Good for you that you got a husband who takes care of your parents and you aren’t the only one taking care of his parents. But your kind of life aren’t the norm. You don’t have MiL and never had to deal with her. Most women I know get along with FIL than MIL. So it’s no wonder you had easy time with your in-laws when your MIL wasn’t even in the picture. But for the rest of women MIL is alive and most MIL are in competition with their son’s wife. Once MIL is there, SIL also get the power to do what they want. Your MIL isn’t in the picture so your SIL also can’t do much. Your privileged life is rare. The rest of the women have to deal with MIL and SILs. Nearly all women living with in-laws are expected to give up their parents or at the very least make husband’s parents and family as priority over her own parents and siblings. And no, women aren’t taken care by in-laws. Instead women are abused and repressed by in laws. In many cases, women dont get to see their parents for years even if they the parents are dying because they are not allowed. Anupama’s show showed exactly that where she wasn’t allowed to visit her mother and her birth house/family for decades after marriage. That’s the reality whether in India, Pakistan, Afghanistan or any countries where such traditions are the norm. Many women get burned, abused and killed by their in-laws either because of less dowry, working, abuse, and other oppression put on the women. Such customs should be abandoned where women are the only one made to and expected to leave her parents and make husband’s family as priority while the husband is dead beat who doesn’t do a thing for the woman, not expected to leave his job and dreams for the house and kids, not expected to care for the woman’s family and so on. There should be equality and Justice where women shouldn’t be told to give up their dreams and goals for the sake of so called honor and in-laws reputation and/or husband’s abuse.Because, women are being taken care of by in-laws and husband family after wedding.
IMO The talk of my parents, my kids, myself only sounds selfish whereas being able to do something for the in-laws developing a long lasting relationship with them seems like being inclusive to my husband. Treating my in-laws with respect is my way of expressing love to my husband because my husband exists only due to my in-laws.
In our house there's no your job my job concept, all chores are ours between me and my husband. Similarly no your parents my parents concept, it's our parents. My husband takes care of my parents and gets along really well with them. My parents love my husband more than me. I get along well with my FIL more than my SILs, I am aware of blood is thicker than water, still we all are a family and I was never made to feel like a stranger or outsider, because I know my limits I detach myself depending on situations.
I respect my FIL for the way he's raised his kids, my husband, and both my SILs. When I'm married, I had initial hiccups adjusting with my FIL. Its because my FIL is very disciplined and 20 year old me wasn't. My MIL has passed away before our wedding, it was challenging to survive in a male only household. Cut to 18 years, I love and look up to my FIL more than my own parents. I became a better person after my wedding only because I made efforts for these relationships. Relationships do need time and efforts to establish. As they say there are no free lunches in this world.
During my wedding I was told by mum settling in my new family is similar to plant transplant and I have to embrace the new family and make my own place like how a plant has to adjust to the container along with the soil to overcome transplant shock. Soil is my husband, and container is the new family.
Anupamaa
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