Lucknow
She tried for the hundredth time to focus on her paper work for her thesis, but in vain. She kept going back to the time when she moved to Mumbai; her painful past silently making entry into her thoughts, however much she tried to block it. She wasn't prepared to deal with the demons of her past, she realised; she just tried to store it in a box of pain and move on until now, until she opened up to Arjun. What she revealed to Arjun was nothing compared to what she endured in Mumbai being Advay's wife.
She was furious with Advay when she decided to move to Mumbai and hated him with every fibre of her being. But she didn't have any choice either, she had to tolerate being under the same roof as him until her sisters settled in life. She was so glad that she met Pooja and Adi there; they made her feel comfortable and accepted unlike Advay's Maasi who didn't hide her disgust for her.
And when nani moved her to Advay's room, she was apprehensive to say the least; on one side she just wanted to confide in the old lady as to how big a torturous brute her grandson was and on the other she didn't want to worry her at this age and that she had to find the strength to fight her own battles.
She was in a dilemma all the while. Now that she thought about it, she realised that she must have shared her fears and worries with her so that at least there was one person less who detested her when she left Mumbai.
Living with advay was constant hell. She tried her best to stay out of his way and kept herself busy in the kitchen or the garden, but he kept engineering opportunities to encroach her personal space just to deliberately shame her and pass hurtful remarks.
Their Suhaag Raat rasm was a nightmare in itself. Just when she thought that she got over her PTSD, Advay was present every single moment to remind her of the same and relive it with more fright every time.
Her nightmares started again and she trembled with fear every time her husband closed the physical distance between them. But she did not want him to sense her nervousness fearing what he would do with such knowledge.
What was worse was not knowing the reason for his grudge against her. It made her clueless, frustrated and helpless all the time. It was like he had a sinister motive to his every seemingly innocent move. Just like how he enjoyed making her jittery all the time; like how he did it on the morning after their dreadful Suhaag Raat.
He leaned over her shoulder chatting with Adi like it was the most natural thing to do. Her discomfort was at its peak and she discerned that he did it purposely. She just had to close her eyes shut to keep her emotions intact and yet when he placed his chin and took advantage of being in public, her anger, confusion and nervousness made its way to her eyes. She wanted to just push him away and smack him in the worst possible way for making her feel panicky.
She composed herself once again and prayed to god to give her the strength to sail through that moment. The menacing way he delivered his threat scared her to death; and it did every single time. She just wanted to spend time with the adorable 6 year old; being in the kid's company made her forget her pain; but looked like her husband didn't want her to have that either.
She made her way to the kitchen, to escape his proximity. What did he aim at? Why was he so angry at her? She had so many questions but with no answers in sight, she sighed deeply as she washed her hands and wiped them clean. She leaned over the sink taking deep breaths to bring her laboured breathing under control.
The only way she had to manage living here was to accept that this was her life for the next n number of days. And it was pointless searching for answers when every door to those queries seemed closed, she concluded.
She made her way out of the kitchen to hear Nani asking Advay to take her to Shiv mandir and him complying without any protest. Now that's fishy' her mind warned her looking at his expression. She turned about to re-enter the kitchen to wonder what he planned next, when nani called out to her leaving her with no time to think.
"Chandini! Beta, Advay has agreed to take you to mandir today. Go get dressed; Shilpa will take care of the rest of the work. Nani instructed. Chandini was left with no option but to agree and move towards the room, wincing a little at the residual pain the soreness of her feet caused.
She quickly changed into a yellow saree, with a pair of simple earrings to go with it. She wore her mangalsutra, but didn't bother with the sindhoor. A fake marriage and a fake life, she thought dejectedly as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. Was there no end to her sadness and suffering, she wanted to plead to God, but then again reminded herself of the thousands of people who had it even worse than her and what she faced was nothing when compared to that. She left the room with her mobile in hand as she heard Advay shouting her name, forgetting her purse in her haste.
She fetched her Pooja thali from the kitchen and proceeded towards the dining table only to come face to face with the devil himself. He smirked as he gave her a thorough look from head to toe leaving her flustered. He reached for her arm and clutched it tightly before literally dragging her towards the entrance of the house and the car.
He opened the passenger side door and made her sit while he went around the car to get into the driver's seat. He started the engine and merged into the lanes swiftly.
There was eerie silence in the car and Chandini fidgeted with the Thaali in her nervousness. She looked out the window avoiding his gaze which strayed towards her every once in a while.
He finally chose to speak with his trademark sarcastic remark, "So, Chandini, you are visiting the mandir, huh? What...to wash away your sins?
She chose to ignore him, thinking the lesser she spoke the better. But he wasn't making it easy for her. "Ooo the silent treatment. What more can be expected when the answer is obvious. He goaded her and she fell into his trap.
"I haven't knowingly committed any sin as far as my knowledge goes. She responded agitated. But yeah I always visit the mandir whenever I can to seek forgiveness for those that I've unknowingly committed, she thought to herself silently.
"Are you sure, my dear wiey? he sneered with venom
She looked back fiercely and questioned, "What the heck do you mean by that? waiting for a reply from him only for him to fall silent for a few seconds.
"All I know is people like you commit crimes and go seek refuge in God. He spoke through gritted teeth.
"But I thought you would be first in line in that category, knowing you the way I do. She responded with equal passion.
"Oooh my wife isn't the silent lamb but a wildcat with a sharp tongue! he responded as if he was enjoying the exchange of words.
"I don't care what you think or what you assume. That's your problem not mine. She responded wanting to put an end to the pointless discussion.
He remained silent for the rest of the journey which was a welcome change for Chandini. He stopped the car at the entrance of the temple and turned off the engine waiting for her to step out. He stated, "I will wait for exactly 15 minutes. If you delay even by a second then I'm off.
She nodded her head knowing that that was all the time she needed to quickly thank God for giving Dhruv a safe and happy family and to pray for his wellbeing.
"I'll be rushing if I were you he reminded her making her move towards the temple. What she didn't anticipate was that there was a special program at the Mandir and she had to beat a crowd of at least two hundred people to have her darshan.
What she did know for sure was that Advay knew about it very well and that was why he agreed to bring her here without any objection, she thought angrily. What was his plan, ditch her if she didn't turn up in 15 minutes and enjoy wondering how she will make it home without him in a new city? she thought furiously. She will show him what Allahabadi girls are made of, she vowed.
Determination coursed through her as she left her slippers and proceeded towards the crowded entrance, unbeknownst to the fact that a cunning individual had his eyes on her and was following her every move.
Shiv Shakti
