Saahas Chavan ki prem katha..funny OS final part updated pg 3 - Page 2

So sahas has got two-timing thing from birth certificate signing ka asar..

Waiting for mulakat with Guruji

N the unfolding of baap-kathhaa

The first entry is on the first page itself.

Have a look.

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The diary continues further.

Seriously, something is wrong with this man. The way he is clinging to me, as if...ok, let it be. I am getting serious doubts about his sexual preferences as well. He is seeking newer and newer ways of clinging tome for every turn and bump on the road. And humming a song which makes no sense in the present situation.

Aadmi houn aadmi se pyaar karta houn...is he normal? Why can't I just run away?

Hey Rikshaw wala...yeh hotel achha hain. Chicken yahan achha milta hain. Aur fish curry bhi...'

I follow him like a lamb being led to the abattoir. The old man grabs the nearest waiter and rattles off his wish list, something that clearly is more than 50% of the menu. I roll my eyes; what a glutton he is!

The dinner table talk is nothing short of torture. He cheerfully informs me that Savi prompted about the movie..it is entirely a musical treat! And that he would show me the nuances of each song in it. I have no choice but to agree, aware of the impending doom. And if that was not enough, he informs me that he would love to have me as a student too. We could have these all-night singing sessions...Ohh God! First of all, I don't like music that much, and this is on top of that? I scowl openly, thankful to the dim lighting in the hotel...otherwise the old man would gnaw me to the bone.

And the way he was eating the chicken piece. Ohh God. Has he never eaten chicken in his life? Or a proper decent meal? I love chicken, but the sight of him wolfing down one dish after the other has robbed me of my decent appetite. What to do...I don't have a choice but to grin and bear it. Luckily my credit card has plenty of balance and this is a small price to pay for Savi.

Chalo dinner done, and we head to the theatre. The old man yawns and I am suddenly quite hopeful. What if he dozes off in the middle? But no! The old man has a renewed spring to his step. We enter and are shown to our seats by the uniformed man. I casually look around, the theatre is packed full...I can't even move a hand without touching another human body. Now I dread spending the next 3 hours with this man. Yeh kahan aa gaye hum?

The credits roll on. And who said that it was only kids that get excited in the film? The man next to me is like a coiled spring. Jumping up and down as I try to control him.

"hey Saahas...daakkho...shete heroine bhalo na... (See Saahas...that heroine is not nice)

"They could have used better background music. See, Rabindra sangeet has so many melancholy moods in it..."And to my horror, starts a live demo!

I wish the earth could part and swallow me.

People around us sush us. Those ahead are turning back to look at us.

"Uncle please keep quiet...we can discuss that later!"

"Are kya later later karta hain...yeh dekh, yeh sur aise lagate hain..."

The security man shines a torch at us and mouths a warning.

Undeterred, his comments and actions continue. In a fight scene, he gets super-excited and mimics the fisting action, shouting all the time, "Achha kiya. Aur maar usse. Yeh lo...akeli ladki dekhkar chhedata hain?"

The fisting action actually hits the person sitting on the other side. A 200 lb Punjabi hulk.

"Oye kya karta hain, Paaji?"

"Kuch nahi bhai saab. Galti se lag gaya.." I try to pacify the 6 feet solid male mass. I am quite puny! If he decides to reply back in kind...

Then in a romantic scene, he put his arm around me and tries to replicate the scene with me... I have my serious doubts confirmed now. Hope he doesn't start kissing me...God in heaven please help!

Maybe God decided to put an end to my misery. The screen goes blank with wide bold letters stating INTERMISSION.

Phew...as the lights come on, I stretch myself and look around. The theatre is actually packed full. The movie is quite a hit.

And then I get a 440 V jolt.

Is that her? Mala? I screw my eyes to see better and then do a facepalm. Did she have to be here? right now? God in heaven please help. Ek ore yeh budhha aur ek ore wo...what if she spills my secrets?

Too late. She has caught sight of me and is inching towards me. And there is a crowd between us which she has to cross.

Chalo, Saahas...bhaag yahan se! I get up and my hand is caught by the old man.

"Hey Saahas...kee holo? Kothaye jachhthi? (What happened? Where are you going?)

I smile awkwardly and show him my little finger. The Restroom! He pats me on the bump.

"Tadatadi aisho..." (please come back soon)

"OK Uncle". I have to escape the presence soon. Mala is just a few rows away and I pretend not to see her or hear her shouts.

Whooosh...I escape by the skin of my teeth as the last person in the row moves his leg.

"Hey Saahas! Wait..." I run ahead pretending an urgency. But how far to run? Should I hide somewhere? I come out of the hall and see the nearest hiding place. The toilets!

Mala is just a few meters away and I slip in the nearest safe haven.

Thank God...I exhale slowly and then jerk up. Ohh My F******God! Did I land from the frying pan into the fire? For this is the toilet for the other half of humankind. I rush to the nearest cubicle and lock myself in.

How to get out of here? I suddenly hear voices and peep from below the door.

Mala is standing outside, the signature sandals are quite visible. Waiting for me to come out, and I am waiting for her to go away! What a catch 22 situation...I hear voices outside.

'Someone is inside'

'You can use the other cubicle..'

'Thanks'

I cautiously peep out just to see Mala move to the other cubicle. But another lady has taken her place. And If I emerge out of this place...this one is likely to make a hullaboo...

OK, Saahas beta...the safest place for you is right in the cubicle. For the time being. Once the intermission ends, most possibly the lady will move on and join the old man there..

Ohh God I have forgotten about him totally. What if he starts searching for me? Luckily my mobile is on silent, something I did when we entered the theatre.

Now who is that? I hear some fresh voices from outside.

Is it my judgement day today? The guttural voice of the security guard is quite clear. Maybe one of the ladies have got him. Someone tries to open the handle as my heart pounds in my head.

This door has a tendency to jam, Ma'am. OK. Let me see..."

I almost wet my pants. What if the security man forces open the door? I slid to the floor, head in hands when a loud click catapults me somewhere else.

what happened?' it just takes a fraction of a second to realize that I have been locked inside!

TBC

Awesome 🤣🤣🤣

Your sense of humor is too good n the best part is writing in first person. It like we are watching it unfolding before ourselves.

Date with Guruji turns out to be the judgement day🤣

Waiting for the update

OMG ... hilarious 😂

Saahas is very low on saahas right now 😉

I have few Bangla friends and that tadatadi and kothe jachtchis was so nostalgic 🤣

Sahi, You should tag when you post stories or else your stories will get lost in the discussion 👍🏼

I know this is fiction but mai imagine karne lagi... 😆

Posting the final part in a few minutes.

The diary continues for the last time.

I break into cold sweat. How long have I been here? I check my mobile, the show is almost about to get over. I try the handle, has it been jammed or locked? Whatever. I have to get out of here asap!

I peep out from the bottom of the cubicle. There is nobody about. I straighten my legs and slowly slide out, a feat made feasible only because of my lithe body. I slowly try the outside handle and heave a sigh of relief: It is open!

It doesn't take me long to reach my place in the theatre. As usual, the old man is quite engrossed in the movie and has barely missed me.

Tumi kothaye chhile?' (where were you?)

I rub my hand on my stomach, smiling sheepishly. The old man understood! He's not dumb as I had assumed earlier. He nudges me as I lower myself in the seat next to me.

Gas huyi gatchen, ki? Aamar homeopath khhoob bhalo dawa deidichhin...' (is it Gas? Our homeopath gives a nice medicine on it...)

People around us sush us even more as the old man launches a monologue about how a similar complaint of his was taken care of by the homeopath. Seriously...why can't the earth part and swallow me? Luckily for me, the movie passes through an emotional phase and the old man starts sniffling.

Ohh God..I roll my eyes. It is a typical happy ending scene. The movie ends without any significant incidence and we were soon headed back home.

Another 440 V jolt. Dibakar uncle has come visiting and is waiting for me. I look around. Savi is nowhere, must have gone home. I have no idea about the verdict of today’s caper. Nor do I care anymore. Nevermind, I will catch up with her later.

"Hey Dibakar..." Uncle announced as soon as we reached home, "See, this is a very nice boy. The only problem is that he ate too much chicken and a result of which, has got gas problem! Abhi kal khali khichudi dena, hain?"

"But how was the movie?"

"Arre khoob bhalo...the heroine was just too good. Kya gaati hain. Isko kisne train kiya, accha kiya!"

The old man had never probably heard of playback!

Yeh kahan aa gaye hum? Shilpa aunty hurries to me with a bottle and a spoon.

"Take this...very effective on gastric problem!"

"But Aunty, it is not needed!" Putting on a brave face, I try to wave the concerns off.

"Are, aise kaise not needed?" The old man is in the bulldozing mode once again. And force feeds me a spoon of that bitter medicine which tastes like turpentine. It’s the last straw. I am giving up on this relationship with Savi. She will probably ask me to impress her pet dog next. The old man is in a jolly mood as he tugs at my shirt.

"Good...Now, every problem from your digestion will be gone forever! You know Dibakar, what happened once, I ate chicken and next day..."

I must admit to one thing. The old man has good descriptive powers as he commences rhetoric of his constipative crisis that would have put the makers of Piku to shame. And his friend has no choice but to listen. But I am an exception.

Eeeks. I rush back to my room to vomit out everything that I have ingested. More because of the description than because of the turpentine that I have been force fed.

Whooosh...I feel relieved. Lying on my back, I am updating this diary..

---THE END---