A Joke Per Day - everyday update

RichYou thumbnail
Posted: 16 years ago
#1
Two people were going fishing.
They went a long way to buy the equipment, bait and a video camera. Then they drove to the seaside.
The roads were bad, and their car was badly damaged, with dents here and there. Most of their equipment was damaged, too.
After they reached the seaside, they caught only one fish.
One of them said, "Business was really bad today. Do you know how much we spent on this one fish alone?"
The other answered, "Of course, I do. We spent two thousand dollars on just this one. It is a little too much!"
The first person then said, "Good thing we didn't catch more, or the costs would have been even higher. Two thousand dollars for one fish!"... 😊

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RichYou thumbnail
Posted: 16 years ago
#2
A scrawny little fellow showed up at the lumber camp looking for work.
"Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,? he said to the head lumberjack.
"All right," said the boss, "Take your ax and cut down that red wood tree."
Five minutes later the skinny guy was back. "cut it down," he said, "and split it up into lumber."
The boss couldn't believe his eyes. "Where did you learn to cut trees likethat?"
"The Sahara." The man answered.
"The Sahara desert?"
"Desert? Oh, sure, that's what they call it now!"... 😊
RichYou thumbnail
Posted: 16 years ago
#3
There was a lady from the countryside who came to the city and checked into a hotel.
Then she said to the bellman, "I refuse to take a tiny room like this, with no window and no bed in it! You can't treat me like a fool just because I don't travel much! I'm going to complain to the manager!"
So the bellman said very politely, "Madam,this isn't your room. It's the elevator!"... 😊
RichYou thumbnail
Posted: 16 years ago
#4
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled.
His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum.
Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked, "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"... 😆
RichYou thumbnail
Posted: 16 years ago
#5
A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen!"
Quite curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence, looks in and someone pokes him in the eye.
Everyone in the asylum starts chanting "Fourteen! Fourteen!"... 👏
RichYou thumbnail
Posted: 16 years ago
#6
One day a boy approached his mother with a question. "Mom, how come every night I hear you and daddy fighting and yelling, but when I look in your room you're on top of each other?"
His mother, very surprised, replies, "Honey, you know how fat daddy is, I'm jumping on top of him to help him lose weight".
The boy knows that's not working and tells his mother why...
"Mom, that's not going to help, because the lady next door comes by after you leave for work, and blows him back up again!"... 😆
RichYou thumbnail
Posted: 16 years ago
#7
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense.
He didn't want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money."
And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime. 😆
RichYou thumbnail
Posted: 16 years ago
#8
The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor's Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell.
So one Visitor's Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you've never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George's shoulder, "Tell me, don't you have any friends or family?"
George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It's just that they're all in here!"... 😃
xantia thumbnail
Posted: 16 years ago
#9
Are Computers Male or Female?


A foreign language teacher was explaining to her class that, unlike their English counterparts, French nouns are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Confused, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The French teacher wasn't sure which gender it was, so she ivided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories.
RichYou thumbnail
Posted: 16 years ago
#10
A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital.
The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker".
The man quickly responds, "the attorney's".
"Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
The man says, "I already know enough. Social workers have bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"... 😛

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