaan warned, "Fine, I'm just kidding…" she said and kissed the little boy…on his forehead…he stopped crying… "Awww…" was all everyone said…
Imaan was discharged the next day, her parents and Kanwal had come to the hospital and were now at the Khan house…since the name was undecided…they had decided to name the kid once they were all at home…
Imaan and Ayan weren't sure…so Zeenat suggested they google for names…so that's what they did… "I have no idea what my name means…so let's check out our names first", "I know mine means faith…" Imaan said, "Ok, let's see…Zeeshan means 'a high standard' " Zeenat looked at him and said "Suits you…" , "Yes, it does…" he said proudly… "Ayan means God's gift…" she read, "Darling, you're God's gift to me…" Imaan said putting her arm around Ayan, who lovingly kissed her on her forehead… "And ahem…" Zeenat cleared her throat "I am gorgeous…" , "We're not discussing about you here…we're talking about names" Imaan teased… "Yeah, that's what I'm saying Zeenat means gorgeous…" she said, "No doubt about that" Zeeshan said, kissing her on her forehead as well…at which she blushed…God! He loved her for this and so much more…she was 'Zeenat' when she blushed… "Ok, guys back to my kid's name…how does Zaki sound?" , "Hmm…nice, short and cool, I can almost picture him saying 'hey I'm Zaki, baby' " Zeeshan joked… "Zeeshan, my kid won't be a flirt haan" Imaan warned him… "And the meaning is …intelligent…so it's final then, Zaki…" Zeenat said…"Zaki…" they said with a note of finality as Imaan and Ayan went downstairs to name their kid…
Zeenat got up from her chair as well…she was about to walk away, when…"Gorgeous…" he caught her wrist, and held her by her waist whispering… "leaving so soon" , "Zee, please…I've to go…" she said her heart beating fast, as he moved closer… "Too bad, I don't want you to go…" , all she did was close her eyes…she didn't know why but she was feeling so shy of him…he saw her dark eyelashes, her cheeks had a faint blush on them.. "God! I love you for this and so much more…" he finally said the words out loud…as he kissed her lightly on her dimples which had appeared as soon as he said the words...she loved it when he kissed her so... "and I love you for this and so much more..." she whispered back... "I've to go Zee..." , "Nope...not now...you realize this is the first time you" he said enjoying her... "Ahem..." Kanwal said, standing by the door... "everyone's calling you downstairs...but I can make up an excuse...and leave you to whatever it is you were doing" she winked at Zeeshan, "Kanwal..." she gasped, "we weren't doing anything...he he was just holding me because I was about to fall" she lied...blushing slightly...her sister was so...unlike her... "Unhuh...right...and the kiss was because?" Kanwal giggled when her sister said "excuse me..." and went downstairs, God! Kanwal was so shameless...she couldn't believe Zeeshan, why did he have to be so open about everything... "Why is she so shy?" Kanwal asked giggling, "Yeah, considering we're married..." Zeeshan said smiling, running his fingers through his hair...he loved her innocence...he was slightly hoping that Kanwal hadn't interrupted...because he had other things in mind...but he let it pass...
Zeenat's dad said the 'azan' (call to prayer) in the little boys ears, and named him...he was just staring at everyone, with his eyes wide open...staring at all the new faces...the smiling faces...wondering where he was....he missed wherever he was before...so he cried....he opened his eyes hearing some sound, he stared at Zeeshan and his mouth, it was doing something...he was intrigued by what he saw...the mouth was moving...weird...strange...was all he could think....
The crying had stopped... "See, he likes it when I put my tongue out...", "I bet he thinks your stupid" Zeenat giggled..."Zaki...how's my baby doing..." she called him and kissed him, as he lay in Zeeshan's arms...the baby looked at her, with wide eyes...expressionless....but what they didn't know was that he liked Zeenat...
As Zeeshan held Zaki in his arms, with Zeenat sitting near him...her hair...her hands...her body gently brushing his...Zeeshan realized he was loving this...she was busy cooing at the baby, so she didn't realize that Zeeshan was looking lovingly at her...as she was doing the same with Zaki....
Sometimes life gives you unbound happiness....and that's what life gave Imaan...Ayan...and their family...with Zaki...yes there would be sleepless nights...with his cries, his wants....but it was all worth it....when he smiled that faint smile as he mimicked the smiling faces....it was all worth it when he slept silently, innocently at night...it was all worth it...
The December winter quickly faded into the summer of July...while the April spring wasn't felt by anyone in the Khan and Syed house....because everyone was so busy with Zaki....who by now recognized everyone, he specially liked going to Zeenat...he didn't like staying with Zeeshan... "Why does he cry so much?" Zeeshan said one day frustrated at Zaki, he loved holding him...but he would start crying the moment he came into his arms...so the only option he was left with was to hold him when he was asleep... "Here, let me hold him...."Zeenat said sitting on their bed, Zaki instantly flashed his toothless smile... "This kid is a flirt I tell you..."Zeeshan said narrowing his eyes at the baby, "Oh, Zee...don't be jealous...admit it you've lost to me...for once..." she said, "Hmm...it's not the first time" he said, as he nuzzled on her neck...she smiled her dimpled smile...while he kissed her dimples...he always did this...it was an instinct an impulse...yet she blushed each time...as if it was the first time....She had to ignore him for now, because Zaki needed her, he was under their care for the evening... "who wants a big kissy...yes you do...yes you do" she said rubbing her nose on his stomach...while Zaki giggled... "I want one..." Zeeshan said whispering and frowned when she didn't reply, God! she was so busy with Zaki that she didn't even hear him... "who's my baby..." he cooed "Yes, you're my baby" she said chuckling and then holding him up, she kissed him..."Muah, see you got your kishshy..." , he heard her blabbering on.... "I'll go take a shower" he said a hint of anger in his voice...she missed it..."Ok sure...I'll put my baby to sleep...yes you'll sleep baby....oo yes you'll" she said almost talking to Zaki... he sighed....
He stepped out of the washroom...with just a towel wrapped around his waist...he hadn't cared to wipe himself...so he shivered slightly as he felt a breeze of cool air from the aircondition...he walked up to lower the cooling, when he realized she had slept...along with Zaki...he sighed...she had said she would put him to sleep...not herself...this had been going on for days...as it is he didn't get enough time to spend with her, not in the day atleast because of his work...and now specially after Zaki, she and Imaan would stay up till late at night....talking....handling Zaki...yes she did give him time...but the past few months...he had been feeling a little left out...she didn't realize...that was her problem...she didn't realize how much it hurt him, when she ignored him...or when she didn't reply back to him...she simply didn't realize...and she had been doing it a lot lately…he sighed...he knew he was being demanding...but he needed this...he hated it when she didn't give him the attention he demanded...he wanted her love...he needed it...he combed his wet hair...and dropped the comb with a loud clutter...she woke up...with a start... "Zee..?." she said sleepily, "Nothing" he mumbled...he was too angry at her to say anything... "I'll put him in his crib" and with that she left the room...he calmed himself he wouldn't upset her...not today...she came back...and noticed he had still not changed in his night suit...infact he was absently combing his hair again...deep in thought..she wondered if he was mad...his jaw was set tight...his eyes fixed on his hair...she decided to ask him later....right now she had to change...so she went into her dressing room...pulled out her favourite pink night gown, she smiled Zeeshan loved this, infact he had brought it for her....when she was done changing she opened her hair...and decided to call it a night...she went out of the room and noticed that he was now sitting on the bed...shirtless...reading the newspaper...she rolled her eyes, news at night...how boring...she noticed he had changed into black pyjamas...she loved him shirtless...she slipped in beside him....slowly moving closer to him…she placed a hand on his chest, looked up at him lovingly…but all he did was read the damn newspaper…she frowned…and caressed him…but he didn't respond…so she asked him "Zee…." , "Hmm…", "Are you upset?" , "No, why should I be, my life's going great…my wife's spending as much time as she can with me...she loves me…why should I be upset?" he said bitterly…she noted the sarcasm in his tone…hurt she asked him…"Did I do something?" , "Why? Do you think you've done anything wrong…" , "No…I…" she tried to say something, but he cut her off and said "You know what forget it…I'm sure you're really sleepy…" he said bitterly again God! Why was he so bitter at her…what had she done?...he was about to turn of the night lamp, but she stopped him… "Zee?" she questioned him with her teary eyes…she saw hurt in his…but he was adamant he didn't respond to her…"Talk to me Zee…if I've done something to hurt you, talk to me about it, I've heard relationships die with silence…I don't want ours to…" she sniffled…and held him close…he didn't put his arms across her nor did he say anything…he was silent…God! The silence stung…she loved him, too much to curse him….she wanted to cry …but she couldn't let her tears out now…he would just think she was being her usual crying self…she wanted to show him that she was strong…but she couldn't stop herself…so she cried holding him…her arms across him…his heart melted…God! He tried to be stubborn with her, but she just didn't let him…he caressed her bare arms…and as if he had pacified her she stopped crying…and looked up to him…he smiled at her, for a while her innocent tearful eyes questioned his smile…and then she smiled back at him, kissing his heart…in response…he lowered himself kissing her dimples… "Zee did I hurt you? Did I say something to you…" , "It's not important anymore…" , "It is for me…I need to know…" she insisted, "It's just that I need you Zenny…sometimes, you don't understand me…I feel ignored…by…" , "By me? Zee I never ignore you, you know I love you right?" she asked him, "Yes, I know…but" he said turning towards her…pinning her on the bed… "I need time with you…I need you to express this love of yours…I need to love you…" he kissed her…his passion obvious to her… "I need to talk to you…I need my Zenny…" he said smiling at her blushing face… "And…I'm…sorry I made you cry…I promised myself I wouldn't…but...you know me…" he smiled guiltily… "Hmm…you and your anger…you know how much you make me cry…" she said frowning…narrowing her eyes at him… "Yes, love…I know how much I make you cry…but now that I think about it…most of the time you just cry…I don't even have to try…" he said, "Fine! You think I cry all the time, then I won't talk to you" and with that she tried to free her hands from his… "Ok, that's fine, we don't need to talk right now" he winked at her, she blushed…he was so…so…so…charming…was what she settled on…she was looking the way he wanted her to…so beautiful in the silky gown he had bought for her…a few tresses on her blushing face…he had been staring at her, he realized…so she had lowered her eyes…he kissed those eyes…she didn't know why but everytime he came close to her heart beat faster…everytime he kissed….everytime he loved…she felt herself blush just like she had the first time…
Zeenat was glad he had talked to her…she was glad he hadn't slept angry with her…and that's what she wanted…that they would never sleep unhappy with the other…that they would sleep every night as long as they lived, with love in their hearts for the other…sometimes she mused little things such as this…misunderstandings…broke hearts…teared lovers apart…perhaps because people chose silence over letting out their feelings…perhaps silence was the easy way out…
Silence is not peaceful when hearts are in turmoil…silence hurts….silence kills….silence devours the best of affairs…and as Zeenat lay awake that night…long after he had slept…she was happy that he wasn't unhappy with her…for once she was awake, kissing him silently…thanking God, that their first fight had been resolved…she kissed his unshaven face again, and slept cuddling him…her face across his heart…she gradually slept as the rhythm of his heart put her to sleep…
As for the night it was definitely not silent…because their hearts beat in sync…silencing the silence….
CHAPTER 13
She pulled the blanket closer to herself, and turned to cuddle closer to him…he wasn't there…she mumbled in her sleep, cursing him for always waking up earlier than her…God! It was cold…her feet were cold…she cursed the heaters, for not working properly…frustrated she woke up…the room was dark, with the curtains drawn…she walked up and in a brisk move, she moved the curtains away…an instant smile spread her face, as the sunlight hit her face…it was white outside…it had snowed last night… 'just like the night before our marriage' she thought…it was her anniversary…and she just couldn't stop smiling…she turned on the volume of her favourite song…and as the song began…she stepped into the shower…humming the lyrics "why can't I speak, whenever I talk about you…why can't I breathe whenever I think about you" God! She was happy…it had been one year…life was perfect…just like him…and what's more she had the perfect gift for this special day….she blushed imagining his response…how would he react? She spread a hand over her flat stomach…grinning…blushing slightly…and wore a pale pink tunic…and white corduroy pants...lightly clipped her wavy hair…put some kohl under and over her eyelids…and she was ready…
Downstairs she saw Imaan was busy with Zaki, he was crying, "Zeenat, can you please hold him, he's been crying continuously, I'll make breakfast…" , "Nope I'll do that" Zeeshan said.. "I'll make breakfast today…I haven't done that in a while…" he said genuinely… "Ok, but I'll handle Zaki, you can get ready, you're a mess" Zeenat told Imaan, "Thanks guys…" she called out as she went upstairs…Ayan was busy looking at the route to Niagara falls…since it was the weekend they had planned on going out…just the two couples and Zaki…
Zaki was almost one year old now…his birthday was coming up in a few weeks…he had light brown hair…was fair…and he had dark eyes just like Imaan…she knew he would grow up to be a handsome man…she kissed him, while he turned his face giggling at her gesture…God! She loved him…she wondered about her own kid…how her baby would be…but no one could replace Zaki…because he was special…she didn't know why…he just was…he loved to be with her… "Hmm…so Zaki, you like my kisses don't you…well soon enough, I'll have to share my love for you" she whispered into his ear…he looked at her and cooed back… "Aww…but you know Zaki you'll always be my favourite…don't you", all he did was smile back…perhaps understanding her…perhaps simply mimicking her smile…personally she wanted to believe he understood her…she hadn't shared 'the big news' with anyone…because if anyone had the right to know first it was Zeeshan…
She noticed he was making pancakes… "When did you learn to make pancakes?" she asked surprised, "I'm a natural…" he said proudly, "Zeeshan…tell me, I'm sure my sister taught you…" , "No…my bhabhi did" he said chuckling, God! He was so happy today he didn't know why…perhaps because he had planned something special tonight…it was after all his anniversary, he had arranged an email alarm to remind him about it…otherwise he was sure he would forget and he didn't want to miss this and make Zeenat unhappy…personally he didn't care much about anniversaries or birthdays they were just dates…as far as he was concerned…but…he was a perfectionist…so he had reminded himself that he couldn't forget these dates specially when they meant so much to her… "Whatever…Teach me how to make them someday…" , "Why don't I teach you how to make them right now…" , "You've already made the batter, and I have to take care of Zaki…" she said pointing out the obvious…she had just placed a smiling Zaki on his baby chair…buckled it securely…and when she turned she raised her eyebrows at him…he was grinning and walking towards her… "What?" she asked smiling…confused at his grin, "Well you could atleast taste the batter and let me know how it is…" , "Okay…" she said frowning….she was about to put her finger in the bowl, when he caught her finger, "I don't want you wasting any…" , "Well, you asked me to taste it…" she said perplexed… God! She was slow… He suppressed his grin, and said seductively to her "I've tasted some already…" , "Zee! " she gasped, "Did you think I would actually…" she shook her head… "God! You're shameless Zee..." she clicked her tongue disapprovingly… "Well, love…" he held her by her waist and whispered into her ear "It's called romance…" , "Zee, its burning!" she yelled, he left her saying "Oh my God!", while she giggled…because he hadn't put any on the stove yet… "You fell for it!" she said putting her tongue out…she was one of a kind…she spoilt the most romantic of moments…"Whatever…" he shrugged her off…and put some dough on the pan…circulating it perfectly…when she came behind him…held him…and kissed his cheek tenderly… "Happy…you got your kiss" she said… "Well, I was hoping to get one…a little on the right" , "Don't push your luck Mr." she said teasing him…he ignored her for now because he was busy with his pancake…he wanted it perfectly golden brown…under no circumstances could it burn…or get slightly darker… "Uff…you and your pancakes…I'll just spend some time with my love Zaki…" she said trying to drive his attention towards her…but he was adamant…she sighed… "I'll slay your heart…for ignoring me Mr.Zee" she said almost whispering….and was surprised when he answered, "We'll see who slays whose heart…Zenny…" ….she cursed him, suppressing her dimples that had instantly appeared….
"Yumm…the pancakes are excellent…you're even better than Imaan" Ayaan complimented, while Imaan huffed "Fine! Then ask Zeeshan to make them for you next time…I'll just make them for my Zaki…right Zaki" while Zaki simply cooed back… "Aww …muah" Zeenat kissed him…it was almost as if Zaki was observing…understanding everyone…perhaps even amused at their child-like behaviour…whatever it was…he was enjoying the attention he was getting, specially from Imaan and Zeenat, who used him each time to make their ungrateful husbands jealous…
After the breakfast, they quickly left…locking the house…they were already late… "Zeeshan, you can follow my car, but here are the directions, just in case…" Ayan said…placing Zaki in his car-seat
And their cars zoomed off…it would be a long ride…the falls were around an hour away…plus with the traffic on the highway and around Niagara…it would be around an hour and a half…before they reached there…Imaan was sitting at the back with Zaki, she didn't like the long ride, because she was worried he might start crying or get agitated on the way…but right now Zaki was in a very good mood…playing with his rattle…while she and Ayan shared a conversation…about Kanwal and Vasim….then about their life after marriage…how it had changed, how it was the same…and for a while they lingered upon their love life…and finally for the most part they discussed their baby's future, and when he would start talking...and the usual… "We need to get his diapers, soon…and his baby food…" , "Yea, we'll do that tomorrow…Imaan did you ever think we would be talking this…I mean it seems so long ago that we talked about studies, our love…there was this time we were very worried about your parents and if they would accept me, and then we got married…our honeymoon man! That was fun…and now…its funny how our conversations always end up being about Zaki…" he chuckled, "Yeah I know…its like time passed by so quickly…I can still remember the first day you proposed to me…I was practically a kid...and now that I think about it, I wouldn't want Zaki falling in love at that age…paternal instincts…." She giggled…."What are you laughing at?" she asked Zaki, who had suddenly started laughing…she kissed him, he was adorable… "You know his dad demands a kiss too…" she smiled at Ayan and bent forward kissing him… "There, is daddy happy now?" ….It was true, they had never imagined talking about buying diapers, lotions, baby food…but that's what they had been doing for almost a year…without realizing until today…
Meanwhile, Zeenat and Zeeshan were loving their time together…a soft music was playing in the background…
"I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me…I still feel your touch in my dream…forgive me my weakness…but I don't know why without you its hard to survive…cause everytime we touch I get this feeling…and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly…can't you feel my heartbeat fast…I want this to last…need you by my side…"
She smiled enjoying the lyrics…thinking about him…and on an impulse she decided to share her dream with him… "You know Zee…what I dreamt about that day…" , "So, you've finally decided to share it…" , "Yes…seeing as I've shared everything with you…" she said mischievously "I might as well share this with you too…" …he liked it when she did this…threw something so unexpected at him…this was the last thing he expected her to talk about…infact he had even forgotten about that dream…but this was her…he realized once again that he loved her for this and so much more…
"I dreamt that I was amongst a bed of white roses…and you were there standing in the shadows" , "figures…it was your dream so you were standing in roses, all radiant, while I was in the shadows" he said sulking… "Zee! You want to hear it or not…?" , "Ok, love go ahead, I was just kidding" he took her hand and kissed it… "Alright…so where was I, yeah…so then I can't see you properly because well…you're in the dark…" he rolled his eyes… "and then you come up to me…I've closed my eyes, and I was asking for something…" she blushed "a lifetime with you…" God! He loved her, 'a lifetime with him' was that what she wished for…he loved her even more…if that was even possible… "and when I opened my eyes, you had a red rose for me…I take it from you…and go back into the field…" she finished…smiling…the dream made her happy to this day…just as it had the first time…
"You go back into the field?" he questioned… "I mean just like that…I give you a rose, and all you do was just take it…and go…" , "Hmm…yes that's what I did in the dream…in reality…I would perhaps give you a little something before going..." and with that she kissed his palm… "In reality I would never let you go" he answered… "Well, what if I had to…" , "I wouldn't let you…" he repeated again, this time looking into her eyes…she realized once again…how much he loved her…in response all she said was "We'll see"… "I'm serious…" he said to her… "I love you Zee…" he didn't need to reply, he just smiled looking straight ahead…
"…need you by my side…cause everytime we touch I feel the static…and everytime we kiss I reach up the sky…can't you feel my heartbeat slow…I can't let you go…I want you in my life…"
The falls were breathtaking…in their hearts they silently praised God, as they enjoyed the beauty of it all…the cascading clear water…the faint streak of rainbow across the pale blue sky…the noise of the tourists drowning with the falls….they sat in the ferry…enjoying the silent mist and the roaring falls…while the ducks swam ignorant of the wondrous lake they were floating on….the Niagara lake…
As the sun set…the lighting on the falls captured the minds of everyone…amazing everyone as the lights changed colour across the spectrum from blue to red…this human touch added a little spark to the already stunning falls…
Despite the breathtaking view, the Khan family decided it was time to leave…because Imaan's baby had started to cry, he was agitated…with the crowd…and the fireworks…scared him…ofcourse Zeenat was also scared…she would hold Zeeshan's hand each time, shutting her ears, and eyes ocassionally…while Zeeshan asked her to look at them repeatedly, "trust me, Zenny, they're beautiful…oh my god…you should have looked at this one…it was like a bouquet of flowers…" , "Zee, please I want to go…my heart its beating fast…I can't handle the boom…" she shut her ears and eyes again scared… she didn't have to insist more because they were already leaving… Zaki couldn't take it anymore…she thanked Zaki silently…
Once in the car, Zeeshan couldn't stop laughing… "You…are….scared…of…fire works? God! I just can't get over that…" he chuckled… she didn't reply back…because she had nothing to say, it was true she was scared of them…and now he knew that…and she was sure he would rub it in every moment he could...what's more he still hadn't wished her...she sighed, he had forgotten... "great going Mr. Perfect..."she thought...
She banged the car door shut and went upstairs before he could stop her, because he had been laughing at her, the entire way! She removed her top angrily in her dressing room...and changed into her night gown... "Fine, I'm afraid of fireworks...its weird...its funny...I get it...I'm weird...but could you try to atleast hide your amusement" she said bitterly in the silence... "Freakin' Jerk..." she said removing her pants... "Love, I can hear you..." he said from outside...enjoying every bit of this...he loved pissing her off...she looked adorable, when she was angry...he was sure she would melt any second now... Oh! no...she gasped he had heard her calling him a jerk...and that too on their anniversary...God! why did he have to make her angry, she cursed herself instead of him...for calling him a jerk...how was she supposed to act normal now? how would she give her gift...all of a sudden she felt sad...and her lips trembled...her perfect day was ruined...she had planned so much for this day...this moment...she wasn't sure how to face him, and tell him "Happy Anniversary" with a smile on her face, when her mood was ruined...God! she felt like crying....and then she let out a sob...
He wondered what was taking so long...finally she was out of the room...her eyes a little puffy and red...she was sniffling...trying to hold in her runny nose...oh man! she had cried again?! She was such a kid...he didn't ask her why she had been crying...because he knew she didn't want him to know...she walked towards the washroom pulling out her hair band forcefully, letting her hair fall... perhaps showing how angry she was...when he tried to hold her wrist, she just jerked her hand away, and said without looking at him "I've to go pee" ...for some reason even this amused him...but he hid back his chuckle....
She took in a deep breath, and reasoned with herself that he was just kidding...it was a joke...and that she should just forgive and forget...she decided to forget for now...forgiving was a little hard right now seeing as he had laughed at her throughout the ride...she could still hear him guffawing at her...she stepped out of the washroom after freshening up, and took the book she had bought for him...she smiled pleasently at him, he was sitting on the bed fiddling with something...she sat near him and said proudly "Happy Anniversary Zee", absolutely sure that he had forgotten...waiting for him to feel guilty...give her that sheepish smile of his...and make up an excuse "Oh, I'm sorry love, I was so caught up in work, this week's been busy...but I love you..."...but it never came, instead she was taken aback, when he kissed her so suddenly yet gently...taking his time, leaving her a little breathless....and said "And a happy anniversary to you too Love..."
What was more he brought forward a round blue velvet case...she recognized it, he had been playing with it earlier... "This is for you..." he said smiling... she was so taken aback that all she did was stammer a "Th..thanks..."
She opened it...it was a sleek silver bracelet...it was beautiful... "It's gold by the way..." he said, she looked up at him, unsure why he had pointed that out... "I read somewhere that gold's what you gift on the first anniversary..." , "Oh..." was all she said...she wished she had gotten a better gift...her's suddenly felt very cheap...infront of his...she could have come up with something better to convey her message... "It's beautiful..." she said again after admiring it...he placed the bracelet on her hand...it looked elegant against her tan skin...securing the bracelet...he caressed her hands, and looked up to her saying "Well, let's see what you've got me..." , "It's nothing really...just a book I like...", "Broken Wings..." he read the title...interesting.... "Umm..I really like it, I thought you should read it too...it's paper, by the way" she chuckled "Paper also comes under 1st anniversary gifts..." she explained slightly embarassed because he gave her a confused look, and then prodded him to open it... He opened it...and read what she had beautifully written...on the inside of the cover...with the familiar red ink....
To my forever...
Will you love me in December as you do in May,
Will you love me in the good old fashioned way?
When my hair has all turned gray,
Will you kiss me then and say,
That you love me in December as you do in May?
~James J. Walker
Happy 1st Anniversary Zeeshan....Thanks for everything....
Only yours...Zeenat and ....
He looked up at her...his eyes questioning her... "Zeenat and?" he asked his eyebrows raised, a faint smile playing on his handsome unshaven face...in response, she smiled mysteriously...taking his strong hands in her little ones, kissing them softly and placing them on her stomach... "Zenny?? Zenny! Zenny!" his smile grew wider, as realization struck "Oh my God! Is this true...Oh I love you so much...I love you..." he embraced her...kissed her....she had no idea how happy this had made him...she had no idea, how much he wanted to love her right now...he was going to be a father...Zenny would be the mother of his child...oh! he was loving this...his heart swelled with joy, as the reality sunk in....he would be a father!
"I love you..." he said once more looking at her radiant smile...kissing her dimples...she hadn't said a word, just smiled...because he hadn't given her a chance, he had been saying the magical words, embracing her, kissing her...God! she loved seeing him so happy...she sat close to him when he had calmed down, in his embrace, his heart was beating steadily, comforting her...she closed her eyes, thanking God for him...for their baby...for everything...He stroked her soft hair...."Your gift beats mine..." he said after a while, at which she smiled...once again he kissed her dimples...he loved her smile...her smile deepened...God! His gestures...his ways...they made her fall deeper in love with him...if that was even possible...
He loved the way she had shared the news with him...she was one of a kind...she had so calmly...so elegantly...conveyed the message....he realized once again that he loved her for this and so much more... "Zenny...May I love you...." he said after a while caressing her face...she blushed at his formality...and buried her face in his chest, closing her eyes, God! she had been waiting for this...he took it as a 'yes' ....
CHAPTER 14
Zeenat smiled…as she waved Zeeshan off to work…he looked handsome…almost authoritative…in his crisp pale pink shirt…the sleeves carefully buttoned…hair gelled…his face unmade, unshaven, yet there was a finished look about him…she smiled realizing he would make a perfect father…in a few months…just a few more months she sighed…he looked at her from his rearview mirror, she was standing, her arms folded across her chest…a smile on her face, her dark hair waving with the cool wind…her hand unconsciously rubbing her arm, as an unexpected cool wind hit her…he turned a corner, waving his hand at her, he smiled as she waved back…and then pulling her thin coat closer, tighter…as it flapped severely with the wind…she left for a stroll around the park…it was quiet early in the morning, the winds were cool but not chilly…the weather was warmer now as April approached…despite the harshness, the slightly cool winds were inviting…it was the end of March now…just a little over three months were left, she reminded herself, again…as she did almost everyday…the park was empty…she noticed the swings were creaking, with the fierce wind…holding her raging hair with one hand she jogged to that one swing…there was only one swing in the park, fit for older people…all the others were for kids…she had constantly complained about this to Zeeshan…who had no interest whatsoever in this matter…God! He had a park right near his house and he hadn't once gone there… 'But there are swings there! How can you not want to go?' she had asked him, to which he simply replied 'I don't have time to go swing in a park…', she had actually felt stupid, and childish when he had answered in such a cool manner…there were countless times when his casual answers, embarrassed her, but he never felt it, nor did he ever mean it…that was the best part about him… she smirked, deciding that she would bring him here…to this swing…she would make sure he swung with her, it was enough to fit two people…one thing was clear…life was a rush, and swinging together would perhaps be impossible after their kids, life would be different then, much busier…she decided to drag him to the swing if she had to....for a minute she fantasized how it would be sitting on the swing with him…and as a few slightly corrupt thoughts entered her mind, she shook her head telling herself to stop…she realized she was panting slightly because of the little jog, she had become heavier…she sighed looking at her bulge it was quiet prominent now…she had been feeling a bit embarrassed, it just looked weird…so, she had resorted to wearing loose clothes…which made her look even more spread out…but it was all ok, because Zeeshan didn't seem to mind it one bit…if it was even possible…he was more in love with her…she steadily increased her tug on the swing…she noticed the sky was a clear pallid blue…it calmed her, the sky did…she smiled closing her eyes…the light still lingering under her eyelids…she couldn't wait to see her child…the wind silently blowing, scattering her hair…she couldn't wait to see Zeeshan's expression…her heart swelled with happiness…God! The wait was unbearable…she liked swinging because it relaxed her…made her happy…all her nervousness, worries seemed to dissolve away as the wind rushed through her…she was happy with everything in her life…except for one thing…her sister was leaving…Imaan and Ayan had planned on moving to another condominium, closer to Ayan bhai's work…she would miss talking to her sister into the night, holding Zaki whenever she felt like…but change was a part of life…everyone dealt with it…she would to…it was getting late, she could now see children across the streets holding their mum's hand, or each others, chattering away…some were gloomy…some happy…looking forward to their school day…getting up from the swing, she walked towards her house…a smile on her face…tonight she would make him swing with her…
Imaan was busy bathing Zaki, who unlike the usual kids, loved taking a shower… 'Where were you?' Imaan asked concerned, 'Oh just around the block, nothing to worry about' Zeenat assured her, 'I'll feel so lonely in the house, without you around, I mean Zee's usually at work' , 'Pass me the towel…' Imaan said carrying Zaki, with her to her room, Zeenat followed her, 'It's not like I'm going far away, I'll visit, and so will you…' Imaan said putting on Zaki's diapers, 'But, it won't be the same' Zeenat whispered…Imaan knew Zeenat despised change, but change was a part of life…Imaan herself was reluctant to go away, but it would be much more convenient for them to shift their house, sometimes in life, you need to prioritize…and it wasn't like she wouldn't meet Zeenat or Zeeshan…it was just an hour's drive…her sister was being her usual gloomy self, she was always like this…Zeenat was very attached to her. 'Hey, you won't be alone, in a few months you'll be so busy that you'll forget about me or Zaki' Imaan said, grinning. 'No one can make me forget my Zaki' Zeenat said, pulling Zaki's cheeks at which he laughed heartily… 'Only time will tell' Imaan said, with an amused expression…
When Zeeshan returned weary from work that night, he realized Zeenat had something on her mind…she had been waiting silently for him to finish his dinner…and then asked him when he would be done, slightly impatient…she kept glancing at the watch… 'Why? Is there something you need to tell me?' he asked, 'No, nothing…just asking' was all she said, she kept glancing at him and the clock, when he was talking with Ayan bhai about the moving, and did the same when he took Zaki in his arms…Zaki was quiet friendly with him now…now that Zaki had grown older, he, Zeeshan, was sure that Zaki would prefer him over Zeenat…which made him happy…triumphant, he had always been competing with Zeenat over Zaki…Zeenat still disagreed, and to show that she was still Zaki's beloved, she came over and said 'Zaki…Zaki baby' in a hushed and sing-song way, which seemed very seductive…atleast to Zeeshan, and almost instantly Zaki put his hands up, indicating he wanted to be held by Zeenat…she took hold of him, and raised her eyebrows at him…showing that there was no point fighting a lost battle…Zaki was hers no matter how hard he tried…he just smiled at her…she was now kissing Zaki's fisted hands, at which he said something in gibberish…probably meaning I love you in his baby language…he smirked…she had her ways…he wondered what she wanted to do…she had been so impatient, since he had returned from work…when she was completely engrossed in Zaki, he decided to retire to their room…
He was unbuttoning his shirt when she entered the room…he was slightly surprised, because he had expected her to stay awhile downstairs…she sat on the bed, still looking at him through the mirror, he smirked…she really wanted him to ask again, if she had something on her mind…so he did, smiling he asked her 'Zenny, is there something you would like to ask me?' , 'Well, yea…' she bit her lower lip, her dimples evident… 'So, tell me! why the hesitation?' , 'Umm…ok...I was wondering…' she paused…he looked at her raising his eyebrows, expecting her to talk faster, 'I was wondering if-you-could-come-swing-with-me-in-the-park?' she had said the last part so fast that it took him a while to register what she had said…he grinned at her 'You want to go the park…?' , 'Yes, I want you to come with me…but if you don't want to then I can go alone myself, thank you' she said and turned towards the door…walking out without letting him answer…God! She wanted him to go the park at this time?!…he was so tired, and sleepy…but it was a Friday night, he would have plenty of time to sleep-in tomorrow…yet the idea of swinging at night didn't seem inviting…she was being her usual childish self…he knew he had to go after her, not because she was angry at him…he wondered why she had been ticked off so easily…he hadn't said he didn't want to go, or teased her…heck! He hadn't even completed his sentence…it was perhaps one of those mood swings he had heard pregnant women have…he sighed…he had to go after her, because he couldn't let her alone at this time of the night…buttoning up his shirt he made his way downstairs…she was waiting for him…
He smiled realizing she wasn't stubborn after all…but she did her best to show she was angry at him, by walking ahead of him…he didn't try catching up to her, because he was much more stubborn than her…he knew she would slow down for him…and that's exactly what she did when she neared the swing… 'Nice night isn't it?' he asked her ignoring their little rift… 'Yea' she said smiling back…he sat on the swing and said to her 'Happy…' , she grinned and nodded…pulling her into his lap, he whispered, 'So, how long have you been planning this?' , 'Since this morning…I figured life is short…you know, and I wouldn't want you to miss out on things…' , 'You mean miss sitting on the swing?' he chuckled, 'Whatever, Zee…I know you don't like coming to the park, but, you're becoming a dad and you'll have to bring your kids here, so you better start practicing…' she said annoyed. He knew well enough, that she had brought him here, because she wanted him to enjoy things she liked…she had gifted him with her favorite book 'Broken Wings' he had read it, even though he didn't like reading much…but he liked her choice…the book was heart-touching; she had asked him to watch Shrek with her, which he had watched despite the fact that he hated Shrek, the one who she had given precedence over him; and now she wanted him to swing with her…she was one of a kind…it was as if she wanted to share everything about herself with him…make him a part of everything she loved…when he didn't speak for a while she felt he maybe angry with her so she turned her face to him…, she said 'Zee, actually I wanted you to swing with me…' , he pulled her closer, she realized he wasn't angry… 'Love, I figured that much…' he said caressing her face…her dark hair were falling over her face, every now and then she would close her eyes as the strong wind hit her…she wasn't really smiling, but her dimples remained…he held her closer, inhaling her sweet fragrance…while she looked at the sky…a smile appearing every now and then…as she thought of something…he wondered what she was thinking…
The sky it was so dark…infinite…the color so rich…she thought…even without the stars or the moon, it looked magnificent by itself…it was God's creation…a beauty to behold…and she was here finally sitting on a swing, under the night sky, with the one she loved…a life growing inside her...she felt content…and as if to complete the picture, she felt his soft kisses on her neck…and then on her dimples because she had smiled, then her closed eyelids because she had shut her eyes…and then before he could go any further, she said 'I think we should go…' , he was a bit taken aback…because he was actually enjoying this…he was stubborn, he wanted to sit here…and do what he wanted to do…so he said, 'Nope, I don't think so…' , 'Zee, please what if someone sees', 'I doubt anyone would be around at this time of the night…', she didn't reply, but her frown made him realize she was uncomfortable…so he said 'It's getting late, we should head home' , 'Thanks' she said looking at him…when he looked at her he smiled back…it was amazing how her eyes conveyed her feelings…her love…her appreciation of him…
He led her home, holding her close…she smiled realizing…she loved him for this and so much more…
April soon vanished into May, with Imaan and Ayan's packing and moving…they were busy all over the weekend…and for the rest of the week, whenever Zeeshan had the time or the energy, they would visit Imaan and Ayan, to help them unpack, or more importantly to take care of Zaki.
'I just love this, its amazing Ayan bhai' Zeenat said admiring their cosy condominium, no doubt it was much smaller than her house, it was still spacious, and fit for a family of three, with two bedrooms, a kitchen and a living room. 'Thanks, it's my choice' Ayan said, eyeing Imaan waiting for her to snap back, 'No, it not! It's both of our choice, although I was the one who decided on this apartment' Imaan retorted, while Zeenat, Zeeshan and Ayan chuckled. 'The view is great' Zeeshan said slipping outside into the balcony, the wind silently blowing his brown hair… 'Yeah, it's so peaceful' Zeenat said standing beside him, her arms gently brushing his…her hands caressing the smooth railing…they could see the highway from this balcony…everything was silent except for the whispering cars…zooming on the highway…
Close to dinner time, Imaan asked what to order, because she hadn't prepared anything, what with unpacking and organizing the closet, she hadn't had the time. 'Pizza!' was what both Ayan and Zeeshan said instantaneously, Zeenat chuckled, Imaan grimaced, 'Not pizza again, we had that last week' Imaan said. 'Well, I didn't bhabhi, so we're ordering pizza' Zeeshan said with a tone of finality. Zeeshan and Ayan were so used to eating pizza and ordering it, specially, after their parent's demise, that they despised any other take-out food. While they waited for the delivery, Zeeshan and Ayan made their way towards the local mosque, for the night prayer. 'So, are you guys decided on the name?' Imaan asked, 'Yeah, you know how Zeeshan is, 'everything has to be on time, perfect' so he asked me to research names' Zeenat said, holding a mug of warm milk, she sipped in, while Imaan waited for her to continue. 'So I said to him that you're just asking me, because you don't have the time, you're being lazy…just for jokes' she chuckled, 'Guess what, he's like I've already decided on the girl's name, but I thought you should have the right to do that and all' Zeenat paused, shaking her head smiling, 'Zeenat, you hurt his heart, by saying that' Imaan pouted joking… 'Yeah you bet I did, he was mad at me for calling him lazy, he told me he has decided the girl's name to be Zaara, and that I should decide the boy's name…if it's a boy, I wasn't going to bother, because I've a feeling it's a girl, but he insisted…I chose Zahir, Zee likes it' she said with a coy smile, 'Hmm…nice…' Imaan paused to grin… 'You guys are so organized, I remember our time, we had no time to choose names…totally unprepared… I wonder why…' Imaan said, sitting down, because Zaki was getting heavier by the day, she couldn't carry him around for long. 'You're lazy that's all' Zeenat said in a matter-of-fact way, 'Hey!!' Imaan threatened with her index finger, chuckling… 'So, what do they mean?' , 'Well, Zaara means a beautiful flower' Zeenat paused letting Imaan appreciate it, 'Wow! Zeeshan's a pro, when it comes to choosing names' , 'Yeah, yeah…whatever…wait till you hear mine…Zahir means bright…shining…' she said proudly, 'Yeah, but I still like Zaara better' , Zeenat merely grunted at her sister, who always appreciated Zeeshan…personally it made her happy…
When the guys returned, Imaan was the first to point out that she loved Zeeshan's choice of 'Zaara' , while Ayan said he liked 'Zahir' better, 'You're just trying to make Zeenat feel better…here hold him' Imaan said giving Zaki to Ayan, because he had been crying for his daddy…Zeeshan said 'Here here' to Imaan, holding his glass of water, cheering her for what she had said, 'Hey! I like the name it means brightness…flowers are too girly for my taste' he said smugly, Zeeshan's face fell, while Zeenat chuckled saying 'Yay! Ayan bhai you're the best' and she teased Zeeshan by putting her tongue out…he instantly smiled at her…in the midst of all the chuckles, they heard 'boo boo' and they looked amazed at Zaki, who was holding his hands out for Zeenat…she said 'See he likes my choice better', 'Oh please Zenny! He just wants you to hold him' Zeeshan argued…whether Zaki really liked the name or not was to remain a mystery…
An hour later they had all eaten the double cheese and pepperoni pizza, except for Zaki ofcourse who ate his baby food, but not after protesting that he wanted that circular thing, which he called 'goo goo' but all his mom did was force the baby food into his mouth, he had no choice but to silently eat the murky orange jelly-like substance. 'Stay for a while, its only 9:00' Imaan insisted while she took a sleeping Zaki from Zeeshan, 'No bhabhi, Zeenat has her appointment tomorrow, around 9:30, so we have to get going' he said, 'Di, hope the results are ok, and everything is normal!' Zeenat whispered anxiously, to her sister as she stepped out, 'It'll InshaAllah (God Willing)' Imaan replied with an assuring smile…
The building didn't have adequate parking facilities for visitors, so they had parked their car across the building. It was a five minute walk to their car.
Zeenat noticed that there were rows and rows of condominium buildings each with their own little garden separating them from the others… 'The areas really safe and nice, even at night' she said voicing out her thoughts, 'Yeah, and they have everything at their convenience, the grocery store is just around the block, theirs a library, Parkway Mall is on a ten minute walk', 'Yeah, and the elementary school's close by too, so Di won't have pick up and drop off problems' Zeenat said, 'In case you haven't noticed Zaki comes to me so readily, he actually slept in my lap today' Zeeshan said, as if it was an achievement. Zeenat giggled replying 'I think he came to you because I was in the kitchen' , 'Whatever Zenny, you're so adamant in thinking he loves you aren't you' he said with a sly smile. She took his hand in his almost instinctively, as they were about to walk around the crossing, Zeeshan pressed the pedestrian crosswalk button, and the yellow lights flashed immediately. 'I don't think he loves me, I know he loves me' Zeenat said chuckling at him, he had that casual smile on his face, he was looking at her and then away from her…and for a second his eyebrows creased and he shouted 'Zenny!', pulling her towards him as he backed away, she staggered out of the crossing, as a car zoomed across the crossing, ignoring the flashing lights, she would have fallen except that Zeeshan had held on to her, it had happened so quickly that she wasn't sure what exactly had happened, yet her heart was thudding dangerously… 'What the hell Zeenat! You weren't looking, look straight freakin' ahead, look for cars…it's elementary!' he shouted at her as he rapidly crossed with her in his hand…walking behind him…she was still in shock…and he was shouting, and calling her Zeenat…with so much anger…he wouldn't look at her…he shut the car door with a bang, she jerked slightly at this…and he sped off, oblivious to the tears that were brimming in her eyes…
'Look straight while you're walking, will you!' he said again frustrated that she hadn't spoken a word to him…he didn't look at her because he was mad, mad at her for being so careless, for making him feel so vulnerable, so scared…his heart was hammering…she could see he was mad…but why at her? Wasn't it the driver's fault…the lights of the crosswalk were flashing weren't they? And they were talking, how could she possibly know that some weirdo would come speeding on, without looking? That's what was wrong with Zeeshan he always had an excuse to get angry at her…God! She was mad at him…he hadn't looked at her, hadn't realized that her heart was still beating violently…that she had a near death experience…that she wanted to hold him…and instead of calming her, he was shouting at her…
He saw her silently leave the car, shutting the door gently, unlike him she didn't bang doors…and walking towards the house, her hands across her chest, occasionally wiping her nose, with the long sleeves of her grey tunic…it was a maternity tunic…elegantly embroidered with black lace and a beadwork, a casual wear fit for a party…he noticed this because she was now standing under the light of their house, the only bright light except for the dim ones lighting the street…waiting for him…he knew she had been crying, but he was right in scolding her, because she needed a few road crossing lessons…he went up to the door, looked at her puffy red eyes…her tear-stained face…but she refused to look back, adamantly waiting for him to open the door…when he did, she went directly upstairs, by the time he came she was untying her hair, and he could see she had just stopped crying the moment he entered…because her lips were still trembling every now and then… 'Zenny' he called out gently…she didn't respond… 'Zenny…' she walked straight into the washroom…he sighed, and waited for her, when she emerged, he held her by her arms…in his embrace, kissing her forehead… 'Zenny, I'm sorry it wasn't your fault, but…' he knew his anger at her was unjust, yet he said 'you should look ahead while crossing, you never know when a car might come unexpected' God! He felt like killing the driver…punching him atleast… 'I was with you…' she whispered…she hadn't said the crossing lights were flashing, she had said she was with him…she trusted him…as long as her hand was in his, she felt safe…God! He had been a jerk…and as she said this, she cried taking in short breaths…waiting for him to hold her, and that's exactly what he did…took her in his embrace, all his anger at the driver melted…and he cursed himself for making her cry…making her believe it was her fault…shouting at her, she put her arms across his neck, tip toeing slightly, and he across her waist…gently caressing her back…stroking her hair…kissing her….her breath was still short, because she had been crying…and his hold made her cry even more…she realized she was wrong, he wasn't mad at her…he was scared just as she had been, scared for her…scared to lose her…scared of death…but he had his ways of hiding his fear, 'Zenny, I love you…and I can't lose you' he said finally…she didn't say anything just closed her eyes…smiling…in his embrace…he always knew death was imminent, but it was perhaps this near-death experience that made him realize how important life was…how important time was…how important she was to him…
He kissed her gently, yet passionately…perhaps explaining how much she meant to him…and she understood it, because his touch, his kiss was gentle tonight like always…she understood, because his kisses were more often on her forehead and dimples, as she smiled at his touch…than on her lips...he loved her, and she felt it in his tight embrace…holding her as if his life…his heart depended on her…
He lay awake long after he had loved her, with her sleeping peacefully in his arms, breathing rhythmically, a serene smile playing on her perfect lips…oblivious to the turmoil that she had caused in his heart…and for the first time in that night a lone tear escaped his eye…making its way on Zeenat's hair…he held her closer kissing her hair…thanking God for saving her and their child, accidents were common, but he knew in his heart that if he hadn't swerved Zeenat out of the way, she wouldn't be alive, sleeping beside him today…the car's speed had been ridiculously high…he felt anger boil in him, at the driver…he had felt so vulnerable…helpless tonight…as a human…he thanked God again that he had been alert enough to see the car coming…What if he hadn't seen the car? The question kept revolving dangerously in his mind…he shut his eyes, trying to shut out the thoughts…it was all destiny…he knew the time of death was written when a child is in his mother's womb…and once again he dreaded death…dreaded loosing Zeenat…he could only wish that she would always be by his side…with her smile, her dimpled smile…her innocent eyes that always seeked his happiness…her hands holding his…his arms embracing her…and for a change he lowered himself in her arms, she stirred slightly in her sleep…and rested his head on her chest...as her rhythmic breath…her heart beat, allowed him to put aside all thoughts of death…the future…and brought him back to the present, the reality of his life…she was indeed by his side…holding her closer still by her waist, while she absently stroked his hair…Zeeshan Khan slept blissfully that night…
CHAPTER 15
She moaned in her sleep…and turned, stretching her arms on the empty space beside her...for a while she groped around for him, with her eyes shut…and when she couldn't find him, she finally opened her eyes…to see him slumped across the chair, beside Zaara's crib, with his arm on the frame of the crib, and his head resting on it…she could see he was tired. She felt a sudden urge to kiss him…because he looked so adorable, almost innocent, his head occasionally lolling forward…he hadn't shaven for the last two days, because they had both been busy…she smiled remembering how quickly he had come to the hospital, when her mother had informed him about the delivery…he had come so flustered, and nervous…she would have laughed seeing him so, but for the fact that she was in pain, she resisted the urge…he had stayed by her side…throughout…holding her hand, his voice soothing her, she could still hear the desperation in his voice…desperation because he felt hopeless, not being able to ease her pain…he had kept repeating her name 'Zenny…Zenny…', perhaps to calm himself…
And then she was born…her flower…her Zaara…'our Zaara' he had corrected her…she remembered how the nurse, had congratulated her saying, 'It's a girl', wiped her and placed her in her arms…and at that moment, she had looked up at Zeeshan, her eyes glistening with tears, tears of joy, forgetting the excruciating pain that was killing her limbs…her body…forgetting everything…she had laughed heartily, saying 'Zee! our baby girl!…our Zaara'. And as Zaara cried in her lap…and as Zeeshan tried to calm Zaara…she had been lost in her thoughts…away from them…realizing the truth, that all the pain in the world was worth this moment…this moment when she could finally hold the life that had grown with Zeeshan's love…
She awoke from her thoughts when she felt Zeeshan's lips brush over hers…gently…she realized she had slept again…she was dead tired…her stitches were aching, they would take time to heal… 'Did you sleep well?' , 'Yea…yea I did' she said in almost a whisper, because she felt her energy drain out with each word… 'I'll get you breakfast' he said getting up, patting her cheeks, as she smiled at his consideration…she realized for the first time in the past days, that Zeeshan was just as tired as she was…his eyes were slightly red…because he hadn't slept well too…Zaara had been crying continuously at night…they took turns holding her…and even though Zeenat held her more often, Zeeshan would stay awake beside her…she was glad, he did…because she needed him…
He returned with a cup of coffee, and cheese croissants from Timmy's, which he had bought earlier in the morning. He laid the tray on the side table…and whispered 'Zenny, breakfast's here', she yawned…stretching a little, she said 'You're the best Zee', and to his surprise and slight disappointment, kissed him passionately…on his cheek. All he did was say 'Uh, thanks, what was that for?' , 'cause…' she said shrugging…and left it at that…munching on the croissant. After a while she looked at Zaara breathing rhythmically…she looked like an angel…'I'm so glad she's finally asleep' , 'Yeah…I hope she sleeps tonight, I don't think I can handle the crying anymore' he said seriously. She chuckled… 'What?' he asked, 'Well, that's how babies are, they cry and they cry and they cry…atleast for a few months, like Zaki was…' she said. He frowned, but when he looked at Zaara, with her face buried under her tightly fisted hands, her small body curled up in the foetal position she was so accustomed to…he smiled knowing that he wouldn't mind it at all…it was just a matter of time before they got used to the sleepless nights…infact in a few weeks time, it seemed like Zaara had always been a part of their life…
'Zee…wake up! It's time for Suhur, wake up…uff!!' she huffed and screamed 'Zeeshan I'll kill you if you don't wake up, I've not prepared kheer for nothing!' as she left…he immediately woke up startled at the way she had shouted…knowing that she was really mad now, because she had never shouted so loudly at him ever…he chuckled silently as he went to the washroom…hoping this was transient…
It was almost the end of Ramadan…the last day, perhaps depending on the moon…Eid was around the corner…and she was tired…tired because she had been waking him up early in the morning for 'suhur' ...breakfast before the fast began…every single day…he never once woke up himself…she went upstairs around two to three times, and woke him…before he finally woke up…and today was the last straw she had gone five times and he had still not budged…she couldn't take it anymore because she hadn't slept at night…Zaara had had a high fever, so she had been crying…she had let Zeeshan sleep, because he had work the next day…she had been considerate, yet he, being his inconsiderate self had once again given her a hard time awaking him, he just didn't understand…didn't understand that she had woken up early to make his favourite kheer, despite the sleepless night…and that's when she decided it was time to scream at him…and that's what she had done…let out the anger, that she had suppressed in her for so long…
She saw him coming downstairs, with a sheepish smile on his face…she felt herself flush a little because she realized she had never shouted at him…yet she made sure he knew she was angry, by keeping a stern face…needless to say he was amused by her behaviour… 'Mmm tasty kheer', 'thanks' she said without looking at him and continued washing the dishes… When he was done, he placed the dish in the sink…washed his hands, to her annoyance, because he had interrupted her in washing the dishes. He closed the tap and kept his hand there, so she couldn't open it…she looked up at him with anger written all over her face… 'What?'…she asked ready to burst out at anything he said. He knew this…so he didn't speak for a while…he just took her hands off the dishes…caressed her face…and holding it in her hands, kissed her… and as he did, and as she kissed him back…he realized her frustration…realized he had not been fair to her…she had to care for Zaara, yet she had made sure that she made the 'kheer' he had asked her to make…they were partners…it was not her 'duty' to cook for him every morning…it was her choice…and the least he could do, was wake up…and he understood that…and ended the kiss, only when he felt she wanted to… 'I'm sorry…I'll try not to repeat this again' he said smiling at her…all she did was smile back at him…blushing slightly… because it had been long since he had kissed her so…all her anger had melted…she lowered her eyes, unable to face him after she had shouted at him…he knew exactly how to treat her…but it wasn't just that, she knew he understood her, even before he apologized…she knew it from the way he kissed her…he tilted his face a little to look into her eyes, and when she looked up at him, he chuckled and said 'Promise me you will never shout at me again…' she nodded her head… 'That's my girl…' he said…at which she finally said mischievously… 'But you were scared of me…weren't you…' , 'Trust me you're the last person who could scare me…it takes a lot to scare me Zenny…' he said smiling walking upstairs…when she giggled and casually chipped in 'If that's the case then I'll make sure I scare you Zee...if that's the last thing I do…' , 'Whatever Zenny…' he said…brushing her off...neither cared about what they had said…because they both knew it was one of those silly conversations they shared, it didn't mean anything…yet in life everything means something…they had yet to learn that lesson….
The day was a breeze…and as night approached the Khan house was bustling with phone calls…everyone simply said 'Eid Mubarak…' the new moon had been sighted…tomorrow was Eid….
Zeeshan was busy holding Zaara in his arms, rocking her gently, she had her mother's eyes…dark and twinkling, her large pupils staring back at him, blinking every now and then…she was in no mood to sleep, perhaps the excitement of Eid was getting to her, he thought smiling inwardly…her skin was his colour, fairer than Zeenat…he was sure her hair were his shade, because he remembered them to be light, when she was born…yet now she was bald, her scalp rough from the newly protruding hair…he hated her bald head, but he remembered how Zeenat had insisted 'Zee! Your daughter will become bald by the age of 20, if you don't let me shave her hair off, and then she would curse you for that…' , 'But, I don't understand why its so important to shave her hair, we've done it once already!' he said authoritatively, he had been feeling that he had no say in these matters, Zeenat was bossy went it came to Zaara …he wondered if her daughter would infact curse Zeenat for keeping her bald as a child… 'The more times we do it the stronger her hair…that's what mummy says and that's what I'll do…' she had said with a note of finality…and that was that…he'd not argued anymore…it was pointless…yet he couldn't resist to add 'Well, it didn't do you any good…perhaps Mummy didn't bother shaving your head…' he said chuckling at her narrowing eyes…and then just like old times…a time he still remembered before they were engaged…she ran after him with pillows hitting him…repeatedly asking him to apologize for his remark…while he chuckled trying to hold her swift…yet tiny hands…
When he came out of his thoughts, Zaara had slept…he figured she was probably bored of the grin on his face…he kissed her lightly on her cheeks, and placed her in the crib, deciding it was time to check up on Zenny…to make sure she hadn't burnt anything yet…
As he made his way downstairs, he noticed she had still not started cooking the 'Sheer Korma' a sweet porridge traditionally made on Eid… 'Oh, you're here…I was just about to start cooking' she said sheepishly…hoping he didn't notice that she had conveniently waited for him…she didn't want any blunders, for the Eid party tomorrow…and she was sure that as long as he was around, and hopefully did most of the cooking, nothing could go wrong…thankfully he offered to help…he didn't seem to notice or ask why she hadn't started cooking until this late...perhaps he didn't care…atleast it seemed that way…
She stood in awe, as he quickly took charge of the cooking, putting in the sugar and spices every so carelessly, confident that the result would be delicious…and it was…it always was…with Zeeshan Khan…
Tomorrow, she had invited her parents, Imaan's family and Vasim's family over to her house for the entire day…it would be fun…getting together, with all of them…the last time they were all here, was probably a year back, during Eid at her parent's place…
She glanced at him, his eyebrows narrowed, as he tasted the hot porridge, and added in some thing randomly…she decided she was lucky to have a husband like him…he cooked for her, he did that whenever he felt she needed it…and the best part was she never had to ask him…he just knew her too well…she fiddled around with the dishes…trying to make herself useful, without interrupting him, he hated interruptions while cooking…or anything for that matter…she smirked as a few impure things crossed her mind…
He noticed her bustling about…and smirked, she didn't want him to take all the credit for cooking…she was here, because tomorrow she could atleast say that she had cooked, without feeling guilty…he knew what was going on in her mind, and why she hadn't started cooking, it was obvious she wanted him to cook. He noticed she had been starting at her for a while, making him uncomfortable…he wasn't blushing…no that wasn't possible he never blushed…he was just uncomfortable he decided…he finally looked up to her and smirked at her, shaking his head, as she sat on the breakfast tool, dangling her legs, her finger in her mouth…more like her nail…chewing on it…as she grinned foolishly at him…almost like a teenager in love… 'What?' she chirped… 'What are you doing…or should I say thinking?' he demanded, 'Nothing' she said blushing…it was almost as if she had given her thoughts away to him…because he had given a final swirl to the porridge, and turned the stove off…and was now making his way towards her…panicking a little she repeated again 'I said nothing…' , she wasn't sure why she was panicking perhaps it was because she was unsure about what he would do…it was almost exciting and scary…scary in a good way…
He noticed her panicky voice and grinned even more…it was still hard to believe that after over two years of marriage, she was still intimidated by his approach…in a pleasant way ofcourse…she was still shy…atleast when he came up to her unexpectedly…she still had the same uncertain look about her, trying to figure what he was up to…that obvious blush…and then when he had finally reached her…she repeated again… 'I wasn't thinking anything' she said trying to sound earnest…He just smiled at her, and lowered himself to her ears…whispering 'Love, you're too predictable…'
God! His voice…it was sensual and he didn't even try…how a mere voice of his managed to excite her feelings was beyond her…all she knew was that she was blushing hard now…and then in a swift move he had her in his arms…at which she shot him a questioning glance followed by 'What are you upto Mr. Zee? I demand you ask my permission, before assisting me' , 'Zenny….' He said after a while, as he strode across the hall and onto the steps with her in his arms, 'Hmm…' she replied softly as she buried her face in him…his scent seeping in her… 'Shut up…' he said as a matter of fact…and she obeyed…as he carried her upstairs, because by that time neither was in the mood to talk...
While the faint sliver of the new moon peeked on the earth below…twinkling alone in the starless night sky…sighing at his own loneliness…wishing…wishing for the companionship of the stars…as Zeenat and Zeeshan decided it was time to enjoy Eid…
😳a.i.c
Edited by a.i.c - 17 years ago
