Originally posted by: handlerxsaviour
thank you so much for sharing your story with us, i’m so sorry for your loss. you’re a fighter, wasra ji. ❤️
you know, i spent so much of my childhood alone with my mother. and at 5/6, neither did i know who to turn to, nor did i dare to say anything to anyone. my mother would scream in my face for practically just looking in her eyes or accidentally bumping into her. she relished periodically trying to convince me that i’m adopted. i can never forget the way her eyes used to glow with happiness watching me get all afraid and cry. i still sometimes get nightmares of it. she used to also try to convince me that my dad was having an affair (he never did) and that it was all my fault for breaking the family up, as revenge whenever they fought. i’ve seen her throw knives at my father during arguments. it was all so incredibly confusing and plain frightening. i tried to run away from home at 8, got caught by her, and got the beating of my life for it. i’ve spent two whole decades of my life just trying to make sense and deal with all that trauma. two decades of crying myself to sleep every night, hoping that i wouldn’t wake up the next day and a suicide attempt on now, i’ve just started to see a sliver of light. like it wouldn’t bother me at all if i were to drop dead right now, but i figured i owed it to myself to fulfill at least one of my lifelong goals (i.e. own my own home) until that happens. might sound depressing/dysfunctional to others, but it keeps me going one more day everyday. i guess this is why i’m able to understand Imlie and the way she deals and functions with her issues/trauma/pain. it’s not always ideal or functional, but it is the only way we know how to do this.