Rasa- Karuna
Bhava- Shoka
Meaning- Sadness / Sorrow
I NEED ME
When the extremities of life splinter you apart;
When not even a shred of hope is left in your heart;
When you wish to dissolve, but are left as an insoluble part.
Then, you need yourself to hold you firm,
Whenever you bump, fall or squirm.
To wipe off your tears and choke your cacophonous chirm.
You need yourself and absolutely yourself to hide the weak you, not letting the world see.
To suppress your heart's desirous plea.
You really need only yourself and I need me.
She caressed the lines inscribed on the page umpteenth time and reminisced the pathetic face she made after listening to such hi-fi English words.
The very next moment her eyes turned misty as she remembered the meaning of her every night's before-sleep mantra.
Everytime she read it, she found them so relatable as if every line was for her. But practically, in every line there was actually her.
Life was never a cake-walk for her. Not now nor then. Being a orphan was never a pleasant experience to remember, rather it was nightmarish. Life after the death of Sahil's parents was nothing but a road with struggles where she had no option but to walk.
She would be lying, if she said that she never hoped. She did. But, mostly only for Sahil. The hope regarding her betterment, her desires, her future was too bleak. She had a bruised childhood and struggling past and she was ready for the same in future also. But then, she did smiled, that too heartily which was now replaced by a hollow laughter and that too with a matter of single day.
****************************
"Tumne ... iss chhat ke neeche ... Daksh ke saath ... Ek Raat Guzaari Hai.
His words echoed in her ears with the same intensity even after 2 years of their confrontation and her departure.
She took his every remark, every blow and absorbed them. But this one was not her cup of tea. But this time, she could not and would not take his baseless accusations for his sake.
She was never bothered what others thought of her. Good. Bad. Ugly. But she didn't knew that the viewpoint of one man would hurt her this much.
It pained her to see him choose Naam, Khoon and Khandaan over her. It hurt her that he believed the words as she lacked what was most important in his preaching and principles.
She could have showed down the mirror to him if she had asked the details about the scenario. But she did not.
Not because, she feared that he won't believe them. But because she didn't want to prove anything to him.
She wanted to show him that he was amongst those innumerable people whom she won't give a damn about thinking so low of her like she did during the Gayatri Murder Case.
And then, she left his place and the city forever, taking Sahil along with her but not before signing the divorce papers that he had gifted her during the Paga-phera Rasam.
She was proud if herself for taking that decision. She really was.
But a part of her was still biased for him. And she knew that part resided within his heart too. Lest, she would not had found him standing at her door asking her to come back with him, even after not knowing the real truth.
No matter how much her heart pleaded her to join him. She kept her mind and self respect above all and closed the discussions with her heart while closing the door on his face.
This time he didn't rebelled but complied by her decision. But kept Sahil and her under his security all over these two years , unknown yet known to her.
Not matter how much fierce and strong she looked from outside, deep down she was SAD and missed him, even after everything. She yearned for him and this made her even more miserable and weak.
And every night, she read these lines to draw strength that Mrs. Rana had explained them at the Night Classes. And she was waiting to be that much strong when she herself would be enough for her and need not remember him every night.
THE END
Note: A heartfelt thanks to Annikaa🤗 for providing me an opportunity to be a part of this collaborative work.
Apologies from my side if this was a let down.
And all kinds of comments are welcomed.
Edited by Rainzz - 7 years ago
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