Shivika TS: Heart v/s Mind (LAST PART UPDATED) - Page 2

Annika was crying uncontrollably. She had dashed to Soumya's room, as she was to stay at the Oberoi Mansion for the night, and locked herself in the bathroom. After failing to get her out, a worried Soumya had approached OmRu. They had immediately figured that something had happened between Shivaay and Annika, again.

Their doubts were only confirmed when they saw Shivaay sitting in his room, blood on his hands, and bits of mirror splattered on the floor.

Om quietly sat beside him, while Rudra fetched some antiseptic.

This is not the solution, Shivaay.

Rudra slowly bandaged his hand. Bhaiya, what's the point of hurting yourself?

Shivaay inhaled sharply. Let me be.

And make things worse? Om was angry now. Don't you see? You are ruining this for all of us: for Tia, for Annika, for yourself, for the entire family. No one is happy.

Really, Om? Shivaay looked up, his eyes bloodshot from all the crying. After Annika's outburst, an unimaginable sense of disarray had taken charge of him. Naturally, he had punched out his entire room. He was drained now. The last thing he wanted was another lecture.

I am ruining everything? You think I am enjoying this? I am f**king doing this for our family, for our empire, for our merger. And yet, no one is happy. He vented his frustration.

Oh chuck it Shivaay! Om was in no mood either. He was tired of listening to the same sacrificial rant. You are doing this to yourself. It has you made your wedding a business matter since day one, don't you dare put this on us. It just brings you some unfathomable sadistic pleasure and eases your obsession with naam, khoon, khandaan.

Shivaay stared back at his brother, dumfounded, hurt flashing in his eyes. Did no one understand him? Did no one saw the turmoil he was going through?

Bhaiya, Rudra intervened softly. Nothing will be right until you are not happy. Not us, not this family, not this empire. We were okay with you marrying Tia until Annika didi happened. Now that we know you...He faltered, leaving the rest to his intelligent brother. When you are not happy, how do you expect us to be okay with this decision?

Shivaay, you have always done everything in the name of your family. But do you realize how small we will feel if you make the biggest mistake of your life for your family?

Om, please.

Nahi Shivaay, hear me out. This is not a one-way relationship. For once, let us do something for you. Or this will become toxic. Your love for your family should never come in the way of your feelings, or one day, you will get tired of this bond.

Ay, that's impossible. You guys are my everything.

And you are our everything, Shivaay. We want you to be happy. We want you to take this decision in your own interest. You love her, Shivaay. You love her. Don't let that go.

Bhaiya, you have always said that whoever marries into our family can never match up to the bond we three share. Your biggest concern with marriage was how it will alter the three of us. But Annika didi? If there is someone, except you, who can take a bullet for the family, who can take a bullet for Om and me, it's her. She's perfect for you, she's perfect for us.

Shivaay smiled. Annika loved the Oberois, adored OmRu, and most importantly, admired the love he had for his family. He knew he won't find anyone like her, he knew it all the time; every time she saved his family like her own. But did he have what it takes to love? Or was he as spineless as Annika thought him to be?

Shivaay waited for the night to pass; let's see what the next day has in store. But one thing was certain; he had to talk to Annika. She had spoken her mind, it was his turn now.

**

Daksh was no fool, and he gloated as he heard Shivaay announce his marriage to Tia. He knew his friend too well, and while he did feel a little guilty while lying to him, his love for Annika blinded him.

Diwali was a day old, and Tia had returned only a few hours back. As soon as she had arrived, Shivaay had declared that he wants to get married right away. A date after two days was fixed, as no one had the guts to question Shivaay, not even Dadi. He had made it abundantly clear that he wants to get married as soon as possible, and walked out. The family was dumbstruck, but had soon forced themselves into merriment.

Daksh smiled, waiting for the morning, for the news to be broken to Annika. He would be right next to her to comfort her.

**

Om and Rudra were profusely knocking Shivaay's door since the last half an hour. They were shell shocked. What the hell did happen in less than 24 hours that made him take such a drastic step? When they had left last night, they had thought that the mammoth task of convincing Shivaay was finally being achieved. But this guy just took a complete U-turn.

What? Shivaay opened the door, his face blank, but his eyes swollen.

What the hell happened?

What do you mean, Om?

What I mean is your marriage! Where did that come from?

It has been in the loop since months if you didn't notice. Shivaay remarked sarcastically, avoiding his brothers' eyes and walking away.

Oh come on Bhaiya. You were not even close to this till last night. What about Annika didi?

Shivaay raised a hand to stop Rudra before he could finish. His figure shook.

That's over. For some time, I had forgotten who I was, and who she was. But now I'm fine.

His voice was heavy and defiant. It wasn't that easy to fool OmRu.

Hua kya hai, Shivaay? Please tell us.

Shivaay turned around, a sad smile plaguing his lips. I was confused, but not anymore. Annika is over for me. Trust me, I am fine.

With that he left, but he couldn't conceal how the tremor in his voice as he took her name. Om and Rudra exchanged worried looks, fearing what the next three days held for them.

**

Shivaay's head was pounding. He felt as if his entire body was on fire.

We spent the night together.

He couldn't get Daksh's words and his playful smile out of his head.

Girls are so weird, man. She says no one minute, and the other minute she is in my bedroom.

Shivaay combed his hands through his hair, groaning loudly. Did she actually sleep with Daksh hours after telling him that she loves him?

Don't you think I will be better off with Daksh? Her words rang in his ears, and his eyes once again stung with tears. He knew she had said that in anger, he knew she would never choose Daksh over him. But then, did she?

But I understand dude. I always knew she loves me, she was just confused. Besides, I have got the money. You know, I promised her a sum of 15L for her new venture. That's when she ran into my arms.

Annika couldn't do something like this. She had always pushed away his money and status like nothing; she had never feared his position in the society. She was Annika, she could never do something as cheap. But then, didn't she? But I don't mind. As they say, everything's fair in love and war.

Nothing's fair, it's all a lie.

The morning after Diwali, Shivaay had seen Annika come down from the other wing of the house where the guest rooms were. She had at once left, not waiting for breakfast. A few hours later, he heard Daksh giving Soumya Annika's bracelet for her to return it to her on her way back to college, as it was Annika's day off. She had forgotten it the night before.

Shivaay's head had spun in their direction on hearing Annika's name, and he spotted her chaand bracelet in Daksh's hand. A pang of jealousy went through him. Annika never removed this, not even while sleeping. Why did Daksh have it?

Shivaay felt as if Daksh held a part of Annika, of his Annika. As soon as Soumya left, he couldn't resist going to him and asking straightaway as to how he had Annika's bracelet. His response was least expected, and Shivaay had a hard time not punching him in the face.

Was he so easy to forget, to give up on? Was it that easy for her to move on?

For the first time he had felt his feet give away. Anger surpassed pain, and the thought of Annika with Daksh made him fume. He stormed into his parents' room and announced on impulse that he wants to get married right away, come what may.

**

Annika will collect the dress.

It was the night before the marriage. Shivaay had avoided Annika for the last two days, and she had been informed by Dadi about the upcoming wedding. He had somewhere hoped that she would come to her, as usual, and demand answers. He was waiting, for her to come and tell him that what he was doing was wrong, that she was still his. But she never came, making Shivaay further certain that Daksh was right. She had clearly moved on. He didn't fail to notice that Daksh was driving around her for errands, and dropping her back home at night.

This evening, they saw them embracing, and he actually heard something shatter within him. Pain soared through his chest, along his throat, and he felt paralysed. She was happy with someone else, and here was, dreading the thought of his marriage. He hadn't even looked at Tia properly, or spent some time with her. All he could think about was Annika, Annika and Annika.

With the wedding a few hours away, he was beginning to crumble. And to see her in someone else's arms, unaware of his turmoil, was only worse. He wanted to see her burn and rot like he was doing, he wanted to see the Annika he affected, who pined for him, who made faces at Tia, who swarmed around him, who called him names, who bickered with him constantly, who made his entire day: where was she? Where was his Annika?

And so he decided to inflict some pain: Annika will collect the dress, he declared as everyone was arguing as to who would go and collect the wedding attire for Tia next afternoon.

He sae her eyes dart towards him, an undeniable flash of pain visible.

But, she began to protest.

It's an order. His voice was as cold as steel.

She nodded, her eyes welling up.

**

She couldn't move, she couldn't sit, she couldn't stand, she couldn't breathe. Ready in a pale peach sari, ready to attend the marriage she had planned, ready to see the man she loved wed someone else: or was she?

She had worked mindlessly the last three days. When Dadi had told her about Shivaay decision, it was a slap on her face. Didn't her words mean anything to him? She had confessed her love for him, and that made no difference to him? What was all the jealousy, all the angst, all those confounding things she saw in his eyes; what was all that for?

Annika had had enough; it was the last blow on her self respect. She had already given everything to him, to them. She had no more energy, it was his turn. And if that's what he has to give to her: marrying someone else, then be it. She would get done with her job and leave.

It wasn't easy at all, to avoid communicating with him while being in the same house. They were a hundred questions, a thousand complaints waiting on her lips. But what for, only to be insulted again? The most she missed was working with him: arguing over colour combinations, menu choices, making fun of kali coffee, calling him Billuji, secretly enjoying his tadi, and just feel so light yet heavy around him. He had made her wait for each new day at the Oberoi Mansion, but for the past three days, it was difficult for to even get out of bed.

But she did it, with a brave face and speckles professionalism, she did it. She had Om, Rudra, Dadi and Pinky Aunty to help. Daksh was sweet too. She somehow got through this, and him avoiding her with equal diligence kind of helped.

However, today, on the D-day, as she saw Tia's deep red lehnga lie across her, Annika's resolve broke. She couldn't do it, she wanted to run away. She could try living with the fact that her Billuji isn't hers anymore, but she couldn't even imagine seeing him get married in front of his eyes, not with such an abrupt ending. She was aching closure, and their last night together came back to her.

Didn't she mean anything to him? All these days, whatever unspoken they had shared was more important to her than anything else. She didn't need words, she could sense it. Couldn't he?

Was it that convenient for him to throw her out of his life? Didn't she at least deserve an explanation? Was he too weak to own up to his mistake, or didn't he care at all?

The packed up lehnga sort of mocked her, telling her it never was hers: Shivaay, his love, his care, his life, his priorities: it was never hers, it was always elsewhere.

Annika fell on her bed, crawling into herself like a cocoon, trying to fight the pain, wondering as how she had lost someone she never had.

**

She knew she would lose her sanity if she did not talk to him once before the marriage.

After dropping the lehnga in Tia's room, Annika willed herself to walk till Shivaay's room. She could already feel herself trembling, but she had to do this once and for all.

The door was ajar, and she mutely stepped in. She could see the deep green of his sherwani, and he was putting on their family heirloom around his neck as she entered. She saw his hands stop mid-way, his body tense.

He still sensed her.

He turned around swiftly, and his eyes met hers like a whiplash. She didn't know what she was expecting to see in them, but it wasn't this: they were broken, not in an empty sense but as if someone had snatched away the gleam from his kanjhi aankhein. She could see the same anger, the same desperation brew in them as she had on Diwali.

What do you want? He wasn't ready to face her, he would never be. He couldn't help notice that although she looked beautiful, her eyes were tired and swollen. Her makeup had already come off. He saw a small bandage across her left hand.

I wanted to congratulate you. She managed, although excitement evaded her.

After a daunting pause, he whispered. Thank you, Annika. He looked at her for long, as if thanking her for everything but that congratulation. He felt her slip away, and he wanted to hold her and tell her how much she meant to him, that she had given him uncountable memories, she taught him priceless things, and no matter how this ends, she would always remain important to him.

He turned away. She wanted to keep looking in his eyes. In this entire absurdity, they were the only ones who made her feel better, who reminded her of the beautiful equation they shared, which assured her that it may be over; but it shall never be forgotten.

She could have walked away, but she had to muster the courage to talk. The lack of closure would continue to haunt her forever otherwise.

She stood between him and the mirror, and he avoided her gaze.

What now? You want to say goodbye? She was so close, after so long. He was aching to run his hands over her, ask her how she could do this to him.

Why? That's all Annika could ask, and his head shot up, her questioning eyes making him falter.

Why not? Did she have the audacity to question him after all she did?

Whatever I said, whatever I did; it meant nothing to you? She was hoping for contempt in her voice, but all she managed was regret and defeat.

How dare she accuse him? He pulled her by the arms, his breathing growing fast. What you did has left me with no other choice. Thank you so much for clearing all my confusion in such style.

He was barking in her face, and her forehead creased in confusion.

Thank you so much for reiterating my hate for love. His voice cracked. He stared into her eyes, searching for guilt, or any trace of an apology, but there was nothing. How could you?

I don't understand.

There was a knock; Shivaay saw Daksh's reflection in the mirror.

You slept with him. He barely uttered those words, his eyes affixed on the mirror. Had he seen Annika, he would have seen shock written all over her face. But he just pushed her away, walking out of the room without sparing as much as a glance at her.

Annika took some time to process his words. What did he say? She was now looking at Daksh.

Daksh was next to her now, he was telling her something about how much he loves her and that she deserves better than Shivaay.

She slapped him hard. How could you? I considered you a friend, he considers you a friend. You lied to us! I will at once go and tell him everything.

Annika stopped at his next words. Did he ever ask you?

Daksh came beside her again. He believed me, Annika. He believed me at once. He bloody decided to get married on my word. So much love for you, huh? I would never believe any such thing about you ever, not even if God himself tells me so.

Annika pushed him away, walking out in a trance. As much as she hated admitting it, Daksh was right. How could Shivaay believe him? How could he accuse her? Did he think that lowly of her?

Was he worth an explanation, when he never even asked for one? Did he deserve the truth, when he never took the effort to find out about it?

She met Om on her way back.

Annika? Are you okay?

Tell your brother that there exists no love without trust. She was fuming by now. That guy was engaged to someone else and she was still finding love in his actions, giving him the benefit of doubt, helping him through his so called confusion. And what did he do? Believe that she slept someone else. And forget making the effort of trying to confirm, he plainly accused her.

Here was her closure: no trust, no love, no worth.

And thank him back for clearing my confusion with such style.

With that, Annika walked out of the Oberoi Mansion, resolving to never come back: not tot this house, not to him.

Om was confused, but he sensed that whatever it was it, it was important. Maybe this was their last chance to set things right. He immediately made his way to look for Shivaay.

_______________________________________________________________________________

To be continued.

Love, Arushi.