Blast from the Past Thread #29 **Aana To Tha Hi** Pg 23, Epi 346 - Page 21

Originally posted by: indi52

episode 333

back in episode 254, nani had said chhotey can't bear it if someone he loves is hurting and he can't do anything about it. he starts hurting himself.

today, his beloved sister is in unimaginable pain... and he can do nothing about it.

in no time, he has taken the entire responsibility for this tragedy and said the words that honestly made me empathise with him so much, i could feel myself getting pretty emotional.

good acting, always beautiful.

"kya hua hai, koi humey bataaga kya baat hai..."

"what's the matter, will someone tell me what is the matter?"

honestly, i found the entire anjali in her cabin with weeping family members all around extremely melodramatic and hindi soap. not my thing. and i am used to much better direction in ipk. this seems to be another let's get trp moment.

however that bit, where no one is being able to tell her exactly what's the matter and she is asking again and again... from personal experience, yeah, this can happen... and it is puzzling, crazy making, unreal. good catch di. And I sort of understand how mami would be the one to break the news.

and the moment when at last we say, tragedy did occur... in a way always unreal perhaps. because we rarely factor horror in, in a realistic way, into our lives. especially, the completely unexpected tragedies.

even then, it all felt like gross disrespect of audience. and achhi bahu stepping in... "di," tears streaming down cheeks, good girl look on, hand on di's cheek, "samajhne ki koshish kijiye?" try and understand...

huh?

what happened to anjali's mami and nani? suddenly we have khushi in mode saviour... a girl who has never even been to bed with a guy, has nooo idea of what it is to conceive, carry a child, nothing, thinks she should tell a mother who has lost her baby, try and understand.. don't get me started on this ..

hmm, severe loss of writing beans.

i will suttupiya kar leo.

"bakwas band kijiye, khushi ji" stop talking nonsense, admonishes anjali, my mind says, "exactly,", before i can stop it.

anjali looks at the door... her mainstay, her brother, the boy who showed himmat when the whole world crashed, stands there... she only trusts him. and a bhram, the biggest "galat faimi" of her life, her illusion... shyam ji. he who doesn't exist... at all.

and there in her brother's eyes, in his tears, is a truth she can't deny.

she has to take note... a feeling begins to come to life... a sheen of tears springs and covers the eyes...

a tear falls.

a hand approaches the place where only a woman knows what is treasured and lived with...

anjali hugs her baby who is no more.

her brother watches his di, aap meri duniya ho, aap sab kuch ho, lose her world.

life will not spare you... especially if it knows you are strong, you are one with courage, you will fight on.

at last anjali howls and cries for her child...

and why am i, despite my complete nahiin to the story and the melodrama, almost close to tears?

tragedy... i guess, because it does come in life; and in another's tragedy, even if in a story, one feels one's own. resonance, identification, stuff of which great stories are made.

he watched his hi sister's meltdown...

a hand moved toward the door... he gripped the handle, he wanted to go in... he remembered "nahin chahiye hume yeh bachcha," "di, main hamesha hoon na..." "koi nahin hai!!"... I don't want the baby, I am always there, no one's there... all the hell his sister has been going through... really utter hell.

he retracted his hand... he couldn't go in.

suddenly an insensitive hand threw in a spadeful of platitudes at this point. khushi lectured a man going to pieces. this too happens... has happened to me. but must you reduce your beautiful heroine to this? she of all people would feel his feelings, be in rhythm with him, she can talk to him through the stars, dammit.

where are the writers of this show? why is the new writer being allowed to do this? not a single thought for what has been created.

in advertising, when new creatives come to work on an established brand, oh the amount of work that goes into making sure, no false note creeps in and harms the image, the feel, of something.

asr khushi.

does the new writer even know what this means... to people around the world... people still celebrating their anniversary, their teri meri, their first kiss, their almost kiss two years after the show has ceased to be.

manorama with her "bahar nahin jaibe!" felt more real.

of course, instantly dadi starts about shyam... the writers have worked hard to devise this re-entry of shyams' so that is all that matters.

only asr remains real through all of this and to an extent... anjali... and that vital relationship. if she needs him, he needs her just as much... to live. a sensitive khushi had realized this a long time ago, watching a brother and sister reunite in a temple. when she couldn't tell asr about shyam straight after realizing the truth even though she so wanted to, it was because she instinctively knew how essential di was to this man whom she seemed to have feelings for though she never meant to.

"vada kiya tha maine di se ki hamesha unhen protect karoonga... kuchh nahin kar paya mein... bloody failure. i tried, khushi. bahut... bahut koshish ki maine... har baar nakaam raha main..."

"i'd promised di i'd always protect her... won't let anything happen... bloody failure... i tried, khushi... tried very hard... i was unsuccessful every time"

that "had baar" rang a sad knell... he feels khushi's tears every time and he fails with protecting his sis every time... so he feels.

khushi tries to say that is not the case and the straight shooter calmly states,

"no khushi, yahi sach hai..."

no, khushi, this is the truth.

asr never runs away from any truth. i have a lot of regard for this character. he is presented as blighted, dark... going toward light... a romantic hero, almost a type at one level. the story telling illuminates these features amply, but his dialogues and the acting gives us traits that go beyond... makes him far more complex and almost impossible to neatly label.

i see a full human being with a boldness, a sense of justice and a view of life that is beautiful. no fudging. see a thing for what it is. call it by its name. don't hide behind excuses... and yes, be a little hard on yourself. expect more of yourself. i feel this is what makes people reach up, nothing wrong with it if you don't become judgmental of yourself beyond reasonable limit.

"uss raat bhi main kuchh nahin kar paya tha jab mere aur di ke saath woh haadsa hua" that night too i couldn't do a thing...

a memory that is never far storms through him.

at last we see a bit more of that memory. a boy running up desperately to stop tragedy... alas, that's not to be. the story of the other woman tumbles out, the whole "woh aurat" story... would asr talk so much in this state, i wonder.

maybe.

what is certain is that the entire story has been sort of changed. the new scenes are shot with a different boy.

i know i keep saying they changed the story... we keep thinking there was a clear story all through. but that is possibly not right. i have learned over these years, in the soap world there is hardly ever a concrete tale. everything changes according to trp. sometimes they can pull it off, sometimes not. a premise is perhaps the only thing that producers stay true to... sometimes not even that. here they were willing to kill asr and let khushi fall for someone else.

given this brutal "market" attitude, it's a miracle anything survived and i am still here.

"chhota tha par maine himmat ki..."

i was young but i showed courage.. another thing in this young man i admire.

"socha di ko meri zaroorat hai... aur di ko kaha ki, di sab theek ho jaayga... main sab kuch theek kar doonga... hum phir khush honge.. but here i am... i failed dammit... phir se wohi sab ho raha hai, khushi... main kuch nahin kar paya, khushi.."

heartbreaking really... he had thought di needed him... told his di, all will be well.. he would make it all okay... they'd be happy... but here he is...

a failure dammit.

it's all happening again... I really liked the way Barun delivered this dialogue.

this was suddenly insightful writing. the sense of tragedy was seeded too young in asr, now it is perhaps part of him... some part of him perhaps dreads a return and now he feels it's all happening again. in a way it is. his bro in law is a cheat like his dad... and as a result... there has been a death already.

i can almost feel his terror rising.

"jab di thodi khush ho jati hai mujhe lagta hai sab theek ho gaya... i don't know why everything just goes away..."

perhaps this episode's most touching and telling words... when di was a little happy he would think all was well.

i could suddenly feel his whole world rock and shatter at age fourteen and ever since a human being trying hard to find stability, feel all is well. there is a memory of chaos locked in him, almost permanently... felt real, believable.

easy to judge him because he stands up and defies fate, but when i feel that shaken turbulent stricken young boy i just so admire the route he took to make things work again... and i felt his tenderness, his need to feel yes, he is fine, to be cuddled and soothed and protected... he too had that need. I wished khushi being sensitive would feel that and just give him that, nothing else.

Originally posted by: indi52

episode 335

"most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility."
~~~ sigmund freud ~~~

i just watched asr right through this episode. his love, his helplessness, his frustration, his magnificent anger and that boy who never could let a night go.

dadi brought out the worst in him... a clear clean absolute emotion, an anger, but beneath it one sensed a human being in great pain, struggling. she was such a bad reminder of sheeshmahal, all that he has tried valiantly to put behind.

now she stands here with the archaic and erroneous views of sheeshmahal, insisting they be adhered to just because she is the elder and he is the scion of the maliks. she is his grandmother from his father's side, and in a patriarchal system, she has more authority than anyone from his mother's side... she constantly refers to the tragedy at sheeshmahal, i suspect without the power of the past, she is really nothing. it's like her magic potion.

she really has no reference or relevance in this present time. for the past fourteen years she has practically not existed.

the father's side has stopped meaning anything to her grandson. he has walked away from the claim of patriarchy and acknowledged the parent he respects by adopting her family name. he is absolutely and resolutely a raizada. what's more he has a mind of his own and he will do what he feels is the right thing to do.

he walks out of his sister's room looking worried and dadi attacks.

"kitna sambhal rahe hain aur kitna bigad rahein hain..." how much you are resolving and how much you are spoiling i can see, says she grimly, clearly challenging him.

a deadly look at nani.

i was all set to sit through the episode bored, wondering how they ruined it all. but then that look. i started to watch with interest. asr did not disappoint me.

khushi was wooden in her all will be well mode... bad dialogues, where is hitesh kewaliya.

"mujhse baat karne ka koi faida nahin hai, dadi, main wohi karoonga jo mujhe theek lagta hai..." no point in talking to me, dadi, i will do what i feel is right, rasped (yes, i will use m&b word) the man.

di is in trouble. all that is asr is out, up and about.

"di meri responsibility hai, aur main kissi ko bhi did ko zara si bhi takleef nahin pahunchane doonga," di is my responsibility and i won't let anyone hurt di even that bit. he knows shyam can casually walk into a hospital so he has moved di here, where he hopes to keep her safe.

the anjali ke pati hai rubbish starts.

asr is adamant. shyam has lost all his rights.

dadi hits way below the belt, she suggests anjali might do what her mother did.

i wince. this is so not done. actually, dadi is wonderful because there are indeed people just like her all around. essentially cowards, who need groups to survive, who accept all the unfairness of patriarchy for a melange of reasons, their own survival being a major one, they abuse the power that the system grants them and they habitually do not do empirical thinking, it's easier to accept and peddle other people's thinking in the name of parampara... that way you can spend your energies entirely on delivering dialogue with melodrama and speaking with borrowed force.

this is battle royal i think.

khushi suddenly appears by asr and puts a hand on his shoulder, asking him to calm down. why? should he? i miss my old fiery real khushi.

"jo main logoke baare mein sochta hoon unhen saaf saaf explain karne mein believe karta hoon," what i think of people, i believe in telling them clearly about it. that's asr. no manipulation in his words, no muffling, couching, designing, pandering.

dadi thinks no one loves anjali more than shyam...

i wanted to laugh my head off... a very poor judge of character this lady is... this fits perfectly with her type.

nani steps in. again, the maker, the preserver...

anjali is so unwell, why are you guys fighting?

usually, he listens to his nani, but today, "ek minute, nani" he has been looking at dadi, he's seen something...

a sharp man, it strikes him as odd...

"pehli baar shyam ki aankho mein itna pyaar dekh liya aapne? kal aap usse pehli baar mili thi na? ... pehli baar milke itni yakeen kaise hai aapko usspar?"

very sensible dialogue.

you saw so much in shyam's eyes the first time you ever saw him? yesterday you met him for the first time, didn't you? how can you believe in someone so much after just meeting him once?

"unless aap..."

he has guessed it isn't the first time at all.

and dadi confesses she knows shyam.

she rants about his innocence and says, "baki ki jo galat faimiya hui hain..."

"galat faimi!!!" misunderstanding! asr's voice rises.

he loses it.

"koi galat faimi nahin hui hai, dadi... aur sach yeh hai ki shyam jaisa jhoota ur ghatia insaan iss ghar mein kabhi dobara wapis nahi aayega..."

there's been no misunderstanding and someone as lowdown as shyam is not coming back to this house.

clearly the writers are building the story of shyam's return. i know that. and yet, asr sounds so wonderful i sort of forget about the plot.

dadi doesn't believe shyam tried to kill asr...

nk speaks up, instantly the hand is raised.

nani steps in, "subhadra, kauno galat faimi naahin hui hai..." there has been no misunderstanding.

dadi speaks like shyam's groupie, "koi saboot hai iss baat ka?" is there any proof of that?

"dadi, main jaanta hoon ki sach kya hai aur mujhe kissi proof ki zaroorat nahin hai." i know what the truth is and i don't need any proof, insists asr.

"aap bas woh galati mat kijiye jo main pehle kar chuka hoon," he acknowledges he made a mistake. it possibly bothers him often now. how could he have misread shyam like this? he, who believes in his dimaag, his ability to judge a thing correctly.

i'm glad that he realized his mistake. I never could accept that he blindly believed Shaym after the terrace scene without even confronting Khushi.

"really?" he says at one point and i have to go for a cool down session.

dadi refuses to budge, accept it or not, she says, i have come to save this home. "hum kuch bhi galat hone nahin denge..." i won't let anything wrong happen. a nice return to the core issue of sahi and galat there.

"no!" he strikes out. he is incensed. sharp clear enraged "no!", you deserve a poem.

"aap tab bhi galat thi, dadi, aur aap aaj bhi galat hain!" you were wrong then, you are wrong now.

he has pondered sahi and galat too long, too honestly and intimately to let his prejudiced and unfair grandmother take away that premise. beside she has stoked a smouldering wound. she has opened up that wound right in the middle of this... this insensitivity too is typical of her kind.

barun is unspeakably moving each time there's any allusion to maa, but if you refer of her without respect, even slightly hinting at something not sahi in her actions, he is lethal.

dadi, "aap kehna kya chahte hain?" what do you want to say?

asr, "yehi ki hamare liye kya sahi hai aur kya galat, aapko na chauda saal pehele pata tha aur na aaj pata hai." this, that what is right or wrong for us, you didn't know fourteen years ago, you don't know now.

simple clear fact stated.

"ittne saalo se di ka khayal main rakh raha hoon," for so many years i am taking care of di. sublime accent on "main".

"aap nahin... aur aagey bhi rakh sakta hoon." not you, and in the future to i can take care of her.

"aap toh hume chhorkar chali gayi thi na? phir kyun wapas aayin aap? kya lene aayin hain apni ashram se? wahin rehna chahiye tha na?"

you'd left us and gone, right? so why did you come back? what have you come seeking? should have stayed there, no?

i smiled. man has a point.

he leaves, his family arrayed around, looking nonplussed. a fabulous shot. he is undoubtedly the captain of this ship.

"shyam iss ghar mein wapas nahin aayega..." shyam won't come back to this house, he grates. undoubtedly this is a clear sign, shyam will be back.

"rahne dijiye, sister!" shyam is already here. asr has arranged for security, but from next day. must funny smile happen in each frame of shyam? when he was not yet revealed, pre 41, he was so good, nice but creepy in a way you couldn't figure out.

asr stands before his pool, tortured.

khushi walks in... looking to comfort him it seems to me. she insists he take his medicines. whenever there was a gap in ideas, a dose of medicines was administered.😆 usually via di, but tonight it's asr. as though a girl can't just walk in and tell her man she is worried sick for him, the situation at home sucks, and just be by his side, let him feel a little better.

a gripped glass...

"i hate that man, khushi!"soft broken angry seething helpless with emotions.

khushi tells him that she felt shyam had bachhe ko khone ka dukh, the sadness of losing achild. sigh...

and promptly comes an absolutely beautiful: "so?"

so maybe he should be given a chance to meet anjali... khushi starts off. i feel the loss of the khushi i knew.

"khushi, tumne shayad suna nahin theek se..." khushi, perhaps you didn't hear me... he is looking stonily at her. no way is shyam coming here.

the irony is not lost on audience, the cretin is sitting in the house with wife. shyam feeds his wife the entire idea of how exactly he can be brought back. she swallows the whole thing, thinking it's her idea really. would have been interesting, but anjali's character was not convincing any more.

and in her brother's room is a man not easy to fool or convince any more.

"woh sabko bewakoof bana sakta hai par mujhe nahin..." he can fool everyone, but not me. sharp man. he made a mistake, but now he has learned his lesson. not making the same mistake twice.

"are you kidding me, khushi!" at her mumbling about shyam. too cute.

she is going on.

"ok?" he looks at her... he needs her support.

khushi looks achhi bahu and states all she wants is di should get better.
and di barges into the room. he is worried, then elated, she looks better. mami exclaims "ee toh miracle hui gawa," this is a miracle. nk is more pertinent, "di... iss ek ghante mein aisa kya ho gaya, haanh?" what happened in this one hour?

asr looks at his sister, love brimming in his eyes. he would bring her anything she wants i get the feeling.

she says what she wants...

"hume shyam ji lauta do, chhotey." return shyam ji to me.

the first time i saw, i wondered how he would react. would he give in? of course, he would. he had to. but he didn't... how to forget this man.

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

~~~ e e cummings ~~~

Originally posted by: PutijaChalhov

Sumona, Barun approached to host NB 7

From DNA copyright with DNA

Even as names of several participants for the upcoming dance reality show Nach Baliye 7 are being tossed around, we hear that Sumona Chakravarti, Barun Sobti and Arunoday Singh have been approached to host the show. Says a source, "All the three have auditioned for the show. Vikrant Massey is also being considered. The makers wanted Rithvik Dhanjani, the winner of last season to host the show, but he has prior commitments and is doing shows on competing channels." For the last two seasons, the show has been hosted by guys " Gautam Rode and Karan Wahi. This year, however, the makers are looking at having a female host. Sumona's manager confirmed that she had auditioned for the show a month ago. Incidentally, among those participating, Divyanka Tripathi and Ssharad Malhotra, were said to be the first couple to be locked for the show as both were keen on it. "Balaji is producing the show and since Divyanka is already doing their Yeh Hai Mohabbatein, she had support from them. However, with the news of the couple splitting, they will not be a part of the show," adds the source.

Originally posted by: aarwen

Episode 333

It was all about his di. Di.. as the smiling hopeful would be mother receiving gifts and blessings from all. Di.. as the wonder struck woman sharing the first photographs of her child. Di.. declaring he was soon to be an uncle.. tum mama banane wale ho.. she had said.. And on the many roles he donned for his family had got added one more..

Di.. who always came as the shy happy young bride, before screams echoed into that dark haunting night.

Di.. who lay on a hospital bed.

beautifully said. Di was really his world, his reason to live. it was unbearable for him to see her in such state.

He had stood across a glass door perhaps in this very same hospital and watched how brittle happiness was. His Di had a pair of surgical scissors in her hand and a cornered desperate look on her face. She had been driven desperate by her love for a vile man. Willing to kill her the very life that she had so longed for, but now the baby is gone and a man stands helpless watching from across a glass door.

While the whole family gathered around a fragile looking Anjali, Arnav Singh Raizada watched from far.

"main di ko is haal mein nai dekh sakta", he will later confess.

If it was all about di for him.. for me it was all about him..

A sickening twist of plot had led to this melodramatic scene. Was I interested? Not really, but there is one man on screen emoting such a sense of tender pathos that I can't help but feel for him.

He has made it his duty to shield di from any form of unpleasantness. Di's happiness was his responsibility. He stands defeated. A man who never gives up seems to have laid down his armour to mourn. Acutely hurting, he can't even be near his di. The man is most severe with himself. He has set himself high standards, and where di is concerned, he thinks, he has failed utterly.

All his focus is in that small room where di lies on that bed. First delusional. Then crying. He has let her down. And her pain is too much to bear for him.

Long back babuji lay severely ill, paralyzed, he had supported Khushi. Sat a chair further away from a crying girl, who had shown no one else her tears except him. Today he shares his worst fears with her. He is inconsolable seeing his di in pain. di is in misery, that he has no control over.

Never, not even when he found Khushi in another man's arms, his di's husband's arms, was he as defeated by life, I feel, as he is today. Then, he still had hope of being able to protect di. There was anger which he wore as a shield. Today, as he paces those hospital corridors still in his regal sherwani, he is powerless.

"Wada kiya tha maine di se.. Ki hamesha unhe protect karunga".. He had vowed to protect hamesha..

"Par dekha tumne kuch nai kar paya.. Bloody failure".. In his eyes he sees himself as a failure..

"Bahut koshish ki maine.. Shyam meri di ko dhokha deta raha aur main kuch nai kar paya".. He tried hard, but Shyam cheated on di and he could do absolutely nothing about it..

Then unravels another tragic tale. That fateful night.. The night this stories always seems to come back to.. "Us raat bhi main kuch nai kar paya tha" .. He could do nothing that night.. It all comes down to that calamatic night.. He is haunted by those images.. At a certain level holding himself responsible for his inability to save ma..

Maybe, it was not that he was in compunction not to save his mom. It was all about the grief to losing his precious mother. moreover what a 14 years old could do! whereas everything happened so abruptly, so suddenly.

Now that I rewatch these flashbacks.. There is lots to question.. It looks like there were more such women.. And why would the father also kill himself? In remorse? In embarrassment? Doesn't seem akin to the father's character though.. And the mother.. to kill herself and leave her children to fend for themselves? Maybe Anjali gets traits from her.. She kept calling out to Shyam, while her feet bled.. She was ready to kill her child one day when he had been thrown out of Shantivan..

these questions arose in my mind so many times. I also discussed this topic with Indi di too. If his father was such a bad person, why he killed himself? A bad man never kill himself after committing a crime. I also can't get how a mother can suicide without thinking of her two children. whereas it was the wedding day of her daughter. she couldn't think of the consequence! How a mature adult woman, mother of two young children can be so insensible. she was indeed selfish.

Disturbing questions in my mind. Sadly one's that will never get much closure. In fact given how lightly this would all be treated it almost seems foolish of me to write about it with so much serious thought.

exactly.

The story was laying out the bricks for the revelation of the dusri aurat.. If he was this close to seeing who she was then all the more after the marriage ASR and Garima deserved some sort of closure on the incident.. She was already a motherly figure to her. She had understood him, teased him, in her quiet way showered love and blessings on her son like damadji. He called her aunty and respected her.

"Kisi aurat ke sath najayaz sambandh the".. And that aurat will turn out to be the mother of the girl he dearly loves.

That is why the violent reaction when he thought his jeejaji and his Khushi were having an affair.

"Main kuch nai kar paya. Di aaj phir ro rahi hai. dard mein".. He is burning in hell. Helpless.. ASR likes to be in control. That is what he worked for, relentlessly, all these years. And this money that he earned was not a whim, not for power, but a sense of security. To never have to ask others. Never have to depend on anyone. To be able to provide for di.

I agree, but he also wanted to be cogent, powerful, so that no one could mistreat them the way his uncle did.

"Jab di thori khush ho jati hai mujhe lagta hai sab thik ho gaya".. Fundamental truth of his life. How simple are the words that capture this profound feeling. His world has revolved around making sure his di, his only living closest relative, is safe and happy.

He has needed her as much as she needs him. He might have turned heartless, hardened by life's sorrows, which maybe a bright cheerful girl would also not have been able to break through, had it not been for di's softening influence. Someone who nagged, and teased, and loved.

"I don't know why everything goes away.. Ma.. Baap.. Pati.. Ab bachcha" .. Raw sadness that cuts right through.

"Phir se wahi sab ho ra hai Khushi".. Moment ago he stated with a compelling sort of vulnerability.. It was all happening again and however hard he tried, he and di were right were they had been fourteen years ago ..

I really did feel like weeping when he said this.. Not for Arnav Singh Raizada, but for the man who emotes all that this dejected brother, desolate son, anguished man feels. I want to weep in frustration that such sheer talent goes unseen.

the feelings is mutual.

Originally posted by: aarwen

Episode 333

It was all about his di. Di.. as the smiling hopeful would be mother receiving gifts and blessings from all. Di.. as the wonder struck woman sharing the first photographs of her child. Di.. declaring he was soon to be an uncle.. tum mama banane wale ho.. she had said.. And on the many roles he donned for his family had got added one more..

Di.. who always came as the shy happy young bride, before screams echoed into that dark haunting night.

Di.. who lay on a hospital bed.

He had stood across a glass door perhaps in this very same hospital and watched how brittle happiness was. His Di had a pair of surgical scissors in her hand and a cornered desperate look on her face. She had been driven desperate by her love for a vile man. Willing to kill her the very life that she had so longed for, but now the baby is gone and a man stands helpless watching from across a glass door.

While the whole family gathered around a fragile looking Anjali, Arnav Singh Raizada watched from far.

"main di ko is haal mein nai dekh sakta", he will later confess.

If it was all about di for him.. for me it was all about him..

A sickening twist of plot had led to this melodramatic scene. Was I interested? Not really, but there is one man on screen emoting such a sense of tender pathos that I can't help but feel for him.

He has made it his duty to shield di from any form of unpleasantness. Di's happiness was his responsibility. He stands defeated. A man who never gives up seems to have laid down his armour to mourn. Acutely hurting, he can't even be near his di. The man is most severe with himself. He has set himself high standards, and where di is concerned, he thinks, he has failed utterly.

All his focus is in that small room where di lies on that bed. First delusional. Then crying. He has let her down. And her pain is too much to bear for him.

Long back babuji lay severely ill, paralyzed, he had supported Khushi. Sat a chair further away from a crying girl, who had shown no one else her tears except him. Today he shares his worst fears with her. He is inconsolable seeing his di in pain. di is in misery, that he has no control over.

Never, not even when he found Khushi in another man's arms, his di's husband's arms, was he as defeated by life, I feel, as he is today. Then, he still had hope of being able to protect di. There was anger which he wore as a shield. Today, as he paces those hospital corridors still in his regal sherwani, he is powerless.

"Wada kiya tha maine di se.. Ki hamesha unhe protect karunga".. He had vowed to protect hamesha..

"Par dekha tumne kuch nai kar paya.. Bloody failure".. In his eyes he sees himself as a failure..

"Bahut koshish ki maine.. Shyam meri di ko dhokha deta raha aur main kuch nai kar paya".. He tried hard, but Shyam cheated on di and he could do absolutely nothing about it..

Then unravels another tragic tale. That fateful night.. The night this stories always seems to come back to.. "Us raat bhi main kuch nai kar paya tha" .. He could do nothing that night.. It all comes down to that calamatic night.. He is haunted by those images.. At a certain level holding himself responsible for his inability to save ma..

Now that I rewatch these flashbacks.. There is lots to question.. It looks like there were more such women.. And why would the father also kill himself? In remorse? In embarrassment? Doesn't seem akin to the father's character though.. And the mother.. to kill herself and leave her children to fend for themselves? Maybe Anjali gets traits from her.. She kept calling out to Shyam, while her feet bled.. She was ready to kill her child one day when he had been thrown out of Shantivan..

Disturbing questions in my mind. Sadly one's that will never get much closure. In fact given how lightly this would all be treated it almost seems foolish of me to write about it with so much serious thought.

The story was laying out the bricks for the revelation of the dusri aurat.. If he was this close to seeing who she was then all the more after the marriage ASR and Garima deserved some sort of closure on the incident.. She was already a motherly figure to her. She had understood him, teased him, in her quiet way showered love and blessings on her son like damadji. He called her aunty and respected her.

"Kisi aurat ke sath najayaz sambandh the".. And that aurat will turn out to be the mother of the girl he dearly loves.

That is why the violent reaction when he thought his jeejaji and his Khushi were having an affair.

"Main kuch nai kar paya. Di aaj phir ro rahi hai. dard mein".. He is burning in hell. Helpless.. ASR likes to be in control. That is what he worked for, relentlessly, all these years. And this money that he earned was not a whim, not for power, but a sense of security. To never have to ask others. Never have to depend on anyone. To be able to provide for di.

"Jab di thori khush ho jati hai mujhe lagta hai sab thik ho gaya".. Fundamental truth of his life. How simple are the words that capture this profound feeling. His world has revolved around making sure his di, his only living closest relative, is safe and happy.

He has needed her as much as she needs him. He might have turned heartless, hardened by life's sorrows, which maybe a bright cheerful girl would also not have been able to break through, had it not been for di's softening influence. Someone who nagged, and teased, and loved.

"I don't know why everything goes away.. Ma.. Baap.. Pati.. Ab bachcha" .. Raw sadness that cuts right through.

"Phir se wahi sab ho ra hai Khushi".. Moment ago he stated with a compelling sort of vulnerability.. It was all happening again and however hard he tried, he and di were right were they had been fourteen years ago ..

I really did feel like weeping when he said this.. Not for Arnav Singh Raizada, but for the man who emotes all that this dejected brother, desolate son, anguished man feels. I want to weep in frustration that such sheer talent goes unseen.