Posted:
Hey Guys,
So, was watching last few episodes together with my Mom, and she made an observation that got me thinking. She remarked that Khushi's goodness was being defined by how much she was ready to give up whatever she held dear to her, whatever mattered to her. Mom was really irritated that the other good traits Khushi possesses, were paling into insignificance compared to this one trait, which is being hammered again and again.
This made me recollect the tale of Yayati, this is a story in the Mahabharata and is an important part of Indian legend and philosophy.
Firstly, I must give acknowledgement to the wonderful works by C Rajagopalachari (Mahabharata retold) and Dr Devdutt Pattanaik (Jaya: An illustrated retelling of the Mahabharata) which provide contemplation on the wisdom of one of the world's Greatest Epics.
Yayati was a king who had been cursed for his misdemeanors. Rather than accept the consequences and find a way to bear/ overcome them; he chose to try to escape by fixing the burden on one of his own children.
The eldest son, Yadu, refused- since he felt his father should accept the consequences of his own actions, and also since he felt he could not ignore his own duties and responsibilities. The youngest, Puru, agreed to bear the burden of his father's sins.
The tale goes on to narrate that Puru was glorified for his unquestioning obedience and self sacrifice, and Yayati ultimately crowned him as his successor. Yadu, who had only stood for the correct course of action (and reminded his father of the fact), was stripped of his rights as crown prince and cursed that he and his descendants would never be crowned Kings.
Generations later, this glorified renunciation would find an echo in Devavrata (Bhishma), who would give up his rights to a married life and rights as a crown prince, to ensure that his middle aged father got to marry again.
The Mahabharata clearly implies, that while Bhishma's self-abnegation ensured his father got to marry a much younger woman he was obsessed with; it also had severe long term consequences. Time would prove that Bhishma was a far more capable and deserving person, than either of his half brothers would ever turn out to be. His actions, while selfless, were an important part of the chain of circumstances that would ultimately lead to the carnage of the Kurukshetra war.
The Mahabharata, composed millennia ago, illustrates the consequences of an irrational sacrifice. But have we, as a people, really understood the message? Are we still defining admirability/ goodness of a 'heroine' or 'hero' by showing how much they are prepared to give up?
There are no easy answers here. All Great Love involves placing someone else's needs at par or above yours, a good amount of times. But is it necessary to do this all the time?
Will we respect Khushi more, or less, if she stands up for her rights and insists on a course of action which makes her happy? Is it wrong to think of your own happiness at least some of the time?
Assuming Anjali asks Arnav to bring back Shyam/ snap off ties with Khushi. Will we think more of Arnav, or less, if he refuses to toe the line and does not give in to emotional blackmail? Will we then feel he is not being a good brother?
My personal opinion- for what its worth- is that there is a thin line between being a considerate, empathetic person; and being a self sacrificing martyr. The former are worthy of praise, admiration and emulation.
The latter need to be told to look after themselves as well, amidst the ceaseless attempts to make others' lives better. As the saying goes, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." You never know what the consequences of your well intentioned (but ill considered) action may be!
Edited--- received a few queries as to where the term 'Yayati complex' fits. This is a phrase often used in discussions on Indian philosophy. Basically, the term refers to giving excessive value to self sacrifice. Where unquestioning obedience and renunciation (like what Yayati demanded of Puru) is treated as the highest virtue.
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