"You're putting in ss-so much effort. Commenn-ddable Anika."
She was so used to his cynical remarks that it had slowly, unknowingly become her habit. Only, today even his sarcasm failed to conceal the hurt that his voice bore.
Anika turned back to face him as he stood leaning against the door to the terrace where she was running a final check on the lightings for tomorrow's event. Shivaay Singh Oberoi's grand wedding. And what met her eyes, left her in utter astonishment. Shirt partly tucked out, sleeves rolled up. Not a care in the world. The black blazer that he had been so suavely wearing previously that night, now lay dropped at his feet. He had somehow managed to pop open the first two buttons of his shirt, revealing the dent of his chest.
Has he been drinking?
His face looked like somebody had wrung out all the blood that flowed through his veins and clotted them around his eyes. Bloodshot. She could feel her soul being pinned by his piercing gaze and if she'd stare a bit longer, she'd have to tear her eyes away from his.
"Lett me tell you, I amm ver-ry impressed," he ventured haltingly, rolling his l's and r's.
His overall appearance was so smudged that it became hard to relate his present self to his usual one. Sophistication? Debonair? Months of denial and angst that he had been harbouring (and hiding so perfectly under the mask of cynicism and disparagement) did not care about any of those things. Standing at the doorstep, inebriated and looking at what could have been only his to covet, he wanted to scream at his possessions, his power, his self worth- go nuke yourself, let me claim what is mine.
"Billu-ji? Are you-?"
"Please Anika! Kitni baar maine kaha hain. Billu-ji matt bolo. Sunnti-" Shivaay tripped over his blazer on his way towards her to which Anika flinched. "Sunnti - kyun nahi ho?"
It took her a while to process what was going on and then it finally occurred to her. The brothers had arranged a very discreet bachelorette party, hidden from everyone's discern. Basically, a night of heavy alcoholism.
"Main ppuura gharr tumhe dhundh raha hun aur tum ho ki terrace pe- ye kya kar rahi ho?" he pointed at the decorations, cringing his eyes.
"M-main lightings check kar rahi thi. Kal ke shaadi-" her eyes caught his and as their gaze met, the words died at her throat. So difficult to look into his eyes and speak of your own haplessness, isn't it?
"Shaadi! Wonnnderful!" he chuckled, mockingly. "Kiski shaadi?"
That was it. That did it. Tears brimmed around her eyes and she struggled to keep them hidden. His sarcasm had never, never pricked her to this extent. And like always, it did not fail to serve its purpose.
"Aap-ki" her voice broke, but just a bit. She is a strong girl. Strong girls don't cry.
"Meri? Aur?" deliberate.
What sense did he make now, trying to squeeze reactions out of her so hurtingly.
It was late in the night. Around 11/11:30? She didn't remember what time the clock read when she last checked. The only thing on her mind right then was how to conceal the multiple emotions that stormed inside her head. Anika turned to leave because if she'd have to hear one more sneering remark from him, she was sure her head will implode. But, also because she wanted to see if he'd stop her. If he'd swing her around and let her crash into his chest and if he'd let her stay there till the end of the night.
And so he did. He held his hand out and caught her by her wrist tugging, making her take two steps backwards.
"It is late. Please" she croaked, wriggling her wrist under the wrap of his strong fingers to escape, at the same time also self-begged to run into his warm embrace.
"Answer me, Anika."
-"Let me go."
-"No."
She gave up. After a few more obstinate but vain efforts from her side before she finally refrained from trying to get away from him, from herself. And no sooner that he sensed her hand relaxing under his grip, he pulled her into him.
He felt like home. Despite the constant chaos she had inside her, there was solace in his embrace. Her tears didn't wait for permission, they just fell. They were home.
Shivaay pulled her back by her waist so that her eyes could meet his. "Why?" he asked.
Why, really. There was so much uncertainty in the question, and no reasoned answer to it.
"I-don't know" she said, her face full of tears.
"Kitni efforts di hain tumne. Meri aur Tia ki wedding ceremony ko-" he took a break, to inhale and widen his eyes. "SUCCESSFUL banane mein. Verrry impressive!"
She nodded her head side-ways, sniffing. She cringed at her name. Tia. There was no logic that could back her possessiveness or jealousy. Anika's. Her, and no one else's.
"Shaadi. Great!" he narrowed his eyes. "Khush toh bohot hogi tum?"
She begged her stars to stop. There was nothing in her hands, for if it were, she would have stopped time and reversed it. Made things perfect.
"Daksh ko kya- kaha tumne?" he asked her, looking away. "His grand proposal?"
Anika mumbled a nahi' in between her sobs. If only he'd listen.
-"Han kaha tumne? Hmm?"
"Nahi. I said-" her mouth felt dry and she stopped to gulp. "I said no."
"You said no! Why, may I ask?" his sarcasm stabbing her, again and again. "Or would I be intruding into your private space?"
He kept looking at her with stern vision and she kept on staring back with a blank face. Nothing to say. No explanation to give.
"Tell me? Didn't you like how his touch felt?" he hissed, recalling the moments on the dance floor from the night of his engagement, when Daksh had very avariciously put his hand on her bare waist, where his own hand now rested.
Anika shut her eyes closed, not being able to bear him or his words. Chills went down her body. She had never been in such close proximity with him. This was the closest. At least until now.
"Yahin pe chhuwa thha, hain na?" his grip on her waist intensified, so did the rage of emotions.
"Shivaay" she closed her eyes as his name escaped her lips. So lucid, like wine through water.
His name.
Like someone had just popped the bubble of honour and glory that he'd keep himself surrounded with, and he knew better than not putting his guards down. Shivaay let his arms wind around her waist, engulfing her in a warm embrace against the cold hard night. Against logic and rationality.
That was all he needed to bring him down from the high. Her voice, his name.
The pain he inflicted on her was too much, but somehow, his embrace could soothe her. There was no assurance, rather she knew this is only momentary. Just for the night. And she was okay with that. There were no demands, she'd remain here in his embrace all night, and watch all of it go away the next morning.
"Main toot jaunga, Anika" his voice broken, eyes teary.
The clock downstairs struck 12 , the sound so clear in the silence of the night. But instead, she chose to to rest her head on his chest and listen to the rhythm of his heart beat, unknowingly syncing her own breathing with it.
She sighed. His grip tightened.
"Phir aapke naseeb mein, ye raat ho na ho
Shayad phir iss janam mein, mulaqat ho na ho."
Evermore,
Rini.
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