Originally posted by: 13thwish
Yayyy.. I did it again.. my greatest childish joy this is.. commenting on the 1st page of your posts😳
Ummm okay, thinking cap on now.. maybe it's just me but I felt incredibly optimistic after today's episode for several reasons..
When she said to Manik "I don't trust my own judgments anymore", she sounded conflicted.. yes of course, she wanted to lash out at him (and God, that was an effective choice of words, if he knows her then she knows him too, subconsciously maybe, but she chose the most perfect way to do it) but underlying her words was her confusion, because what her rational mind was telling her, her instincts and judgment were negating.. and she could feel it.. which is why, once she looked in his eyes, she grew silent..
She thinks of him, she cries for him, she is angry with him but she does not hate him.. True, it is not her nature to hate anyone so that makes sense but then if she truly believed he were evil, she would feel disgusted by him.. the way she does Harshad, now that she has seen his real face..
Baba's memories would make her feel angry, not fill her with longing.. his touch would make her feel dirty, not give her solace.. his name would feel like a curse, not a prayer..
She wouldn't listen to him when he advised her not to trust in Nyonika, she would've been afraid to fall if she didn't expect him to catch her, she wouldn't stand there silently letting him free her foot, she wouldn't lash out at him knowing her words can still wound him, she wouldn't look up at a party expecting him to be watching her and she wouldn't bother to correct him if she didn't know he would listen..
Bottomline is, Nandini Murthy KNOWS her monster.. regardless of whatever he is saying right now, she knows the man he is.. so deep down inside for her, nothing has changed.. They still 'see' each other, they still 'hear' each other, they still 'matter' to each other, above all else..
Her hurt is mainly because she doesn't understand yet the 'why' of it all yet and that is clouding her mind, taking away her peace..
Her faith is shaken and her fireflies are lost.. but is her love really gone? Is her trust really broken? No, it is an intrinsic part of her that will relentlessly guide her to the truth.. maybe the loss of her fireflies is a good thing.. because this time when she finds her heart's desire she will to have trust her own inner voice to know that this real.. this this true.. this is forever.. and she will be a better, wiser and stronger person for it.. all her best qualities enhanced by the flames of this separation, this introspection, this deeper learning of him and herself..and her belief, when restored will be durable in a way never to shatter again..
Side note: I didn't really feel like talking about Dhruv above and disturbing the flow of it all, but I even liked the proposal.. mostly just glad it's over.. yes, she did have to console him and she might feel a slight weight of guilt on her heart, wondering whether she encouraged him but to me that is insignificant because his influence on her is insignificant.. she values him as a friend, someone who has been kind to her, but he does not effect her.. move her..his feelings will never overwhelm her and in fact the only thing his 'proposal' led to was her own silent acknowledgment of where her heart's loyalties still lay.. I doubt it will really change their equation in any way because it lacked depth in the first place.. she hardly looks at him and he hardly listens to her.. the personification of obliviousness, this 'friendship'😆
I fail to see what the beauty of having first reply on my post is 😆
Khair, lemme talk about Dhruv factor first. Yes, Dhruv doesn't affect her. Yes, she's so over Dhruv mattering in that life altering way. Pehle he used to be center of all her thoughts, she sought him, she wanted his company. But that ended long before MaNan started. When she got the chance to approach him, she approached him as a friend. It's not only Fab5 for whom friendship means a lot. Nandini values friendship as well, that's why she understands Fab5's bond and always encourages either Dhruv or Manik to not let that bond be damaged for any reason. So yeah, Dhruv isn't a too affecting factor of her life but he's the stable factor of her life. In Dhruv, in his light, she finds some solace. That not all is bad. That there is hope. That light can dwell in the darkest of the corners. Her first reaction seeing Dhruv today was annoyance but when it registered to her that it's
Dhruv, she immediately felt guilty and corrected her tone. It's Dhruv, the sweet harmless guy who only wished good for. Long before they became friends, he was there as her support. And she still associates that selfless support with Dhruv. In Dhruv she finds someone she can count on. Dhruv isn't someone she'll seek out when in trouble but she wouldn't be surprised if Dhruv finds her in her lowest. He's just someone she just
knows will bring some much needed comfort in the havoc of things. Yeah, it's not friendship in the most logical sense because they aren't friends. But for the lack of any better word, they just call it friendship. Dhruv, for her is the living proof of strength that she got in her lowest times. And for that, he's special for her. And she doesn't want to lose that. She wants him to be like that always. So when he dropped the 'love' bomb on her, expecting more from her..she realized that she is on the verge of losing something which she never wanted to change.
Now.
It's not like I am pessimistic, I am rather very much excited to see how Nandini will shape up, what MaNan will go through now. I don't think she was conflicted regarding anything, Nandini is still being the same blunt girl with Manik that she always was. Whereas before she used that bluntness to spell out his traits to him, now she's telling stuff about herself which basically contradicts all that he knows and cherishes about her. She doesn't hate Manik but she surely doesn't have any soft corner for him right now. The part which is so deeply connected to him makes her continue crying in front of him, allow her tears to fall on his hands as he marks yet another part of her, before the aching part of her hurt takes over and she walks away to rub her tears furiously, vowing to not cry for him. I don't think she's thinking about the 'whys' of his actions today, she did that yesterday when she openly asked him why he did that to her? This stage of her is the mourning stage where she has to deal with the last of the things before she gains more control over herself and move on..
I agree on the fireflies part. Now that she has lost the thing which tells her where true love lies, she's only got herself to make judgements. Despite the loss of her fireflies, when she'll experience her body, heart, and soul reaching out to Manik and finding peace in him...that'd be the biggest sign of who her true love actually is. But for that to happen a long road has to be passed. I believe that the fireflies will come back but this time, they'll glow when the unsaid will be said. Not just at the mere prospect of it..
Abhi she's too broken and it'll take time on her side and patience from Manik's for her to be strong again. If he expects that she'll be up and back to normal in a jiffy then Baba is in need of some serious wake-up calls..
