Fake IPKKND Creative team meeting - Page 3

Originally posted by: madmaxine

Hello everyone!

So, Maxine's super-secret sources have led her to find a leak in the fake IPKKND creative team. The following is from a top-secret conversation she had with this fake writer. It's so secret that it may have never happened. (I said May!) Read on to find out what's going to happen in the fake IPKKND show next week.

BTW, a disclaimer. This is completely fictitious. No such characters exist. Any resemblance to anyone, living, dead or stoned is completely coincidental. Also, (and I'm serious here) I mean no disrespect to anyone on the IPKKND team. I love them all. They are all awesome. Remember, this is about the FAKE IPKKND team and their fake meeting. If you still take offense, then well, err...too bad.

Cut-piece Lalloo-Mohan (CPL-M, his parents were Communists and thought it was cute!) had had a bad day. In accordance with the mantra of their show, 'keeping it classy' they'd had Sweet Innocence (SI) sleep at the poolside. (Unlike other shows where the heroine slept with the cows!) It had backfired. The older women thought it was domestic abuse. The teenagers thought it was stupid 'cos Sweet Innocence (SI) and BS (unfortunate initials those-peace out) one weren't in the same room at night. Less scope for her to mistakenly fall into his arms while sleepwalking at night. The TRPs had fallen half-a-point in 1 week.

"It's the goddamn audience!" whined Creative#1 (Let's just call him Creator-in-chief, or, in common parlance, GOD). "You can't predict them at all. I mean, last week, they lapped up the '70s style temple wedding. They were all over BS's (unfortunate initials those-peace out) cave-man act. And today, they don't want Sweet Innocence to sleep by the poolside? I mean, it's the poolside. It's their Taj-frickin'-Mahal. What's going to happen to her if she sleeps by it? After all, we're not putting her IN it!" he stormed.

"I know!" said Creative#2 (or as the rest of the team like to call him, the Ass-kisser-in-chief). "It's not GOD's fault. GOD is never wrong!" he said loyally. Cut-piece Lalloo-Mohan (CPL-M) frowned. "I don't care who's fault it is. Fix it! Fix it now! TRPs are falling. The PH is calling me hourly to ask for updates on the new track. Do we have a new track or not?" he asked, foamy spittle flying out of his mouth.

"Well, there's the 'Everyone hates Sweet Innocence track' we've been working on for 1 week now. After SI gets back from the temple, BS (unfortunate initials those-peace out) is going to back her against the wall in their room, bruise her arms badly and say he "hates her." It's going to be a super-intense scene," said GOD.

"I think it's a phenomenal idea. Tears will then fall from Sweet Innocence's eyes and he will back away, appalled at his outburst, because he love-hates her and can't see her in pain." Said the Ass-Kisser-In-Chief.

Creative#3 (The one who pretended he had a soul, but was a sellout just like the rest of them Hypocriticus Soapoperaticus or, as the rest of team liked to call him hyppo, 'cos he was morbidly obese) spoke up: "I think we should have 'Di-wani support Sweet Innocence. Women supporting women. The older demographic love that. Sisterhood of the downtrodden and all that," he said sincerely.

"All that's very well. But where's the Ar(tistic) H(acker)i?," asked CPL-M. "That's what the audience wants to see Ar(tistic) H(acker)i."

"What do you call BS (unfortunate initials those-peace out) backing her against the wall? It's classic Ar(tistic) H(acker)i!" said GOD.

"We've done a million backing-her-into-walls scenes! Can't you morons come up with something else?" screamed CPL-M.

Creative#4 Le Petit Morticia (Or, The Hot One who's pants they were all trying to get into) spoke: "How about another Almost Kiss like Diwali?" she asked. "Sweet Innocence can be crying by the poolside. All of a sudden, she decides she's sick of drowning in her tears and decides to drown herself in the pool. Of course since her character, Klutzy can't do anything properly she slips and falls into the shallow end. Her yellow sari is wet and sticking to her. BS (unfortunate initials those-peace out) walks in at that moment, and sees her, all wet and sexy, clothes transparent, breasts heaving and all that jazz. He helps her out of the pool, and then, lost in the sensuousness of her chlorine-scented perfume, and the tears streaming down her face at not getting even a simple drowning right, he backs her into the same wall by the poolside and almost kisses her just like he almost kissed her on Diwali!" she finished triumphantly. "It'll be a Holi gift to our audience. And face it, what better than water games to showcase Holi?" she smiled.

"I like it!" said CPL-M, finally cracking a smile.

"It's brilliant!" said GOD. (He'd asked her out 17 times and had been rejected 17 times. His motto was to never give up. After all, he wrote soap opera scripts for a living. If there was one thing he knew, it was to make logic-defying events happen!)

"Oh yes! Absolutely brilliant," said the Ass-kisser-in-chief. His favorite game was follow the leader. And his leader had spoken.

"OK! But why doesn't he actually kiss her?" asked Hyppo skeptically. (He was the only one who knew he had no chance at all with The Hot One and therefore tried hard to put her down to make up for his own inadequacies.)

"His phone rings." Said Le Petit Morticia, her voice oozing disdain.

"How long have you been a soap writer?" CPL-M asked Hyppo scornfully. "Of course his phone rings. It HAS to. Now listen. That's fabulous, Le Petit Morticia, my love. You work on that scene. The rest of you, write in a Di-wani-supports-Klutzy scene and work on some Anklet and Sky romantic scenes. After all they got married too. We have to show them having a Suhaag Raat and not having sex. It's mandatory." He said finally.

"Great. We can have Anklet tell Sky, she's grounded on Earth and he's the Heaven, and even though they're married, never the twain shall meet!" said Hyppo poetically.

"Yes, very romantic," said GOD sneeringly. (GOD knew Hyppo was a better writer and was always afraid he'd lose his job as Creator-in-chief to him, so he made it a point to sneer at all Hyppo's ideas to cover up for his own lack of any fresh ideas.)

"OK Creative Team, hop to it. Need a bound script in 11 hours," barked CPL-M.

"We never bind our scripts CPL-M," said ass-kisser-in-chief mildly. We barely get them scripted and printed half an hour before the shoot."

"Whatever!" CPL-M yelled. He turned on his heel and walked out swiftly.

"Why is he always so grouchy?" asked Le Petit Morticia inquisitively.

"Too much pressure. Have you seen the poor man's Facebook wall?" GOD shook his head sadly. "I'm glad I'm behind the scenes. I get to pull the strings, and nobody ever knows!" said GOD, smiling at his good fortune.

All right everyone, "Salud!" said GOD, raising a pen. "To Ar(tistic) H(acker)i! It's what keeps our bread buttered and our TRPs competing with the other Shows that are regressive and anti-women. We have a hot piece of Ass as our hero. He doesn't wear Kaajal, and he doesn't respect his wife so much that he'll support her career goals. Oh no! Our Man says one thing and one thing only. And that's enough to make women (and some men!) the world over drool! And that is, now, lets say it together as a team," said GOD, performing their favorite team-building exercise.

"WHAT THE!" said the team obediently.

And what does our Man do that makes women (and men) all over the world drool over him?" asked GOD.

"HE f**kS UP!" said the team in a chorus.

"And what is our Team motto?" asked GOD.

"To err is human, to Clusterf**k is TRP heaven!" said the team enthusiastically.

Yeah, irreverent. I know. So bite me.😊

Cheers!

Vidhya

Originally posted by: neverbefore

You 30 Rock-ed it!!! That's what we need...Tees Patthar!