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The Poisonous Stick
"Mom, is daddy really never coming back home?" asked little Salim with his big eyes full of curiosity staring at his mother.
"No honey." Jodha replied with a sigh as her heart wrenched with pain looking at her son's sunk face.
"Why?" the innocent soul asked with ever curious eyes which had now turned sad. The mother was left speechless with this one simple question. How would she make her four year old son understand that his father is gone. Gone forever. She had noticed many relatives telling Salim that his father is not coming back, how he'll have to be strong, how his daddy has become a star in the sky. But she knew her son. She knew he'll not believe a single word untill he hears it from his daddy, his superhero. But alas today he was not there to answer his son's queries cheerfully, affectionately and passionately. Instead his existence had become a big query itself to his son. An unknown form of emotion rushed through her veins. Yes, there was grief but for a second it seemed like it was beaten by rage. The agonized lady did not know whom to blame, Destiny or Fate? As it is said that a person's destiny can be changed by himself but fate cannot be. Then again it won't be wrong to say that he chose this fate himself, to him and to his family. She slid along the main door closing her eyes painfully while tears kissed her cheeks abunduntly as sorrow again overpowered her thoughts.
"Mommy don't cry. I'm here. I'll never leave you.", said the little boy with wet voice hugging his mother's neck with his tiny hands after seeing her dejected face. Jodha tried her best to give an assuring smile to her son but could not comprehend whether she passed that attempt or not. All she could do was to kiss his small palms and tell him to go to his room.
They had just returned home after bidding him goodbye forever in the burial ground and it was the first time the relatives left them alone. To be precise after she asked them to leave them alone. They were constantly telling her little son that his daddy has left this world much to her displeasure. She understood they were only trying to make it easier for Jodha not realizing how much insensitive it was. She did not want other people lumbering Salim's little head with different versions of "Why daddy will never come back". She needed time to process it. Process the harsh reality with her son alone.
She banged her fists on the floor after Salim left for his room. The agony of losing her love jolted in her entire body. The supressed anguish, anger, distress, hurt, loneliness everything came out at once in the form of vulnerable loud sobs. With trembling hands she clutched her head rocking her body to and fro, shaking her head, wishing hard it all turns into a nightmare only. Howling of the mourning wife echoed in the asphyxiating air of the room. Her bleeding heart was occupied with a vacant grasp. In the other room a little boy pressed a pillow over his ear lying on the bed with wet cheeks and looked at his father's smiling picture kept on the table and asked him the unanswered question, "Why?"
The fight was over. He had finally given up after a five day long battle. Battle against death. All his martyrdom had come to an end this morning. His soul has emigrated to another peaceful world, leaving the affections of this materialistic world behind. He left his family alone to deal with the cruel world.
As she entered their bedroom with her jittery steps her heart pounded with extreme pain. She kept staring at the bed with utter blankness in her eyes. The hollow feeling in her heart increased many fold as she touched his side of the bed. She froze there for a second and broke down miserably the next moment. That was the place where he used to sleep, where she kissed him goodnight for the last time in his consciousness.
She remembered how beautiful life was even just five days ago. It was their 9th marriage anniversary that day. The day was perfect. Everything about that day was an epitome of perfection. The artistry of the pleasing weather had an essence of love flowing with it. He kept surprizing her with his one after another romantic gestures. She woke up with the sweet fragrance of flowers that day. Opened her eyes to see a pair of handsome hands holding a cup of maple latte with a cream heart crafted in it. He could never forget her favourite things. Her beloved husband leaned in to kiss her cheek sweetly and whispered in her ear "Happy anniversary Love.", in his husky voice followed by a trail of kisses on her neck. She giggled in her melodious voice and crushed her rosy petals with his. The day kept going with love finding a new definition for itself within this couple. Their day was filled with romance in every step. His every single execution made her feel in paradise. Even their love making in the afternoon was the most passionate one till date. The day finally ended with a magnificent candlelight dinner. The serenity of the place was breathtaking. He had taken her there with eyes tied with a silk cloth. As soon as he unleashed the piece of cloth her eyes found thousands of scented candles sparkling in the dark room. The sight in front of her was mesmerizing. A small gasp escaped her mouth in astonishment. Next she hard two claps from her man in a royal manner and found a grand chandelier made of glass lighting up, beaming the room with majestic moonlike glow. The handsome man in grey tuxedo and white shirt forwarded his hand to his lady love. The lady in red gown automatically placed her hand in his and smiled broadly to him. He squeezed her fingers and kissed on her hand as they both set their feet on the carpet made of rose petals together. She noticed the place magnetically as they kept advancing. The floor was overflowing with white and pink balloons, walls were decorated with white silk curtains, tied with flower curtain ties and beautiful mirror curtains hanging here and there enhancing the serenity of the room making it celestial. A round centre table covered with silk till the ground accompanied with two silk covered chairs were kept in the middle of the room. As they reached near the table he stopped her and stood facing her. With a warm smile on his face he looked into her hazel orbs intensely and with this their eyes got lost in each other's soul. Their gazing session finally broke when he started caressing her face with his fingers and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. She got goosebumps with his feathery touch. His soft lips smashed into her tender ones the next moment and passion burned inside their bodies. It was electrifying. She clutched his copper hair and pushed him more into her. He tucked in his right hand into her thick hair and with his left started exploring her back. She bent backwards pushing him farther inside her losing control completely. They sucked into each other's lips harder with their tongues playing tango. To make this fiery passionate kiss even more romantic thousands of red rose petals started falling on them from above and their lips curved into a smile together. After ending the intense kiss Jodha chuckled happily and cupped his face saying, "Oh my god Jalal. This is heaven!" , "hmm, so this is the reason you rejected all of my ideas on how to celebrate our anniversary. Oh Jalal you planned everything so beautifully!"
"How could I let go of a chance to pamper my doll. And it is our 9th marriage anniversary and 15th love anniversary after all" he replied with a smile.
"I am so lucky to have you Jalal, never leave me." she said with a voice choked by emotions.
"Hey, I'm the lucky one to have you in my life. Don't worry Love I'll never leave you." he promised her and made her wear a diamond heart planted in gold pendant with "We'll Always Be Together" inscribed on it.
"It's a promise." he ensured her with a smile.
All his surprizes, shower of love felt like a blessing to her. Especially the promise he made that they'll always be together. Yet again he surprized her again at midnight, for the last time and it was a dreadful one. She suddenly woke up in the middle of the night hearing his painful moans. Sitting up with a jerk and she saw him squealing in chest pain. "Oh God! What happened Jalal? What's wrong?" she cried out in panic. His face squirmed with pain and he grabbed her hand uttering with difficulty "J..o...d..ha..." but could not complete his sentence as a bout of horrible coughing ripped him apart. Sweating profusely he clutched his chest in terrible pain and shortness of breath. After a few minutes of extreme agony he fell into the unconscious world.
"NO! Jalal!!! No no no no no! Wake up baby. Wake up. Look at me please. What happened to you! JALAL!" Jodha screamed with all her might not knowing what to do. She called an ambulance trying to keep her mind as cool as possible. With tears bathing her from head to toe she started giving him CPR till the ambulance arrived. What a nightmare her anniversary night had become! Or she wished it turns into a nightmare.
"He has had a heart attack." the doctor informed Jodha in the hospital.
"B.. b..but doctor y..you can still cure him right? He'll be fine right? Y..you c.can..." she started weeping helplessly.
The doctor cut her off gently "Look Mrs. Mohammad, his heart is not the major problem here. It's his lungs. They have lost 90% function. There is no way to cure them. And he is not eligible to be on the transplant list" he sighed and continued, "You know why. We have treated his heart and it is stable for now. But we don't know how long his lungs will keep working. We are trying our best but you should be prepared for every possibility." he told her with a heavy heart.
Jodha fell down on the couch with a thud not believing the words the doctor just said. It can't happen. Her Jalal can't leave her. Her head throbbed with distress.
That was the last night Jodha ever saw him conscious. It had been five days since then. Five long days of his fight to beat the odd. And today all his sufferings had come to an end. But who gave death the secret weapon to win over his will power? To win over his family's prayers? It was none other than Jalal himself.
The depression in her had turned into anger from the time they reached home. She gripped the pendant in her neck and screamed in a broken voice "Why Jalal? Why? Why, why, why???" The helplessness, affliction, anguish, pain, anger in her heart were strangling her. The torment of losing her love was eating her alive. How many times she had told him to stop. But he could never quit that habit of his. How many fights they had because of this. How many times she had hidden those boxes of poison but he would always buy 4-5 boxes of poison on a daily basis.
"Why Jalal?" she started breaking everything that came into her sight. She tore the bedcover in numerous pieces, kept destroying everything till her energy dropped to zero. Feeling defeated by the supreme power she covered her face with her palms and broke into loud sobs lying on the cold hard ground with shivering body.
After being detached from the corporal world for several hours she stood up for the sake of her son. Entering the small boy's room her heart ached witnessing the most painful sight ahead of her. Little Salim was looking out of the window, staring at the vast dark universe trying to find 'THE STAR'. A lone tear again escaped those puffy eyes.
It was almost midnight when she again woke up for the 5th time sweating, hustling, exsiccating. The panorama of his shrunken face, PFT & CT scan reports, unbearable suffering, lifeless body all kept coming in her dreams over and over. Wiping her face with her palm breathing heavily she decided it was time to take a tranquilizer. As soon as she opened the cupboard her entire body shuddered in a frightful uncanny emotion seeing the death weapon of her husband lying there. A box of those poisonous sticks smirked at her - the name of a fancy brand of Cigarettes it read.
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