Beautiful Illusion updated chapter 41&42 on pg 16 - Page 4

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swetiii thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#31
it was an amazing story dr..
one of the best i have ever read...

btw
hey dearie..
is chapter 20.. part 4 a end or it would have an epilogue...

plz reply
Sweet24 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#32

Originally posted by: swetiii

it was an amazing story dr..
one of the best i have ever read...

btw
hey dearie..
is chapter 20.. part 4 a end or it would have an epilogue...

plz reply


no no dear this is not end, its just starting...

will update all chapters very soon
swetiii thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#33

Originally posted by: Sweet24



no no dear this is not end, its just starting...

will update all chapters very soon



ok dr
will b waiting desprately...
Sweet24 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#34

Chapter - 12
The night was upon us for him to finally meet the family. He had been warned about what to expect, so there was nothing that would make him run for the hills. And the night went just as I thought it would.
Ryan brought my mother a bouquet of wildflowers and a limited edition Barbie Doll for her collection. He presented my sister with a box of Christopher Elbow chocolates, which was a boutique chocolatier in Kansas City. For my father, he had picked up a signed copy of Atlas Shrugged, one of my father's favorite books. I knew that the book set him back, and the doll did too, but money was no object, as usual.
We met at a Japanese Steakhouse. I wasn't quite ready for Ryan to see my parent's townhouse. My apartment was the Taj Mahal compared to their place. They had an untrained dog, so their carpet constantly smells like pee, and my parents were sloppier than I could ever hope to be. I figured that Ryan would be better off with a small dose for this first night.
The dose he got was bad enough. I loved my family, but they were a little quirky. My nephew also showed up, and he was loud. His speaking voice was loud to begin with, and he had a quick temper and tended to cause scenes in restaurants, dropping the F-bomb as many times in a sentence as possible.

My father showed up in his usual Japanese gear - a Japanese headband, a Japanese robe and a white t-shirt on underneath. Ryan was amused by this get-up, and thought that it was cute. My mother wore a colorful shirt that I had bought her for her birthday one year. My nephew wore his usual jeans and plaid shirt, topped by an enormous straw hat. My sister was, as usual, dressed to the nines, wearing high heels and a lacy blouse.
The night wore on, as my family sat around the long table, watching the chef prepare our food. It occurred to me that this was not the best set up for Ryan to get to know my family, as we sat in a long row. It was difficult for him to talk to anybody except the people sitting next to him, one of whom was myself. Still, I could see him talking to my father animatedly.
Since Ryan had given my father the Ayn Rand book, my father took that as a sign that Ryan was interested in Ayn Rand, and he started talking about Randian philosophy. I could catch snippets of their conversation. To my surprise, Ryan knew a lot about Ayn Rand, and was prepared to debate my father about her ideas.
I heard him tell my father "I'm quite sure that she was a very intelligent woman, but I don't agree with social Darwinism or objectivism."

"Yes, but we can't let the social safety net get too out of hand." I rolled my eyes at my RINO father. The Republican party wouldn't want to have anything to do with him - the guy was pro-choice, pro-gun control, pro gay rights, and didn't mind if we would legalize marijuana. He was also passionate about green technology. Yet he called himself a Republican. Go figure.
I heard Ryan expound a little more about her philosophy, which showed that he had a deeper understanding of her work than I gave him credit for.
Meanwhile, I was talking with my mother. "So, what do you think?"
"Well, he's certainly easy on the eyes. He seems like a real gentleman, too."
"That he is," I said, truthfully.
"Do you love him?"
Again with that word. "Yes." And I realized, perhaps for the first time, that I really did love him.
Ryan made his way to sit beside my mother. It was a bit more difficult to find topics of conversation with her, as her interests ranged from trashy television to tabloids. Nevertheless, Ryan found common ground, talking to her about The Rachael Ray Show and other cooking shows, and about various episodes of Flip That House. I was amazed again at how well-rounded he was.
With my sister, he debated legalizing marijuana. Well, it wasn't really a debate, as they were both for it, but they discussed it. They also talked politics, and, again, their views were virtually identical, so there was not a disagreement there. My nephew joined in with this conversation too.

All in all, Ryan was a hit with everybody. He just had a way of making people feel at ease, and he really went out of his way to engage in conversation with each and every one of them about things that interested them. I was amazed at how deftly he handled everybody.
If anything, my sister said that he was "too good to be true." Which, I suppose that he was. The other shoe was going to drop soon, I told her. I really believed it when I said that to her.
But I wasn't quite prepared for how it would drop.
Or how quickly
.

Sweet24 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#35
Chapter - 13
Part - 1

It was about a month after I officially moved in with Ryan when it happened. We were doing exceedingly well together. I curbed my messier habits, and I took a cooking and wine class so that I could do my part in the kitchen. Ryan was an excellent cook, and I managed to get out of him that he spent two summers taking cooking courses in Italy when he was at Oxford.
As he explained "I was living in Europe anyhow, I might as well have taken advantage of it." Indeed. He was an expert Italian cook, but could also cook all kinds of other cuisine - Greek, French, Spanish, even Moroccan and Turkish food. "I became fascinated with the Mediterranean way of preparing food while I lived in Italy," he explained. So, he took cooking classes here in the states that would help him prepare Mediterranean food in general.
I'm not a bad cook, myself. I mean, I could follow a recipe for the most part, but was not yet well-versed in how to throw together gourmet meals without a book in front of me. So, like everything else, Ryan was well ahead of me in the cooking arena. I wanted to do my part, as much as I could, to help with the cooking, so I enrolled in a cooking course.
I actually told Ryan how far I had come from my horrible cook days, just a few years earlier. "I'm a passable cook now, but, just a few years ago, I'd take frozen chicken, put it in a pan, put the stove on high, then be shocked, shocked when the chicken came out raw on the inside. I knew when the food was done because the smoke alarm would be going off."

He found that amusing.
"Beautiful, you're an excellent cook. I love your Osso Bucco." That was something special that I prepared for him one night, using a recipe. To my credit, it did turn out nice.
Anyhow, it was my night to cook. As I said, up until that night, everything was going well. He taught me how to mountain bike without fear, and I was getting better at it. He was also trying to teach me how to ski, and that was harder, but I was trying. We went to independent movies at least once a week. We spent time with friends, his and mine, having somebody over at least every other week for dinner. We went to the casinos together about every other week. And we made love every night before we went to bed and every morning before both of us went to work. We also pursued separate interests, as I continued with my pit bull rescues, and he pursued tennis and photography.
In short, we were getting into a nice routine of contentment.
Not that all was perfect and rosy. We had our arguments, usually over petty things.
"Goddamn it, Ryan, would you stop flipping the channel? I mean, I don't mind it if you want to see what's on while our show is on commercial, but I really hate it when you flip around and don't return to the program we were watching."
That had happened three times now. We would be watching a show, I would be getting into it, then, when the commercial comes - boom! Ryan was off to find something else. It was driving me crazy.

Instead of arguing back on this particular evening, Ryan clicked off the channel and went to bed without a word. He was in a shitty mood, which I saw him in more often than I would've liked.
He, on the other hand, would get on me about minor things as well. "Why are you always forgetting everything I tell you? Why don't you make a list?"
"I do make a list."
"Oh, yeah, well, where is it?"
I had to admit that I couldn't find it.
"I bought you that iPhone so that you could keep track of things. Why aren't you using it?"
Because I couldn't find it, either. When I admitted as much - "I don't know where it is right now. I think it might be at the office," Ryan threw up his hands in frustration.
"You're driving me crazy! The way that you forget everything all the time, I constantly feel that this is Fifty First Dates." Fifty First Dates was a movie that we had rented one night, because Ryan said that the main character reminded him of me. I instantly got the reference - the main character was a woman who had a short-term memory problem, and literally could not remember from one day to the next. I chuckled at the time that this was how Ryan saw me, but he was evidently irritated about my forgetfulness, and was not joking in using that reference.

Plus, Alexis was still in the picture. Ryan was surprisingly patient with her when she called, not like that one morning when I heard him yelling in the phone. She even showed up on a fairly regular basis, and he would invite her in to watch television with us. She was usually drunk when she showed up, and would talk throughout the show.
"So, what's this show called again?"
"The Voice."
"What's it about?"
"It's a singing competition."
"Gawd, look at that outfit Christina is wearing."
"She always looks like that."
"I think Adam is hot."
"Everybody does."
"What are those chairs for?"
"They spin them around when they want somebody on their team."
"Oh, my god, that guy is fugly. Why would they want him on their team?"
"The whole point of this show is to find somebody with a good voice who might not have the look."
And on it went, throughout the show.
Sometimes Alexis would show up on a Saturday evening, when Ryan and I would be going out to see a show or go to dinner. Such as one Saturday evening when we were heading down to the Tivoli theatre, a theatre that shows independent movies and revivals, to see a revival of Citizen Kane.
"So, what are you guys up to tonight?"
"Going to the Tivoli to see Citizen Kane."
"Isn't that an old movie?"
I looked at her, dumbfounded. She's a Yale-Educated lawyer, and she doesn't know about Citizen Kane?

She clarified. "I mean, of course it's an old movie. I just didn't hear that it had been remade."
"Actually, we're going to see the original. There's been no remake."
"Oh." She stood there, kinda looking around. "You know, I love old movies, especially on a big screen."
So I said "Would you like to go with us?" Please say no.
"I'd love to."
This happened more frequently than I would like, and I was puzzled as to why Ryan was being so nice to her. But, far be it for me to tell her to get lost. If Ryan wants her to get lost, he can tell her to.
Which he never did.
He did apologize for her intrusion, though, explaining "You know what they say. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."
I sighed. I knew that Alexis was blackmailing him. With what, I hadn't exactly ascertained. But, he didn't know that I knew that, so I kept quiet and accepted her role in our lives. Besides, she was really pretty harmless, if annoying. And, of course, whenever we were out together, there was always the assumption that the two stunningly beautiful people were together and I was the adopted sister to one of them. I accepted that too.
I had the patience of Job.
However, on this night, Alexis came over and was definitely different. She came over, unannounced, as usual, but she wasn't her usual spacy, but sweet, self. She was belligerent.

Sweet24 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#36

Chapter - 13
Part - II
"Shit," Ryan said, looking out the door. He locked it with the deadbolt. "Hide!"
I made a face. Hide? Why would I hide from Alexis? In spite of myself, I was starting to consider her to be a friend.
I ran up the stairs to the guest bedroom with the artwork from the unknown, where I spent the first night in this house.
Alexis was pounding on the door. "I know you're in there, you little shit!"
Ryan looked panicked. I was up above, looking down at him. He looked shaken.
"Let me in there right now! I mean right now!"
He ran up the stairs as I retreated back into the bedroom. "Stay in here!"
"What's going on?"
"She's really high. I knew it the second I looked out the door at her. Her pupils are dilated beyond belief and she looks a mess."
"High on?" I didn't know too much about heroin, still her drug of choice, but I did know that it didn't make people act the way Alexis was acting.
"I would say cocaine." Cocaine. What are we, back in the '80s? "She's also probably manic. She tends do more cocaine when she's manic, which, of course, just makes it that much worse."
Oh, she's bipolar? That explains a lot. "Why didn't you tell me she has bi-polar disorder?"
"I don't know, it probably didn't come up."
Alexis was pounding, louder and louder. "You open up, or I'll kick your precious stained-glass bird in, I swear I will!" At that, she started kicking the door, on the wood part, just below the bird. The door was enormous and solid, but the bird was not. Alexis would shatter that bird, there was not a doubt.

"Stay here! Don't move," Ryan said, as he ran back down the stairs.
He ran to the door, unlocking the deadbolt.
"Where is she?" Alexis demanded.
"Where is who?"
"Who do you think? What do you see in that toad, anyhow?"
Hey! I mean, I know that I'm not supermodel status like you are, Alexis, but I try. I don't think I'm exactly a toad.
"She's not here." Ryan didn't address the "toad" comment, but I guess that it was just as well.
"Well, then, I'll wait. What do you have to eat?"
"Why do you want to talk to her?"
"Nunya."
"It is my business, Alexis. Why do you want to talk to her?"
"I saw Nick today. I ran into him at the liquor store." Him? Nick is a him? What the hell?
"Oh, shit. Alexis, you wouldn't..."
"Oh, wouldn't I? Listen, I don't have anything against your little rando of a girlfriend. She seems pretty nice, actually. I'm only looking out for her." Oh, now I am a rando? She thinks that I'm just a random person in Ryan's life?
"Alexis, please." Then he lowered his voice, but I could still hear what he said. "I haven't told her about that."
Told me about what? Oh, lord, what now? What next?
"Why are you lowering your voice?" Alexis was no dummy, even when she's high. She immediately figured that I was somewhere in the house because Ryan lowered his voice. "She's here, somewhere, isn't she?"

I told you, she isn't here."
"Bullshit." Now she was coming up the stairs. I hid in the closet. She was immediately in the room. She opened the closet door. "Oh, in the closet, huh?" Ryan was right behind her. She looked back at him. "How appropriate. Now you're both in the closet." Alexis laughed wickedly at her own joke.
What does that mean? And who the hell is Nick?
She rubbed her chin, looking at me. "Nah, I can't do it." Then she turned to Ryan. "You know what I want. I want that Cezanne. I know where all the bodies are buried. Every last body. I will burn you to the ground. To the f**king ground." I hope that the she is using "buried bodies" as a figure of speech.
I didn't speak.
"I'm going to go now," Alexis said, stumbling down the stairs.
Ryan was on the phone with Daniel. He knew that she couldn't drive, although she apparently drove over here. Daniel was over in less than five minutes. "Oh, hell no. I'll drive myself," Alexis said upon seeing Daniel. However, Ryan had already gone through her purse and taken her keys. "Where are my keys? Give me those f**king things."
"Here, Alexis, drink this glass of water before you go."
"I don't want water." But she drank it anyway. Ryan nodded to Daniel, who was standing in the doorway. Within 10 minutes, Alexis was passed out on the couch. Ryan and Daniel picked her up and put her into the Escalade.

"Thanks, man," Ryan told Daniel.
"Of course. We have to stop meeting this way."
"Don't forget to bring her back to her car when she sobers up."
He nodded. "I know the drill by now."
"You're a lifesaver, buddy."
Daniel nodded and drove off, with Alexis passed out in the passenger's seat. I wondered what kind of drug Ryan gave her to make her pass out like that, when she was so wired before. Must've been something pretty potent.
I looked back at Ryan, who looked shocked and shaken. He was literally shaking, too.
Now you're both in the closet. What the f**k?
I was scared to ask. "What was that about?"
"Excuse me." He took his phone into the other room. "Yes, Dr. Halder? Thanks for answering the phone so late. No, no, I'm ok. Do you have an afternoon open sometime this week? As soon as possible? I need about three hours of your time, if possible." He stood, silently, on the phone for about five minutes. "Wednesday. Anything sooner?" Then "Yes, yes, I understand. Thanks for clearing your schedule for me on Wednesday."
He came out. "Uh, what are you doing on Wednesday at 1?"
"Well, let's see," I said, looking at my iPhone. Ryan bought that for me as a gift the first week that I moved in. "You need to be better organized," he explained when he bought it. I couldn't argue with that. "Uh, I have a couple of new intakes. I could always reschedule them." I was a little bit upset about getting into the rescheduling business again. I was trying to be more responsible. I couldn't lose my practice now, because then I would be a total loser. Ryan wouldn't want an unemployed loser living with him.

"I normally wouldn't ask you to do that, but this is important."
"You want me to go to your therapist with you." That was a statement, not a question, because I knew the answer.
"Yes. Please."
"Ok."
Then I was on the phone with Melinda. She wasn't happy. "You're rescheduling again? You were getting so much better."
"Yeah, I know, but this is an emergency."
"Ok," she grumbled.
"Thanks."
I turned to Ryan. "Done."
He took a deep breath. "Ok, now you have to promise me something."
"What's that?"
"You won't ask me a single question about what Alexis said, or what you heard Alexis saying, until we can sit in Dr. Halder's office together."
Shit, that was in three more days!. My curiosity, and, I admit, panic, was killing me. "Deal," I said, faking a smile.
He let out a deep breath. "God, I love you." Then he was back on the phone. "Yes, Dr. Halder. It's Ryan again." Pause. "Yes, I hope that is ok if I bring my fiancee in as well on Wednesday." Pause. "Thanks for accommodating us."
I looked at him. Fiancee?
I suddenly felt terrified for some odd reason.

Sweet24 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#37

Chapter - 14
The three days that I had to wait to see Ryan's therapist was sheer hell. Over and over again I heard Alexis' words "Now you're both in the closet," and I couldn't stop obsessing about who Nick was. Now I knew that Nick was a man, and...No, no, stop that. It isn't that. I was sorry that I ever agreed to Ryan's condition that I not talk to him about what Alexis had said before Wednesday.
It wasn't exactly fun being around Ryan, either. There was an elephant in the room that neither of us could address just yet. My mind was going 1,000 miles an hour, considering all the possibilities. While Alexis chose not to reveal Ryan's secret to me that night, she did plenty of damage without coming right out and telling me what's going on. Perhaps that was her objective.
She played her hand perfectly.
I realized that one of her main goals was to get Ryan back any way she possibly could.
Yes, she wanted material possessions, but it had always been clear to me that for her, he was the ultimate prize.
You screwed up lady, now your trash is my treasure. Not that Ryan could, or should, be considered to be anybody's "trash." So, who knows? Perhaps she was just putting something out there that wasn't true at all in an attempt to put doubt in my brain about Ryan. With me out of the picture, she could worm her way back into this good graces, perhaps.

These were all the thoughts which were going through my mind as I tried to concentrate on work. Such concentration was impossible. And I once again started thinking about how I hated the practice of law. Yet, I felt that I really couldn't leave it. Ryan was crazy about me, but I currently have a somewhat respectable position. He wouldn't be too embarrassed to introduce me to his board members or his high society friends. However, if I decided to walk away from the practice of law to work at Whole Foods, then that would be a different story. Plus, Alexis, for all her craziness, was a highly respected attorney herself. She was a partner at a large firm, and she was educated at Yale. That's who he should be with - a beautiful law firm partner. But, he had chosen to be with me, so I had to bring something to the table. I just had to suck it up.
It was very discouraging. I was dealing with the reality of my burnout, at the same time that I was anticipating a major bombshell from the therapist.
I wasn't having a good day.
I came home, and Ryan was waiting for me. A huge bouquet of roses was on the table. There was also candle light, and I could smell dinner waiting for me. He opened a bottle of his wine.
"Love, I know that you're stressed out. I'm so very sorry about all of this. I'm sorry to make you wait to find out what's going on. I wish that there was something I could do. I know that dinner and roses won't take away your anxiety, but I just wanted to make the gesture."

I had to admit, he was sweet. I hoped that what was revealed would not be a deal-breaker, although I was very nervous about it.
Dinner was delicious, as usual. He made one of my favorite meals - potato gnocchi with sage butter, goat cheese and walnuts. It was savory and produced an orgasm in my mouth. He served it with a simple Caesar Salad with homemade croutons and homemade dressing. Dessert was Zabaglione with fresh raspberries. We went through a bottle of some of the finest wine from his winery.
After that meal, I was feeling better.
He led me up to the master bathroom. This was a magnificent bathroom with a sunken tub. We took off our clothes and climbed into the tub. He had run the bath to just the right temperature, and made sure that there were lots of bubbles. He lined up some of my favorite songs on the iTunes collection, and they were piping through the speakers in the bathroom. We drank wine and relaxed in the enormous tub.
He gently massaged my shoulders with massage oil while he sat behind me in the tub. He shampooed my hair, giving me a gentle scalp massage. I leaned forward a bit, and he started to rub my back with the oil. His hands massaged my back, then my shoulders, then my neck.
"Ooh, you are so tense," he said, his hands gripping my shoulders, trying to work out the knots. Yes, I was tense, but the tension was gradually starting to get better with every grip of his strong hands. We relaxed in the bathtub for a couple of hours, as I raised my feet out of the bath from time to time to keep from pruning too much. The water never got cold, as the tub had a built-in heating unit, similar to a hot tub.

After the bath, I lay down on our bed, while Ryan massaged my back with the oil, and the back of my legs. He massaged my calves and my feet, spending a good deal of time on each body part. I felt that I was having a professional massage. That was how good it felt. Then I lay on my back, and he massaged my thighs and my arms. I was starting to completely relax when he started kissing me passionately. He made love to me, tenderly, slowly, like we were on the first night. I didn't want it to end. We ended up making love for hours, tenderly, passionately, slowly. We were comfortable together, more comfortable than that first night, and we were starting to find out what each other enjoyed. He had hinted, more than once, that he loved the butt play that I gave him that first night, so I made it a point to do that on a regular basis. So, I fingered him slowly while he moved inside of me.
He groaned. "Stop, I'm close. I want to make this last longer." I stopped. "I'm sorry. I just want to last inside of you. That turns me on so much that I can't control myself." That was fine.
After we had made love for hours on the bed, and in front of the fireplace in the bedroom, laying a rug down in front of the fireplace, I fell asleep in his arms. I hoped that this would not be the last night for us. We had made love that night like it could be our last night together, and the thought absolutely terrified me.

I whispered to him "I love you."
Unfortunately, he was already asleep.
He didn't get to hear the words that he was so desperate to hear from me since that first date.

Sweet24 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#38

Chapter - 15
Part - I
The D-Day had finally arrived. I met Ryan at Dr. Halder's office, getting there slightly early and waiting in the waiting room for Ryan to arrive. He arrived shortly after me. We sat in the waiting room in silence, me flipping through a People magazine. He just stared into space. I could hear his breathing. I could even hear his heart pounding.
"Are you nervous?" I asked.
"Deathly," he said.
"Me too."
"Iris, I just have to get this out. I hope that you can handle what is going to be said in here. I pray that you can. If you leave me, I don't know what I will do."
I patted his hand lightly. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."
"I hope you're right about that."
"Oh, I'm quite sure."
Dr. Halder called us in. "Iris, Ryan?"
Ryan greeted him with "Hello, Dr. Halder. This is my, uh..."
"Fiancee?" Dr. Halder asked, looking at me.
Ryan looked at me. My expression was skeptical. Why is he going to lie about that?
"Uh, actually, she is not my fiancee yet." He looked at me. "Yet," he repeated.
Whatever.
"Come on in, sit down."
There was a love seat in the enormous office. The office was overlooking a bluff, and had a very nice view of the city. The windows were huge, and the ceilings were high, about 14 feet tall. I had to admit that this was a very relaxing office, with a little waterfall in the middle of the room. Ryan and I took our place on the love seat.

"Now, Ryan, first for the preliminaries. We discussed what you want to do on the phone. I need you to sign your waivers of confidentiality." Ryan nodded, taking the papers in hand, reading them carefully. Meanwhile, I sat there, literally shaking. I made eye contact with Dr. Halder. He smiled.
"Nice day out there," he said.
"Yes."
"The trees are finally turning."
"Yes, this is my favorite time of the year." And it was. I have always loved autumn in the Midwest. I loved Halloween, and the way that the air was so crisp during the month of October. I loved that the Christmas season was right around the corner, which was my second favorite time of year. I loved that it got dark so early.
Ryan and I had made a date for the following weekend to drive out to the country to see the changing leaves. I hope that we make it that far.
Dr. Halder continued to make some small talk while Ryan carefully read the confidentiality waivers. "Are you looking forward to the Chiefs' season?"
"I'm not really a football fan. Except when Joe Montana played." This was a good twenty years ago. I sounded like an idiot.
"Well, you aren't missing much."
"True." My father always got on me about not liking the Chiefs. I couldn't help it. I didn't care for football, although I had a massive crush on Joe Montana, so I not only watched every game the year that he played, but I recorded them on my VCR (this was well before the DVR age), and watched them back. Again and again.

"Have you seen any good movies?"
"I saw the Dark Knight Rises."
"Yes, that was a good one. Did you see The Dark Knight as well?"
"I did. I didn't like it the first time I saw it, but I watched it again, and Heath Ledger really did give a masterful performance."
"Yes. It was too bad about what happened to him."
I took a deep breath. I had a feeling that another Heath Ledger film, Brokeback Mountain, was soon going to be invoked.
I hoped not.
Ryan was finally done with the confidentiality waivers. He inhaled and exhaled mightily. He nodded at Dr. Halder.
Dr. Halder began, addressing me. "Ms. Snowe, um, can I call you Iris?" I nodded. He began again. "Iris, do you know why you are here today?"
I looked at Ryan. He wasn't looking at me. He appeared to be studying the paperweight on Dr. Halder's desk, memorizing the design. "Uh, not really. I mean, I have my suspicions."
"What are these suspicions?"
"Well, uh, Ryan's ex-wife said something the other night, and I guess I need to find out what she meant."
"What did she say?"
"She said that Ryan was in the closet."
Dr. Halder nodded, looking meaningful at Ryan. Ryan nodded his head.
"Iris, I need to ask you this. Do you believe in bisexuality?"
I gulped. This was heading just where I thought it would, and I didn't like it one bit. "Sure. I mean, Angelina Jolie is a bisexual, Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas has admitted to it, Megan Fox, Anna Paquin, Lindsay Lohan, Zoe Saldanas..." They were all women.

Dr. Halder nodded. "Those are all women," he said, stating the brutally obvious. "Now, I know that this is going to sound odd, but do you believe in male bisexuality?"
I looked at Ryan, feeling uncomfortable. "Actually, I've always heard that there are no bisexual men. There are straight men, and there are men on the way to gay town."
Dr. Halder nodded again. "That's a common misconception."
I took a huge breath and waited for Dr. Halder to continue.
"You see, the female bisexual is accepted in today's society. Britney Spears kisses Madonna on national television, and there's some controversy, but it's really not a big deal. As you noted, there are no shortage of female stars who openly admit to having had affairs with women."
I nodded. "Yes, that's true."
"What do you suppose would happen if, say, Brad Pitt came out and admitted to having had a love affair with a man, like Angelina Jolie had come out and admitted to having had an affair with a woman?"
"I don't know. I suppose his career would be over."
"Precisely. There's a double standard about this. The female bisexual is hot. Men have fantasies about two women together. Women brag about having same-sex affairs in college. It's cool to be a female bisexual. The male bisexual is not so accepted."
True.
Dr. Halder continued. "Do you know about the Kinsey study?"
I did know something about that. "Uh, Kinsey stated that sexuality is fluid, and that nobody is entirely homosexual and heterosexual."
"Right. Sexuality is on a continuum."
I nodded. "I admit that I don't really know what that means."
At that, Dr. Halder produced a little line chart with a moveable slide. He put the slide in the very middle of the line. "Here is an illustration of one's sexuality. On the left side is complete homosexuality. You are attracted to your same sex, and only your same sex. On the right side is complete heterosexuality. You are attracted to the opposite sex and only the opposite sex. And right here, in the middle of this line, is a true bisexual. That person is attracted to men and women equally."
I nodded.
"Now, where would you place yourself?"
I moved the little slide far to the right.
"I see you moved the slide far to the right, as far as it can go."
I nodded.
"That means that you have no attraction to the same sex."
I thought about it for a second. I remembered at least two occasions when I met women to whom I was extremely attracted. I even had fantasies about one of them. I also had a massive girl crush on my college roommate. And I often fantasized about women when I masturbate, especially voluptuous women that I encounter on the street.
"Um, let me change my answer." At that, I slid the little slide slightly more to the left. Then slid it a bit more after that.

Sweet24 thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
#39
Chapter - 15
Part - II

"I see you moved the slide further to the left."
I looked at Ryan. He was still studying the paperweight.
"Yes, I, um, have attractions to certain women."
"Have you ever been with a woman?"
"No." Why is this suddenly about me?
"Why is that?"
"I don't know. I guess, uh, I guess I'm afraid to be."
"Afraid?"
"Yes. You know, it's taboo and everything."
"Ok." He looked at Ryan. "Ryan, would you like to add anything here?"
He drummed his fingers lightly on the side of the love seat we were on. He took the slide in his hands and moved the slide further to the left, much further than where I had moved the slide.
He looked me in the eye. "This is where I am at on the continuum."
The slide was just right of center.
"Oh," was all I managed to say.
Dr. Halder motioned Ryan to go on.
Ryan took a deep breath. He looked at Dr. Halder. "I can't tell her about this. Can you help me?"
Dr. Halder took the bait. "Ryan called me very distressed this week, concerned that you had found out about a man by the name of Nick."
"Nick, yes."
"Has Ryan told you anything about Nick?"
"No. I suppose that would be why I'm here today, in this office, to find out about that."
"Yes. Ryan indicated to me that he wanted a safe place to discuss with you his relationship with Nick, so that you can get your questions answered by a trained professional."
Your father what?
But he didn't elaborate on that.
"Anyhow, the pressure was getting to me, so I bought a gun. I loaded it, and put it to my chin. I was about to pull the trigger when Nick started knocking on the locked door." His eyes were watering as he looked away in the distance. "I screamed at him to go away and leave me alone. He persisted. Of course, he had a key, but I had barricaded the door with a bookcase." More finger-combing, then his hands were on his pants leg, then he had his keys in his hands, and were flipping them around. Over and over. Dr. Halder tossed Ryan a little squeeze ball, and Ryan gripped it, squeezing it again and again. He wasn't looking at me at all.
He continued. "Nick came through our sliding glass door. We were on the sixth floor, and we had a balcony. So did our next door neighbor, so Nick went to the next door neighbor, got on their balcony and leaped onto our balcony to come through the door. He risked his life doing so, as there were several feet between our balcony and their balcony. Once through the door, he tackled me before I could get the shot off."
I was feeling overwhelmed again. Nevertheless, I motioned for him to go on with his story.
"I hated him right then. I wanted to die, and he didn't let me. But, later on that night, we were having a beer in our room, and I was feeling very thankful by then about what he did for me. And we, uh..." He looked at Dr. Halder desperately. Then started squeezing the ball again, his knuckles turning white. His hands came to his face, as he rubbed his cheeks and eyes. More finger combing.
"We, uh, we kissed that night. And, we, uh, got intimate."
My eyes were wide. "How intimate?"
"Just oral."
Just oral? I was going to have to wrap my head around this.
"Ok, then that happened that night. I can deal."
"Actually, it didn't end there. I mean, we were buddies still, we were always buddies. But we started having oral sex on a regular basis." Ok, so it was an on-going affair. Still manageable.
"Where's Nick now?"
"He, uh, lives in Mission Hills." This was another ritzy Kansas City suburb, as ritzy as Hallbrook. "He has a wife and two children."
Ok, so Nick lives in town. "Do you still see him?"
"Yes."
"Do you still..." I made a meaningful face.
"Yes. Or, at least we did, up until I met you."
"Oh." There was nothing more to say.
I began again after finding my words. "How do you feel about him?"
He looked at Dr. Halder. "I, I, I am in love with him."
I looked at Dr. Halder, panic in my eyes. "Is this possible? I mean, you said that people can be attracted to the same sex and be heterosexual. Can someone be in love with somebody from the same sex and still be heterosexual?"
Dr. Halder began. "Yes, it's quite common."
"Oh." I relaxed a little.
Ryan continued on. "Nick has been there for me through the absolute worst times in my life. Through the drugs, through the almost suicide, through the divorce, through losing Mia. He has always been there, rock solid for me. I love him very much as a friend, but I love him as more than a friend as well. He's been the only consistent person in my life. Ever."
"So, where do we go from here?" I asked.
Ryan looked at Dr. Halder. "Go ahead and tell her what I told you the last time I was here."
Dr. Halder addressed me. "Ryan is very much in love with you. He sees a future with you. He also loves Nick."
"You guys don't..." I made a circle with my thumb and forefinger, and jabbed my other forefinger in and out of the circle.
"No. We've never done that."
"Good." As far as I know, it's difficult to catch diseases from doing oral.
I had to admit that this encounter was an education for me. I had my prejudices, as do most people, about men being intimate with other men. I didn't think that there were male bisexuals. I guess I didn't think about men being the same as women in that regard. That, just as women can love people from both sexes, so can men.
"So, what're you thinking?" he asked anxiously.
"Well, I'd like to meet this Nick."
"What else are you thinking?"
I was thinking that I was confused, more confused than I had ever been. How can he love me and a man as well? But I just shook my head and said "nothing. I just need to process all this a little bit more, that's all."
Later on, after we'd arrived home, I realized that I needed some time with all of this. It was too much to digest all at once. I mean, I had an inkling that it was coming. Hell, I had a very large heads up that this was coming, with Alexis' cruel comment about both of us being in the closet. But, hearing the words was something different altogether.
Bisexual.
The man I love is bisexual.
Sweet24 thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
#40
Chapter - 16
Rage
Ryan met me at our home, arriving a few minutes after me. He didn't know what to say to me and I didn't know what to say to him. A large part of me resented him, felt that he sucked me into his life without giving me pertinent details, such as his love affair with a man. I mean, if it was an isolated incident, or it was on-going affair, but happened years and years ago, that would be one thing. But it was on-going recently. That was just a little too much to handle.
I had to get away to think about this. See what happens? You move in with this guy, now this. You have nowhere to go.
"Um, how do I put this?" I began. Ryan was looking at me expectantly. I continued "I think I need some time to process this. If you don't mind, I would like to stay with my mother for a few days."
Ryan nodded, but looked very hurt. "I figured that you were not really ok with this."
"Well, I don't know that yet. I might be ok with this. I might not be. I need some time to decompress and maybe do some research on this topic."
"Listen, Iris, I meant what I said. You're the most important thing to me."
"I understand that. I really do. But, I'm a newcomer here. We've only known each other a few months. You can get over me very quickly, and you'll probably be able to find a woman who is completely ok with your lifestyle. I might be that woman. I don't know yet. But, what I do know is that you'll be ok, either way." Will I be ok too? That was another story. But I wasn't going to tell him that. I turned my face away from him, not wanting to see the stricken look on his face at my words.
I sighed. I realized that I had gotten myself into quite a dilemma. I relied upon Ryan to save me, because I had no place to go when I was evicted because of Madison. Now, if I move out, I really will have no place to go. Why would I do this? What's wrong with me? I left myself with no options. I should've known better.
I went upstairs and packed a light bag and put Madison in her carrier. She yowled and cried, because she, like all cats, hates the carrier. "Shhh, Maddy, don't cry," I said, stupidly. Madison wasn't going to understand my words. She's a cat. Nonetheless, I tried to calm her down as best as I could.
I turned around and Ryan was standing in the doorway, looking very upset. "You can leave her here, you know."
I shook my head. "She's my responsibility, but thank you. I think that I've relied on you too much."
"I want you to rely on me, don't you understand?" He looked angry now. "I mean, I know why you're leaving right now. I pray to god that you come back. I know why you need some time. Any woman would. What I don't know is why you're constantly keeping me at arm's length."
I sighed. "Listen, Ryan, you told me that you thought you were falling in love with me on the first date. The first date! This isn't Romeo and Juliet. People don't fall in love like that." Suddenly, I was angry. "So, yes, I think that you're full of shit. I really don't know how I could think any differently. You still don't really know me. And I certainly don't know you. Today proved that."
Then Ryan let loose with lightning quick rage. He took a crystal egg that was sitting on the dresser and threw it down below. It smashed into a million tiny pieces. "Goddamn it, why do you doubt me? I try to get you to understand how I feel about you, and you just shit on me! Fine, leave, never come back for all I f**king care. Leave! Just leave! I don't want you here!"
I was scared now, but, for some odd reason, not as scared as I should've been. Been here, done this. He's turning out like all the rest after all. I simply raised an eyebrow, picked up the yowling cat and my bag and walked out the door.
As I was getting into my ancient car, I looked up and there was something else that came crashing through the window up above. It was a vase. Maybe I was in shock, but I found it all somewhat humorous that he was destroying his own stuff, simply because I really didn't have anything in the house to destroy. I mean, I had clothes there...Woops, here come the clothes through the window now. I sighed, picking them up off the pavement and throwing them in the back of the car. I waited, figuring that he would throw all my clothes out, which he did. I spent the better part of an hour picking up the clothes off the pavement and packing them up in the car.
Then, with the cat yowling at fever pitch, and all my worldly possessions in the back of the car, I drove off.

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