OS: Ankahee Baatein (Unspoken conversation)- Author's note-pg 9- 05/23 - Page 5

Originally posted by: nini06

Bravo...👏..!!
It was really cute...😳...best part was the confrontation...😊

Originally posted by: sw123

awesome os 👏

hope the same happens in serial also

continue to write more and pm me when u do

Originally posted by: surbhimathur

Hey first of all thank you for the pm 😃 Welcome!

secondly..dude! You are a writer! Woah and that too an amazing one! Congratulations on your first writeup 👏 Thank u ! thanks for giving a detailed review.It feels nice to hear when i am called a writer. 😳Because never in my dreams I thought I could write an os i mean creative writing.

You very well explained the chaotic state of jodha's heart and mind. The way she kept questioning herself at every step was very well penned, i wished to see like this in the show. We just got one monologue of hers after the tirth kar being removed but here you showed each step which gave smoothness to your writeup.

That was one of the motive of this os to show Jodha's transition of feelings and wanted to watch this on show too. I am so glad you noticed it and liked it too.😳

Then jodha's welcome in agra was short and sweet, me likey 😳 Thanks. 😊

Then comes AkDha confrontation! You know at this point of time in their life it becomes difficult to imagine what could be their first conversation..will they hug or just clear the air between them. The way you wrote it was so different and soothing to read, trust me romance is not necessary everywhere, because conversations are more important and AkDha need to talk it out first rather than going on with the romance.

I am relieved and very happy that it was soothing and that u enjoyed it and appreciated even without romance! that was one of my fear that people might not like it because it did not have the usual romance but i wanted to show their emotional connection and sorting things out.

So all in all i loved your take on this shot! Ending was perfect..with rahim sleeping and then AkDha resting with their fingers entangled with each other.

very touched that many people including u liked the ending . thanks. It is one of my fav. touches of this story too.
Loved It! ❤️ Thanks. 😳
And that Registaan Ka Gulaab reminded me of bhavini! Thanks to her that we got to read your writer skills Yes, thank to her I started writing. registan ka gulab was used for 2 reasons bec jalal recalled jodha as that and bhavini''s story is name too so was a lil tribute to her too.😳
Keep writing and do pm me 😊 Send me a buddy request, if I am not in ur buddylist so I do't forget to send a PM. Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing in detail.

Originally posted by: JAN_SA

wow absolutely fantastic, loved it

Originally posted by: aisha...11110

AWESOME😉😉

U SHOULD WRITE MORE😃

ND FOR JA JO🤗👏

Originally posted by: sashashyam

My dear Ash,

Thank you for alerting me to your charming OS, which I would otherwise have surely missed, for I do not, for sheer lack of time, read any fan fiction here. This is a piece that deserves detailed and vocal appreciation.

awww. Thank you so much Aunty. I really appreciate that you liked and taking time to give a detailed comment on it. It means a lot.😃 It's even more special when it comes from an amazing writer like u.

In fact, I like it much better than the show. Your Jodha is far more appealing, and your buildup, about how she misses Jalal and thinks constantly about him, is precisely what should have been there in the serial. You have thus done far better than the CVs, and your script would make the transition to a genuine love story really believable. Whereas in the serial, it is going to look like Aaj se Jodha Begum Shahenshah se prem karnewali hain! And when the screen Jodha claims that she has bahut/adhik prem for the Shahenshah, it seems like a gimmick without any follow up.

Jodha's transitions of feelings and emotions was one of my aim to write this os.I wanted CVS to show it too. I am glad you noticed the transition too. I am really happy and honored to know that you liked it more than the show and liked my version of Jodha more.😳

It is the same with your Jalal. Last night, he was so OTT that it was difficult for the viewer to take it. After all, he is an emperor, and there is a certain dignity that one expects someone in that position to have, but the CVs obviously think otherwise. The film Jalal was perfect in this respect, as in many others; he never stooped too low even in love, and he was always imperial.

I was not too upset with how they showed Jalal. The way I saw it was he has been depressed since his love has been away and upset with him and he gets to hear that his love and "biwi" is coming back so he is going crazy with happiness, restlessness and excitement. I was just so delighted to see Jalal basking in happiness that I could not help but be happy for him. But, I do understand where you are coming from.

I have not seen tonight's episode, but I am told that Jalal gives Jodha a whip and asks her to punish him. I really cannot believe that they can reduce Akbar to this, but kya karein? Your Jalal, in contrast to this travesty of an Akbar, comes as relief. He is, even in the midst of such a major guilt trip, still logical and temperate, and he does not reduce himself to a puddle of regret and self-flagellation (or flagellation by Jodha either!).

I wanted Jalal to be logical and also to let Jodha know what he expected from her. About precap, I am going to wait to see the episode.

Jodha too is sensible and coherent, and her explanation re: guroor and peedha is a good one. I do not quite buy it, but it is a neat manoeuvre nonetheless! That's how I saw Jodha but I understand if u don't quite agree.

Finally, I liked it a lot that the two of them have a rational conversation, free of taanas and acerbic exchanges, and most important, reach a sort of code of conduct for the future.

This was one of my other motive for this os. I believe it is really important for them to clear things out and have real talk and tell each other where they went wrong, apologize, forgive and learn from their mistakes and share their expectations from each other. I really hope they show something like this in the show.

The finale was perfect. Nothing else would have worked half as well.
Thank u so much.😳
Once again, I am glad I caught up with this one. You have considerable control over both style and content, and I am sure you will keep this up and build on it for your future attempts at fiction. Here is wishing you lots of fun with them!

Thank you once again. I was not too sure how this os would come out and very happy to know you and other liked it.😃

Shyamala B.Cowsik

PS: You mean Ankahee Baatein, do you not? Yes! It's funny that I kept looking at title and knew there was something wrong but could not figure out.😆 Thanks for pointing out subtly.

Edited by ashpat - 11 years ago

Originally posted by: Cleo12345

hello Ayesha,

very well written OS. 👏 Thank you. 😃

I admire the fact that you pay attention to details...Example, you were careful and used Hindi words for Jodha's part of convo and Urdu for Jalal's...I was very impressed after reading that..

Thank u for noticing it. 😊

I haven't read a lot of OS/FFs but have noticed that a lot of writers do not give attention to this detail...Your english translation was perfect...Amazing👏

Thanks once again! It really means a lot coming from a superb writer like you.

Please keep writing and send a PM whenever you write the next one...God bless you!

Thank u! I will PM u for sure if and when I write one.

Thank you for reading and taking time out for commenting. 🤗

love

Cleo

Originally posted by: divyavm

Loved the OS! Thank you.

Thanks so much for alerting me to it: My pleasure!

Though I loved all of it, my three most favorite moments:

- Jodha feeding the birds and remembering Jalal's comment on the water- that is a very subtle scene after the suicide track and was a brilliant one to recall

Thanks. From that day onwards their journey took new turn from ajmer shariff trip.

- Jodha's reflections on why she cannot forget him despite her hurt

That was one of my motive to show her feelings and transition of her emotions. Glad u noticed it.

- Jodha admitting her fault in the MU while retaining her self-respect and asserting that she had the right and need to return when she was ready

This was another of my aim of os. I wanted to show Jodha and Jalal both to realize their mistakes, apologize, forgive, learn from it and share their expectations moving forward.I am hoping they show it in the serila too.

Thanks for reading and giving detailed comment. Appreciate it.😊

Divya