Beautiful Illusion updated chapter 41&42 on pg 16

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

Sweet24

@Sweet24

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#21

Chapter - 8
Part 2
I lay on his stomach, drumming my fingers on his rock hard abs. Should I ask about the therapist?
I took a chance. "So, how did the therapy session go?"
"Fine. I've been seeing Dr. Halder for awhile." He felt more comfortable about opening up about it, apparently.
"Was there anything in particular that made you want to schedule an appointment that day?"
"Well I had a conversation with my ex-wife that morning. It...didn't go well." An understatement.
"Do you care to elaborate?"
"Well, she just wants stuff, still, even though the divorce is all settled and has been for awhile." No mention of the blackmail and the threats to go to the press with...something.
In due time.
I lay there, silently. It was so difficult trying to determine how much to pry. I needed to make sure he knows that I care, but I didn't want to push. I was walking a delicate line, and I knew it.
"What kind of stuff is she still wanting?"
"A new Ferrari, an airplane, that sort of stuff." It sounds like he's joking, although I know that he isn't.
"How long were you married?"
"Two years."
At this point, I was dying to find out everything. Why did they break up after only two years? Why did he marry her, when he apparently didn't love her (he said that he never felt about her the way that he felt about me. Considering he had known me for less than two weeks, that wasn't saying a lot for their marriage)? And, especially, what information was she using to blackmail him?
In due time.
He volunteered some information then. "I married her because she was pregnant."
I thought about the baby room. Here's where he will tell me about his child. However, what he said stunned me.
"So, you have a child, right?"
His face darkened. He said, softly, "No. At least not a child who is alive."
I blinked, feeling the tears coming to my eyes.
"Um, I am so sorry. What happened?" I thought about the baby room some more, and how it was so perfect. There was nothing that was disturbed in that room. I immediately felt so sad, knowing that he must have loved his child very much. The evidence for this love was in the pristine condition of that room. I now figured that he didn't want to show me, because he wasn't ready to talk about her.
"Mia was born healthy. She died at the age of 6 months. SIDS." That was all he said. And, I could tell from his tone and his body language, that this was all that he was going to say.
"Oh, I am so sorry..." What was there to say?
"Yeah, it was a tough break. Alexis was never the same after that, and our marriage, which wasn't all that strong to begin with, just went downhill. I found her in bed with Paul, my former driver, one day when I came home early from work to surprise her with a trip to Italy. I had it all planned out - the blindfold, the limousine taking us to my private jet, the whole nine. I wanted to cheer her up. It was like a kick in the gut, to say the least." I like how he slipped in there that he had his own jet. He must be getting more comfortable talking to me about his wealth.
"Geez." Again, what do you say to that?
"Yeah. I kicked her out. During the divorce, I found out how dirty she can fight."
"Oh?" Come on, tell me everything that is going on.
But he left it at that.
"Yeah. Hey, listen, it must be getting kinda late. The show starts at 7, and we should head over to get a good seat."
"Sure." I felt disappointed, but I also felt that he would slowly reveal what was going on with the blackmail thing. I found myself genuinely caring about what was going on, as opposed to wanting to know for nosiness, which, I admit, motivated me before to want to find out.
We made our way out to the outdoor theater. It was dusk now, and the cicadas were buzzing in the trees. Those bugs were so loud, but I had never actually seen one. There are apparently millions of them, however, judging by how loud the sound is. It's funny though - although these bugs are annoying because they are so loud, I miss them when I am in a different city that doesn't have them. I thought about my trip to San Francisco, which, to my knowledge, was the most magnificent city in the world. But it was August, and there were no fireflies and no cicadas, and it made me a little sad.
We ended up not even using the lawn chairs, preferring to simply spread my Indian blanket on the lawn. Thank god this was a park that still allowed alcohol. We poured our wine into some plastic wine cups and drank the wine while the dogs, tired out from chasing around various balls and frisbees earlier, lay beside us. The park was packed, as this was a free show. It was something that I try to make every year.
As the night wore on, I tried hard to keep up with the action. Twelfth Night was a play that I had learned in college, but Shakespeare had always been exceedingly difficult for me to follow. I really learned Hamlet when I took my Shakespeare course in college. I read the actual play, got the Cliff's Notes, and watched the surprisingly good Mel Gibson version. I didn't put that kind of effort into Twelfth Night, so I felt a little lost. However, the experience of being there - under the stars, with thousands of other people, on a warm summer night, with the most beautiful, sweetest man I had ever met, was intoxicating.
Ryan was lying behind me on the blanket, and I was leaning against him. The dogs were beside us, snoozing and snoring. I started to notice that he was not watching the play at all, but, rather, was staring at me. I felt a little strange and thrilled at the same time. What does this guy see in me? I tried to banish the thought and concentrate on what was going on, but it was impossible. My mind was racing.
"You're not watching the show," I teased him, when I turned around for the millionth time to see him staring at me, instead of the play.
"You're right, I need to watch the show. I actually do like this play. I thought it was hilarious when I studied this at my high school."

I laughed. Who was I to control him and make him watch the show? If he's that into me that he can't take his eyes on me, then...Oh, stop it, you're sounding so full of yourself.
"Would you like some more wine?" I asked.
"Nah, I'm ok."
"Ok, then."
The play ended. "We better pack all this stuff up," I said, already beginning the process of getting everything together.
He looked strange, wide-eyed. "Is there anything wrong?" I asked. His demeanor had changed 180 degrees from just a few minutes before. I felt a bit alarmed.
He wasn't hearing me, but was staring off into the distance. He shook his head. "She's following me now?" He looked down, his expression now looking perplexed.
Who was following him? It couldn't be Alexis, he probably would be upset. He just seems mystified.
But there was unmistakably a woman coming toward us. I started to feel nauseated. The woman was the typical supermodel type that I had been noticing all over town since I started hanging out with Ryan. These are really the only women who had confidence to stare openly at Ryan, while staring at me for a different reason. They never failed to make me feel like a particularly low class of bug. I could just tell that they were thinking he's with her? I didn't think that I would ever get used to the glares and stares. It was like high school all over again.
The woman was kind of bizarre, to be honest. Here we were, in an outdoor setting, and she was dressed in high heels. She was also dressed in slim black pants and a colorful top. She was wearing full makeup, although she really didn't need to. I could tell that she was the kind of woman whom commanded attention. I noticed more than one man's head turning as she walked. She was tall and slim and blond and stunningly beautiful, and carried an Herms Birken bag.
Her bag was no doubt worth more than my car.
Ryan stood in his spot, as if he couldn't move. He wasn't looking at the woman, but it was if he was trying not to.
The woman was now about three feet away. "Hello, Ryan." I looked closer at her face. She looked so familiar...Then it struck me. She was the woman in the picture with Ryan! Makes sense.
"Alexis," Ryan said calmly. So this is the infamous Alexis. Why doesn't Ryan look upset to see her?
She turned her attention to me. "And who is this?" She looked amused. I could tell that there was no way that she would have imagined that I was his date.
Ryan put his arm around my shoulders. "This is Iris. Iris, this is my ex-wife, Alexis."
I held out my hand to shake hers. She ignored it. She raised one eyebrow, looking at Ryan. "Your date?" Her expression was one of amusement mixed with disgust.

Quote

Sweet24

@Sweet24

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#22

Chapter - 8
Part 3
If this is the kind of woman he likes, what the hell is he doing with me?
"Yes, my date." He turned to me. "Would you excuse me for a second?" I nodded. He looked at Alexis. "Let's go over here and talk for a second."
I stayed, rooted, holding the dogs' leash and wondering what to do. My instinct was no longer that I should run. At the same time, like the fateful morning that I heard him yelling at Alexis over the phone, I was not looking forward to being around him after this. Not that he had ever been cruel or angry with me, and he had never once taken his issues out on me, and I hoped that he wouldn't. But I have been with too many guys who are difficult to be around when things are going wrong in their lives. Once again, I questioned the wisdom of getting involved with somebody who apparently was still raw from an earlier hurt.
I watched Ryan and Alexis, because they were within viewing distance. I tried to make out what they were saying. I heard Alexis yell "I'm sorry, but you're not exactly taking my calls." Ryan was talking in a low voice, so I couldn't make out what he was saying. Alexis apparently was not above making a scene. "You know what I want. I want you. But if I can't have you, I want the Cezanne." Again with the Cezanne. How come I haven't seen this painting?
I sat back down on the ground. The blanket was wrapped up and in my arms, and I didn't feel like laying down the blanket, so I just sat on the grass. People were everywhere, talking, wrapping up their stuff, walking towards the exit. Kids were blowing bubbles. Babies were crying. Dogs were running about on their leash. It was a festive atmosphere, and it was a great evening up until now.
I felt sick to my stomach.
I heard Alexis say "Well, maybe I should tell your new little girlfriend about this, what do you say about that?" At that, he looked back at me, worried. I instinctively looked away. I heard her say the word "Nick" and the word "Benjamin." I narrowed my eyes. Isn't his father's name Benjamin? She knows about Nick? It seemed that Alexis was going to tell me things that Ryan was afraid to, because it seemed that there was no reasoning with this woman. She had ammunition, and she was going to use it.
Now he was trying to placate her. I couldn't make out anything that he was saying, but he was putting his hands on her shoulder in a conciliatory gesture. He definitely did not appear to be angry with her. Then I saw her start to cry, and he put his arms around her. "I miss you, I love you," I heard her say more than once. How is he going to get out of this? Is he going to get out of this? I could imagine his dilemma. If he broke away from her and left her where she stood, she would raise hell and rat him out to me. But he can't really stay there with her, either. Maybe I should make this easier for him. But how? This relationship was getting trickier and trickier to navigate. Remembering that I made the exact wrong move last time by bolting, I decided just to stay put for now.
I also unmistakably heard the word "Mia," uttered by Alexis. She is grieving her child, and so is he. They went through something unimaginable together. I could never begin to fathom what they are both going through. Now she was really sobbing. They had been talking for about 20 minutes, and the park was increasingly emptying.
It wouldn't be long until we were kicked out.
I sighed. We were certainly off to a rocky start, although the highs with this guy had certainly been worth it. I was impressed, however, with how he was handling this situation. Here was a woman who was on a roller coaster of emotions, going from yelling to crying, and he was not losing his cool at all. It was quite a bit different from the first time, when I heard him yelling on the phone with her.
I caught him looking back at me, his face clearly saying "Help!" I stayed rooted where I was, though. I figured that he would come to me when he is ready to. It was not my place to interrupt.
Now he was finally coming towards me, Alexis in tow. Was she there all alone? "Uh, Iris, uh, I need to take Alexis home. I hope you don't mind if she comes with us in the car."
I didn't protest. I simply nodded my head.
He looked grateful. "Thank you so much for understanding." Glancing over at Alexis, Ryan said "Alexis apparently came here by cab."
ah, of course she came here by cab. She knew that you would have to drive her home. I looked at Alexis. She looked devious. I wondered how she knew where we were. I also felt that it was presumptuous that Ryan believed that my acquiescence was equivalent to understanding. I simply didn't protest. I really didn't understand.
The three of us made our way to the Escalade, the dogs being hauled by me on leashes. Ryan made no attempt to hold my hand, of course. He barely even walked with me. Alexis was walking very close to him, trying to cling on to his arm, but I could tell that he wasn't having it. I could just imagine what was going through his mind at this point. My heart went out to him.
To my surprise, my heart went out to her, as well.
We made our way towards my apartment, to my dismay, in silence. I'm being dropped off first? Not a good sign. Not a good sign at all. Alexis was in the front seat, and I was in the back with the dogs. Not really sure how that was arranged, or how that happened. Of course, I didn't speak up for myself. I really didn't feel that I was in a position to do so. I had only known him for a week. Alexis was with him for at least two years, and they had, and lost, a child together.
Ryan dropped me off. He opened the door, and I got out. Alexis was in the front seat, glaring at us both. He kissed me on the forehead. "I'm so sorry for this," he whispered. "I'll see you later."
At that, he got back into driver's side, backed up the Escalade, and drove off.

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

Sweet24

@Sweet24

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#23

Chapter-9
Awkward parting was starting to become a pattern. As it turned out, the last awkward parting was my fault. This time, I knew that I did nothing wrong. I sighed. I was surprisingly not that upset. After all, the last time I left him, I assumed I would never see him again. I wasn't going to jump to that conclusion this time. I did realize that I was on a roller coaster, but I preferred to stay on it for now and see it through.
I hope he feels the same way.
I half expected him to appear at my apartment again that night, after talking Alexis down off the ledge.
However, that didn't happen.
He did, however, appear at my apartment the next day. "I was hoping you'd be home," he said, as I let him in the door. "I'm so sorry for the drama. I'm also sorry that I keep dropping in on you."
That's ok. The apartment's clean this time. I had actually just gotten finished with my laundry - I couldn't sleep the previous night because of what happened at the park, so I decided to be constructive and get my laundry done. All five loads of it. I ended up washing all the clothes which were thrown on the closet floor, and they were now hung up or put into drawers, depending on the type of clothes they were. I also was able to sort out my dry clean only clothes from the pile, and these were stuffed into a garbage bag. This garbage bag was by the door, so that I hopefully wouldn't forget to take them to the cleaner's the next time I was out and about.
"Actually, that isn't a problem," I said, referring to him dropping in on me again.
He looked relieved and surprised. "I can't believe that you're not infuriated after what happened last night."
"I could tell that Alexis was very emotional. I could also tell that you were in a bind."
He looked at me, then kissed me passionately. "You're an amazing woman."
I smiled. "Thanks, you're an amazing guy."
We went out onto my balcony, and sat down, my feet up on the wooden rail. I had prepared some iced tea. I was drinking way too much lately, and had to take a break.
I looked at him, expectantly. He wasn't saying anything, just staring straight ahead.
"Uh, how do I say this to you..." He started to open his mouth to say something, thought better of it, then resumed to staring straight ahead.
I started to feel worried. I naturally figured that whatever he was trying to say, it was not going to be good news for me. I immediately felt selfish for thinking this thought. He's going through something terrible, it's probably even worse than it looks, and I was only thinking of myself.
But that wasn't really true. My heart went out to him, as well. I was not yet in love with him, although I knew that I would get there if I let my guard down. However, at this point, with all the drama and the secrets, it was impossible to trust him completely.

Staring at his glass of iced tea- it was an actual glass this time, I am proud to say - Ryan began with "I've known Alexis for a long time. Since middle school. We dated off and on in college. She was at Yale when I was at Harvard." That surprised me. She didn't really look like the academic type.
"Go on."
"She and I..." He took a deep breath. "Well, let's just say that I've not always been as, as, as...clean as I am now." I furrowed my brow. The message was somewhat cryptic, and could mean any number of things. He was shaking. The ice was rattling in his glass. He also was playing with his thick hair, his dominant left hand running through his mane, again and again. He was not making eye contact at all.
He took an enormous breath and went on. "Well, you know, there's a lot of money in prep schools, and a lot of bored kids. Most of us were less supervised than we should have been. I was no exception."
Another deep breath. He went on, not looking at me. Then, he did look at me. "Um, Iris, I feel that I could have something really special with you. That's why I'm here. I feel that I need to come clean with a few things about my past. If I didn't see a future with you, I wouldn't be here right now. It would just be so much easier just to pretend that last night didn't happen, and it would be so much easier for me to walk away from you, as opposed to having to tell you these things."

Things? There's more than one issue?
"Um, Alexis and I...we were very much into...Oh, Christ, I need to just come out and say it. It's a part of my past, it isn't me now, it isn't a big deal." Huge breath. His visibly shaking hand once again smoothed his thick dark hair.
Huge breath. "We were heroin addicts. There, I said it."
I nodded. "When?"
"From age 17 until age 25. I kicked it with methadone. She still struggles."
So, he was a heroin addict until just 8 years ago. And he was an addict for 8 years.
\He looked at me, trying to gauge my reaction. Surprisingly, I had very little reaction. I guess because I felt that I had seen it all in my lifetime, and this really wasn't a big deal.
"You haven't done this since you were 25?"
He looked pained. "I, I, I, I..." Now he was shaking again. "I hhhadd a relapse, uh, last week."
I looked at him, not saying a word. He went on. Another huge breath. "I went to see her last week. She called me last Sunday, as you remember, before you woke up. Well, she called back, the next day, and told me that she had taken pills and she was waiting to die. So, I went straight over to her house." He shook his head and continued. "I don't know why I allow her to still manipulate me like that. Anyhow, she was actually fine."

I raised my eyebrow. This was getting interesting.
"I was pissed. But she had some high grade stuff, laying out on her coffee table. She, she threatened me. She told me that she was going to go ahead with taking all the pills she had in her house if I left her that day. And she threatened me that she was going to do this if I didn't shoot up with her."
"So you-"
"I'm not proud of it." He sighed. "The good news is, I seem to be well past the addiction. I had no desire to continue after that."
I chose to believe him about this.
He went on. "Trust me, after all Alexis and I have been through, it has been tough on both of us to stay clean. She's done it, just barely. She white-knuckles it, so she relapses all the time. I've completely kicked it, and I know now, more than ever, that I've no desire to go back to the way I was."
I made a face. "You still love this woman?"
He looked perplexed. "No, why?"
"I guess I just don't know why you would sacrifice your sobriety for her games."
"I don't really know, either. I guess I always believe her when she says that she's on the edge. I wouldn't want that on my conscience - that I could've helped her and didn't."
"Yeah, but Ryan, there's helping her, and then there's intentionally self-destructing because she's manipulating you."

He looked ashamed.
I didn't say anything more. The guy no doubt had beat himself up enough about it. I just hope that the drugs really are in the past.
And there's more, I know that there is. But the confession of his addiction seemed to take a lot out of him, and I could tell that there would be no more heart-wrenching admissions coming from him today.
We sat in silence for awhile, drinking our iced tea. I didn't tell him that I had Googled his father that morning. I couldn't remember his father's name, but when Alexis said the name "Benjamin" last night, it struck a chord. So, I Googled his father, using the search terms "CEO", plus the name of the utility company, plus the years that Ryan had told me that his dad was active, and I found out that his name was Benjamin Whitney. I felt a little amused that, up until then, I didn't know Ryan's last name. I figured it probably was also Whitney, although I couldn't be positive.

As casually as possible, I said "Well, what's past is past. I do, however, want you to be honest with me about this. If you ever feel that you are relapsing, please tell me. I'll help you, I promise. I won't judge you."
He looked grateful "You probably think that I am a basket case. Therapy, drugs, a crazy ex-wife."
And there's more still, I know it. For one thing, there's somebody named Nick. But what else?

"Hey, we all have our cross to bear."
I knew that I was, once again, taking a risk by taking it all too lightly, but I wanted to move on to more serious concerns. Like what he was hiding from me. The drug thing was kind of bad, but, if I was to believe what he is telling me, it was pretty much in the past. So it wasn't that big of a deal. But I sensed that there was another, larger, bombshell on the horizon. I just didn't know how to get it out of him just yet.
He smiled the wan, distracted smile I saw that one Sunday after the screaming match with Alexis. Now I knew Alexis was not only a gold-digger, but was also crazy.
Yet, somehow, I was going to try to hold on to Ryan the best that I could.
How to bring up the father? I have a feeling that the father had something to do with what Ryan is hiding from me.

Casually, I said "I hope you don't mind, but I was fascinated about what you told me the other night about your dad."
His face instantly changed. Panic, fear, anger all flashed through his eyes. I wondered why he didn't have a hard time talking about him the other night. Come to think of it, he really didn't say much about him, except that he was a retired CEO of Flash Utility, being active from 1975 to 2003, then left it at that.
"
What was fascinating about it?" His voice had a hard edge to it now. He sounded demanding, sarcastic.
"Well, you didn't tell me much. I, I, I'm trying to find out more about you."
"You don't need to know about my father to find out more about me."
I suddenly felt that I was wrong to Google the man. But the morning when he was talking in his sleep, begging his father to stop something, made me want to find out more about Benjamin Whitney.
"Well, I Googled him..."
That was a mistake. I suddenly saw rage in Ryan's eyes. Then he looked away.
I went on "You know, it occurred to me, after looking up your dad, that I didn't know your last name."
"You still don't know my last name." His voice was very hard-edged.
I was getting somewhere. But at what price? "It isn't Whitney?"
"No. It's Gallagher."
Time to drop it. But it was too late. Ryan was standing up, and backing out of the apartment. "Uh, thanks for the iced tea," he said, opening the front door. "Uh, I'll call you," he mumbled.
And he was gone.

Quote

Sweet24

@Sweet24

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#24

Chapter-10
Part - 1
After Ryan left, I was back on the couch. I didn't feel as miserable as I did the last time. I was more confused. OK, so he and Alexis were drug addicts together. Big whoop. Rich kids doing drugs in a tony private school? That's almost a clich. That's definitely not what he's really worried about. Even if Alexis "went to the press" about that, who cares? Ryan is an unknown, except that he's the son of a prominent businessman. Yeah,it's kinda bad that he did drugs with her the other day, but, if he says that he doesn't want to do it anymore, than I choose to believe him.
I couldn't concentrate. I gravitated towards the computer, mindlessly flipping through Yahoo stories about the world's fattest dachshund, and what Lady Gaga was up to that week. Some relationship advice was also on the Yahoo front page, so I flipped to that. I even flipped to my Match account. Hmmm. Two different guys are hitting me up. I put that on the backburner, for the time being.
I drummed my fingers. Sighing, I got on the Google home page, typing in the words "Benjamin Whitney." The usual came up - his biography, his causes, the news about his retirement, the news about how Flash had lost money in 1999, but Benjamin still got a $30 million salary that year. There were stories about how he possibly was forced into retirement because he just didn't have the business acumen anymore. Yeah, so what? CEOs are forced into retirement all the time.

Taking a deep breath, and doing something that I hadn't yet done - probably because I just now learned his last name - I Googled "Ryan Gallagher." I came upon notices that Ryan Gallagher is on Facebook. Not the same guy. There was another story about a Ryan Gallagher, with an accompanying picture. Definitely not the same guy. There was a Ryan Gallagher who was an artist, but I glossed over that, thinking it probably wasn't him. Nothing bad so far.
Then I Googled "Ryan Whitney," deciding to go ahead and do a search only on the Google news page. This bore fruit. Apparently his drug abuse had made news at the time, as he had spent time in a Mexican jail trying to smuggle some drugs into the country. He was 22. A drug dealer, too? I read the story carefully. It turned out that it was small-time, just some pot, and he was only in the jail for three days. Since he is the son of Benjamin Whitney, this passed as news. I found another article about him entering rehab. Again, this was only news because of his father. His picture accompanied both articles. He looked quite a bit different - thinner than he is now, his hair was longer, his shoulders were hunched, and he did not look happy. Would you look happy to have your picture taken as you are led into a Mexican jail or going into rehab?

Ordinarily, this stuff might alarm me, but he already told me about the drug abuse, so I wasn't all that surprised that he was in the news for it. And it wasn't like it was national news. These articles were from the Kansas City Star, so the story was pretty contained.
The one thing that did interest me, and set off little alarm bells, is that Ryan's last name is actually Whitney. Why would he tell me that his name was Gallagher?
This gave me an idea. Getting on Wikipedia, I typed in the name "Benjamin Whitney." Under "spouse," it became clear. Benjamin Whitney's spouse's name was Margaret Gallagher. Well, that mystery is solved. Ryan is using his mother's maiden name. Margaret "Maggie" Gallagher was an opera singer who was born in Ireland.
Why was Ryan using his mother's maiden name?
I skimmed the article, as I was mainly interested in Benjamin's personal life, so I skipped ahead to that section. Then something in that paragraph made me completely lose my breath. The section read "In 1986, Whitney was accused of inappropriate contact with a minor child. Charges were never filed, but the child's education was paid for, leading some to believe that the child's parents were bought off." What? Where was that story on Google? Then I remembered that anybody could add content to Wikipedia. Still, I would imagine that Ryan, and Benjamin for that matter, were aware of this entry.

Why wouldn't Benjamin sue for libel?
Because truth is an absolute defense to libel.
I flipped back to Google news, typing in "Benjamin Whitney" and "inappropriate contact" "sexual abuse" and "minor." Nothing. Why would that be on the Wiki page and not in the news?
Because the story was buried. Completely buried.
It was all becoming clear. No, no, no, stop thinking the worst. Maybe Benjamin doesn't know about the Wiki entry, and somebody has it in for him. It's possible. Anything is possible.
Somebody was at the door. It was Ryan. I shut down my computer, and deleted my search history. You can't be too careful.
I opened the door. He looked kind of drunk again. "Hey," he said.
"Hey. Come on in."
"Sorry about earlier."
"Not a problem. Come in, sit down." America's Next Top Model was playing on the television. If the messy apartment, the wrecked car and the general brokeness of my situation doesn't scare him off, trashy television probably won't either. Nevertheless, I clicked it off.
I had invested in some better wine glasses since the last time he was here. I also had signed up for a wine-tasting class so that I could provide some better wine than Two Buck Chuck. However, at this time, it was Two Buck Chuck or nothing. I poured a couple of glasses of wine, then joined him on the couch.
He looked at me. "I need to tell you something."

My breath caught. Is he going to tell me something about his father?
I waited, expectantly.
What came out of his mouth was not what I was expecting. "I'm in love with you," he said. He continued to stare at me. "I know that sounds crazy, we've only just met." Yes, crazy, but he told me that he thought that he was possibly falling in love with me after the first date or so. Take this with a large grain of salt.
He continued. "God, I just can't stop thinking about you. Since the moment I met you, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I even dream about you."
I felt flattered and overwhelmed. Well, he certainly was laying it on thick. I wanted to tear down my walls and really believe what he was saying, but it was unbelievable. He hardly knew me, and he could, literally, and I do mean literally, have any woman he wanted. Any woman. And I hadn't forgotten that there was somebody named Nick in the picture. Until he was ready to tell me about who she is, I refused to trust him. Not to mention his complicated relationship with Alexis. There were just too many issues around this guy.
He continued. "All I could think about just now, after I left your apartment, was how I hoped that you still want to keep seeing me. I hope that you believe that I don't have a need to go back to the horse. I mean, I'm an addict, I will always be, I guess, or so they told me in rehab. But I realized this week that I don't want it anymore, and probably never will again. God, I hope that you believe that."

"Of course I believe that." And I did. There really wasn't a reason not to. Well, except for his relapse...But I immediately put that out of my head.
"I just can't believe that crazy Alexis, my drug abuse past and the fact that I regularly see a therapist isn't scaring you away."
"Come on, we all have our issues." Some have more issues than others, but still...
"I'm being serious here. I'm in love with you," he repeated. "I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you."
I furrowed my brow. What was he saying? Why me? What about Nick?
"I know, I know," he continued. "I hardly know you. You hardly know me. I know it sounds nuts, but I see you. I see your kind and generous heart. I see your sense of humor. I don't really know myself why I feel so strongly. I just know that I do. I also think that you don't judge me. I mean, how you handled the Alexis situation...I just knew that I was in love with you right then."
The Alexis situation. What did he mean?
He continued on. "I mean, you didn't come over and demand that I pay attention to you when I was talking to her at the park. You somehow understood that Alexis had to sit in the front seat last night, and that I had to drop you off first. I don't know, you somehow understood the whole situation. I couldn't believe how good you were about everything. Most women would have pitched a holy hell bitch about that situation, rightly so. Not you. You understood."

Quote

Sweet24

@Sweet24

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#25

Chapter-10
Part - 2
Well, I'm glad that I have you fooled, because I didn't really understand. I just didn't know how else to react.
"Then when I just now told you about my drug problem, you didn't bat an eyelash about it." He hesitated. "Actually, after I calmed down the Alexis situation last night, I had some time to think, and that was when I realized that I wanted to marry you. I just couldn't imagine another woman who would be so calm about what was going down."
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Marry me? I could feel my breath heaving, my heart beating.
"Well, it wasn't just the Alexis situation," he continued. "That was what capped it off. It's...I don't know, I just feel comfortable around you. Like I've known you all my life."
I took a deep breath. "Uh, how much have you been drinking?" A rude question, I knew, after all he had just told me, but I figured that most of this was alcohol talking.
Then again in vino veritas - "in wine, there is truth."
"I had a couple of beers at the 810 Zone." The 810 Zone is a bar down the street. "And a couple of Dewar's and water."
I nodded. How long was he gone from the apartment - about three hours? He probably drank a lot in those few hours and he's loaded now and babbling at the mouth. Still, he didn't look that drunk. His eyes were not bleary, his speech was fine, and he didn't stumble. However, I remembered my Uncle Jack. That man could literally drink all night long and never slur a word. So Ryan might be drunk, and just not showing it.

He looked at me, his face wounded. "I know you think that I don't know what I am saying, but I do. I think I loved you the first time I saw you." Then he started humming a tune, then singing a familiar Randy Newman song, Marie. "I loved you the first time I saw you, and I always will love you, Marie." His voice was actually very melodic and nice, unlike mine. Is there anything this man can't do?
He smiled. "My mother used to sing that to me when I was a little boy. But she used the name Ryan instead of Marie, of course." He looked wistful.
"That's very sweet."
"Yeah." He looked up at me, and for some reason, I thought of him as a little boy. "She, uh, wasn't in my life much. My father, uh, and she divorced when I was ten. I lost contact with her altogether until just recently."
I nodded. I wondered if he was going to tell me about her opera career.
He did hint a little. "She was a very good singer. I always loved that song."
"So, did you have a mother figure growing up?"
"Not really. Benjamin never remarried. He was too focused on his career, I guess. Although my best friend's mother, uh, kinda was a female role model for me. She was a very kind person, like my mother."
He didn't elaborate further.
My heart was pounding and my head was swimming. It was so much to take in all at once. He loves me, or is in love with me, he has a crazy, yet strikingly beautiful, ex-wife, he is a heroin addict. All of these issues in such a beautiful package.

"Your mother, what was her name?" I played dumb.
"Maggie."
"She's Irish?" I pretended to guess by hearing the name.
"Yes."
I waited for him to say more about her, but he didn't.
"So..." He began. "Um, what do you think about what I just told you?"
I knew that question was coming. "Well, I'm, um, flattered." Poor choice of words. "Let me start again. I, am, um, um." I took a deep breath. "Well, it's really soon." I finally said.
He looked hurt. "Yeah, you're right."
Way to go. But what should I say?
We drank our wine in silence for a few minutes. I was feeling really uncomfortable. My emotions couldn't keep up with everything that was going on between myself and Ryan. I was still stuck on why it is that he would like me, at all, in the first place, and now he was talking about marriage. I guess I was having a hard time believing that any of it was real.
I was looking at him, thinking that he was going to leave at any moment. Why stick around, when you just poured your heart out, and the girl isn't responding? The thing of it was, there was a part of me, buried deep within that brick wall, that wanted to confess that I loved him too.
But I couldn't admit that to myself, so I really couldn't admit it to him.
He stood up. Well, that's it, you chased him off once more. He put out his hand for me to grab, which I did. Standing, he hugged me tight, putting his hand on my hair. I could smell his aftershave, and his breath that smelled vaguely of Scotch and beer. Once again, my breath caught, and then started coming back more slowly than before.

Quote

Sweet24

@Sweet24

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#26

Chapter-10
Part-3
Then we were kissing, slowly, tenderly at first. It was difficult to kiss him standing up, as he was so much taller than myself, so we ended up kissing back on the couch. He kissed my neck, my shoulders, his sensuous lips running lightly, from one shoulder to the other, then on my cheeks, then kissing me on the lips again. I ran my hands along his back, feeling his rock hard muscles. He was laying on top of me, so I could feel his erection through his pants again, but, this time, he did not attempt to move so that his erection was no longer in contact with my body. I was breathing, faster and faster. I could hear my heart, or maybe it was his. It might have been both of our hearts, beating together, faster and faster.
This actually did go on all night. We made love a total of seven times that night, and, when the morning came, we were both exhausted and spent. We finally fell asleep around seven the next morning, his arms wrapped around me from behind, both of us still lying on the blanket on the floor.
It was Sunday, and, when we woke up at 2 in the afternoon, I realized that he would have to leave soon. As much as I wanted to lie there forever, making love, he did have a job to go to the next day. But, he still wasn't finished with me. Immediately upon waking, he had an erection, then entered me without foreplay. Somehow this was ok, even though I should have been so sore that making love again would be impossible. He lasted around 45 minutes this time, one of our shorter love-making sessions.
After we made love that afternoon, both of us were starving. I didn't feel like cooking, and there was nothing really that I could have cooked right then anyhow, as I hadn't been to the store in awhile. So we got in his Porsche, and searched for a restaurant. We ended up at Sullivan's Steakhouse, which was a trendy, yet comfortable, restaurant with a large patio and a hip, suburban business-type crowd. I settled in with my extra dirty martini. He tried a Tanqueray and tonic.
I didn't even notice the gawking this time. Well, I noticed it, but it didn't bother me as much as it did before. Ryan was still focused on me completely.

Quote

Sweet24

@Sweet24

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#27

Chapter - 10
Part - 4
He smiled shyly. "You were, uh, amazing last night."
"And this morning, and this afternoon," I laughed. He smiled discreetly.
"I really wasn't prepared for that when I came over."
"Yeah, it took me by surprise, too."
He suddenly looked pensive. "Uh, I said some things yesterday when I came over..."
Here we go. He's going to walk them back and tell me to disregard them. I actually hoped that he would walk them back and disregard them. But, no - he continued. "You didn't really respond to what I said."
He's going to pin me down yet.

"Well, I uh. I guess I'm just cautious. I've been hurt. A lot. I have a hard time believing things."
And there is some mysterious person named Nick in your life. Please tell me about that. I continued.
"I've heard men tell me that before, and I've also heard empty marriage promises before. It's difficult when you are in the dating world to know if somebody is being sincere, or if they are really just a tool. And you are just so magnetic, handsome and intelligent. You can have anybody you want. Anybody you want."
"I understand that," he said. "Really, I do. I just want you to know that I'm different than the guys that you have known in the past. I'm really crazy about you."
I just shook my head.
"What are the words to that song about the word that isn't said enough, yet also too much?"
"Those three words are said too much, yet not enough," he sang from Chasing Cars.
"Right. You have a great voice, by the way."
"Thanks," he said without enthusiasm.
"Anyhow, I have a hard time believing things. Blame your sleazy brethren for using the love word to get women into bed."
I was trying to make a joke, but it was falling flat.
"I said something else to you."
Oh, now he wants me to elaborate on how I feel about his wanting to marry me. This might be slightly trickier.
"Yes, well, let's see. I guess I would have to say that if we go out for a long time, like a year, and you really get to know me and I get to know you, than we can talk seriously about...that other thing."
There, that should cover it.
Again, other men had ruined that talk for me as well. I had heard the empty marriage promises, early on in the relationship, too many times. I was wise to that game, too.
He looked me square in the eye.
"This isn't a game, Iris. I know it's soon, but I knew that I wanted to marry you from the moment I met you. You felt it too. I noticed you from across the bar, and I was going to go and talk to you, then you came up to me. And I knew. You'll find out soon enough that I'm serious about this."

Quote

Sweet24

@Sweet24

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#28

Chapter - 10
Part - 5
Let's just drop this, shall we? "Where is our order? The waitress is taking forever."
She really wasn't, but I was desperate to change the subject.
He sighed, resigned that he wasn't going to get more out of me on this subject.
Changing the subject quickly, I said

"So, Maximus and Brutus. How'd you pick them out?"
I was impressed that he had not one, but two rescue dogs, including a pit bull mix.
"Actually, this is going to sound crazy, but I got them when everything was falling apart. I was grieving over Mia, and Alexis was just starting her ultimate crazy shit. I didn't know about her and Paul at the time, but she was distant and pushing me away. So, I went to the shelter to try to comfort myself and I found those two mutts there. They were brought into the shelter together, and I just fell in love with both of them."
"What were they named before you got them?"
"I didn't change their names. They were going by those names for several weeks, so I didn't think that it was fair to them."
"So, they were true strays, or did somebody bring them in?"
"True strays, from what I understand. Brutus, the pit bull mix, would've been put down immediately in a lot of cities around here."
This was true. Some of the suburbs had active pit bull bans because of several maulings. He continued
"That's so unfair to indict an entire breed because of what shitty owners do to some dogs to make them mean."
I nodded vigorously. "I know, it's totally the owners. I happen to love pit bulls, but, at the same time, I feel for them when I see them around town. For some reason, I always imagine the worst, that they are a part of a dog fighting ring, even if they are just out and about with their owners. That's why I had to become active in a pit bull rescue group. They are the sweetest dogs, but have such a bad reputation, which is tragic and undeserved."
"I feel the same way. And your compassion for those animals is one of the many reasons why I am in love with you."
We chatted a little bit more throughout the meal. I deftly avoided the serious subject of us and our future, but I really wanted to find out a bit more about his background. However, I noticed earlier how his father was a sore subject, so I had a difficult time figuring out how to approach it.
I finally opted not to approach it at all.
After dinner was over, we went back to my apartment. I figured that he would leave that night, because, after all, he did have to work in the morning. I kinda also had to work in the morning, but my schedule was cleared for that day, so I really only had to get caught up on paperwork. A lot of paperwork.
He surprised me, however, when he followed me into my apartment. "Do you mind if I spend the night with you again?" he asked me before coming up.
"No, no, of course not."
"I mean, of course, I have to be at work in the morning, so we're going to have to get some sleep tonight. I just really don't want to leave just yet."
"Yes, of course."
But that night was the same as the previous night, as we made love for hours, in my bed that time. Finally, at 3 AM, I announced that we had to get some sleep, because he wasn't going to be very productive at work when he had to go in at 8 that morning. He agreed, attempted to sleep, then made love to me again.
"You're going to be exhausted in the morning."
"Exhausted and happy."
I was amazed at his libido. And the thought crossed my mind that maybe he was one of those addictive personalities, and I was just another of his addictions.
Banish the thought.
He did manage to get up and leave my apartment at 6 AM, so that he could go home and change for work and get there by 8. I was sad to see him leave, of course, but I knew that I would be seeing him soon.

Quote

Sweet24

@Sweet24

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#29

Chapter - 11
Weeks went by, and Ryan and I managed to spend every evening together. It was somewhat difficult because both of us had animals. It was decided that, since he had two dogs, and I had one cat, that we would spend most of our time at his place, instead of mine. I took Madison over with me when I visited. This was a much better arrangement then both of us hanging out in my apartment, not just because of the animal situation, but also because his place was a palatial mansion, and mine was, of course, a tiny hovel.
However, one day, I arrived home, after being away for a few days, to a most unpleasant surprise. There was a note on my door asking me to go to the office. The property management people wanted to see me.
I felt like I was a bad kid going to the principal's office as I approached the clubhouse.
"You wanted to see me?" I asked after I arrived in the property manager's office.
"Yes, Ms. Snowe. Sit down."
I took my seat across from the glaring woman. I never could stand her, and, now that she was a good nine months pregnant, she was bitchier than ever, probably because of the hormones.
"We have become aware that you have a cat in your apartment."
I turned red. I never declared Madison, preferring not to deal with the hassle of paying a pet deposit and the extra rent for a pet. I couldn't deny her existence, although I didn't really know how they found out about her. "Yes, yes, I do."
"I'm very sorry, Ms. Snowe, but you are in violation of your lease. You will have to vacate the premises within 30 days."
30 days? Unf**kingbelievable. Granted, it was my fault for trying to pull a fast one, but still...
"Wait, wait, wait. Um, I'm sorry about the cat. I'd be happy to pay back rent for her and a deposit." I calculated it in my head. It would be tough to swing the extra money, but I'd manage.
"I'm terribly sorry, but we have already found a new renter for that unit."
I was dumbfounded. They were kicking me out? I wasn't aware that the units were in such high demand. Then again, due to the recession, people were losing their homes right and left, or not qualifying for a home at all. Rentals probably were in demand.
I was shaking my head. "Isn't there anything I can do?"
"I'm sorry Ms. Snowe."
I sighed. My mind went blank. Well, this is a fine how do you do. Now you have a forcible eviction on your record, and a cat. Plus, your credit is generally shitty because of the Yellow Page ad default - I had taken out a full page ad in the Yellow Pages that I was unable to pay.
Who's going to rent to you now?
I imagined myself homeless.
I could always move in with my mother. My nephew had recently moved out of that house, so there was an extra bedroom.
I went back up my apartment. It was an off night from Ryan, because he had a fund-raiser to attend, as he frequently does. I had found out over the course of the last few weeks that he sat on the board of several charities, so doing fund-raisers was one of his job descriptions. I was pleased to learn that one of the charities was one close to my heart, the Humane Society. But the fund-raiser tonight was for the Rose Brooks House, a battered woman's shelter. It was being held downtown in one of the large hotels.
My phone rang. It was Ryan. "Hello, beautiful," he said. This was his standard greeting for me.
"Hey. I thought you were at a fundraiser?"
"I am. They're getting ready to start the silent auction, so I had a minute, and just wanted to call and say hello."
"That's sweet." I wasn't in the mood to be talkative.
"So, what're you doing?"
Contemplating living on the streets with my cat. "Nothing, just watching a little television." My viewing habits were classed up a bit, as I was getting ready to watch Mad Men on Netflix.
"I wish you were here." We'd actually discussed my going as his date. He wanted me to, I didn't. I wasn't ready for that just yet.
"Yeah, me too." This actually wasn't a lie. Those things could be boring, but they could sometimes be fun. And the food was generally passable, if not great. At any rate, the food was better than what I had in my fridge. I was spending so much time at Ryan's house that my fridge was more threadbare than ever. As I spoke to Ryan, I contemplated getting a Hardee's turkey burger for dinner. I loved those things.
"Well, honey, the auction is going to start, so I'll talk to you later."
"Later."
I did end up getting Hardee's that evening, picking up a newspaper at the gas station. I better look at the rooms for rent or anything I can find. Hopefully somebody who won't do a credit check.
I went to bed around 10 PM, and the door was knocking at 11.
"Hey," I greeted Ryan.
"Uh, I was in the neighborhood?" He looked sheepish.
Yeah, right. Your fundraiser was downtown, a good thirty minutes away. If you were in the neighborhood, it was because you drove to it. I found that humorous.
"Ah, you're here for your booty call," I said, walking back towards the bedroom.
"Well, yes, but I missed you tonight." He grabbed me and spun me around, and kissed me passionately, his tongue hungrily exploring my mouth. He tasted of red wine and dark chocolate.
We parted, as I started walking back to the bedroom. I expected him to follow me.
I turned around, and saw him looking at the newspaper that was folded on the coffee table. I had circled several ads for rooms for rent in red.
"What's this?" he asked.
Oh, geez, this is embarrassing. I still got embarrassed when I was caught up doing stupid things. "Uh, actually, Madison is here illegally." "Illegally" was not quite the right word, but it was all that I could come up with just then. "I mean illicitly," I corrected myself when I thought of the right word.
"And?"
"And I have to move out. In thirty days."
He looked happy about this.
"Exactly why are you smiling?"
"Sit down."
I sat down, and he sat down next to me on the couch. "Um, uh...well, you know, you could move in with me."
Oh, hell no. Hell to the no.
"That is very sweet of you to offer, but I can handle this on my own," I lied.
He looked crushed. "Won't you at least consider it?"
I shook my head. "Impossible. It's too soon." Then I realized that I was telling a guy who told me that he was in love with me on the second date (or was it the first?) that something is too soon. My words were falling on deaf ears.
"See, I don't think so. We get along. Things are going really well."
I was dumbfounded. "You see how I live. Do you really want that in your house?"
"Actually, yes, as long as you come with your lifestyle." That makes a lot of sense. Of course I would be coming with my lifestyle. Why would my lifestyle be coming without me? I was thinking about that phrase entirely too literally.
"No. The answer is no. Now come to bed, if you want."
But of course, moving in with him was exactly what I did. I put in applications for leases all over town, but, just as I thought, my forcible eviction and lousy credit put the kibosh on all of them. I knew that Ryan was secretly rooting against all of the apartment complexes. I wouldn't be surprised if he paid them all off, one by one, to deny me.
Of course, it wouldn't take something that nefarious to get me denied at these places. My history did that all on its own.
Finally, I called uncle. But first, he had to meet my family.
At his house, when I finally confessed that I was going to take him up on his offer, I put the stipulation of meeting my family. There was no way that I would move in with him, making such a serious step, without them first meeting him. Ryan readily agreed.
I figured that this was a good time to see if there was some reciprocity in this.
"So, you're finally going to meet the fam."
"Yes, and I am excited!"
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Well, is your family ok with some strange woman living in your house?"
His mood darkened. "I don't know."
This was a reaction I expected, yet didn't expect. I knew that there was something going on with the dad, and I had a pretty good suspicion about what. However, my suspicion was so horrible that it couldn't be imagined. Yet, the proof was there - at least one night a week, Ryan talked in his sleep, begging his father to stop something. I wished that Ryan would open up, but, apparently he wasn't ready for that just yet.
I didn't push.
What I didn't expect was that he would react this way about his mother. He loved his mother, and was apparently close with her again, after being estranged for many years. After his father's divorce, he wasn't allowed to see her anymore, and his father told him that this was Maggie's choice. It wasn't until he was an adult, and sought her out, that he learned the truth. It took some work and some family therapy, but they got past their differences and worked at re-establishing a relationship. Now they were close. Christ, he took her maiden name as his own, although he never did admit to me that this is what he did.
"So you don't want me to meet-"
"Iris, just drop it, please." His voice was hard-edged, as it always was when the subject of his father came up. And he used my first name, which was never a good sign with him.
I was perplexed. What about my meeting Maggie?
But the conversation about his parents ended there.