Sai’s turmoil and her failed attempts - Page 4

Originally posted by: laksh

@bold I can’t believe or accept this 🤣🤣. You have a deep understanding of Sai and you are saying that you understood her only after the pool fight? 🤣🤣

@green I just replied to your other write up with something similar to this. I agree, he gets lost in his emotions. I can relate to it very much because I am one like that whenever I have to express or speak up 🙈🙈.

@last line 😀😀

I don't know yaar... after that episode my heart just completely shattered for her 😭

Originally posted by: laksh

What to do, we can only dream or write stories or read it in FFs 🤣.

Pooja, keep dreaming dear and can you please write stories since you have a Ph.D in it 🤣.

I will do the dreaming... someone else can write the FFs... I already spend too much time writing analyses 🤣

Originally posted by: tptwi

Hmm... I think to understand this, we have to look at his perspective from the very start of the marriage and how he has gotten to the point where he is today. But, just one quick thing- in his mind, he has cleared this up to Sai (which in fact he explicitly did in the bedroom after stopping Sai from leaving the house post-Harini bday drama). I honestly believe that even Sai knows that he is not committed to Pakhi anymore, and this is where her guilt starts to come in, because she believes that she is the reason that he has wavered in his commitment. What she is unsure about is that even if he is not committed to Pakhi anymore, does he still love her? Does he still have the same spot in his heart for her? This was evident to me in her monologue walking away from the anniversary fight, in which she questioned why Virat has never told Pakhi that he doesn't feel for her.

I am getting ready to blab on and on about his entire journey since their marriage but I'm unsure if you want to read that 🤣

Actually Sai notices a lot of things. She could see his jealousy during Amay’s track. She could see it for Aniket too. That is why she said that she was afraid his he would react during the Ajinkya fight. Not only jealousy, she has keenly noticed a few things Virat had said to her and has grown happy about it too.

In the recent episode too, when he was scolding her about how he was worried for her when he couldn’t find her, he was about to use the word pyaar and stopped himself and Sai did notice it. From how I see it, Sai notices these, she can notice many changes in him, notices the way he acts with her. She gets doubts if his feelings has changed, if he might have started liking her, if he wants her and that is why she has asked him a few things but it all comes crashing down due to his reply or Pakhi or circumstances or some misunderstanding. She notices these changes and that is why gets hopeful everytime she asks him. Like how she asked him why he had come to meet Aniket in the college or if he wants her to join him to Ladakh or why he does a few things like supporting her going against his own family (Kaku good thing) or by asking who he is or she is to him be it after DIG fight when he was apologising to her or after the college function when he was expecting her to not to talk to boys. After the DIG fight when she wanted to know indirectly if she meant anything to him, she had distanced herself from him after whatever he spoke after Pakhi left the house. That is why her response changed and she told him that it all depends on if she is only his responsibility when he proposed to take her to Naag Naadi.

She wanted to know what was in his mind when he gifted her the ring on her birthday too. She tried asking who she was to him or why does he get affected whenever she says she plans to go to GC to get her Dad’s money (when she was asking for money for Devi’s wedding too). She can sense something but just doesn’t want to assume and come to a conclusion in case it is all just her assumptions. She wouldn’t be able to take it if he claims later on that it was all only in her head and that she has misunderstood. That is why she asks him whenever she senses that he is probably having a change of feelings for her, that is why she wants to hear it from him.

The latest episode where he was about to call her Pyar was so beautiful especially Ayesha emoting Sai noticing it and trying to read it for a split second. Like she caught him but could see that he covered it up and he is not able to accept it.

It always looks like Sai thinks many a times that Virat’s feelings towards her has changed, she can sense he has feelings for her but she thinks that he probably doesn’t want to accept it, he is unable to accept it because he is not sure of it. It looks like she thinks he is caught between the feelings he has for Pakhi and for her. He is also a person who would not fail to fulfills his responsibility, so she is trying to figure out if he is confused. She is wondering

* whether he has actually started to develop feelings for her

* whether he is having an internal conflict about what he is feeling for Sai and he is or was feeling for Pakhi

* whether his feelings are developed in the process of fulfilling his responsibility or if he really likes her and has feelings for her

* whether he is actually okay to end his commitment that he had given to Pakhi

* if he will be able to move on from Pakhi or not or has moved on from Pakhi or not and the feelings that she can sense in him that he probably has for her is a temporary one, is one that has developed because they have been together or because he considers himself as her husband and as a right on her

* if he likes her, has started to feel for her but is stopping himself or is in denial because he once used to feel for Pakhi.

She tries to read him, to understand if he is moving on due to changed feelings or only because they are married and he is fulfilling the duty as a husband and also thinking if she would be hurt.

@nethraa I am tagging you in almost all replies of mine 🙈. Tagging you since you and Pooja were discussing about it.

Originally posted by: tptwi

I will do the dreaming... someone else can write the FFs... I already spend too much time writing analyses 🤣

Lol, another reason why I couldn’t continue writing my FFs 🤣🤣.

Originally posted by: scarlett22

Lovely Laksh! I understand Sai completely. And your perspective is so clear. You have gone beyond ..she doesn't acknowledge Virat's efforts.

I too need Virat's perspective...why is he so reluctant to tell Sai that Pakhi doesn't mean anything. He has spoken about the deal, vaada. Not specifically about Pakhi. It's not leftover feeling..that is known. It was a passing infatuation..they didn't even know each other's full names!!

He has said it to Pakhi in private. But not to Sai.

Thanks 😊

I think you might have some clarification from Pooja’s reply in another thread and I have also tagged you in my reply to her about Virat.

He can tell it to Pakhi because that is very much needed but he gets too affected and overwhelmed by Sai’s questions or hurt whenever she misunderstands him or fails to understand his love for her that he fails to speak up.

Originally posted by: laksh

Actually Sai notices a lot of things. She could see his jealousy during Amay’s track. She could see it for Aniket too. That is why she said that she was afraid his he would react during the Ajinkya fight. Not only jealousy, she has keenly noticed a few things Virat had said to her and has grown happy about it too.

In the recent episode too, when he was scolding her about how he was worried for her when he couldn’t find her, he was about to use the word pyaar and stopped himself and Sai did notice it. From how I see it, Sai notices these, she can notice many changes in him, notices the way he acts with her. She gets doubts if his feelings has changed, if he might have started liking her, if he wants her and that is why she has asked him a few things but it all comes crashing down due to his reply or Pakhi or circumstances or some misunderstanding. She notices these changes and that is why gets hopeful everytime she asks him. Like how she asked him why he had come to meet Aniket in the college or if he wants her to join him to Ladakh or why he does a few things like supporting her going against his own family (Kaku good thing) or by asking who he is or she is to him be it after DIG fight when he was apologising to her or after the college function when he was expecting her to not to talk to boys. After the DIG fight when she wanted to know indirectly if she meant anything to him, she had distanced herself from him after whatever he spoke after Pakhi left the house. That is why her response changed and she told him that it all depends on if she is only his responsibility when he proposed to take her to Naag Naadi.

She wanted to know what was in his mind when he gifted her the ring on her birthday too. She tried asking who she was to him or why does he get affected whenever she says she plans to go to GC to get her Dad’s money (when she was asking for money for Devi’s wedding too). She can sense something but just doesn’t want to assume and come to a conclusion in case it is all just her assumptions. She wouldn’t be able to take it if he claims later on that it was all only in her head and that she has misunderstood. That is why she asks him whenever she senses that he is probably having a change of feelings for her, that is why she wants to hear it from him.

The latest episode where he was about to call her Pyar was so beautiful especially Ayesha emoting Sai noticing it and trying to read it for a split second. Like she caught him but could see that he covered it up and he is not able to accept it.

It always looks like Sai thinks many a times that Virat’s feelings towards her has changed, she can sense he has feelings for her but she thinks that he probably doesn’t want to accept it, he is unable to accept it because he is not sure of it. It looks like she thinks he is caught between the feelings he has for Pakhi and for her. He is also a person who would not fail to fulfills his responsibility, so she is trying to figure out if he is confused. She is wondering

* whether he has actually started to develop feelings for her

* whether he is having an internal conflict about what he is feeling for Sai and he is or was feeling for Pakhi

* whether his feelings are developed in the process of fulfilling his responsibility or if he really likes her and has feelings for her

* whether he is actually okay to end his commitment that he had given to Pakhi

* if he will be able to move on from Pakhi or not or has moved on from Pakhi or not and the feelings that she can sense in him that he probably has for her is a temporary one, is one that has developed because they have been together or because he considers himself as her husband and as a right on her

* if he likes her, has started to feel for her but is stopping himself or is in denial because he once used to feel for Pakhi.

She tries to read him, to understand if he is moving on due to changed feelings or only because they are married and he is fulfilling the duty as a husband and also thinking if she would be hurt.

@nethraa I am tagging you in almost all replies of mine 🙈. Tagging you since you and Pooja were discussing about it.

I agree with all of these, Laksh ❤️ We have discussed many of these points before, and you have once again, beautifully summarized Sai's mental state. I agree that Ayesha nailed the expression when he was about to say pyaar but stopped himself. In that one second, she was able to capture 100 emotions. This girl has improved so much since the start of the show... it is truly commendable.

@bolded: You know two of the most powerful moments to me from the beginning of their marriage are 1) When Sai is leaving the bedroom and Virat asks her to stay, she asks if it is because the family members will feel badly. He says no, it is because he will feel badly. The conversation ends there. 2) When Virat is trying to convince her to go to Ladhak (like you have brought up) with him, she questions him why over and over again. He tells her that he will like it, and the conversation ends there. Both times, the girl who cannot seem to stop arguing and fighting, is left with nothing to say... other than the purest smile on her face. There are numerous other scenes like this from the start of the show. In fact, another one is when Sai is bringing up the deal marriage in their bedroom and Pakhi is there, Virat says that they shouldn't talk about this in front of other people... Sai asks Virat if Pakhi is "another person" and his reaction leaves her satisfied. I think Sai has been noticing these things all along... she has been noticing that contrary to his words of "zimidari, farz, etc etc", she has always meant something more to him. So, I don't think there has necessarily been a change in Virat from Sai's POV...obviously his behavior is more clear now than it was at the start, but it was there from the very first day that they were married. And, I think that since she has sensed it from the start, that is why her walls are so incredibly high at this point.... it has been a never ending cycle of sensing, believing, those beliefs being shattered...

You have written basically something very similar...just wanted to bring up these moments as they have always stood out to me 😊

Originally posted by: laksh

Lol, another reason why I couldn’t continue writing my FFs 🤣🤣.

By the way, I have been reading so many of your stories! For some reason, the topics have locks next to them so I can't comment 😵

I will pm you my appreciation ❤️

You are SO talented 🤗

Thank you so much for tagging me laksh. I love reading yours and Pooja's analysis sooooooooo much ❤️. Infact I have bookmarked a lot of your analysis @pooja @laksh. 😳

So please, tag me whenever you write any analysis both of you.....😊❤️

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

Thank you so much for tagging me laksh. I love reading yours and Pooja's analysis sooooooooo much ❤️. Infact I have bookmarked a lot of your analysis @pooja @laksh. 😳

So please, tag me whenever you write any analysis both of you.....😊❤️

I can say the exact same thing about you Nethraa ❤️ Please always tag me toooooo 🤗

Originally posted by: Shristhi2002

Wow, such a beautiful and lovely post❤️

And you have actually captured the natural human emotions very well. Cuz, I totally can get what you are saying cuz I have gone through this 🙈🙈

I actually had a blend of feelings , cuz my other friend came in between me and my bestie back then, and then both gave me the feeling that I am getting in between them.

And it's definitely not easy. Cuz, you feel helpless and guilty, but, seeing it how i felt, you also feel disgusted about yourself as well, maybe Sai would be or wouldn't be feeling so. But, at one point, you feel you are acting possessive, obsessive over someone. You also feel that maybe you are not worthy, you did a mistake, self guilt burns you when you see them giggling off and you can't move over there. And when you gain a bit confidence, you also feel that the other person never deserved you, cuz they never valued you. It they did, they would have carried you along, carried everyone along with each other. Then, it's a natural way, that you begin distancing from them.

Amd literally, something or the other in Sairat's relation catalyses all these reactions out from Sai. One, the primary reason being that, initially, it sort of got stamped into Sai's mind, you will have Virat, he himself had said in the context, that she will have him. But she won't have any right over it. Toh isn't this confusing now. A thing is handed over to you, you are asked to take care of it, like sometimes somethings are meant to be followed by Sai as wife and being his wife in the family or in the society, like the recent trip, she felt she has to go cuz this comes as a part of the society she lives in, this is how she is supposed to behave, but she is reminded she doesn't havw right over them.

It's like you take care of a plant so well but it is ordered the flower doesn't belong to you. How would anyone feel at that point. Sad, guilty, betrayed, etc. As you said, Sai will be protective of that flower, she has the plant, she is taking care of it, toh flower kisi aur ka kaise.That is how she feels. She is the wife, it is her relation, her marriage, but not her husband? .And what is the only way that Sai can say, console not others ,but herself, how can she console herself that she is not a person who doesnt care of others happiness, simple, that deal. I now feel Sai wants to take solace in those words now, her turmoil are sort of standardised due to those words.

Cuz, when she doesn't have the right to interfere in this thing at all, when Virat hasn't given her the right , how can she be responsible for snatching someone's happiness. So sad haina.

How beautifully you have described these things. ❤️

Thanks dear 😃. How beautifully you have actually described ❤️.

I am sorry to know and I understand how you would have felt.

It is actually tough and we wouldn’t want to be a person to come between any two people. Sai has been made to feel like this for a long time and she used to retort to Pakhi saying she doesn’t care because she used to get offended whenever Pakhi used to show Sai that she has more rights on Virat and Sai is just a responsibility whom Virat had taken up, that their marriage was only a deal. That hurt was quite visible in the past and was so visible the night Pakhi brought food for Virat, the night they had a fight after Amay’s arrest. Virat’s silence when Pakhi was abusing Sai or insulting Sai hurt her a lot and Pakhi’s way of exerting rights on Virat also used to hurt her a lot. Pakhi made her feel like a third person always by questioning Virat why he was supporting Sai or if Sai was a child that he got candy floss or by asking why he should take a day off to just check her results and by also calling him an advocate of Sai during the chilly grinding incident. There has been a lot of things which had affected Sai but that night was too much for a person to take, especially when Virat stood silent. She tried to convey a message to Virat while saying that Pakhi can claim all rights on him since she wasn’t interested him. It all stemmed out of an anger that he kept quiet when Pakhi was belittling her, when Pakhi had insulted their marriage too by asking what he got out of this marriage and that he should have never married a thankless girl like Sai. Sai understood his jealousy after the Amay’s fight about which she had even asked him the next day and that was why she spoke that. She knew that Virat was affected when he grew angry at her after the Amay’s incident and even then he stood quiet when Pakhi spoke all that, so Sai wanted to communicate to him along with Pakhi that she is also not interested in him. She even called him out and asked him not to act biased before leaving the room.

Later when Virat started to stand up against Pakhi for her like the day she was denied food or the day Mohit was refused food or the night when they both were feeding food to each other after the PD incident or even the Mahashivaratri day, Sai was slowly gaining confidence and was giving it back to Pakhi, was claiming Virat to be her husband, used to tell that Pakhi was having issues only because Virat was feeding her. Whenever she had got some confidence from Virat’s actions, which made her see herself as his wife and felt that she can fight against Pakhi, she had done.

She was confident that Virat would want to meet her after he got shot at the hospital because he had called her up before going to the mission so she had even challenged Pakhi at the hospital that she would come the next day and would leave if Virat asks her to. She was proved right when Virat came running to meet her at the hospital even when he was injured and by asking Pakhi to leave the hospital saying Sai would take care. Such actions and gestures gives her confidence and she even questioned Pakhi after reaching home with what rights she stopped a wife from meeting a husband. She questioned the night she entered their room without knocking and so much more. But it all went crashing down after she witnessed their conversation near the pool. Virat making Sai try to stay back in the house by acting in the hospital as if he had not recovered, him calling her back home and the way with which he made her stay back in the house at the end again gave Sai some confidence. He not only stopped her from leaving the house but also said that he has no commitment to fulfill too. So, even though she was confused like always whenever she sees Pakhi getting upset, she confronted Pakhi again when Pakhi brought out the truth that Virat slept on the couch in front of everyone. She could see that Pakhi was angry with her, was jealous of her and so she questioned Pakhi. She questioned Pakhi again after her parent’s anniversary the day Pakhi made a big scene to be gifting that saree to her mom but all her confidence kept crashing down when Pakhi started to victimise herself. Whatever self doubt that you have also mentioned is what Sai started to get. She started to think if she was really in between these two.

@bold this is one thing that Sai thinks differently. She is hurt and upset that he can’t love her and that he loves someone else. She is upset he married her but took away the rights as a wife from her. She accepted it and was showing her disappointment by distancing herself, by using words like deal, by saying she would leave the house. It was to protect herself from getting attached to him which will eventually end up in a heart break otherwise. His actions in the past made her believe that he had feelings for Pakhi and that she shouldn’t think anything else about him other than as a person who had taken her responsibility.

But at the same time, his contradicting actions, where he was getting close to her emotionally, expecting certain things from her as a wife like acting possessive or getting jealous made her angry that he was exerting rights as a husband, was deviating from the conditions that he had set himself, was behaving this way even when he was feeling for someone else, even when he was fulfilling a commitment. Her problem has been his contradicting actions. She didn’t feel or doesn’t feel he doesn’t deserve her, in fact she feels that he should get what he wants and that he deserves all happiness. If that happiness means Pakhi, so be it. Her anger hasn’t come out when she thinks that he is not valuing her or not having feelings for her. She can sense his changed feelings towards her and that is worrying her, that is freaking her out because she doesn’t want him to do it thinking she will get hurt. She wants him to do what he likes, not what is expected out of him. Her confusion as to whether he has feelings for her genuinely or if it is his dutiful self, a husband in him that is making him behave that way makes her grow mad at him. Of course, her own growing feelings for him is another reason why she tries to push him away and distance herself from him.

The only way to maintain a distance or to draw lines with him whenever she sees that he is contradicting his own expectations by acting as a husband, by exerting rights as a husband (expecting her not to talk to her friends or by trying to understand her, trying to get into her personal space, getting close to her by asking questions like her favourite music) is by acting rude, by using words like deal or that she would leave the house. She is afraid to let him in her space especially now because she is not confident that she would be able to stick to her end of the deal, she would be able to stop herself, she would be able to let go of him if he wants to. She can feel herself getting drawn to him, more attached to him, caring for him and developing expectations from him which she had always tried not to and hence she is distancing herself from him and has always been doing this.