Shivika TS: Heart v/s Mind (LAST PART UPDATED) - Page 4

"Bade Bhaiyya?

Soumya had seen a mixture of hysteric and fuming Shivaay bang into Om's room, all dressed up in his wedding attire. She had at once followed him, worried. The fact that this wedding was a stupid decision on Shivaay's part was on everyone's mind, but no one had dared to question him. They had been as shocked as Tia herself at the news. And everyone, especially the younger Oberois, were well aware of this unnamed chemistry boiling between Shivaay and Annika. In fact, gen-next had come up with the theory that even if Shivaay never confesses his feelings, he'd never marry someone else.

But they were failing to make sense of these developments: only one thing was clear, Shivaay was not happy.

Soumya entered the room to see quite a horrific sight. The great wall of Shivaay Singh Oberoi was sobbing, his head in his hands, his entire body shaking.

By the time she could gather herself, OmRu arrived, much to her relief. While Rudra mirrored Soumya's bafflement, Om proceeded towards Shivaay with a knowing look.

Kahsmkash mein who bhi hain, kashmaksh mein hum bhi. Aansun unke beh nahi rahe, aur humaare rukte nahi. Par faasle itne hai dilon mein, ki dil hi dil ke sunte nahi. Om whispered, his eyes turning watery. What were these two doing?

Shivaay looked up with bloodshot orbs. Cut the crap, Om. You know nothing. Shivaay was raging. He knew his brothers would once again advocate Annika. Only if he could tell them, but could he?

You slept with him. Shivaay recalled his words, his eyes affixed on Daksh as if to burn him down. As soon as he had uttered them, his body had gone chill. She was right in front of him, inches away, questioning him, and he could accuse her right there and demean her with his best jibes. But he couldn't, he couldn't even look at her. The words that had just escaped his lips sounded hollow to him, like he was repeating a jargon he did not even understand. He was afraid that her eyes might acknowledge what he said, hold feelings for him that would break him. He wanted to remember her eyes as overflowing with concern for him, as hooded under his gaze, as his and nothing else.

And so he had walked off, still not able to process the words he had so nicely declared.

What don't I know? Om was asking.

He couldn't. He couldn't say those words again, ever. Not to himself, not to anyone, and definitely not to her. Every time he began to say it, with anger on his tongue, it felt more of lie, and the anger would be kicked away with about of dryness.

All I know is that I met Annika while she was leaving, and she looked as distraught. Om continued, having received no reply from Shivaay whatsoever. She did have a message for you.

Shivaay's eyes shot up in hope. He had no idea what he was hoping for, but anything from her was welcome.

Om smiled inwardly. How stupid were these two? He repeated Annika's words, and saw Shivaay's face go white for a second, and then his lips suddenly curled upwards in a way that was so unsettling that he heard Soumya and Rudra gasp.

Shivaay let out a dead, rasp laugh. Was she talking about trust? When she had just marred that very thing a day ago?

What is it Bade Bhaiyya? Why are you doing this to yourself, and to Annika didi? She is clearly hurting as much. Soumya couldn't help but intervene.

Shivaay frowned. Oh come on Soumya, not you too. I know you are fond of her, but you were there. Nor could he bring himself to utter her name, neither could he explain more.

Soumya looked on in confusion. I was where? The brothers too looked clueless.

Shivaay sighed. The thought made his throat itch. When Daksh gave you her bracelet. He had to pause. That bracelet was so dear, it spelt Annika for him. To see that in someone else's hands killed him. Her bracelet in his room, he gave it to you. He was stammering now.

Um, yes. Annika didi had hurt her left hand that night, so she had removed the bracelet and forgot it on the bedside. What's the point?

Hurt her hand? What was she saying? As if on cue, Annika's bandaged hand came back to Shivaay from a few minutes ago. Fear clutched him.

Yeah, she got it chapped between the cupboard doors while trying to unlock it.

Why did Daksh give it to you? His mind was turning into a fish market.

Because it was in his room, we had slept in his room.

We? Please, please. Unknown prayers ran through his body.

Annika didi and myself.

Shivaay's heart rose and sank all at once.

Our AC wasn't working, so Daksh offered as he had to go away for the night anyway.

Shivaay sprang to his feet. I have to go get her. I need to go get her. Adrenaline rushed through him. It was all a lie! His Annika could never do this, he knew it. She was still his, all his.

And then, steeply followed in Shivaay's head Om's words as he had quoted Annika. Tell your brother that there exists no love without trust. He had let her down, again.

And thank him back for clearing my confusion with such style. He had lost her, again, and maybe this time around, forever. The thought mad his knees weak and he fell back on the bed with a thud.

"Bhaiya, will you explain? What is this all about? Rudra was getting impatient now.

Shivaay just shook his head furiously, in vain trying to undo the ruckus he had created. Om smelt trouble, and sat down next to Shivaay.

Tell us. On cue, Rudra slipped to his other side, while Soumya looked on at the brothers.

Shivaay couldn't form words. He had already let his mouth sin with them once, not again. All I can say is that I messed up guys, big time. I have hurt her, again, again after all this time. I have ruined it. I have lost her. His voice cracked at the end as the intensity of his own words hit him. Rudra engulfed him in a hug instantly. He could not see his brother like this.

But Om smiled. He didn't know what the matter was, by repeated to Shivaay the same words he had said long back when his brother had similarly hurt Annika.

She's Annika, Shivaay. Our Annika.

But unlike the confident affirmation that he had received last time, Shivaay looked back with despair this time. How many times, Om? His voice did not even make the effort to hide his defeat. Did he even deserve the forgiveness anymore? Did he even deserve her anymore?

For the last time Shivaay. Make sure this is the last time; promise this to her, promise this to yourself. What you have is too precious to let go.

What if she says no? What if she refuses to even look at me anymore, like I did? It was dreadful to imagine, and Shivaay was for once looking at his brothers with imploring eyes, for the foundation of this wall had gone haywire.

Then that's your punishment to serve, Bhaiya. But don't give up. You have always taught us to face problems, led our wars for us. We won't let you lose. Rudra was unsurprisingly already in tears, still hugging his brother. Besides, as O said, it's Annika didi. She's khidkitod.

The trio laughed. Go get her, Shivaay.

As they saw Shivaay collect himself and leave, Rudra quietly wondered. I don't know what Bhaiya has done, but if there is one thing we have learnt as children O, it is that how delicate trust is. Do you think Annika didi will trust him again?

Om thought for a while. Mohabbat kar lena asaan hai, apni dil ki jo chalti hai. Aitbaar kamana badi mushkil, who dimaag ki boli bolti hai.

Rudra raised his eyebrows.

It's easy to fall in love; it's all about the selfish illogical heart. But to trust is difficult, for that follows your logical mind. Om translated, wondering if the love Shivaay and Annika have is strong enough to build the tower of trust.

**

It was beginning to get dark. Annika was playing Muhammad Rafi on full volume when she was startled by a knock. She cursed. Who was it now? She wanted to be alone, her thoughts shunned away by loud music and clattering of vessels she was cleaning. Silence was just haunting.

She reluctantly opened the door, only to find the figure she wished she would never lay eyes on again.

She froze. His eyes were swollen, hanging of their sockets. They were terribly red, like all the blood of his face had decided to take shelter there, for his face was a frightening colourless white. His hair was dishevelled, like he had been rummaging through it to find a dot. He was still wearing his sherwani, remove the large necklace.

His words echoed in her ears with a newfound vividness. You slept with him.

She was about to shut the door close when he heard him whisper. In fact, had she not been looking at him so intently, she would have missed the breath that he uttered.

I'm sorry.

You are supposed to be marrying Tia.

I am not. That's cancelled, that's over.

Annika let out a sigh. The relief was unmistakable. She had a lot to be mad about, but the fact that he was not being snatched away by her by a forever bond was a weight lifted off her.

She turned around, afraid her eyes would say a bit too much. She let the door open. After a while, she heard him come in and shut the door behind him. She stiffened. She was longing to hear what he had to say. Did he have anything to say at all?

I messed up, Annika. I messed up big time. I am sorry. It's my entire fault. Daksh, he fed me lies.

And you believed him? How could he?

I am sorry. What else could he say?

Me too, that you think so lowly of me. Wasn't it out there that she loved him?

That's not true. It was hard to believe, but the circumstances didn't help. Besides Daksh is a friend, he deceived us. He was gathering defences when she cut him off, spinning around to look him in the eye, her own eye a pool of pain. She was still in the same sari, her jewellery removed.

You deceived us, Shivaay. Daksh is not the man whose marriage made me sick. He is not who has bloody raided my dreams. He is not the one who makes me think of diction as useless for how much his eyes speak. He is not the one I look forward to each for. He does not make me give zero f**ks about anything but him. He is not the one who has given me this lovely family to call mine. He is not the one who insults me, hates me, makes fun of me, rebukes me, and yet if I were to take a bullet, it would be for him. He is not the one who turns with world upside down for me, so much that all he has to do is take me in his arms and I will forget the world. She was crying.

Shivaay scooped her in his arms, tears gushing down his own eyes too. What would he ever do without this lady?

You are that man. You deceived us. She murmured vehemently, pushing him away.

You are right. I let you down again. But hear me out, Annika. I will hate myself for this forever. This voice within me was shouting that my Annika can never do such a thing. But this stupid mind. He banged his fist across his head. It just would not stop telling me otherwise. It's a punishment, you know? I was so preoccupied with marrying someone with a huge name that I refuted something this beautiful. He waved his hands at Annika, and something shimmered in her hollow self. And now, when I couldn't care about anything but you, this has happened.

Why didn't you trust me?

I was scared. Shivaay remembered when Daksh had first met Annika. You were so great with him, and he was too. All I had been to you ever was an asshole. I was scared that you'd pick him. Shivaay shrugged. There's a reason why you have trust issues only with those that you hold on to dearly. But this won't happen again, I promise. Pinky promise?

Annika laughed. She understood him. She knew how jealousy was a by-product of love, and how treacherous trust was. All Daksh did was use their love against them. And it was Shivaay after all, the emotionally and verbally challenged Shivaay Singh Oberoi, the same who couldn't spare more than two words to anyone, the same who was here at her doorstep away from his marriage, his eyes pleading for everything she wanted to give him.

What do you want me to do?

Give me one more chance, one last chance.

Why? I don't want to be some redemption. If it's that, I forgive you. You're free. She needed to hear more.

I don't want your forgiveness, Annika. I want your trust. He moved closer to her, his hands lightly touching hers. I want you, all of you, in every way.

Why?

When I saw you with Daksh, I hated it. Whenever you laughed with him, used your funny words for him, drove away with him, I hated it. Whenever he touched you, made you smile, it my blood boil. I hated it Annika.

There was nothing fishy between us.

I know. Shivaay smiled. Yet, I hated it. Only I am entitled to all of that: to your laugh, you smile, your touch, your vocabulary that I can never comprehend.

Annika smiled back. Trust Shivaay Singh Oberoi to state his love in terms of hate. You are very ajeeb. It's called: I love you.

I need you.

Why can't you say it?

I don't find it sufficient enough.

Annika rolled her eyes. How else do we do this?

Shivaay met with her lips unannounced, at first only feeling them very slowly, grazing them lightly and tickling the corners.

He heard her swallow as he raked his arms around her bare waist. Her lips parted. Shivaay.

Do I take that as a yes?

She simply nodded. He obliged, moving his lips against hers with urgency now. She placed her palms on both sides of his neck, pulling in his face as close as humanely possible.

Please get rid of this sherwani, it's too difficult to unbutton.

Shivaay raised his eyebrows at this bold Annika, who was panting and runnings hands over his abdomen.

Sure, but I will undo the sari.

Shivaay quickly got rid of the coat as well as the kurta, now only his pyjamas. Annika began kissing his neck, digging her nails in his back, and feeling every inch of him.

You have no idea how long I have waited for this. The holding back was done for Annika; she wanted to put at risk everything for this.

Shivaay was overwhelmed, and shocked. He snapped out when he saw Annika unpinning her pallu.

Let me. His voice was hoarse, with all the marks she had left, and Annika smiled a little at that.

He undid two pins and the pallu fell down. It revealed her red blouse, just covering her breasts, and a teasing neckline. Shivaay dived in, moving back and forth her neck and cleavage as Annika became a bundle of moans.

He moved to the dori of her blouse, as Annika explored his back and bit his ears.

Shall we take this to the bedroom? He whispered in her ear, and she nodded, beginning to pull away.

But Shivaay simply picked her up and carried them inside.

It was a long due session ahead.

**

There were hot and sweaty, covered in a duvet. Shivaay lay flat on his stomach, his hand around Annika's waist and eyes intently set upon her face. She was lying sideward, facing Shivaay, her fingers incessantly stroking his beard.

Can you trust me again? The moment was too beautiful to break, but he had to know where they were heading.

Annika brushed her thumb across his cheek. I will learn to, and so will you.

We will do this.

Pinky Promise?

Pinky Promise.

While their minds had always been north and south, and hearts always in fine tune, Shivaay and Annika now embarked on the thing rope between the heart and mind, called trust. It demands the strength of your heart and the will of your mind. It tests your love, and your logic. Sometimes it will force you to redesign what is right and wrong; sometimes it will compel you to ignore what is right and wrong. The entire war of heart v/s mind comes at a dramatic climax as love begins to find trust, and these tow had just begin. But as they say, once you have revolved to win, half the battle is already won.

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Ciao,
Love,
Arushi.