Forever and always yours 10(part-1) on Pg 68 2.3.17 - Page 29

She could not stop him from coming because she somewhere deep down she wanted him to come in and she did not want the neighbours to create an issue. As soon as he enters inside and he hugs her, saying -pata hai hum tumhe kitne yaad kar rahe the. She is confused what to do whether to reciprocate his hug or not? She decides not to reciprocate the hug cause' it will only make her more vulnerable. But she could not depict any harshness towards him today. She knows she should be angry but she couldn't be at least right now when he is talking so lovingly. She also knows that he's drunk because for her, but then she thinks did I ask him to drink? No.. The answer comes from within. She has no clue how to react because she also wanted to see him, she asks him - tum yahan par kyon aye ho Jalal? He says- mai tumhe bohut hi jayada miss kar rahe tha is liye agaya. Par mujhe dar lag raha kahi tum vapas mujhe suna na do. She could not help but smile at his cuteness. He breaks the hug takes her hands and pulls it gently and she follows him and he brings her near to the couch he turns and holds her shoulder gently and says- tum baith jao thak gaye hogi na. He kneels down to her amazement and gently raises his right hand to touch her belly, to feel their baby. Jodha understood why did he raise his right hand? She should protest she knew it, but she didn't. Why? She thought why can't I protest? Somewhere within her said because he has the same right you have over the child. He finally keeps his hand gently on her belly and says- Jodha hum mehsoos kar sakte. Humare bache ko mehssos kar sakte. Tears roll down her eyes, when she hears our baby she is happy deep down that he could feel their child even though he is drunk. He continues- Jante ho hum kabse humare bache ko mehsos karna chacte the? He gets up and asks- tumhare khawabga kahan hai Jodha? She looks at him boggled and points to the door in the left he holds her hand gently and says- chalo. She gets up and follows him to the bed room and he says- baitho. She didn't desire an inch to follow him she hates herself for what she is doing right now. Her voluntary muscles are not in the control of her brain, but in control of her heart right now. And her heart's master is none but Jalal. She sits on the bed without any second thought; he sits beside her on the bed. And says- tum janti ho hum kab se sona chacte hai. Hume bas neend ki goliyon kahne ke bad neend hi neend ati hai. Dar lagta ki kahin hum humesha ke liye na soj na jaye. Hume dar lagta hai ki kahin humare andar ka dard hum mar na dale. Par hum sona chacte bhi hai kyonki jab tak hum jage rehete hai humari akhri mulakat ki sari bateen humare samne at hai. Aur Hum yaad dilti hai ki humne tumhe barbad kar diya hai. Hume apni pak mohabbat ka katal kar diya. Kabhi humare jehen mai khayal ata hai ki hum mar jaye. Par Tumse muaffi mange bhi nahi chain se ji sakte hai na mar sakte hai. Jab agli subah meri ankhe kholti hai toh khwabga ka khalipan katne ko dodta(run) hai. Hum tumse aj bhi mohabbat karte hai, bahut jayada mohabbat. Mante hai ki hum galat the, lekin hum jo kiya voh kal kiya tha, aur kal beet gaya hai, hum badle gaye hain. Aj hum voh insane nahi hain jo hum kal te. Tum janti ho jab tumhara accident hoa tha. Hum laga ki koi humare zindagi humare hathon se fisal rahi thi. Hum ab tak khud ko muaff nahi kar sake hai . Hum par aitbar karo. Hum jante hai ki hum par aitbar karne bahut mushkil hai lekin ek bar, ek akhiri bar aitbar karke toh dekho hum tumhara dil nahi todenge. Tumne humse pucha tha na ki kya agar Rukaiya ka sach humare samne nahi ata toh kya hum tumhare pas vapas ate. Tumne utar jane se pehle hi hume jane ko kehe diya. Yeh to annayae(injustice) nahi hoa. Hum vapas ate Jodha kyonki jab Rukaiya aur humari nikah ho gaya tha. Hum jabi Rukaiya ke sath soye the hume kabhi bhi chain nasseb nahi hoa tha. Hume har pal lagta tha ki hum kisko dhoka de rehe the. Jo humara intazar kar raha hai. Hum dono alag kamron (rooms) mai sote the. Aur hume bahut gussa ata jab Rukaiya hume jallad bula thi. Hum batak gaye the Jodha. Par meri rooh janti thi ki voh sirf tumhari hai. Hum khul kar sans lene chacte hai. Khul kar jina chacte hai tumhare sath. Hum ek bar muaff kar do. Hum dono mil kar zindagi ke tote tokdon ko phir se jod sakte. Agar hum dono akle rahe hain toh zindagi kat le Jodha. Par ji nahi payenge. Zindagi jene jarori hai Jodha, aur humare bache ki kya galti hai? Chache voh tumhare pas rahe ya mere pas, uski zindaggi kharab ho jayegi. Us hum dono ki zarort hai. Is bat ko na hi tum tukhra sakti ho na hum ki hum dono humesha ke liye jude rehenge humare bache ke karan. Ek akhiri bar.. sirf ek akhiri bar apna dil hume de kar dekho. Hum humesha tumhara dil ko mehfooj rakhenge hum vada karte hain. { Jalal's part in hindi is too long and I believe some will find it difficult because of the errors so here's the dialogue written in English- Do you know from when do I want to sleep? I only feel sleepy after having sleeping pills. I'm afraid that I might sleep for eternity. I'm afraid that the pain inside me will kill me. But I want to sleep also because until I'm awake all the talks of our last meetings come in front of me. And it reminds me that I've ruined you. I can't live peacefully nor die peacefully until you forgive me. When the next morning I open my eyes the rooms emptiness runs to eat me. I still love you, I love you a lot. I agree that I was wrong, but what I had done is past and past is gone. I've changed. I'm not the person I was yesterday. Do you know when you met with an accident, I felt like my life is slipping away from my hands. I haven't forgiven myself till date. Trust me. I know trusting me is too difficult but for the last time try and trust me I will not break your heart. You had asked me that if I had not known the truth about Rukaiya would I return to you. Before I could answer you sent me. I would have returned Jodha because right after Rukaiya and I were married and I slept with her I was never in peace. Every moment I felt I'm cheating someone. Who is waiting for me? We slept in separate rooms. I use to get angry when she used to call me Jallad. I want to breathe freely. I want to live freely, with you. Forgive me once. We both together can fix the broken pieces of life. If we both live alone we can pass, survive. But we can't live. Jodha living is important and our child what mistake has it done? Whether it lives with you or me his life will be destroyed. It needs both of us. Neither you can deny the fact nor can I that we will be always be connected because of our child. One last time... just one last time try and give your heart to me. I will keep your heart safe forever I promise. } Saying this he lies on the bed keeping his head on her lap and dozes off. Jodha couldn't protest because she's confined to her thoughts she realized. Every word he spoke seems to ring her ear again and again. Her mind played the conversation again and again as if an audiotape. His every word is true. She always wanted to know what he had thought about their separation all this time and now she it is in front of her crustal clear. But now what? She had always thought what he might have felt after their separation, but never once did she think what she will do after she knew his feeling. She feels vulnerable. She has to decide what to do. Yes, she has to. It is essential. Neither she nor Jalal can go in circles not knowing what the future holds. Someone has to act strong among the two. Someone has to take a strong stand. Why wait for Jalal? She can make decision. Her decision can make or ruin three lives she knows. But if she just goes back to Jalal because of their child, will things work out? NO, she replies it will only be a compromise. Compromises ruin everything, life, love anything. But her child she corrects herself their child will need both of them. He said give me your heart and I'll keep it safe. Could she ever give her heart again? He couldn't lie today he's pouring out his heart and drunk people don't lie. Could she trust him once again for the last time? She knew she could but she didn't want to. Because getting hurt again by him is something she can't bear again not today not ever again. She could bear million of heartbreaks given from her close one' except Jalal. She tolerated when her dad rejected her, even though till date it stings. But the difference between the pain her dad and Jalal gave her is that what her dad gave her stings her, but the pain Jalal gave is like poison it gradually, yet very effectively kills her day by day. A little more death as compared to the earlier day. She doesn't want to have any more reason to hate him. Because if she will have a reason to hate him more, she knows her heart would stop beating or would burst because her heart already is enough pressurized to hate him. She thinks early in the morning the first think she'll ask him is to leave, because she's not going to melt not so soon at least. His words can't apply medicine on her wounds. His words only make her wounds sting more as compared to earlier. She lays his head on the pillow, and goes to the guest room she can't let her emotions ruin her again. She messages Moti not to come. She had enough of this man and she is determined not to give away herself so easily. One moment he is like I love you Jodha and the next moment he is like who are you Jodha? What does desire she thinks forgiveness sorry she says I haven't even come to the point of melting, then how can I forgive? She goes and dives into the bed and then dozes off. He gets up the next morning; in spite of his headache due to the hangover he is surprised to find himself somewhere else. He sees the clock in front of him indicating 10 A.M . he has rarely gotten up so late. He had never been to her apartment all he knows was the address. He had seen the apartment from outside million of times in the past week but he couldn't muster up the courage to come in. He thinks hard where he is? He just guesses that he might have driven her last night and that too drunk. He is just about to pray to Allah! That it shouldn't be what he's thinking, when he hears the knock on the door and sees Jodha enter with a glass of lemonade. He is happy to see her again he scans her persona; there is a bandage on her forehead she has improved a lot since the last time he had seen her. She saw him staring at her, she cleared throat to gain attention and she succeeded in doing so. She kept the glass aside on the table and is about to leave when she hears him say- Thank you. She has make it clear to him that he has to leave and here is her chance , before he misunderstands that she has a soft corner for him. She says- No soft feelings Jalal. I did it just because of humanity. Now drink it and leave please. I don't want to create more problems. He could feel the coldness in her voice. He felt bad, but didn't say anything cause' he didn't want to make matters worse. He drank the lemonade as soon as possible and left. While going he saw her last glance of her till when? He thought he had no clue. Standing two steps away from him. She was serene, her eyes cold and emotionless, usually she did this when she didn't want to show her emotions. He said take care Jodha. She thought what she could say- take care no, never show me your face, no she couldn't say that. I hate you no she can't speak falsely, she preferred remaining mum. But as he stepped outside the door she found her voice, her words. She says- Jalal.. He was waiting for her to call him at least once. He turns back and sees her and says- haan. Jodha chides her heart mentally and finds an excuse to say and says- Drive safe. She shuts the door and climbs into the bed where Jalal had slept in her room inhaling his fragrance and she let her tears flow, she has to end it she has to make decision. Within today. To hold him or let go. She can't stay confused anymore she has to think for herself and their child's better future. She closes her eyes to get some more sleep.

Promo- Haven't decided.

Sorry I hadn't updated earlier .Sorry could write a long update. PLzz leave ur valuable comments, criticism is also welcomed. Sorry 4 d errors. Thanks 4 reading, love Ana.