Shivaay stormed out of his mother's room, as she had once again begun with her rant of him getting married to Tia. He knew that he had himself said that he will, but every time the topic was broached, he felt an uneasy feeling rush through him. Tia was in London for a month long nature-therapy camp, and Shivaay was hoping for a much needed breathing space, but alas, only if his mom would get off his back.
He was still wrestling with his chaotic thoughts, wondering why he was so uncharacteristically confused, when the answer walked right into his bedroom.
Billuji, she said, owning the name like a boss. Dadi is looking for you.
He loved how comfortable Annika and he had grown, especially after he had apologized to her after the Gayatrti murder case and they had resolved on being cordial. In no time, she had almost become indispensable to him, and his entire household. With his marriage on hold, Annika was in charge of all elaborate affairs of the Oberoi Mansion, the next one up being its annual Diwali bash.
Don't you call me that, he muttered, all the while knowing this wouldn't stop, and not that he was really complaining. It had become sort of habitual for them to greet each other like this. They were both too wired, and unique, for the customary hellos.
Thus, Annika too went on, unaffected. I don't have time for your tadi, you need to approve invitation cards as well as the final guest list. You also need to make some personal calls...soon she realized that she was talking to the air and white curtains around her, for Shivaay had his head in his hands, rubbing his temples lightly.
Annika's brows furrowed. Billuji?
Hmm. Give me a minute, I will be there.
She thought she heard his voice crack. On instinct, she knelt down in front of him and placed her hand on his knee. Are you okay?
Shivaay stiffened. It was difficult; to be around her and not realize the effect she had on him. Every time he saw her, got a little lost in her animated face, hang on each of her interesting syllable, marvel at how efficient she was, admire how forgiving she was; and yet, at the same time, not fall for her. It was bloody difficult.
And now, here she was, looking at him with concern pouring out of her oh-so beautiful eyes.
Do you have a lot of work for the day? She continued on meeting his tired eyes. Don't worry, I will handle it. And make sure to not choose anything dhinchak, will keep your SSO standards in mind.
She flashed him a smile, the most comforting things of all, and was about to leave when he caught her hand. He didn't know why he wanted her to stay, but he did know that all kinds of confusion melted in her presence: she somehow just sucked it all with her non-stop bickering, innocent questions, and little tokens of care.
Stay. He swallowed.
What happened? She read his eyes; it wasn't just physical fatigue.
I don't know what to do, Annika. It was only in front of her that he could be this vulnerable.
Follow your heart. She answered simply, for she knew he was talking about the wedding, and her heart hoped despite itself as she said those words. It was almost pleading to him to follow his heart, and choose her.
It's not that simple.
Something broke inside her as reality pulled her back: he was SSO, obsessed with family and lineage. He was her friend, a cherished companion, and she should not bargain for anything else.
She sighed. Of course it's not. It is the toughest thing to do. Yet, the most brave.
You know what's brave? He sprung back; he wasn't that easy to be swept by words. To follow your mind, take the higher road. Just following your heart mindlessly is foolhardiness.
He straightened, back in the SSO mode. Dissuading him wasn't that easy.
Anika almost laughed. How stupid she was, hoping after all that has happened. He was right, listening to your heart was plain stupid, and gets you in a mess like she was. In most probability, she would be soon planning the wedding of the man she loves.
Well, then, Mr. Shivaay Singh Oberoi, follow your mind. She paused. He was still holding her hand. She dared to give it a little squeeze. Whatever you follow, just be happy, she added softly.
Shivaay saw a hint of tears in her eyes, but he was too stubborn to decipher them. The moment he would acknowledge the force of her words, the volumes her eyes spoke, he would fall weak; and that, he couldn't afford.
Of course, he managed, and they were interrupted by Priyanka beckoning them downstairs.
**
Shivaay was going through the guest list with Dadi and Bade Papa, as he heard a familiar voice call out his name.
Daksh! What a pleasant surprise. He went up to his childhood school friend and hugged him. Right when he was asking him about how he has ended up here, Shivaay saw him get distracted by something behind him.
In fact, it was someone, as he heard Daksh exclaim. Annika! Tum?
He heard her laugh, walk up to them and greet Daksh with a small hug. I work here. I didn't know you knew him. She signaled at Shivaay.
Well, it's truly a small world, Daksh remarked, explaining Annika that Shivaay and him were in school together.
Shivaay was a little dumbstruck. this was the last thing he was expecting to happen. He saw Daksh's arm carelessly placed around Annika's shoulder, as she talked to him animatedly. He wanted to know how they knew each other, he had questions, but for some weird reason, he was tongue tied.
Thankfully, Rudra butt in. His brothers came to them as they saw Daksh.
How do you guys know each other? Rudra asked what was on everyone's mind, especially his Bhaiya's.
We were in the same university, Annika chimed. I did my event management course from the same place he did his architecture.
The broad grin on her face bothered Shivaay. He stiffened when he saw Daksh tighten his grip around Annika as she continued about how they used to hang out together all the time before he disappeared to US.
But now I am here, Daksh said smiling at her. I am here for a project, and had thought of surprising an old friend, he said, looking at Shivaay. But look how I lucky I am, ended up meeting two special people of my life.
Special, Shivaay muttered under his breath, but this was heard by OmRu who shared a knowing look.
Annika was soon summoned by Dadi, much to Shivaay's relief, and OmRu laughed amongst themselves as they saw Shivaay breathe out as soon as Daksh removed his hand from around Annika.
That night, the three brothers and Daksh sat for a late night chat at Shivaay's pool.
Dude, I am so glad she works here. One of my goals of coming to India was getting in touch with her again. I think finding her here, in your house, is a signal that even God wants this. Daksh went on and on about Annika as Shivaay listened impassively.
Wants what? Om inquired.
You know, that we get together.
WHAT?! The Oberoi brothers exclaimed in unison.
Daksh was taken aback. Well, I liked her in college. Back then, she was too tied up with responsibilities and the headache of a good job. But now that she is well-settled, I think I will try once more. Over the years I have realized that I have never been able to move on from her.
Daksh had a stupid, dreamy grin on his face. Shivaay's fingers tightened around his coffee mug, as his brothers anxiously waited for something to be broken, maybe Daksh's nose. But to their relief, Shivaay just got up abruptly and left.
Back in his room, Shivaay was pacing like a madman.
Daksh and Annika? He couldn't bear the thought of it. Damn, he couldn't bear to see her with anyone.
But why Shivaay, you are going to marry someone else.
Daksh loves her? Does she too?
It's not necessary that she does.
But what if she does? What if she begins to?
Sleep evaded him that night.
**
Diwali was a day away, and the house was bustling with preparations. That night, Annika and Shivaay sat by the pool, as he made last minute confirmations calls, and she accordingly updated the guest list
It was almost 10 when they were finished. Shivaay brought them coffee, and they both sipped in silence, their feet dangling in the water. A cool breeze made the evening just perfect.
Annika looked at him sideways, hoping that everything was as perfect as it looks like.
Shivaay was aching to ask her about Daksh, but what with his pride and ego, nothing came out.
Suddenly, Annika felt his hand go around her shoulder.
The preparations have been made wonderfully, you did a great job. He said this very slowly, meanwhile shifting closer to her till their bodies were touching.
Shivaay wasn't paying heed to what he was doing. After seeing Annika laugh in Daksh's embrace, and then the entire day comfortably hang out with each other, Shivaay was evidently hurting. The most he hated was how much she laughed with him, how deftly he touched and caressed her, how they mingled in each other like two streams. Rudra remarking about this all day only irked him further. All Shivaay wanted to do all day was hold Annika, pull her into him, reinstate to him that no one is allowed to hold her that way, to look at her that way. No one, but him.
Annika had stiffened, her mug threatening to slip from her hands. His hand was on her bare upper arms, roaming around teasingly. She had noticed him grow a bit weird since Daksh had arrived, but what was this. She looked up at him, and found his eyes staring back in a way that made her head spin.
Kya kar rahein hain aap?
Kya kar raha hoon? He pulled her lightly, their faces inches apart.
Yeh. Her eyes moved towards his hands, caressing her shoulder.
You don't mind it when Daksh does it. Shivaay's voice was hoarse, and Annika felt his hand grow tight on her shoulder. She looked up when his other hand secured her waist. His eyes were burning, they were demanding answers to unknown questions, and they were pleading for unnamed desires.
She wasn't much surprised at what he said, but shocked that he said it at all. She had laughed when OmRu had come and told her that Shivaay was fuming with jealousy, and had thought that she would have a little fun later on. But never had she thought that he would say it so explicitly, that too in this way, and nor had she prepared herself for something like this.
She didn't answer, but continued to stare back in his kanjhi aankhein. They were her happy place. Her one arm remained locked between their bodies, while the other found its way to his chest.
His hand wavered over her shoulder, and slowly moved south towards her back. He was teasing her, loving the show of colours on her face, her blush heightened in the moonlight, her lips partings themselves in small gasps. He stroked her bare back, tugging at the dori of her suit.
Shivaay.
The most beautiful whisper escaped her lips, and that undid some damn inside Shivaay. He pulled her with force, causing her legs to tangle with his and their bodies crashed. He leaned in, brushing his stubble against her hot cheek. She arched her back in response, fisting his kurta.
Shivaay was teleported to an unknown world. He inhaled a distinct Annika smell that he couldn't place, and it was intoxicating. Her skin felt like the most sophisticated linen: soft, smooth, and inviting. He didn't want this moment to end, never let her go as much as a millimetre away from his arms. His name from her lips was the most satisfying thing ever, it was a symphony of its own.
As he kissed her neck, her words hit her like an iron rod. Her voice cracked, But Daksh wasn't doing this, she said, referring to his advances.
Annika regretted it the very moment she said it, for he pulled her back by her hair. She instantly missed his hot breath on her skin, but she couldn't go on with this. He was not hers, he could never be.
He was angry now, his jaw clenched. Had he even dared, I would have killed him.
Annika shivered at his words. Why, she asked feebly.
I can't see anyone come close to you. He couldn't hold it back, not with her in his arms, completing him in every sense of the word.
He saw her smile, but sadly. Her hands fell away. You are marrying someone else. She announced flatly.
His hands loosened too, but rested around her arms. It wasn't easy to let go, he wanted to hold onto whatever of hers he could.
Aren't you? She, once again, hoped. The stupid girl she was, she still believed that love could trump all.
But in his downcast eyes, in his defeated expression, in hands pulling themselves away: she had her answer: love maybe very powerful for some, arming them to fight all the odds, but for others, love was a handicap, their gaping weakness, something they would run away from all their lives. And to her dismay, she had fallen for someone who was yet to fall for love itself.
All Shivaay could manage was a strained whisper, Annika. It was a request, to stay and help him out like she always did. It was an apology, for letting her down like he always did. It was a declaration that she owned him in a way no one else could. It was an acceptance that he would die a little everyday without her. It was a frustration, of the thought that he one day he would actually lose her to someone else. And finally, it was love that he never knew.
I can't. I want to, but I can't. She understood him. She was like a dictionary to his limited language. Her name from his lips made her weak, made all her feelings rush till her throat, making her choke. She longed to hear all the he could not say. For a moment, when she was in her arms, she didn't care what he did not say and what happens tomorrow. But she knew, she very well knew that if she was to give up today, she would never be able to move on. And she didn't want to remember Shivaay as regret, a hurried mistake, or an emotional baggage. She wanted to have him as a beautiful memory, as the horizon she could never reach and the peaks she could never touch.
Shivaay nodded, withdrawing his hands completely. I am sorry, he mumbled, leaving at once.
**
He threw his phone away in rage. Om had informed him that Daksh was planning to propose to Annika. He had immediately gone looking for them, only to find Daksh on his knees in the garden. Annika was standing, her hands placed on his. He couldn't see her face. He couldn't stand the sight and cursed loudly as he left the garden.
Shivaay had stormed to his room, shutting out his worried brothers.
He didn't believe it! Was it really happening? Did he actually have to witness Annika be with someone else in front of him? Would her lose his ever annoying Pannika already?
The pain in his chest was unbearable, and threw around things until he was both physically and mentally worn out.
He made his way out, ignoring his brothers behind him. He knew where she would be. She always wrapped up the accounts of an event in the back lawns. He walked fast, determined to get answers. So what he was marrying Tia? That was a business deal. But she was willingly going to someone else? Did she love him? Did she feel things for him that he saw in her eyes only for him?
Angered and panting, Shivaay stopped in his tracks as he took in her first good view that evening. She was sitting on a swing, a bunch of papers stacked on her lap. She was chewing on her pen while tapping on the calculator.
He smiled. She was wearing something in red and purple, and looked absolutely breathtaking. Her hair was open, in soft curls that he loved. Her blouse left a good view of her collarbone, and that brought back memories from last night. Shivaay fisted in anger once again.
What would I do without seeing her every day; he thought as his nerves calmed a little by themselves as he moved closer to her, listening to her hum a familiar tune.
She looked up before he could say anything. Her eye makeup was a little smudged, like she had cried. Were they happy tears?
Aap?
Baat karni hai.
Boliye.
Utho.
Utho, Annika. He pulled her up, as they papers fell down.
Shivaay, the papers.
I don't care. He almost barked.
What's wrong?
Everything.
What do you mean?
Did you say yes?
To what?
To Daksh.
Oh.
Annika felt herself tremble. She didn't know he knew.
So, did you say yes? His throat had gone dry, his palms were sweating. He wasn't prepared for this.
She felt a strange pain in the pit of her stomach. How could she say yes?
What do you think?
Don't you play games with me, Annika! He pulled her roughly. I need an answer.
Why? Why do you care, Shivaay? Her eyes filled up with tears, her voice broke. Why was he doing this? Why was he making this so difficult for her?
Did you say yes or not?
You are going to be married. Let me go.
He pulled her in, both his hands digging in her arms.
You said yes, didn't you? A tear trickled down his cheek.
The disgust in his voice made Annika sneer, and she let herself free. NO! I SAID NO! She shouted out all her frustration, all the pent up feelings she had been hiding for days and putting on a brave face. She pushed him away with her hand, as Shivaay stumbled backwards.
You know why I said no? Because I am not spineless like you. I don't run away from my own self. I don't play mind games. I don't do a heart versus mind drama. I am a simple girl Shivaay, I do what I feel is right. I speak whatever is on my mind. I acknowledge whatever is in my heart. I don't have my pride, my ego, and my so called ideals, coming in way of my very own feelings. You had said following your heart is foolhardiness, right? No, Mr. Shivaay Singh Oberoi, you are wrong. You are not brave in marrying someone for a business deal, in following your mind, for you are not doing it very well. You are a coward! Neither can you be true to your marriage, nor to yourself, nor to me!
She paused for breath, as Shivaay was stunned into silence.
Annika continued, this time slower and quieter. I know we are different, I know we have different priorities. If you are so sure about getting married for your empire and family, at least do it with some grace. Don't do this, she said, pointing at the two of them. You are not the only one hurting, I am too. But I haven't made a joke out of this. Had I wanted, I would have left this job. I don't want to be planning the wedding of the man I love!
Shivaay looked up in shoc, but Annika remain unfazed. She had had enough of this.
Don't look so surprised Shivaay, no one is a kid here. I am heartbroken, but I am not running away from the fact like a baby. You are doing that. If your marriage to Tia means more to you than what we have, then be it! Accept it and head on. No one is forcing you, so don't you command sympathy. It is your call; the least you can do is be honest to your own decision.
Tired, she fell back on the swing. Shivaay stood rooted to his spot, a hundred thoughts going through him. What was he doing? What did he want to do? Was he really too weak to love someone but himself?
Annika, I...I am...I am sorry.
He knew he was too late. He knew that he had already lost her, already let her go. He would only let her down; only disappoint her, because to love was not easy. He had so many things that demanded his attention that love never made it to the list. And now that it had, ever so grandly, he was too afraid to make it a part of his life. Would he ever be able to do justice to it?
She got up. It takes guts to say what you feel. Like I did, like Daksh did.
She walked up to him, searching in his eyes a shred of determination, a hint of resolve. But all she found was defeat, emptiness. He had already given up. In the heat of the moment, she hissed. Don't you think I will be better off with Daksh?
_______________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
Arushi.
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
