Day 64! - Mandini...
No it's no spelling mistake. It's no accident that a 'M' so rightfully stands in front of the rest of the name we're so sure of. It's who she's in fact evolved to become. It's who he's been urging her to see herself as. It's the new identity of hers which is slowly unveiling. For his love has made her Manik's NandinI. Hence...Mandini...
Her importance in his life is such...that no words can ever express it. The need of her in his life is such...that the list can flow on forever. His love for her is such...that she said it herself to him today "tum kuch bhi kar sakte ho...you can do anything". Her value in his life...it's inexpressible. Priceless. Unmatchable. She knows it. Navya understands it. They all are aware of it. Especially Cabir. "Tell us about it. Ke...workshop ke wajeh se hum yahaan hai...yaan hamari wajeh se yeh workshop"...
But today. Today was her day to progress. Her day to learn. Her day to express. Her day to feel. To feel the emotions evoked by him. To recognise the pain her heart bears when he bleeds. To explore the colours of love he has drenched her in. To discover a part of her which she's been failing to recollect. To smile, chirp, breathe, rise as the Nandini she's missed...as the Nandini he's missed...Manik's Nandini...
"Waise tum...zyaada der pretend nahi kar paaogi yeh...angry mode"
It's not easy Manik...to pretend, to refrain, to conceal. To walk away. The difficulty is unimaginable. My desperation to return...it's overpowering. Yet I'm doing it for us Manik. I need to do it for you. How can I drag you in the same darkness I pulled you out of? How can I let you walk side by side with me, when I'm myself not sure of where this road will lead my life? How do I give you the permission to help me find myself, when I myself don't know where to begin the search? How can I let you become my healer, when I'm becoming the reason of your own suffering?
I beg, plea, request. Yet you don't seem to want to listen to me. My stubborn nature has seemed to worn off onto you. But you. Your every word affects me as if my ears are only there to listen to each audible syllable mumbled by you. "Manik...you...you've made me so-so angry!" Your every action awakes strangely beautiful emotions inside me which eventually drown me in their various colours. You're driving me mad. Hysterically crazy. Yet Manik, I know you're doing it for me. You can't bear to see sorrow gleaming in my eyes. You rather I throw a frustrated tantrum than weep a priceless tear. You rather I squabble with you over irrational arguments than silently curse myself for my blunders. You rather I speak, yell, scream than hibernate into a shell-shocked state.
They say the fruits of patience are sugar-sweet. They say hard-work always pays off. Your patience is healing me Manik. Your hard-work is reviving what may have been lost. Your love...it's making me fall in love again...with you. Your stubborn acts are igniting my self-confidence to return. Your harmless teasing is adding volume to my voice. Your continuous following is assisting me to map out my own steps. This new me, it's not me though...it's you. These feelings...they're not mine...they're yours. This voice...you've gifted it back to me. These emotions...I thought I had lost them, but you found them again. "Book ulti hai ya seedhi hai yeh pata nahi toh padh kya rahi ho?" My thoughts...they encircle memories only of you. Because...
...Because she's not Nandini anymore...She's Manik's Nandini...Mandini...
His presence affects her, yet his absence bothers her more. His smile soothes her, but his painful wince troubles her more. His excitement she can quite easily notice, yet his agony is the most disturbing part. His love is her strength, her laughter, her life...but when he showers it so unconditionally, it's actually then when sighs are breathed by her in utter disbelief and with an emotional heart.
She realised of the true nature of their love before he did, but her journey has just begun. She had whispered her "hamesha" before he voiced his own, yet she is yet still to realise of the lifelong nature of this "hamesha".
"Aiyappa...this boy na"...
He's the boy who's driving her mad in his love. He's the boy who's promised make her smile again. He's the boy who's vowed to make her trust her heart again. He's the boy whose love is reuniting her with the Nandini that lives inside him...Manik's Nandini...Mandini...
"Tsss...oh god"
Sorry...sorry...M-manik...I'm sorry. A bleeding wound. Shooting pain. I didn't mean to...I actually wasn't angry...I didn't think all this...I give up...
He had told her she'll need him. He had told her that her drama of being angry would eventually be a flop. So she gives up on her fight.
She can sacrifice herself for him today. She can let go of herself for him today. He had once confessed he could die for her...today she's ready to say... "Main jaan ye vaar doon"...
She bows her head head in defeat today. She's ready to gift him every victorious win. Today, tomorrow, hamesha. She will happily lose every fight, every argument, every dispute. She's ready for "Har jeet bhi haar doon". Because she's already attained her life's biggest victory...him...
This pain...she wishes it had pricked her. She wishes her blood had bled. She wishes his pain, every inch of it, every pinch of...she wish she could embrace it all. Heal it all. Cease it all. She can sacrifice herself for him today. She's ready to pay any price in return of his smile. She's ready to face every test for him. For the sake of his love...for the sake of her love. He had expressed a wish to her some hours ago..."Ho sake toh...thoda pyaar jata de"...Today she vows that whatever may come her way, whatever fate demands in return from her..."Keemat ho koi tujhe...beinteha pyaar doon"...
Her fight against herself. Her struggle with her heart. Her false pretence towards him, she calls it a shut case. She was battling with herself to maintain a distance. She was battling with herself to walk steps away rather than steps towards him. She was battling with herself to build a barrier between them for his sake. But today "Saari hadein maine meri, ab maine tod di". She smeared away every line which inched them apart. She crossed every wall which refrained her from touching him. She leaped every distance which she disallowed her to heal him.
He's here, yet everywhere. He's in front of her eyes, yet breathing inside her too. Her home is in his arms, yet he's made a home for himself in her core senses. He's gifted her his presence for life, yet "Dekar mujhe pata...awaari ban gaye"
Her need...him. Her want...him. Her obsession...him. Her love...him. Her pain...him. Her calm...him. Her frustration...him. Her insanity...him. Her madness...him. Her cure...him. Her warmth...him. Her breath...him. Her life...him.
He had once cried that her smile is the reason for his smile...today she confesses...
"Haan hasi ban gaye"...
He's cried in her tears...today she professes...
"Haan nami ban gaye"...
He has made her his shining star...today she expresses that she shines because...
"Tum mere aasmaan...mere zameen ban gaye"...
She's alive, because he's breathing. She's surviving because he's smiling. She's Nandini...because he's Manik.
He's Nandini's Manik because she's Manik's Nandini...Mandini...
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Oh oh I forgot to mention! He's superman too! And Cabira's Batman! š You've got to love an episode like this which is packed with impressive dialogues, Cabir's dose of hilarious sarcasm, perfectly balance emotions of MaNan's ishq waala love and their drama waala love, two enemies sharing a room together and yes of course, double connotations of certain topics. *ahem ahem* the bed...š¤£
What a fulfilling episode yet again! Gotta love Nandini's text at the end too...a deed which once Manik was famous for, is now being performed by Nandini...texting him up for meet-ups at secret hide-out places! Yup another Mandini moment!
And precap...*sighh*...just look at the beautiful irony...one's going to learn her classical music so he can heal her with his presence, and here...his music - the musical tune of his guitar is already healing her at its own pace...MaNan...the perfect love story!!
Fan Fictions
Anupamaa
