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The problem with Gulaal is that after Vasant's death she had no major emotional involvement / distraction in her life which could have taken away from Vasant memories.
She entered into deeyar-vatoo with Kesar, due to her own reasons, who when overhears that Gulaal knew that Dushyant killed Vasant and suspected some relationship with Dushyant, his behavior became destructive as he reacted to this all in a furious way.
Kesar was sent out to the boarding school. Meanwhile Talli enters the family and Gulaal decides about Kesar and Talli marriage and she keeps preparing Talli mentally. This was in line with her intentions which she said in front of everyone in that deeyar-vatoo ceremony that once Kesar's grows up she will make sure that he marries a girl of his own age. So as far as Gulaal is concerned she wrote Kesar off from any romantic relationship.
In the next 10 years, back home, she was the blue-eyed of the family. Even her family gave no importance to her deeyar-vatoo and considered and respected her as Vasant's wife. She was encouraged to bring Vasant's dream to reality. serving the village as Vasant would have done. So she was acting like Vasant of the family and in that her inner self stayed connected with Vasant. She would go and talk to his picture, revisitng her promise to keep the family intact. So she still was his wife and loved him as if he is still there.
For those 10 years, Gulaal only had Vasant with her, his picture became most dear to her. Whenever she is happy or troubled she runs towards the picture. So she was living her life with Vasant. Although their romance period was not very long and they were married for a month or so when Vasant was killed. When left alone she has now lived with him for those 10 years and that month.
Kesar not only did not respond to her letters but also refuses to see her when she comes to his school. So Gulaal stayed in her own world.
Had Kesar stayed back, chances were that she could have gotten involved with him in 10 years time, which now she spent alone with Vasant memories. She still thinks herself to be loyal to Vasant and loves him and talks to him every now and then. Responding to anyone else love while she loves Vasant is a paap to her. If she agrees and accepts Kesar's love, she has to finally admit Vasant's death and let him go. She has been pushed in to a situation where she has to decide that someone else will replace Vasant in her heart and life, which now, at this time, she thinks is impossible. The pain of calling off this 10 years + 1 month relationship with Vasant is excruciating for her.
The whole purpose of deeyar-vatoo is defeated here. You are married to the deceased s' brother so that you can continue with your life and move on. PaanBa herself had this deeyar-vatoo with MotaBha and raised a family. But if the girl does not get involved in a relationshi with her husband immediately, she would go into her shell and hold on to the memories and live her life with her late husband and the more time she gets to stay with him in her memories the more difficult it becomes for her to let go.
So at this stage, expecting someone to let go her love and memories, is not that easy. for Gulaal, it could be as painful as if Vasant died again.
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