sorry guys..I was gayab for so long...nobody missed me right 😭...koi ni cuz I missed you 😭...so I am back with another page of sharks diary,please read and comment...thankyou
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Dear Diary
nothing is okay...I thought after all these years may be I am immune to certain things...but guess what I am wrong...first of all it was Thursday... ...the Thursday... which leaves with no other option except facing my past... my soul cringes...my heart weeps and every part of me says no to this but that's the thing about the cruelty especially when it's nothing but a part of you...it wouldn't take a no for an answer...if it is standing in your way with it's whip you are going to bare yourself to get beaten up...
well that's not my story for today...I have accepted it as my fate ...not gonna cry for that on every single page of yours...what made me feel so dejected today is something else...sighs... zaki got in trouble...again...it's not even frustrating anymore...it's like his everyday business...I am not mad at him and that girl..I am mad at myself..what am I thinking...what am I doing...and why on earth I am being like this...
what exactly happened that zaki got arrested in some rave party...with that new intern...yesss they were into this together ...not that i give a damn...anyways I bailed zaki out...because I had too...cannot deny that a part of me wanted to leave him there...see I wanted to act practically...so I refused to give "her" bail...I swear there was no sharkiness involved...I don't know a thing about her and so I refused to take her responsibility...but then why I looked liked a jerk...why on earth I hated myself at that moment... I felt I just want one...just one reason to take back the words I uttered a few moments ago...thankfully zaki did it for me and yeah for him I helped her...
this wasn't enough...so her family came rushing into police station to make me feel more miserable...what the heck...I was nowhere in this fiasco still I feel like the biggest jerk alive... I despised myself for wasting those two minutes in practicality...there she was ...inside the lockup...crying her eyes out...making me feel more and more guilty...but the last nail in the coffin was when she turned back...unable to face her family... and almost fell down...I don't know how but acting on my impulse I took a step towards her...forgetting everything for a second...forgetting that this girl is that drama queen who was struggling for her life in two feet water...I don't know what happened to me...but I stopped just after taking that step...I felt the man who is standing before her ...who refused to help her just a few minutes, who judged her without even knowing the truth is nothing but a loathsome person who kicked her on her shins...
Even this wasn't enough...so she and her family decided to go back to lucknow making ammi extremely sad...as a matter of fact if she works in sayyiara then she IS my responsibility... me turning my back was wrong...good that I managed to convince her mother...I can't stand ammi loosing her chance to return the favour because of me...
then I saw her again...she was sitting on stairs...crying.. hiding her face...in last 24 hours her life came upside down...she looked at me and tried to put on a brave face..but her heart was too full to hold anything...tears came rolling down her face ..I know how it feels like...I knew everything she was feeling that time... that anger...that bitter taste of betrayal..that breaking of your dream...that darkness before you...that feeling of being lost forever... everything I have seen... A part of me wanted to tell her...accept the way it is..because this is what life is all about ..pain and helplessness...but another part of me wanted to shield her ..wanted to save her...I thought seeing her being butchered by the vultures of fate will be like living the past all over again...
so she is staying here with her family..and us...and she came to my room at night...fully recovered...back to her stupid ignorant self ...and claimed to be a designbaz and a daringbaaz...comeon..she really needs to get over herself ...she told me something which I think you should know...she was the one who fainted during her stupid stunt before a bulldozer back in lucknow...she knows the person who wanted to demolish her factory burned it too...she hates him..she thinks he is amonster..a despicable monster...for whom poor people's livelihood meant nothing..she cursed him ..right in front of me...you know I am ok with all the curses and everything...really why would I care...neither I am that free nor she is that significant...but for a second...I wasn't at ease..I tried to insult her but she took it nicely...it made me feel sick..I felt a little pain...not pain it was more like a pinch ...I felt like something is choking me..I don't know what is it but this is not the usual me...something is changing and I am scared of it...the only message I have for my life is
Na Khushi Ki Talash Hai
Na Gham-e-Nijaat Ki Arzoo...
Main Khud Se Hi Naraz Hun Teri Narazgi K Baad...
I am too damaged for any change...I just want to be left alone
p.s: shayari credit goes to my komaliya 😃
Edited by silky_harshad - 10 years ago
Udne Ki Aasha
