I haven't been writing for the past few days though not for any want of inspiration; fair warning, my bak bak is going to be a little disconnected today. Its not an episode oriented one today but a consolidation of what I've felt has been shown to us so far. So much has happened; so much has already been laid out that it is difficult for me to fathom where to start with.
Probably the best place would be the beginning, right? So lets know the story of two masks; the mask of sunshine and the mask of darkness.
The Mask of Sunshine:
The mask of sunshine first, for we all like happiness and joy. Do people realize that smiles are the best way to hide your real emotions? Probably not; neither did the simple minded, middle class Guptas
The story of an orphan, is always one that melts people. No matter that they grow into the happiest of humans; the pain of a lost childhood, that of shouldering such a loss so early, with the limited maturity of a child; it always makes its mark. It changes a person, pulls them upside down, and transforms their world into a nightmare they daren't even think existed.
The little girl wasn't any different; Khushi Kumari Gupta was in no way apart from the other girls her age; until that fateful night when her feet were knocked out from under her and she was left to flail around for the branch to hold on to.
She was taken in by the Guptas; Shashi Gupta taking her into his heart as a daughter even as his wife and sister provided her the hearth. She found a new sister; a brand new family. But did she find everything that she had lost? Definitely not so; and it reflects in her habits, talking to the stars who are her parents. The eight year old still in her longs to have them beside her still.
But she had a family; and she wasn't going to hold a grudge against fate for taking away her biological family because she got a wonderful one in their place. She was luckier than most in the aspect that she was a part of a normal family, with parents always there to support her. She had a home to name her own and she'd be happy with that.
She was Khushi Kumari Gupta by name, but was she really? Somewhere in her conscience, in her heart of hearts, the girl feels that she doesn't belong. And as the days pass by, her actions align towards her that one belief. She doesn't consider herself worthy of the family that took her in; she needs to prove herself every minute, she needs to fulfill everyone's expectation, no matter how high they set the pedestal.
She helps her father with his shop, aids her mother and goes to ridiculous lengths to please her. She bonds with her sister and teases and is teased by her aunt. Even the neighbours back her actions because Khushi always does right is an ideal girl. She has a perennial smile and behaves like a child because nobody rejects a child or glares when it smiles.
Yet, she holds onto a part of herself and doesn't let anyone near it. She wears a mask of happiness, of a sweet smile as sugary as the Jalebis she makes to divert people from the chasm that rides between what she portrays and what she really is.
Her family knows her fears; and the reasons but do they know that the seed of insecurity that had planted itself in her heart was now a well rooted tree that waved at the slightest hint of a breeze? Not till now, for, if they had, they would have seen that behind her pagalpan and Sanak was just a little girl wishing to be recognized, wanting to be given some indication that she was one among them, that she was never and would never be an outsider in their home. Its not love Khushi seeks for she has it in plenty to get and to give but her seeking is acceptance, belonging. Khushi hides herself well; she shoves her own feelings under the table, keeping for show only what she thinks she ought to feel and do.
A desperate need to keep everyone around her happy, to cause the smile on their faces, makes Khushi do anything. All her acts in the past have been propelled by her single determination to earn her keep in the family because to her, parivar main hissa bantha nahi hai, banaya jaatha hain. Khushi will bend backwards, mould herself into whatever form, if it will make people around her content.
Several of her acts in the past starting from her visit to Sheesh Mahal, her drive to work and earn for the family (which Payal showed no inclination of taking up), agreeing to marry Shyam against her own wishes, agreeing to train Lavanya, trying to get Arnav and Lavanya together, agreeing to marry Arnav up till the most recent walk out of RM could be justified as her trying to keep others happy and satisfied.
So does it make her a mahaan aatma, a typial sacrificial lamb? Certainly not for as much as she strives to keep others happy, it is for her own happiness, for her own contentment that she does it.
What does Khushi do when she is faced with trials that do not concern Arnav? She breaks apart, and quite easily. She yo yos between what her family wants and what she wants; she isolates herself away from people emotionally, giving them the answers they want to hear and the ever ready smile at the corner of her lips. And then she gives in; she gives in to the demands of her family, to keep them happy even if it spoils her own wants and wishes.
Another of Khushi's curious habits, taking to herself or to Devi Maiyya. That's nothing unique; all of us talk to the almighty someway or the other, right? But Khushi's way of communication, the things and the time in which she talks to her Devi Maiyya are to be noted here. Never in the presence of anyone, always in secrecy and always the things she hides from others. This is the typical act of loner, of someone who considers themselves alone in life, with nobody to lean on or to trust. So she confides in God, a person who will understand her every act, her every reason and her each insecurity and weakness. Someone who won't ask anything in return from her; someone who won't reject her for the broken girl she really is. So who does Khushi really trust? Nobody so far will be the truthful answer for if that were not the case, her chronic habit of lying would have long since dissipated.
What is the cure for Khushi; finding destiny, a place that has Khushi written on it is what will put an end to all her acts that seem OTT and childish.
Has she found it? Yes, she has but old habits die hard. She is being torn between her duties as a righteous girl and her dreams to find a place for herself in the world. Her own wishes have never triumphed before; will they now?
The Mask of Darkness:
Now, on the other side of the spectrum is the one who dons the mask of darkness or that of gloom and graveness. An illusion that inspires fear, distance and reluctantly given respect. If the previous one gives and gets cheer, this one spreads joy and absorbs gloom. Where Khushi is a loner in the crowd of people, Arnav is one in both the senses of the word. If Khushi keeps people at bay with her All is Well attitude, Arnav does it with his ASR persona.
Again, the story of an orphan, but one who was given much more rotten lemons than others. His nightmare not only taught him the pain of loss but also slapped him with the reality of the world that he has since termed cruel and cold as stone. He is very much the doer; the one who can never sit still and let the future dawn as it pleases; he has to influence it and bend it to his will. After all, he has done this before; turned his life that looked promisingly bleak into one filled to the brim with successes and achievements.
And the mask of darkness soaks in the fact that it needs nobody's help; it believes in nothing but its own abilities and relies on its own wit and intelligence. Not even the helping hand of almighty is welcome.
But for all the bliss that Arnav gives around to those he considers his own, he feels none of it, of his own volition. He feels proud, he is sometimes gloating; but never happy. He has built a secure castle for his family, one that wouldn't collapse even in his absence. His sister is the happiest she ever was; he has brought every kind of happiness to those around him and yet, he stays unaffected. The waves of merriment wash off him like water off a lotus leaf. He wouldn't give into dreams, hope for miracles or wish for happiness because, to him, such things don't exist. He won't give in to such frills and fancies, period.
Under all these layers of complexity, lies a simple kid with simple fears; the Chote. We've seen him this way for the past few days, haven't we? So unlike the ASR that he seems almost a different person. What brought on the sudden change? Love? The Clearing of Misunderstanding? The relief of having brought the truth out? None; it was the fear of losing that made Arnav desperate enough to expose his vulnerabilities.
It is this fear that runs his life; these are the times when his Dimaag gives way to his Dil. Arnav is far more tender hearted than Khushi and hence, the stronger the walls around his heart and the more impenetrable they are. Khushi has managed to get over her loss, if only a little. Arnav still is stuck in the looping nightmare; that is why every time he is on the verge of losing someone (in most cases Khushi or Anjali), we see him revisiting the memory that planted the seed of fear in his heart; that of losing his mother.
Everything Arnav does, every thing that dubbed him as the cruel tyrant; as the ruthless Rakshas was in fear; the dread of having to face another beating; another defeat at the hands of fate cyclones in him constantly, never letting him rest. He pushes people away lest he start letting them in; lest they start making a place in his heart. He fights tooth and nail to stay away from people; to keep his heart under lock and key. His so called Shatir Dimaag helps him along; though his Di sometimes sees through. He never lets her do anything about it, though; cuts her short or better yet, he walks away.
So what's the cure for Arnav; he needs to find a balance, a steady pole that he can hold onto without fearing that it would uproot itself any moment.
Has he found it? Of course, and he, in his infinite wisdom is doing everything in his power to hold on. Only, he doesn't realize that his normal methods don't work with Khushi.
The Clash:
The two masks clash for the first time and where do they meet but at his own house or to be precise, the Sasural of his mother, the place where she lived and probably dreamed of her children's future. One wonders what Arnav's Ma would have wished for last; wouldn't it most certainly have been that her child, her Chote finds happiness and love in his life? And her wish got fulfilled, in the very place she dreamt the dreams.
True to her predictions, it is his gussa that comes out first, the first line of defence. But Khushi is no slacker and she uses her own weapon, that of emotions or sentiments. She calls upon his own sister's memory and tries to win over him.
Their meetings follow a set pattern; each of them trying to disillusion the other of their prejudices and beliefs; each ending up contemplating the other's action and dismissing it off. They weave together memories until, without their own knowledge, they form a blanket of warmth which they wrap themselves in when the world tries to take away the other from them.
To Khushi, he couldn't be human; humans are good and caring; he is a Rakshas. To Arnav, she couldn't be real; middle class women are after money and power; she is an alien.
One day, situations turn such that they see a mirror image of themselves in the other
The Moment for Arnav:
When Khushi breaks down at the hospital about her parents and losing them; that is when ASR really breaks into Arnav, because this is just the thing that he most connects to; the fear of loss. His worst nightmare echoes in her and this, he can't stand. Though he doesn't comfort her either, his own hesitations overruling his wish to placate her.
The Moment for Khushi:
It happens when Arnav asks her about his mother who she believes could be a star. She looks at him and sees not the Laad Governor but a boy, desperately trying to please his mother, keep her happy. She knows precisely how it feels, but yet, she gives him no answer; her own reservations about him keeping her back.
Much has happened since these two events but Arnav and Khushi are still the same; hence we see the cycle getting repeated over and over again. This is precisely what happened today. Arnav trying to get Khushi to stay with him forever while Khushi seeks that acceptance, not just in him but also in his family. At some point, one has to break this; someone has to give the other what they long for and that, is when all barriers in their love will break. Until then, Cat and Mouse game will be on.
That wasn't really much about the episode but just my take on the two characters that regularly baffle and confuse us.
Just a few more pointers:
Shyam's arrival; the hints:
- Khushi packs her bag; the takes away Devi Maiyya and the red chunri which has once before pointed out Shyam's acts and brought it to Khushi's eyes.
- Akash, the protector, leaving for Mumbai. Though not a perfect analogy, Akash here is like Lakshman. Seetha(Anjali), so long as she stays within the Lakshman Rekha(within RM) will be safe from Ravan(Shyam). With Lakshman (Akash)leaving, is it an indication that Shyam's entry if being facilitated? She will cross it eventually, but she will still be within sight of Jatayu(Mamiji).
Anjali's monologues: Was she doing it out of loneliness? Was it out of desperation to have someone to talk to/ to share with? Definitely not. This sudden change has happened right after her mysterious walk; could it be that she's doing this purposefully? Creating a situation where the RM members will have to be forced to bring Shyam back? A clever plan worthy of Shyam's manipulative acumen.
That's it from me for now; hope this post makes a little of sense. I tried my best to delve into the minds of Arnav and Khushi; hope I didn't veer off track too much.
For all those who liked and commented on my previous posts; thank you so very much! It made me grin from ear to ear to know you people liked it and inspired me to write more.
So anyone out there who believes I should be punished for blabbering so much, main bekasoor hoon!
Edited by Nina90 - 13 years ago
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