helloo guys, i am back with another one 😉 please read it and leave comments..thankyou
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Dear Diary,
sorry to disturb you at this time ...but I can't help it...I need to talk and I really don't have anyone to do so...this is why I admire you...you are 24*7 available...100 percent efficiency...this is what I expect from saiyyara's employees...but they always fail to deliver...anyway I am not wide awake because I am mad at my employees...it's just that I feel like being into a very complex math problem...no matter how complex a sum is , it can always be reduced into a simple equation but the problem I am in..is getting more and more complex ...
I mean there is something wrong with me...that stupid car of mine...I wasted so much money on that and it broke down again...this time in middle of a dargaah street ... i know i know I was about to freak out too... I love God and truly respect him but all these prayers, beliefs , I don't know, I just can't understand them...and after whatever happened I don't think i have enough strength for that... I know God always have a reason for everything but whatever his reason is, it cannot bring seven years of my life back...it can't heal my soul... I don't even want to blame God ... but to keep myself from falling into the bottomless pit of optimism again i want to maintain a distance not from God but from the belief that his angels are watching over us...
so this is what happened...i was forced to stop at dargaah by circumstances... after all these years I don't know but i felt something like a healing scent within my bones... as if God is reminding me that i am alive... i felt peace...a moment came when i just wanted to close my eyes and drown myself there...again after such a long time I felt a conflict between my heart and mind..heart wanted to stay their forever but mind reminded that this is not programmed in your system... for a moment i felt that God finally remembered this lost child of him...I have came to believe that we are his soldiers and one who never learns from his mistakes is the fallen one...I am standing in this battlefeild with all i have but can't deny that I don't know if I am fighting or just running..
as if this wasn't enough...you know how much I hate masks..and I hate it more when that it appears to be non existent and whatever it is hiding looks like the reality... I hate it.. because in the end everything turns out be fake, everything... there is this girl...that new intern...she is irritating to the core.. i feel hell uncomfortable around her...her eyes, her naive stupid foolish statements gives me the feel of interrogative sessions...her curiousity..her ability to look mad and innocent at the same time is disturbing because this means she is a liar...nothing like innocence exist in this world...the way she always appears before me out of no where with her foolish attitude and ignorance and asks for sorry ..(yes, lucknow mein sorry maangte hai and thankyou shayad dete hai..nonsense) ..it is actually disturbing...
and today was the limit...she came to my room...and don't know how fell into my pool...and then right in front of my eyes she started struggling for life in that 2 feet water... but there was something about that over reacting foolish scared arrogant girl that even i had to pause for a few seconds...Is this what every one call raw purity... so something so pure can exist ...not at all...something as serene as that sight cannot be real..it is a lie.. a beautiful lie..a figment of trick your own weaknesses play on you..for a moment i felt drawn towards it but I had to back out... I am not falling in this trap ...not again...
but a part of me can't help but think..is that girl living a lie too...it looks likes she believes every myth..to that extent that she herself is becoming a lie... by not confronting herself to this dark world whose ugly truth is going to eat her every beautiful imagination along with her weak beliefs... that girl is going to fall real hard...just like me... I am not bothered, let her fall why should i spend my precious time on saving something so worthless... and for your information she has left no imprints of her "chaste" self on me..no way she can affect sahir azeem Chaudhary... because you know what I don't want to get affected...whatever I m today..no matter how painful it is but every bit of it is naked truth...i really don't want a layer of lie on it because i know the pain of that lie of a skin being scratched out...remember what i read you once
Suraj ko dafnanay aye
Dhalti shaam ke lambay saye
Dukh ne sukh ka saans liya hai
Kaash koi phir yad na aye
Aik hi rasta ham donon ka
Dekhain kon kahan tak jaye
Aaj ghaat se khushbu barsi
Jaise koi zulfain lehraye
Kaash koi samjhaye us ko
Laikin kon usay samjhaye
Banjar dharti pooch rahi hai
Chaand pe kis ne shahar basaye
heyy it's morning..see rays of sunlight is piercing it's way through night...time to go back to shark again...because i know sahir is safe with you...
p.s.: the poem used in this post belongs to Mohsin Naqvi
Edited by silky_harshad - 10 years ago
Udne Ki Aasha
