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Jack Washington

@RichYou

Beginner

Posted: 16 years ago

#11

"You will be pleased with me today, mother," said Dick to his mother, coming home from school. "I saved on fares. I didn't go to school by bus, I ran all the way after it."

"Well," said his mother laughing, "Next time you should run after a taxi, you will save much more."... 😊

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Jack Washington

@RichYou

Beginner

Posted: 16 years ago

#12

A New Zealand man caught driving at more than twice the legal speed limit claimed he needed to step on the gas in order to blow-dry his car.

Roger Daniel, 37, offered the novel excuse after he was nabbed traveling at over 120 kilometers per hour in a 50 kph zone in the northern town of Whangarei, the Dominion Post newspaper reported.

"I have a bad back and just thought I would do that instead of having to chamois it dry," he told police. The explanation failed to impress: Daniel was fined $191 and had his licence suspended for six months. 😭

Edited by RichYou - 16 years ago

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Jack Washington

@RichYou

Beginner

Posted: 16 years ago

#13

A Farmer one day came to the stables to see to his beasts of burden: among them was his favorite donkey that was always well fed and often carried his master.

With the Farmer came his Lapdog, who danced about and licked his hand and frisked about as happy as could be.

The Farmer felt in his pocket, gave the Lapdog some dainty food, and sat down while he gave his orders to his servants.

The Lapdog jumped into his master's lap, and lay there blinking while the Farmer stroked his ears.

The donkey, seeing this, broke loose from his halter and began prancing about in imitation of the Lapdog. The Farmer could not hold his sides with laughter, so the donkey went up to him, and putting his feet upon the Farmer's shoulder attempted to climb into his lap.

The Farmer's servants rushed up with sticks and pitchforks and soon taught the donkey that clumsy jesting is no joke. 😆

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shaanz

@shaanz

Navigator

Posted: 16 years ago

#14

nice jokes..particularly the first one

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Jack Washington

@RichYou

Beginner

Posted: 16 years ago

#15

Burglars tried to break into an electronics retailer three times - only to find they'd drilled through to an opticians by mistake.

Police say the trio broke into a local newspaper office housed in the same building in Vara, 200 miles south-west of Stockholm.

It's thought they bored a hole into the wall using a power drill, but ended up breaking into an optician's office.

Spokesman Johan Svensson said: "They tried again on another wall, with the same result. And a third time."

When they punched through a fourth wall, they finally broke through to the store, but alarms went off and they fled without grabbing anything, Mr Svensson said.

Police are still searching for the men, and no arrests have been made. 😊

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Jack Washington

@RichYou

Beginner

Posted: 16 years ago

#16

Someone asked a woman, "I see that you wear a locket on your neck. It must be a very dear memento from some loved one."

The woman said,"Yes, it is a lock of my husband's hair."

So the friend said, "Wow! You are so sentimental! But your husband is still alive. Is it necessary?"

And the woman said, "Yes! I know, but his hair is all gone."... 😆

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Jack Washington

@RichYou

Beginner

Posted: 16 years ago

#17

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.

"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere——it's so sanitary that the whole place shines."

"Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"... 😊

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Jack Washington

@RichYou

Beginner

Posted: 16 years ago

#18

"All the kids make fun of me," the boy cried to his mother, "They say I have a big head."

"Don't listen to them," his mother consoled, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes."

"Where's the shopping bag?"

"I haven't got one - use your hat."... 😆

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Jack Washington

@RichYou

Beginner

Posted: 16 years ago

#19

A scrawny little fellow showed up at the lumber camp looking for work.

"Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,? he said to the head lumberjack.

"All right," said the boss, "Take your ax and cut down that red wood tree."

Five minutes later the skinny guy was back. "cut it down," he said, "and split it up into lumber."

The boss couldn't believe his eyes. "Where did you learn to cut trees likethat?"

"The Sahara." The man answered.

"The Sahara desert?"

"Desert? Oh, sure, that's what they call it now!"... 🥱

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Jack Washington

@RichYou

Beginner

Posted: 16 years ago

#20

On his very first sky diving attempt, Oscar leapt from the plane and pulled the rip cord.

When the canopy failed to open, he tried his reserve chute, but that didn't work either. Saying a little prayer, he looked down to the ground below.

To his amazement, a woman was rocketing up through the air toward him at the same speed he was falling. "Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?" Oscar shouted desperately as they passed each other.

"No," she answered, "Do you know anything about gas grills?"... 😆

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