FF:Tum Ho Toh...Final Chpt updtd on Pg-34 - Page 4

Chapter-3

(2 years later)

Kesar

"Dear Kesar,

Patha nahi kyun main hi tujhe paagalon ki tarah likhti rehti hoon.woh bhi is modern zamaane mein kaagaz aur kalam lekar baithi hoon.par kya karoon mujhe aise likhna acha lagta hai aur jab main tujhe yeh chitti likhti hoon tho aisa lagta hai jaise main tujhse baatein kar rahi hoon.waise bhi jab hum aamne saamne hothe tho yehi haal hotha na. main bak-bak karti rehti aur tu chup chaap sunta rehta.dekh Kesar kabhi kabaar chitti khol kar padh zaroor lena,main itni mehnat karti hoon,har hafte likhti hoon.tujhe yeh lambi-lambi chittiyaan likhte likhte mere naazook se haath mein dard hone lagta hai''".

Kesar stopped for a second and started laughing out loud. His roommate got worried as he rarely heard Kesar laugh but Kesar just says "kuch nahi,bas abhi-abhi ghar se letter aaya hai.wohi padh raha tha.tu tension math le".

Kesar controlled himself with much difficulty and continued reading Gulaal's letter, "hans liya'..chal ab bas kar.teri hansi itni bhi achi nahi hai.ok.

paanch saal, Kesar''paanch saal ho gaye hain chittiyaan likthe hue''tujhse mile hue.kai baar aana chaahthi thi tujhse milne lekin main darti thi agar tu ne mujhse milne se inkaar kar diya tho''."

He never understood why she kept writing to him all these years even though he never answered her once. Yes, he knew she missed her best friend but any other person would have just given up after a point of time, right?...but Gulaal never gave up on him. She kept writing to him regularly for the past 5 years and that thought cheered him up always. Her letters were sacred to him. He had collected all of them and he loved reading them whenever he felt lonely or sad. What Gulaal had said was true, they communicated, they talked through her letters and he never felt away from her. He had been such a fool to think that he would be able to get over her if he stayed away from her. In fact the four year separation and the distance had only led to his feelings for her become stronger and much more intense. Now he knew he would never be able to free himself of her and honestly he did not think he wanted to anymore. He knew she could never be his but it did not matter to him. He would always love her no matter what.

"chal woh sab chod.ghar mein sab theek hain.main har roz unse milne jaati hoon.mere kehne ki zaroorat nahi ki sab tujhe kitna yaad karte hain.sab log tujhse milne wahaan par aate rehte hain,mujhe patha hai'.phir bhi agar tu yahaan aa jaata tho sab ke saath aur time spend kar sakta hai na.ab aur kitni sazaa dega mujhe Kesar,kitni baar tho maafi maang chuki hoon.mujhe patha hai ki tere final exams khatam ho gaye hain aur ab tho tujhe ghar aana hi padega na yaaa phir is saal bhi'..tho is baar kaun sa bahaana banaane waala hai ghar na aane ka?please Kesar is baar tho sab se milne aa jaao.please''I miss you''.."

Kesar never went home for vacation. He always had an excuse ready. The first year-it was a visit to a friend's place; the second year-he came up with something about coaching classes and stuff. He found himself getting creative with his lies with each passing year. Kesar knew no one believed him or his excuses and though they used to keep asking him to come back home and continue his studies, they never once grilled him about his reasons for staying away. Baba, Ma and Rewa used to visit him frequently. Vasant bhai tried to come but usually he was too busy with work. Gulaal was the only person from his family(well,he thought she was not bhai's wife so officially she was not family yet)he had not met in the last 5 years. So why is it that he felt the closest to her than his own family?''.

"Waise patha hai Vasant aur meri shaadi ki date fix hone waali hai.shaayad agle mahine ke'''"

Kesar stopped reading. The smile is wiped off of his face in an instant, " Gulaal and his bhai,shaadi''so soon'.but how''.no one told me about it". His father had visited him last week and had not mentioned anything about it. Somehow his family never seemed to mention anything about Gulaal in front of him. Maybe they did not want to upset him and who could blame them? They thought he hated her. Oh! How wrong they were to think that'..Did they know about Gulaal writing to him? Did Vasant bhai know about it?

Vasant bhai,his brother,his mentor and guide-he had always idolized his elder brother but since Gulaal came into his life he had been having conflicting emotions regarding him. The feeling of guilt always played against envy and jealousy. Bhai had been his only confidant and now he could not talk about his problem to him. It was so sad that the bond he shared with him was now almost non-existent and it was entirely his fault. Vasant had always tried to reach out to him but seeing him, talking to him always made Kesar feel bad about himself so he avoided meeting him as much as possible. He knew it was not possible for him to continue on like this for the rest of his life but maybe at some point he will stop feeling guilty and maybe that day he can once again become his Vasant bhai's Kesu.

Gulaal sounded so happy about the wedding date being fixed. It broke his heart once again. He had always known that someday Gulaal would become Vasant bhai's wife but thinking it and seeing it happen in reality were two totally different things. Will he able to watch the wedding? Will he be able to see Gulaal become someone else's? But he would have to; he would be left with no choice. This time he would not be able to escape. No excuse would help him out. He would have to finally face the truth''..

"Kesar tera phone hai''.jaldi jaa ghar se hai.keh rahe the ki tera mobile nahi lag raha", Kesar is shaken from his thoughts by the voice of one of his friends. He rushed towards the telephone booth wondering what could be so urgent that they had to call him up so late at night. He picked up the phone and is surprised to hear Vasant's urgent voice.

Vasant: "Kesu"'..The moment Vasant said Kesu, he knew that something was wrong.

Kesar: "kya hua bhai'..aap bahut pareshaan lag rahe hain.ghar mein sab theek tho hain na''"

Vasant: "nahin Kesu'.kuch bhi theek nahi hai'' woh Gulaal'.."

Kesar in an urgent tone" "Gulaal'.Gulaal ko kya hua?"

Vasant: "Gulaal theek hai Kesu'..lekin uska parivaar,papa,ma aur Yogesh''woh ab is duniya mein nahin rahe''"

Kesar is stunned to hear this, "lekin yeh sab kaise''.kya hua'.?"

Vasant went on to tell him how they were all coming back in their car after attending a wedding reception two days back when a drunk truck driver collided with their vehicle at full speed. Gulaal's brother was driving the car and his death was instantaneous. Her parents were pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital.

Vasant: "Kesu,mujhe Gulaal ki bahut chintha ho rahi hai.jab se use yeh khabar patha chali hai tab se jaise shock mein chali gayi hai.bas buth bankar baith gayi hai.na usne kuch khaya hai aur na royi hai. baba,ma,Rewa sab log keh keh ke thak gaye lekin woh kuch react hi nahi karti.woh tho meri baat bhi nahi sun rahi hai.mujhe darr lag raha hai ki kahin main use kho na doon''".

There's a pause and then Vasant continued in a slow hesitant tone, "Kesu kya tu yahaan aa sakta hai.shaayad tujhe dekhkar woh kuch bole.please Kesu,meri khaatir ek baar apne bhai ke liye aa jaa.agar use kuch ho gaya tho main bardaasht nahi kar paaunga Kesu'.please tu aayega na.bol'."

Even before Vasant had asked him to come, Kesar had decided that he would go. Gulaal needed him, her best friend'how could he let her down? He could not even imagine how much pain she must be going through. Her whole family wiped off in an instant. He shuddered at the thought. "bhai,aap bilkul tension math lijiye. Gulaal ko kuch nahi hoga.main bahut jald pahunch jaaunga.aap bas use akela math chodiye.uske saath hi rahiyega".

He reached the very next day, early in the morning. He decided to go to Gulaal's place directly. Everyone in his family had been staying with her since the incident. Vasant had told him over the phone that there was no change in Gulaal and it made him restless. He kept repeating to himself "she will be fine" and "Please God let her be fine" throughout the journey and now that finally he was here standing outside her door, he felt nervous for a second. He quickly gulped down his nervousness because right now he needed to be strong for her, for his Gulaal'.. He quietly opened the door and is shocked to see Gulaal wearing a white salwar kameez, completely pale and resting her head on Vasant's shoulder looking lifeless. Vasant looked toward him and asked him to enter but Kesar could not move. His feet were frozen. He could not hear or see anything else except Gulaal and she was completely oblivious to his presence.

"Kesar'.", Vasant's strong voice brings him back to reality and he walks towards them taking slow,hesitant steps. Vasant gently shakes Gulaal and says in a small voice "dekho Gulaal,kaun aaya hai'..Kesar'..Kesar aaya hai tumse milne". Gulaal sat like a statue till she heard the word Kesar and slowly she looked to him but with a blank expression. He walked toward and uttered "Gulaal". Next thing he knew Gulaal had run upto him, falling onto his chest,sobbing her heart out "Kesar,sab mujhe chod kar chale gaye'..main akeli ho gayi hoon'..ma,papa aur Yogesh sab chale gaye Kesar''mujhe bhi unke saath jaana hai'..main unke bina nahi reh sakti Kesar''.main akeli'..koi nahi hai mera''.Kesar'.",she keeps on muttering hysterically and Kesar just holds her patting her back, trying to comfort her. He is not able to see her in so much pain and to his shock he could feel hot, scalding tears on his cheek. He looked towards his brother who was trying hard to stay strong and Vasant bhai never cried. Before he could say anything Vasant said in a quiet tone "main jaa ke Gulaal ke liye khaana le aata hoon.tu uske baith'.main abhi aaya'..", and he makes a quick exit.

He held back Gulaal and looked at her exhausted face. He helped her to the bed and made her lie down. Though she now looked a lot calmer, he could still hear her quiet muttering "Kesar'..main bilkul akeli pad gai''main akeli nahi rehna chahthi''mujhe chodke math jaao'' Vasant''bahut acha hai'..lekin Kesar mera dost hai''..Kesar'.",and she finally falls asleep holding onto his hand in a tight grip unable to fight off the tiredness any longer.

Kesar looked at her lovingly as he gently caressed her hair "nahi Gulaal,tu akeli nahi hai.tera dost tere saath hai.hamara poora parivaar tere saath hai.aur main vaada karta hoon ki chaahe jo bhi ho main tujhse door kabhi nahin jaaunga.yeh tere best friend ka vaada hai.main tujhe kabhi akela nahi rehne doonga.I promise you Gulaal''."

He failed to notice the person standing by the door, who looked in for a moment, then quietly shut the door and walked away''..

Vasant

Vasant walked back to his own room with the plate of food that he had been taking for Gulaal. He kept the plate on the table nearby where he had a photo of Gulaal. He picked it up and looked at her dazzling smile. It had been so long that he had seen her smile like this, the genuine happy smile that she used to flash'.. Of course she still smiled but it was never the same. When did she stop smiling from her heart and why did it strike him so late? No''. he had always known but did not want to see it''He deliberately tried to overlook it. Gulaal had not smiled genuinely since the day Kesar left for hostel'''.

Vasant looked at the photo once more and a fond smile spread across his face as he remembered the day he first met her, his Gulaal'..How could he ever forget the day he met the love of his life? When his parents had talked to him about this alliance he had been slightly hesitant. He was just 23; he did not want to get married so soon. He needed to make a name for himself in his chosen profession. He had just joined an architecture firm and he was an ambitious guy who truly believed that love and marriage would definitely prove to be road blocks in his path to fame and success. But all these thoughts flew out of the window when he saw her photo. He fell for her right then and there. Later when he saw her in person he realized the photo had not done her justice. He was mesmerised by her beauty, her smile and her innocent shyness. He could sense that even she liked him. Her shy stolen glances toward him expressed her interest but then''' She saw Kesar...

Vasant was trying to catch her eye when he noticed that she was no longer looking at him. She looked nervous, self-conscious and flushed. He looked to the side to see the cause of her discomfort and was surprised to note the expression on Kesar's face. He looked absolutely furious, heartbroken but why...maybe he had a fight with someone. He knew his younger brother...his temper was legendary, he thought with a smile but still that did not explain the intense way he was looking at Gulaal. Though he was disturbed he decided to let go of it at the time and got back to staring at Gulaal who now looked even prettier with the slight flush streaking her cheeks.

Kesu''who would have thought? He thought laughing in a hollow way. But God played quite a mean trick on him pitting his own brother in front of him-his shy, reserved baby brother who had been his "laadla",his "Kesu"-he still couldn't believe it'.How could Gulaal leave him and fall in love with his brother? Of course she had no idea about her feelings and Kesu too had no inkling, but he did, he had known for a very long time now.

Vasant had never been an insecure person. He was supremely confident and had complete faith in himself and his capabilities. In college he used to be considered quite a catch by the girls but he never took advantage of the fact. He was always respectful towards the girls and even though there were many a broken heart, none of them ever blamed him of being an insensitive jerk. Kesar-his Kesuda was the exact opposite of him. He was not quite the outgoing type. He had his own set of friends with whom he was very comfortable but with the rest he was cautious which usually led to the wrong assumption that he was arrogant. Actually he used to stammer when he was a kid and that had made him quite shy and he hesitated to talk openly to people as he feared they would make ridicule him. But he admired his younger brother's sheer determination which helped him overcome the problem. He had heard from his friends from school that he had some of the hottest girls running after him. Kesar being the blunt, honest, straight forward person that he was sent them all packing and well, that sealed his reputation as a pompous, arrogant snob. Kesar pretended to be indifferent still he knew that it hurt his baby brother.

All that changed when Gulaal came into their lives. He thought back to the day when Gulaal and her family had come to their house for the first time. She looked both nervous and excited. When she caught his eye, she gave him such a sweet, honest, happy smile. He still treasured that memory and will carry it with him always. Though soon he noticed her smile vanish and once again he gathered the reason for it- Kesar. He still cursed himself for trying to help Gulaal in befriending his younger brother, but he had really wanted them to be friends. One was his younger brother who was one of the most important people in his life and the other was Gulaal who was to become his life-partner and wife. He definitely did not want any bad vibes between them. He had explained to Gulaal about his brother's reserved nature and she had promised him in her inimitable style "arre Vasant,tum chintha math karo.dekh lena kuch hi dino mein main Kesar ki sab se achi dost ban jaaungi.Don't worry.Kesar ko tho main apna fan banaake hi chodungi". He laughed out'..she had indeed spoken the truth but neither of them had even thought in their wildest dreams that she would herself become his baby brother's biggest fan.

At first he found it all cute and amusing to witness their bonding. He was pleased to see the change in his brother. He smiled a lot and that sad, gloomy look that had been a permanent fixture on his face had vanished. He was thankful to Gulaal for that. But soon their friendship started to annoy him. An unknown emotion had started to creep up in his mind. He tried hard to squash it- it was just friendship, he comforted himself. He should be happy that his two most favourite people were getting along'' maybe too well...whenever they were together, which was almost all the time they looked as if they were in their own special place where no one else was allowed. He felt like an outsider trying to peep in but was never able to get inside. She was his fiance and was supposed to be closest to him, share all her secrets with him, laugh and cry with him. Instead whenever they were together she would talk about what Kesar said, what he did. He tried talking to her about other things like her interests and ambitions, her hopes for the future. She would give the standard answers and somehow he always got the feeling that this was not the real Gulaal. The Gulaal he knew was the same girl he had met that first day. He still did not know much about her. Yes''.she was much more comfortable with him yet there was some sort of invinsible wall between them. At first he thought that maybe she was just shy and then he saw her with Kesar, how she acted around him-he was shocked. Now that was the real Gulaal, not this annoyingly shy and respectful girl who always seemed to agree with his ideas. And the one time he had gotten close to her physically, his brother somehow spoilt that moment too. The interruption was nuisance enough, but what irritated him more was the reaction of Kesar and Gulaal. It looked completely filmy. He looked as if she was cheating on him and her guilty expression suggested that yes'.she had indeed cheated on him. He wanted to laugh hysterically and say come on Guys '.Gulaal is mine but what was the point?

What happened later on was quite shocking''but only he understood the significance of the moment. He knew immediately that his baby brother was crushing (yes he did keep saying that,didn't he?well who could blame him. Kesu was only 16 and what would he know about love?) on his would-be wife. He needed to salvage the moment before anyone else came to the same conclusion. He remembered vaguely he had spoken about how Kesar had insulted Gulaal and how he should apologize and all''Gulaal looked shocked and before she could stop him he went after Kesar. He needed to make sure his brother was ok and he wanted to know what was going in his mind, maybe his assumptions were wrong, maybe his brother did hate her''' but his talk with Kesar proved him right. He knew the minute he saw Kesar's face. He did try to be very convincing with his "I hate Gulaal" dialogues, but Vasant realized that they were nothing but a bunch of lies. He really wanted to be the big brother but that day his love and desire for Gulaal won out. Deep down he understood that he was being selfish but he honestly hadn't thought the feelings Kesar had for Gulaal was anything serious. He had assumed it was just an infatuation and when Kesar left for hostel he thought the chapter had closed. But Vasant had not taken one important thing into account-Gulaal's feelings for Kesar.

Vasant had been happy in the beginning that maybe with Kesar away, Gulaal would finally break down her defences and let him in but it never happened. Instead she appeared more distant. He could sense a change in her as if she was trying to be something she was not and he could not understand why. He wanted to talk to it out with her but his fear stopped him and he decided to go along with the charade for now. Maybe after marriage he would be able to understand her more, maybe she would finally be her true self''..

His illusion shattered when he came across a crumpled letter she had written to Kesar in her room. The letter was nothing special; there was no grand declaration of love or anything. It was just a simple account of her day-to-day life, her thoughts about some latest hotshot guitarist and finally her feelings about himself.

"main har roz koshish karti hoon ki Vasant ke laayak ban sakoon. Tu itna chaunk math-maine tujhe pehle nahi bathaaya is baare mein.par ab bathaye bina raha nahi jaata.jab main pehli baar Vasant se mili thi tho main bahut khush thi.mujhe mere sapnon ka raajkumar jo mil gaya tha-mera apna Prince Charming lekin dheere dheere mujhe yeh darr sataane lagaa ki shaayad mera bachpana,meri sharaaratein Vasant ko mujhse door na karde. aur is me Vasant ki koi galti nahi hai.yeh tho sirf mere mann ka wehem hai.Vasant bahut acha hai,bahut mature hai,ek perfect gentleman'.lekin kya main use khush rakh paaungi? Shaadi ke baad kya woh mere nakhron ko jhel paayega?mujhe bahut darr lag raha hai Kesar''main apne aap ko badalne ki koshish kar rahi hoon,apne gusse ko control karna seekh rahi hoon lekin phir sochti hoon agar main apne aap ko itna badal doongi tho kya main khud ko pehchaan paaungi.isi darr ki wajah se main Vasant se khulke baat nahi kar paa rahi hoon''.kaash tu yahaan hotha mujhe samjhaane ke liye. Kitna funny hai na mujhe tere saath yeh problem kabhi nahi hothi thi,koi darr nahi,koi fikr nahi''.shaayad mujhe tujhse hi'''"

Vasant crumpled the letter and threw it away. He was angry-of course he knew what she was about to say in the letter and that's why she did not send the letter. In the past five years Gulaal had been the perfect fiance and to a certain extent his closest friend. She knew everything about him but her heart was still hidden from him.He had come to terms with the fact long ago that he could never replace Kesar in her heart yet at times likes these it hurt. This girl loved Kesar and she had no idea about it because if she had she would never be with him. She would have broken off the engagement long time ago. Maybe he needed to free her and give her space and time to listen to her heart but he was selfish''how could he give up Gulaal so easily? He loved her more than anything. Kesar could never her the love the way he did''no he just needed to clear away her doubts, make her realize that she need not change herself and that he loved everything about her-her childlike enthusiasm, her little eccentricities'..everything. Once she understood that everything would be all right but before he could talk to her the tragedy occurred and everything else was forgotten. Vasant got scared for the first time in his life when he saw Gulaal's condition. He had no idea how to get through to her. Every family member tried and failed. It was tough for him to watch her like this. So there was no other alternative but to ask Kesar to come. He knew that if anyone could help Gulaal it would be him and he was right.

As he kept the photo of Gulaal back on the table his thoughts went back to Kesar's words. Oh his Kesu was in love'and it was no longer a crush of a 16 year old guy. Vasant had tried his best to make Gulaal fall in love with him but now if Destiny had other plans stored for them he was prepared to wait and watch''and maybe accept'.'..