Posted:
IPK LAND NEWS UPDATE
Recently a bunch of Women from all corners of the world united to launch a unique company which will be producing, marketing & distributing an inflagrant formula of a special conceited lubricant or commonly called "TEL" from Jasmine FLowers.
The Company now properly christened as the "Chameli Ka Tel" club thrives on the motto of "By WOMEN, From WOMEN & Of CHAMELI". The Company has a very unique Business plan with a a very varied & targeted approach for reaching out to Potential Customers...
Our Special Correspondant Ms. Gul Gautam Gulfam got in touch with the Company's President & Founder Madam President Arhi Maniac to discuss and find out more about this company.
Dressed smartly in her trademark style Ms. Maniac welcomed us in her tastefully decorated office. We were warmly welcomed and made comfortable by her staff and her alike. On inquiring about the founding of the club and why was it offering services particularly today free for all.. this is what she had to say...
Based on the success of Chameli ka tel we have proudly founded the
The Chameli ka Tel Club...though this club has several other purposes but today keeping in view the general atmosphere after the episode we have decided to offer special Champi services for all..
Following are the details of our club:
Chameli ka tel club:
Product:
Club Mantra :
Chameli ka tel lao aur gyaan pao
First Advert :
Tel lagao Hubby bhagao
Ad. models: Payal and Akash
Second Advert:
Unites the Women of the World
For women, from Chameli, By women,
Ad. models: Khushi, Payal and Buaji and various women of IF in BG
Third Advert:
Sahi istemal se aap ki shishu jaldi aayen (shishu as in kids)
Ad. models: Arnav and Khushi
Fourth Advert:
Sundarta Nikhare aur Patti ko bhagaye
Isme itna dum ke patti ho jaye Be dum ..
Ad. models:Buaji and late phoopha jee
Brand Ambassadors for the club:
Arnav, Akash, NK, Khushi, Payal, Buaji
News letter of Chameli ka tel club:
Glide
Members:
ArhiManiac - President
Sree - Co-founder
Mommamia - Campaign manager
sharmibalan - Incharge-Sales and marketing
Redwine1 - Advertising and Media
bs_si - Customer Services Manager
Chani - Publicity coordinator
Megs - Procurement Manager
Sumeeta- Procurement Officer
Cool_tweety - Commercials
iritz- Schedule manager
Vasiraju - Creative department
Jhalak- Personal Assistant to President
Sunshine99 - Distribution head
Riyadutta - HR
Rupunzale- Training manager
Lizzy - Editor in Chief of Glide
Amarib- Audio Supervising Manager
Nia - Social Media Manager
Nina90 - Production Manager
Laddoo598- Planning Manager
Clarissajohn - Security Manager
Sonshine - Head Emergency Services
Namedex - Casualty Manager
Anna - Finance Manager
Supna9 - Ex- Operations Manager
NadZgirl - Cheap worker
SK1991 - Legal Affairs
LAB specimens:
Hubbies of Sharmibalan and Vasiraju
INSTRUCTIONS to be followed prior to use: (Bua ji also explained them)
- First look left and right to check no one is approaching
- Look towards your husband first down south then up with a light smile
- hold one bottle of chameli ka tel in your left hand
- hold a gajra in your right hand and keep spinning it around like a tapori
- Shake well before use.
POSSIBLE AFTER EFFECTS:
- As shown in advert 1...hubby will run away
- As shown in advert 2...all woman unite with happiness while discussing the possible scenarios
- As shown in advert 3...hubby forgets all Misunderstandings and runs towards you saying I Love you
- As shown in advert 4...If used more than the stated then hubby goes away forever and stays in a picture frame
CHARITY WORK:
We will be sending 10 bottles of our product as charity and goodwill to Mrs. Anjali Manohar Jha..with hopes that it may change her life for the better
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Presidential Address: (Recorded after Friday's episode)
OK team buck up...we have loads to do for weekend..IPK gaya tel lene..kiyunke we are selling it...thats our brand power!! I am sure next TRPs bhi jayen gi bhaag ker tel lene...so relax and enjoy your success...We have the weekend to come up with new strategies and ideas to promote our product and attract more members and customers...Also please note the product success lies on its surprise element so all the members please remember DO NOT leak any information about our upcoming successful variations of Chameli ka Tel. We will take the market by storm. Prior information only gives the competition to prepare to post-mortem it and prepare for its failure before hand.
Please stop sulking and get your asses in line!!
We are the one who make things famous...let us rule them not let them rule us!!
Love you all 😃
BREATHE PPL!!!!
And last but not the least our Audio Supervising Manager has proposed the song for today:
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzQt2RtXWnw[/YOUTUBE]
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We loved the atmosphere at the club and although we were given a good insight about things, we being the curious types wanted more grapevine. Luckily we got our hands on their recycle box and grabbed hold of a few important internal correspondences between the president and the team members:
Some important correspondences are as below:
Originally posted by: Arhimaniac
Dear Ms. Redwine1,I am pleased that you have shown interest in doing your job and inquired about the concerned data. We currently have 2 buyersIPK an TRP aunty...Daljeet bhanot has been sent a marketing brochure...Senior management has one year free supply and after that 50% discount.Hope that replies sufficient information for your queries.Warm Regards,PresidentChameli ka tel clubCC: Ms. RiyaHR Manager
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Dear Madam President,Further to your previous mail, please find the update of scheduling department:1. Mrs. Khushi Kumari Gupta-Singh Raizada has been suffering from over-work and hence taken a few days off. However, the good news is that Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada is now available. Their dates are confirmed for shooting the 4th Advertisement from upcoming Friday.2. It was very difficult to handle Mr. Shyam Manohar Jha as he was extremely upset with the news of a collective rejection from all departments of our prestigious club. He has vowed to take revenge.3. Since Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada is back, Mr. Aman's schedule has become a little tighter. However, Mr. Akash Singh Raizada has given a special recommendation for him, therefore, I would advice the HR Department to take heed and appoint him, so that the Advertisement Media Department can take a screen test.4. Mrs. Payal Singh Raizada has happily accepted to be part of our sister concern, Chamko Detergent. HR Department, please do the needful.5. When asked Buaji about working with NK, she went berserk with happiness singing "Hai Re Nand Kishore" ; However, Mr. Nand Kishore himself wasn't very keen to work with Buaji. Still trying to manage his schedule. Will update as soon as possible.Best Regards,IritzScheduling ManagerCC: All Departments
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Originally posted by: Arhimaniac
Dear Ms. Meg,Thank you for your prompt action and results. It is highly appreciated. Please file arestraining order against him so that he cannot enter our premises.I would request our Audio Supervising Manager to please play ": OH dhaiyya ho" for the BG of this mail.All other depts. please be aware and on alert.Thank youPresident
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Originally posted by: Arhimaniac
AND this my friends happens when you have a good prospering company ...employees start going against each other...and there comes a point where we ourselves will go tel lene along with our company...A good example we have set for the followers of redux of what might have gone on behind the closed doors of 4 LIONS...To ALL depts.Dear Managers,Please note that this company is founded on the principles of love and spreading love. We all are team Arhi and it is an unspoken rule that none of the members will be involved in name calling or pointing fingers at others.As this is the first instance we will let it go, but from next time appropriate action will be taken.No tantrums will be tolerated as companies are run by employee roles and not a particular person working as an employee.I am arranging a meet on the new redux tomorrow, where all members should report, meet, greet, accept each other and learn to live in harmony. I repeat every member is important to us.With lovePresident.
Madam President,Hope this letter finds you in good health. As Chameli Ka Tel Company's CSM(Customer Services Manager) I would like to inform you about a survey that we contacted from our tel customers through our customer care hotline (1300 CHAMELI KA TEL).I am pleased to inform you that the majority of customers are generally pleased with the new product after the earlier hiccup with our supplier. But there are still some issues that out customers feel with our product.1. The pricing of the product. They feel it is slightly expensive.2. As you know Chameli ka Tel is also used for cooling effect. Some of our esteemed customers have not read the instruction manual properly and have complained about SHRINKAGE of a certain body part (I am advising people who are not familiar with SHRINKAGE to watch an episode of Seinfeld called 'The Hamptons'. It is readily available on YouTube. I know I am getting into Creative Department's territory in GutterLand but I am only the messenger.3. Almost all of our customers are seriously worried about the disappearance of our brand ambassador Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada. For a lot them the only reason of buying our product was Mr. ASR and some unruly customers are even implying us of false advertising. Our scheduling and PR department have assured me that he will be available full time from 26th June. I hope this is true because some of my team members are quite afraid after getting threatening phone calls from customers.I will keep you updated with further customer response.Sincerelybs_siCustomer Services Manager
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We have plugged a camera in Madam President's room and now will be able to see every email she exchanges with her employees. The following posts are filled with the inside information of the running of the company, the problems they face from their brand ambassadors, their enemy Mr. Jha and so on.
Signing out your reporter Gul Gautam Gulfam.
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