The 'Yayati complex' in IPKKND - Page 3

Originally posted by: iolahardy

Brilliant post!

It has been said about the Mahabharat (MBH) that there is nothing in the world that you wont find in the MBH. The principles taught by it are as relevant today as they were then. Our mistake then is that we have glorified the wrong people & looked down upon people who stood up for the right. This has in turn made many people follow a rather strange & self - destructive path of so called goodness which actually benefits no one but ends up nurturing evil tendencies (e.g.: khushi kept mum about shyaam because she felt it would hurt anjali. in turn today she has been called a house - wrecker & a woman who leads men on. she is bound in a contract marriage, etc)

As Winston Churchill said once, 'You have enemies? Good! That means you have stood up for something in your life, sometime'. It takes a lot of courage to fight for ones rights. Because to fight for oneself one needs to believe that he or she is right. Fighting for others brings you glory but fighting for your own cause & rights often lands you with loneliness. Hence not many people dare to speak out for themselves lest they offend the ones they love. (e.g.: khushi fought with arnav when he was in a live in relationship with lavanya. but sadly she when it comes to fighting for her rights she resorts to comedy! khushi giving in to arnav demand that she come back home disappointed me no end!)

As for sacrifice true love never asks for sacrifice. e.g.: If Anjali truly does love her brother she will understand that he loves Khushi. he may not be as verbose or as emotional about his love as she is about her love for shyaam but he loves khushi equally or maybe even more. Also, the right thing for Anjali to do is not ask Arnav to leave Khushi but to leave Shantivan with her husband herself. Love ensures your loved ones happiness...and no form of sacrifice be it big or small ever makes anyone truly happy. You only sacrifice things which you have & you never got them in the first place with the intention of sacrificing them. you had intended to be with that person/ thing forever!

Conversely in psychology self sacrifice can also be a manifestation of codependent behavior. Codependency is a psychological issue where one person sacrifices his or her health or well-being to suit the needs of another person. Examples of codependent behavior are often found in abusive relationships, in which the codependent person submits to poor treatment regardless of the implicit danger or harm.

Almost all healthy relationships involve a measure of self-sacrifice or what is referred to as "caretaking" behavior. Seeing a movie a person doesn't want to see in order to please his or her partner, or helping a work or school friend finish a project instead of going on a fun outing are examples of what may be completely normal and healthy caring actions. If the partner or friend never returns the favor, or is abusive and mean in spite of caretaking actions, this can quickly become a pattern of codependent behavior.

The idea of codependency grows out of the concept that healthy relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or business-related, have a fair balance of power. While each person in the relationship may not have exactly the same responsibilities or requirements, the effort put in by both parties is equal overall. When one person constantly accepts less than he or she offers, it is often considered a sign of codependent behavior.

Codependent behavior is often related to low self-esteem. People that feel they deserve abuse or to be treated poorly often find relationships that fulfill that unhealthy need. Some codependent people live under a crushing veil of hope, believing that the other person will change and become kind and responsible if the codependent person loves them enough.

Co-Dependents Anonymous offers these patterns and characteristics as a tool to aid in self-evaluation

Some Denial patterns:

I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
I can take care of myself without any help from others.
I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted.
Some Low self-esteem patterns:

I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
I am unable to ask others to meet my needs or desires.
Some Avoidance patterns:

I act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward me.
I judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance.
I allow my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships.
I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable. I push them away..
I pull people toward me, but when they get close,

This is what comes to my mind when I think of KKG and the CV's portrayal of her although I doubt they ever thought of it in this way and just wanted to make her look like some token sacrificial bahu while maintaining ASR's androgynous Bahu avatar also

An Aside

I want to share something a bit off tangent but related to the author.

I own a rather special and deeply treasured book of short stories a first edition of C Rajagopalachari -Stories for the Innocent where the concept of self sacrifice love and service to others have been beautifully etched and crafted in the story telling and a reader could understand the higher calling of the protagonist in every tale told. Every time I have picked up the book to read have found some sort of gentle message in the various stories and the act of just touching the pages of that book transports me to another bygone era more innocent and My mum in fact inherited quite a number of Tamil books written by him some of them even personally autographed by him from her father and it has pride of place in her collection

Once again kudos on your post👏 as well as the interesting replies from the others have thoroughly enjoyed reading them

maybe we should write our own version of IPKKND

Originally posted by: rima

wow and wow and wow and wow

how wwell written and how well thought

how deep.

i wish many people wud read this thread

being an ardent follower of philosophy and mythology I loved the echoes in your post.

ti is not wrong at all to stand up for one's right and happiness

to refuse to sacrifice

to do what makes one happy...

tht is not selfishness but the right to do the right thing for oneself

why do such people think that being right to oneself does not count.

khushi als should com out of the yayati complex.

Originally posted by: stafhtad

What an outstanding post !!!👏

I will read all the replies and if time permits will post a more coherent reply as your post deserves one.

I loved loved love and loved your post.

The serial may not be doing good, but I am getting to interact with such wonderfully intelligent people offering their unique thought provoking views forcing me to look at all things, even things which have nothing to do with IPK world, in new light. That is what is the most positive thing I wiil remember and cherish from IPKKND. And it has nothing to do with the serial it self.

Originally posted by: RamnVij

Thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement. I really love reading up on Indian mythology, with the Mahabharata being a particular favorite. The wisdom and insights contained in this epic are timeless and priceless.

One only wishes that our fave serial IPKKND can imbibe some of richness and texture of characterization from this grand epic. I find it irritating sometimes, how they created such complex characters with immense potential- Arnav, Khushi and Anjali are all characters not 'typical' of soapdom- but then, just consigned them to become caricatures! The treatment of these characters has suffered quite a lot of late, sadly.

Some really good signs from Friday's episode, though I am not sure what new digressions are going to be now created with Dadi's entry!

By the way I just loved your thread "It wasn't that hard, was it, ASR?". Very well written and encapsulating what the creatives finally got right in Friday's episode. Wish they had done this a week ago, instead of subjecting Khushi (and us 😃) to the mindless blackmail/ coercion/ intimidation track.