Ain't Letting You Go - SS||Part5(Last)-:UpdtPg18 - Page 9

I kept on staring at the ceiling while jiji slept soundly. I was seriously getting annoyed at my current state of mind. Why am I feeling so troubled? Why am I missing him out of all the people? I sighed angrily and shut my eyes, trying to sleep, but it refused to take over me.

Frustrated, I got up and opened my cupboard. I rummaged through my things, searching for something bauji had given to me. I had always slept with it on nights I couldn't. The deity (murti) of devi maiiya wasn't there. I frowned angrily as I remembered where it was. It was lying on my table in the office and I really wanted it. I'll have to get it tomorrow without seeing the laad governor.

As I was about to close the open drawer of the cupboard, when my eyes fell on the key I had found lying on the ground at the Urz. It was his key. "Mannat ki chaabi." I whispered and against my own will, I started to wonder why the key to his wish was with me.

I threw my cloths out of my cupboard and onto my bed, trying to calm my frustrated and annoyed mind. Besides gardening, I did this very often to calm my mind. By "this" I mean cleaning my cupboard. For some very odd reason, all I could think about was Khushi, Khushi and Khushi. Everything I did in the office reminded me of her. The whole day was a waste, with me uttering her name many times, remembering her during a meeting when I saw a can of paint near the window, laughing while sitting in my cabin with Lavanya as I remembered how she had snuck into my cabin and under my table, I looked like a fool then, for laughing and then remembering her again when one of the employees sneezed and then again when I was driving back home and had seen someone in a suit like the ones she wore and thought that it was her. My heart was disappointed when it turned out to be someone else. Why? The reason: unknown.

As I threw one of my blazers out, something fell on the tiled floor, scattering and bouncing, the sound reminding me of our first meeting. The sound of the beads of her dress falling on the floor. The fear in her eyes. The sweat on her forehead. The tears on her cheeks. I shook my head to throw away that memory. I wonder why it was haunting me, why it was so disturbing all of a sudden? I picked up the beads and sat on the bed. This was the only physical thing I had of her with me. And for some reason, for some unknown reason, I wanted to keep it. And so, against my own will, I kept it in the drawer, capturing it, hoping it would ease away the pain of not seeing her again.

I kept playing around with the key as I lay in bed, thinking about what to do with it. To give it back or not to give it back? If I give it back to him, I'll have to see him and talk to him. If I don't give it back, I will keep thinking about it, and then end up thinking about him; which I really didn't want to. He was already killing my brain cells because they were over-stressing on the fact that I was missing him. I sighed and closed my eyes, and still confused as to what I should do, I fell into a light slumber.

My eyes flew open and I sat up straight in my bed, beads of sweat forming on my forehead. Why are you dreaming about such horrible things Arnav? Have you lost it or something? I asked myself and ran a hand through my hair as flashes of the dream played in front of my eyes. Me running into the guest house. Her sitting there. And then the roof of the building collapsing and crushing her. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, trying to chuck those images out. I really wanted to get them out of my head. And now, I wanted to get her out of my head too. I don't know what is it that she has done to me that makes me think about her 24*7. It was getting on my nerves. And right now, all I knew was that I needed to see her. And… and… tell her to clear her desk and pay me back my money. No you idiot, you just want to make sure she is fine. I closed my eyes, frustrated all the more at those lines my heart kept on whispering to me. I looked at the watch. 1:30, and I was still not asleep. Watch me sleep in my cabin tomorrow.

I woke up to the sound of something clinking against the floor. Wait, when did I sleep? I looked down to see his key on the floor. I picked it up and sighed. I really did need to get mind off him, because this whole issue of me continuously thinking about him was getting to me. He must be sleeping in his huge bed right now, happy at the fact that I have left. And here I am, staying up till… wait, what time is it? Ya, 1:30. So here I am, staying up till 1:30 in night thinking about him. Not only was I thinking about him when I was awake, I was dreaming about him as well. The moment I had fallen asleep, all the memories had come flooding back. From the moment I had fallen in his arms at the fashion show to the moment I had told him in his face that I was no longer working for AR. I smiled as those memories became alive, his face when I had defeated him in all the challenges, when I had screamed at him at the guest house and when I had told him off in his own house. Tears sprung up in my eyes as flashes of the last time I had seen him played in front of my eyes. I didn't stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks, because I had no clue why I was crying. Was it because of all the pain he had put me through? All the hurt he had caused me? Or was it because… I was missing him?

"Arnav?" Di called out as I stood in the pool-side garden, watering my plants. I hadn't slept much last night after that horrible dream and I knew my eyes clearly showed that. "Arnav. There you are. I have been looking everywhere for you. Where have you been? Aren't you getting late for work? And -"

Di stopped mid-sentence as I turned to face her. I think it's about time I open up to her and tell her what I was feeling. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. "Arnav. What is wrong with you? Have you seen the look on your face? Looks like you didn't sleep well last night. Did you even sleep?"

I mumbled a no and stared at my feet. Di tapped her feet impatiently. Was she expecting me to spill the beans to her and tell her what was wrong with me? "Di, I need to talk you."

"After you have talked to Naani. She wants to talk to you about -"

"Lavanya?" Di nodded and I let out a sigh. "I need to talk to her as well. I need to talk to both Lavanya and Naani. I think this relationship is taking a toll on me." And with that, I walked towards Naani's room and di followed.

I woke up… it was 9 in the morning. I felt free, not having to go to work and all that hassle. But somewhere in my heart, I knew I was faking about feeling 'free'. Really now Khushi. Stop lying to yourself and face the truth. You want to work their don't you? I closed my eyes in frustration and dig my nails into my palm. And I realised I had slept clutching on to the key. The key to his wish. I decided I would give it back to him. I had to go to the office anyways. So, might as well give it back. I got up and took a shower. In 30 minutes, I was ready to leave home.

"Khushi, where are you going?" Jiji asked as I came out of the room with my bag.

"To the office." I said in a tired voice. Before I could tell her the reason, she started to blabber.

"Khushi! You are not going there. And you have already given your resignation. Are you like, crazy? Stupid? Actually, I can see that you are like that. I mean, after all that he has done to you, that moronic ASR has -"

"Enough jiji. Ok, I get it that he put me through that pain. But really, did you ever think about what could have happened to me had he not come to save me that day? I owe him for saving my life." I knew this was probably annoying di to the max but… argh! "And he told me that he didn't know the condition of the building." I mumbled. So, why was I defending him? Someone give me the answer.

"You are… taking his side? Defending him? Like really Khushi?"

"Jiji I am not going to work there. I don't miss that place. I don't miss anything about it."

"Did I ask if you miss that place?"

I looked up at di, wide eyed. Did I just say that out loud?

I sat on one of the chairs in Naani's room and took hold of her hand. "Naani, I am sorry." I could feel the ripples of shock going around the room. Yes, I just said sorry. And I don't know what's making me soften up towards people nowadays. Is it the 'Khushi' effect?

"What did you say Chote?" Naani asked, tears brimming in her eyes.

I smiled slightly and repeated myself. "I am sorry. I realise I was wrong about Lavanya. And I also realise that you were right. She has no respect for anyone," I remembered her ordering Khushi around ruthlessly in the office, maybe not as bad as me but still, it was pretty bad, "and she does not care about anyone's feelings. She is very insensitive." And then I remembered how she was the one who kept the name chamkili for Khushi. I cringed as I remembered how she was taunted with that name. "So, I have decided to break this relationship. I don't think she is the right girl for me and I don't think she is the right girl for this house either."

I saw di smile at me and give me a "What's going on?" look with a smirk on her face. Here comes the teasing.

"I am sorry Jiji. I didn't mean to be rude or anything. It's just…" I trailed off, not knowing what to say next. I looked anywhere but at jiji, afraid I would see the anger in her eyes.

"Khushi. Can I talk to you for a second?" Jiji was not mad at me? Oh my god, it has to be my lucky day.

"Umm… okay." And with that, we walked out the house to the nearby park.

"Chote, tell me! What did you want to talk to me about?" Di asked me for the nth time as I walked towards my room. Once inside, I locked the door and turned to look at her. Her eyes were twinkling, she was looking happier than usual and… she had a hint of mischief on her face.

"Uh, okay. Promise you won't laugh."

"Okay." But with the look she had on her face, I knew very well that she was going to go crazy and laugh at me. Seriously, what fun did di find in annoying me?

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