Can wives in a polygamous marriage be friends? - Page 7

Originally posted by: -aady-

This is actually something to think about. I feel the most effected in such marriages are the first wives, who feel like they have total control over the husband. But here the thing to take into mind was the period in which it happened.

If taking the 1500's into consideration, that time it was a norm to have more than one wife. Rather a monarch with just a single wife was hardly found. In such a society I think women were used to being put in situations where there was not just one wife. So it is possible that they could have been friends. But I think the possible situation where wives could be friends:

--> When one of the wives doesn't want the attention of the husband

--> When the husband is hardly in town

But its definitely something to think about! 😕😕

Originally posted by: neeshaa16

Its a very thoughtful post indeed. While I agree wives in polygamous marriages cannot be friends..only rarely like Salima begum and Jodha as Salima -Jalal never had any husband -wife relationship.. or have you read Khald Hossieni's "A thousand splendid Suns" where the two wives come together against their monster husband. I loved your post ..thanks for lovely post..

Originally posted by: adianasr

Interesting question Khushi.

Polygamy and Polyandry - I am open to both - Today neither is a legal possibility - but when they were legally accepted norms, ppl were brought up to accept the situation with equanimity - yet in either case, the parties involved did have insecurities - and that too is perfectly fine - after all we are human and not saints!!!

Infact, I will as much say that marriage is not finish line in my perspective - Most marriages all over the world do not happen for Love - though many of the much married couples would strongly refute this - and I am even open to either half in a marriage finding Love happening to them with another after marriage - what they do about it is their individual decision.

Originally posted by: ---Khushi---

Interesting, Adi...that's all that I can say...even if one is brought up with this mindset, can the wives be friends with each other?...that's my main question...

Btw, if u have the time, please read this,

http://www.aljazeera.com/news/africa/2014/03/kenyan-parliament-passes-polygamy-law-201432116656522465.html

Originally posted by: adianasr

Khushi, that is my point - the concerned parties will have insecurities and it is ok for them to do so - some will have more and others will have less - that does not make one a saint and the other the devil - it just makes both human - and humans need Love, compassion, Empathy and Understanding.

Originally posted by: mandyg

khushi i do not know if u have access to dhwani where shyamala and all us as a group are pretty active there, would u mind posting the same post over there, u might even get more response..thx😊

Originally posted by: ---Khushi---

Yes, but what do these insecurities lead to?...it's no joke living under one roof 24x7 with these negative feelings. & what factors contribute to rise/fall of these feelings of insecurities?

The way I see it, the situation is very much akin to sibling rivalry that the first offspring undergoes when parents lavish too much attention on the new second baby, n unintentionally ignore the first. So far, he was the centre of the parents' universe. Suddenly, he isn't. He hates to share his parents.This small child, feels tremendously insecure unless handled well by the parents. The love of the parents for their children has multiplied, but their time has certainly got divided. And the first child resents this.

In JA, I personally feel that Jalal has not handled this issue sensitively. First, he encouraged Ruqu in almost all her wrong doings, pampered her, & assured her she would always be his main Begum. But now she isn't. So what next?