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She had been pulled, she had been pushed and she had been manhandled in every possible way.
But she had also been touched...like no one had ever touched her before. And she had been looked at...with tenderness that had taken her to heaven. She had been caressed...like she was the most precious treasure on earth. And she had been kissed...almost...igniting a burning fire within her that had left her reeling.
And then...she was brought down to earth with a resounding crash!
And then...she had been dumped...like she didn't mean a thing!!
And then...she had been shown her place when he had chosen someone else over her without a moment's hesitation.
But then again, wasn't he always destined to be someone else's? Wasn't she here for that very same reason...to facilitate that? Then why did this hurt so much?
'Di, I am ready to marry Lavanya' he had proclaimed not 5 minutes ago and there she stood staring at him from a distance...looking at him hugging Lavanya and accepting good wishes from all gathered. And then he looked straight at her, like he was challenging her...daring her...like he wanted her to ask him now why he did what he did!
But she had no strength left in her to fight...fight with him or fight for him. The past 6 months had been a roller coaster ride of hating him and wanting him.
And as she looked at him again with her tear-filled eyes, her head spun and she stumbled. She held on to the column for support even as she fought to rein in her nausea.
She was roughly pulled into his safe arms in the next instant.
'Tum theek ho?'
(Are you ok?)
It was her undoing. She jerked herself free and gasped as the world around her spun again.
'Khushii! Baat karo mujhse. Khushi! Kya hua hai tumhe?'
(Khushi! Talk to me! What has happened to you?)
Khushi looked at his concerned face and the worry shining in his soft, molten caramel eyes. She felt like he slapped her hard across her face and her hand went up to cup her cheek.
'Khushi?'
'I'm...I'm ok Arnavji'
She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders and looked him straight in the eye.
'Congratulations to you and Lavanya Ji. I'm very happy for both of you'
'Really? So you're okay with this?'
'Why? Why shouldn't I be okay with it? In fact, isn't this the reason I'm here? In your house? In your employ? I should actually be the happiest! After all, my efforts have truly paid off today, hasn't it?'
'But, are you? Happy?'
Khushi looked up at him...the ache that had started in her chest was now spreading through her body like a wildfire. She wiped the sweat beads that were forming on her forehead with the back of her hand. She needed to get out of there. She was feeling sick and dizzy and all she wanted was to be alone...away from him...this house...these people!
'I need to go'
'Khushi? Are you ok?'
'Please, let me go'
She rushed out of his house. She wanted to get away from it all...far, far away! She never wanted to see him again. She vowed never to set foot in his house or in his life! But there was one thing that was nagging her in the back of her mind.
'Why? Why did he always come close to her? Why did he hurt her and then soothe her? Why did he touch her at every given opportunity? What did the look he gave her mean? Why did he almost kiss her?'
As she walked along the deserted road, her head spun again with all the jumbled thoughts. Just as she thought she was going to fall, she heard a voice.
'Khushi Ji?'
She turned around to see Happy Ji in his old Ambassador car.
'Everyone at your house was worried about you getting home so late on Diwali night. So I came to take you back'
Khushi smiled gratefully and got into the car. As Happy Ji slammed her door shut and she leaned her head back on the seat...the answer came to her!
Betrayal
...it hit her like a ton of bricks
...and left her gasping for air
Lust
...that's all it was
...that's all she meant to him!
'I love you Arnavji' she hugged him tight from behind and rested her cheek on his back. Arnav clenched his fist and closed his eyes in frustration. He just did not want to deal with this right now.
'Enough, Lavanya! Stop calling me that!'
Lavanya shuddered at his harsh tone and loosened her grip on his waist but did not let him go. As Arnav moved to pry her fingers away, she tightened her hold again.
'ASR? Please! Let me stay like this for a bit' her voice sounded heavy and sad.
Arnav stilled at the sudden change in her tone. As he pulled her slowly to face him after a few minutes, he was shocked to see the expression on her face. She knew!
'But I guess you love Chamkeeli, huh? Then why are you hurting me, ASR? And why did you hurt her? Most of all, why are you hurting yourself? Your family? Why are you letting your anger and your ego destroy so many lives?'
Arnav bent his head and shook his head. He didn't know! All he knew was that his entire being...every cell in his body was aching for Khushi right now! He wanted to see her, hold her, say sorry and tell her how much she meant to him...how much he didn't mean what he said and above all...he wanted to finish that kiss!
He looked up at Lavanya, startled!
'So that's that!' sighed Anjali inwardly as she helped Lavanya pack her belongings.
The whole family was shocked when they came to know about the breakup of Arnav and Lavanya...a mere couple of hours after Arnav had proclaimed loudly in front of the whole world that he was ready to marry her. Then Mami, Nani and Anjali had cried and cajoled and coaxed Arnav to think it over, all in vain. He had made up his mind! He looked as if he had reversed his decision and then tuned everyone out. As Anjali had watched him he seemed so lost...he was only physically there but his mind seemed to be somewhere else.
Anjali wiped her tears as she folded the last of Lavanya's clothes.
'Don't worry Di. ASR will marry. Just give him space and time to sort things out by himself. I guess I always knew! This is how our relationship was supposed to end, Di...without a name. It'll take some time, but I promise you I'll be fine' Lavanya hugged Anjali.
'Pick up the phone, Khushi! Pick up the phone, dammit!' Arnav muttered as he paced back and forth near the poolside with his phone glued to his ear.
The phone kept ringing but she never picked up. Arnav threw the phone on the chair, frustrated! Of course she wouldn't pick up the phone. Why would she? After all that he has made her go through! An ache had begun to spread through his chest.
'Khushi, Khushi, Khushi' he kept chanting as he sat down on the chair, exhausted!
Her tear stained face kept flashing in front of his eyes again and again and it was all he could do to stop himself from screaming out her name. As tears filled his eyes, he realized it!
Agony
...he never knew it would be so palpable
...he never thought he would feel it again
Arnav remembered all the times he had hurt her, the innumerable times he had been a jerk about her status, the countless times he had made her cry. Why? Why did she affect him so? What was this thing between them that kept pulling him towards her...unknowingly...unwantedly?
'Khushi! I know! Tum theek nahin ho! I know you're crying your heart out...silently. Khushi! Ek baar tumhe dekhna hai mujhe. Khushi!' Arnav whispered into the silent night.
He got up swiftly and grabbed his keys. He had to see her...now! He had to make sure she was ok. Even if he can't talk to her, he needed to be close to her. Just as he stepped out of his room, he halted in his tracks. Tonight was Diwali. People would be everywhere on the streets. He will not be able to park in front of her window and expect to be alone.
He plopped himself on his green recliner and rubbed his eyes. This night is going to be a long one. But what would change once the sun rises? Will he stop being the arrogant ASR? What is he going to say to Khushi? Is he ready to bare his heart out? Is he ready to give her the respect and commitment she deserves?
He closed his eyes as thoughts muddled up his brain. But as Khushi's face flashed in front of him, he had a sudden moment of clarity.
Screw his brain! This cannot be logical or rational or practical. He needs to use his heart...listen to it. And as he thought about that, he realized that all that mattered to him was Khushi. He had to make this right. He knew his breath would stop if she went away from him.
'What the!' he sprang up! Then he smiled a rare smile...
Love
...that's what it was
...that's what she meant to him
A loud sob broke out of Khushi as soon as that realization hit her!
Can it be true? Lust? Is that all it was for him?
NO! Her heart screamed in protest! But her mind told her otherwise. What else could it be? The great Arnav Singh Raizada did not believe in love, commitment or marriage! He probably thought she was easy game, what with her being poor n' all and her Babuji being paralyzed.
But then why did he say he was ready to marry Lavanya? Khushi knew he didn't love her...she could see it in his eyes. Then what was the reason? Family! She decided! He was agreeing to marry Lavanya for his Nani and Di's sake. And why shouldn't he? Lavanya was everything he would probably look for in a wife if he believed in the institution of marriage, wasn't she? Beautiful, educated, sophisticated, born and brought up in London...she would easily fit into his society.
She was brought out of her reverie as Happy Ji jerked the car into a stop in front of her house. She looked up and saw that the door was open. Kids of her neighborhood were running around, screaming in joy, and bursting crackers. Women were flitting about with trays of sweets, dressed in Laxminagar's finest! Her own house was decked up in pretty fairy lights and looked bright and happy.
As she thanked Happy Ji and got down, her head spun again. She realized she felt tired and weak. It was probably because she hadn't eaten in a while. Her head hurt and her eyes were burning. She shook her head and dragged herself inside. As her Jiji and Buaji descended on her, she quickly made an excuse of being tired and rushed inside her room. As she bolted the door and slid against it, she finally let the sobs break out. She cried for her broken heart and her broken trust in a man for who she meant nothing!
Even then, the thought of not seeing him every day, not listening to his angry taunts, not feeling the gentlest of his touches made fresh tears stream down her face. The tender look in his eyes when he saw her tears, the blazing fire in his molten caramel eyes when he came near her...how will she live without him?
Khushi wiped her face as Payal knocked on the door. Khushi was startled to realize that she had been sitting there crying for more than an hour! She quickly wiped her eyes and opened the door for her sister and rushed into the bathroom to wash her face and change.
Unaware of her burning fever and unaware of the happenings in Shantivan, Khushi cried herself to sleep.
'Arrey Sanka Deviii! Are you up yet? Tum ra phone he! Uthalo aayi ke!' shouted Buaji at the top of her voice.
(There's a call for you. Come and get it!)
'Hello?'
'Chamkeeli! You left without telling us last night! Do you know how much I looked for you? Come soon now' Lavanya trilled over the phone.
'Lavanya Ji! Aapko bahut badai ho! But what will I do coming there now? My work is done. You don't need me anymore' Khushi tried to get out of going to his house.
(Congratulations to you)
'Khussi bitiya? What happened? Won't you come to meet this old lady? You'll finish your goodbyes over the phone?' Nani took over from Lavanya.
'No Nani Ji. I didn't mean to upset you'
Nani, Anjali and Lavanya finally convinced Khushi to go see them. They didn't want to tell her the fact that Lavanya was leaving that same night to London.
Arnav finished his morning run earlier than usual. He was desperate to talk to Khushi, to see her! He had to! He had to see for himself that she was ok! He didn't care what anyone said or thought, he had made up his mind to go to Laxminagar to see her. He could not wait anymore.
He had barely slept all night. He spent most of it staring at the stars wondering if Khushi was seeing the same ones too.
'Baat sach ya jhoot ki nahin, baat yakeen ki hai' she had said when he wanted to know if his Mom had really become a star. Then she had silently stood by him, supporting him, understanding his pain without saying a word.
(It's not about what's right or wrong. It's about beliefs)
'Khushi!' he whispered as he got ready. He closed his eyes as he saw her smiling face in front of him. She was a breath of fresh air in his otherwise stale life. And instead of cherishing her, all he had done every time was killing her innocent spirit...until all that was left of her was a shell of her real self! He clenched his fist as pain seared through his heart. How was he ever going to make up to her?
He took a deep breath. Now was not the time to dwell over what he could've done. It was time to mend what he had already done. It was time he brought that beautiful smile back on her face. It was time he showed her what she meant to him. He squared his shoulders as he picked up his coat and swiftly strode out of his room.
As Khushi got out of the auto in front on Shantivan, a sweat broke out on her forehead and she shivered at the same time. She really was feeling weird.
'Nothing will happen Khushi. You're feeling crappy because of all the crying. It's simple! Go in, congratulate Lavanya Ji, say good bye to Anjali Ji and Mami Ji, take Nani Ji's blessings and leave'
As Arnav rushed downstairs without heeding his Di calling him to have breakfast and opened the door, he was startled to see Khushi standing there with her hand in the air as if she was about to knock.
He stared at her! 'Khushi!' he called out in his husky voice. Khushi looked up at him and took a step back.
She looked pale...almost grey and she had dark circles around her eyes. Her hair was roughly tied back and wisps of it were all over her face. She shivered again!
As Arnav stood blocking the door and kept staring at her, Khushi said 'Aap hume aise kyon...'
'Dekhne do' Arnav cut her off. He took a fill of her and his body instantly relaxed and felt lighter. He sighed with relief. She was here! In front of him!
(Let me see)
As she shivered again, Arnav stepped closer with concern. 'Tum theek ho?'
(Are you ok?)
Khushi looked up at him and anger blazed in her eyes. 'Aap ko kya faraq padtha hai?'she snapped.
(Why do you care?)
'What?'
'Hum theek hai ya nahin, iss se aap ko kya faraq padtha hai?' she asked him again.
(Why do you care if I'm alright or not?)
Arnav clenched his fist but stopped himself before he grabbed her by the shoulders. He would not do that again to her! He was going to treat her like she deserved to be treated! He was not going to manhandle her again.
'Don't talk to me like that, samjhi tum?' he bit out. 'Tumhari har baat se mujhe faraq padtha hai' he mellowed down.
(Everything about you matters to me)
He stepped aside to let her in. As she walked past him, he said 'Khushi?'
As she turned around, he said 'I need to talk to you'
'But I don't want to talk to you or listen to anything you want to say. Please, just leave me alone!' she folded her hands in front of him and walked away.
To say Khushi was shocked to hear about Arnav and Lavanya's break up was an understatement. Millions of questions swam in her head. But Lavanya did not divulge anything except to say that the decision had been mutual and there was nothing anyone could do or say to change their mind. They were just not meant to be and they definitely didn't love each other or think that they were ready to make a big commitment like marriage with each other.
'I'm very sorry for your broken engagement Lavanya Ji' Khushi hugged her just as Arnav came back in and sat on the sofa opposite to them. Khushi glared at him! How dare he? How dare he play with the lives of 2 women and get away unscathed? She fumed!
As Lavanya got up to get her bags, Khushi said 'Can't you stay for some more days Lavanya Ji? Do you have to leave today itself?' Khushi was sad to see her friend go.
'It is in everyone's best interest, Chamkeeli, including mine!' she smiled weakly. 'I will miss you though. You must come to London to visit me. Get your passport done and I will send you a ticket, ok?'
Khushi nodded mutely as she fought to contain her tears from spilling out.
After Lavanya left for the airport, Khushi sat with Anjali and Nani to console them. She shivered for the 100th time that morning. She had realized by now that she was sick and she was probably running a high temperature. All she wanted to do was go home, have a cup of chai and snuggle into her bed.
As she excused herself politely to head home, she remembered something. 'Anjali Ji, I will just talk to Arnav Ji for a minute and then leave' she said and as Anjali nodded her head absently, Khushi started slowly walking up the stairs towards his room...determined to put an end to it all today!
She found him by the poolside, staring listlessly at the still water with his hands in his pockets. He looked so melancholic that it tugged at Khushi's heart. He must have been feeling bad about Lavanya, she thought as that thought brought an unknown sadness to herself.
'Arnav Ji?' she called to him softly. 'I am sorry about you and Lavanya Ji' she continued as he turned around swiftly and walked to her.
'It's ok Khushi. I guess we both did the right thing...finally' he said. Khushi nodded. It was his business. She didn't have any right to tell him what to do or judge him for his actions.
She rummaged in her cloth bag and fished out the small key that she had been carrying around for months. She held it out to him. 'Your mannat ki chabi is still with me. I just wanted to give it to you before I leave'
As Arnav stared at her and didn't make a move to take it from her, she kept it on the table in front of her.
'I should go' she said and turned around to leave.
'Thanks! For giving back the key!'
Khushi whirled around to face him again. She felt rage building inside her. Everything that had happened between them the previous night came rushing back to her. She felt cheapened and demeaned just by standing in front of him.
'Apni mannat ki chabi yahan wahan chod ne ki aadat hai aapko. Yeh chabi hamare paas thi iss baat ka koi galat matlab mat nikal lena. Yet mat sochna ke ek gareeb ladki aapki paiso ke liye aapki mannat ki chabi ko apni seene se laga kar baithi thi. Mujhe iss sab se koi faraq nahi padtha'
(You have a habit of leaving your key here and there. I had this key with me but don't think that it means anything. Don't think that a poor girl had this key with her just for your money. I don't care for all these things!)
'Koi matlab nahi hai?' he whispered
(Doesn't mean a thing?)
'Shayad aapke liye hoga. Aap ko tho laga hua hoga ki aapki kaam aasan hogaya. Mere liye uss baat ki ya aap ki koi ehmiyat nahi hai'
(Maybe for you. You probably thought that it got easier for you. But for me, that incident or you...is not important!)
Arnav looked at her, stunned! It felt as if she had sliced a knife through his heart. His eyes were burning as he clenched his fist.
As she stepped past him to leave, 'Kya tumhe mujhse sach mein koi faraq nahi padtha? Aise hi sab khatam karke chali jaogi?' he said quietly. That stopped her in her tracks, but she neither turned around nor said anything.
(Does all this really not matter to you? You want to end all this just like that?)
'Khushi, whatever happened last night...'
She didn't let him finish!
'Nothing happened last night! I thank my Devi Maiya for that! You probably thought that I was fair game. That I am poor, so I will do anything with you for money. But what were you up to? That too right before you had decided to get engaged to another woman? You thought you would have some fun before? How much were you willing to pay me for that? Tell me, Mr. Raizada, what you thought this low class girl was worth?' she screamed.
Arnav was flabbergasted at what was spewing from Khushi's mouth. As he saw red at how she was demeaning herself, he lost all sense of calm that was pervading him till then and charged at her with an animalistic growl that shook Khushi to the core! As he grabbed her roughly by the shoulders, Khushi started shaking like a leaf...both from fear and fever!
'What.did.you.say?' Arnav whispered dangerously. 'I dare you to say it again! I dare you to demean yourself like that again!'
'I'm...I'm...' Khushi stuttered even as her body fought for balance. Her head spun and she felt nauseous. She pushed him away with whatever little strength she had left and rushed inside his room and into his bathroom. She slumped near the toilet and threw up. Arnav rushed inside in alarm. He pushed open the bathroom door just as she slumped down and held her braid and started rubbing her back. Khushi tried to jerk his hand away, but he persisted. As she came out of the bathroom after cleaning up with great difficulty, she swayed. Arnav ran to her and caught her frail form in his arms just before she hit the floor. That's when he felt her scorching skin!
'Khushi? Khushi? You're burning up dammit! Didn't you know you were sick? Khushi? Talk to me!'
He swung her up and gently placed her in his bed. He covered her with his quilt and rushed to the bathroom to get some cold water. He put a wet cloth on her forehead and dialed his family doctor. He then called his Di and Nani who came with a worried look on their faces.
The doctor gave Khushi a shot to bring her fever down. She was running a temperature of 103 F and Arnav was shocked to see Khushi that sick! With it came guilt! He had done this to her! He had pushed her so hard these past few months and last night was her limit. Her young, fragile heart could not bear his misdeeds any longer and it was her body's way of shutting down!
Arnav put his head in his hands. His eyes were burning with unshed tears. As the doctor gave her medicines and left, Anjali followed him out. Unaware of the turmoil inside Arnav, Nani came to him and put her hand on his shoulder.
'We have to call her home Chotey. I don't think she's in a state to go home right now'
Arnav nodded. 'Can you please do that, Nani?'
'Yes, I will call them now. Will you be ok with her here? You might have to use the guest room' she said hesitantly. She knew her Chotey and Khushi had a lot of friction between them and he didn't allow anyone in his room.
'No, Nani. I will stay here with her. Someone has to be here when she is this sick. You tell Di to rest. I will be here' Arnav said without looking up at his Nani.
If Nani was surprised, she didn't show it. She nodded and left.
Arnav got up and changed the cloth on Khushi's forehead. He touched her neck and she was still burning. Arnav frowned. The fever should have gone down by now...she had the cold compress on her and the doctor had given her a shot almost 30 minutes ago. He got up from his chair and sat next to her on the bed. He tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear and bent down and gently kissed her forehead.
'What has happened to you, Khushi? Please get well soon. You can yell at me how much ever you want to. I can't bear to see you like this' he said as he took her limp hand in his. As he brought it up and gently brushed his lips against it, he saw Khushi sigh in content. Arnav's heart went out to her. How could he have ever hurt her? She was so pure and innocent and she had such a good heart. She had brought so much joy to his family. And she had filled his life with her bright colors. More importantly, she had filled his heart with hope...hope of leading a normal life and hope of a future filled with love and laughter.
He was overwhelmed with all his feelings for her.
'I love you! I love you, Khushi' he whispered softly.
As the words left Arnav's lips, Khushi stirred.
'Amma?' she mumbled.
'Khushi? I'm here. Are you ok?' as she opened her eyes, they clashed with concerned caramel ones.
'Arnav Ji?'
Arnav took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. Khushi looked at him, wonder in her eyes at his tenderness. Her heart filled her with joy. But history made her wary!
'I'm sorry for hurting you Khushi. I am sorry for all the times I've hurt you. I don't think my entire life would be enough to make up for all the wrong. But I know you have a big heart. I know, even after all that life has thrown at you, your heart is only filled with love. Can you be kind enough to somehow find it in your heart to forgive me? Make me a part of you?' Arnav's emotions running amuck made his voice thick and hoarse, even as he tried to blink back his tears.
As Khushi's heart went out to him, she lifted her hands and cupped his cheek.
'Arnav Ji!'
As she struggled to swallow and bring out words, all the hurt, all the pain, all the rejections, all the taunts came back to haunt her.
'No! I can't let myself be vulnerable again!' she mused.
'Why? Why do you care? Why do you care whether I live or die? And why are you saying these things? So you can trample all over me again when it suits you? Why? Aap ko kyon faraq padtha hai?
(How does it matter to you?)
'Faraq padtha hai, Khushi! Kyon ki baat tumhari hai isliye faraq padtha hai. Kisi aur ki hota tho nahin padtha'
(It matters, Khushi! Because it's you, it matters! If it were someone else, maybe it wouldn't!)
'Kyon? Humse kyon faraq padtha hai aap ko?' she riled him up again!
(Why? Why do I matter?)
Arnav jerked her up from the bed as he took her in his arms. Khushi's breath left her in a whoosh as he yelled,
'Because I love you dammit!'
Author's Note:
This is a OS I rewrote for the Diwali Contest and I just got awarded the 'Best Writer'! This was my first contest as a writer and obviously I am beyond excited!! For people who have already read a part of it, I hope to continue this soon-ish. For new readers...I hope you guys like it!
This is a OS I rewrote for the Diwali Contest and I just got awarded the 'Best Writer'! This was my first contest as a writer and obviously I am beyond excited!! For people who have already read a part of it, I hope to continue this soon-ish. For new readers...I hope you guys like it!
Love,
Limon.
INDEX
PART-1: Scroll up
Udne Ki Aasha
Kumkum Bhagya
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