"Her heart is an archive of old records that used to play his worst lullabies of spilled liquor and drunken smiles."
Today while I was going to the campus my gaze unwilling went to the beautiful lake nearby which had so many memories attached to us. I made my way to the lake slowly the view was really Serene and those mountains and the water fall was making it all the more alluring. We both used to race in swimming here, used to roam near railway pathway in the morning. I smile at those memories but it wasn't a moment later I was reminded of present situation and a silent sob escaped from me it was so difficult for me. Everything! Every damn single thing remind me about him and his memorable presence has etched my mind in all Sense. Plus this was not helping at all that his house was not so far just about couple of minutes away from where I stand now, wish I could go there and meet him but ironic thing is he's not there he's much far away in other city lying unconscious on hospital bed and suffering from immeasurable pain. 10 days has gone to the accident but there's no news about him. Even dad now doesn't have any clue what is going on there with them. Cause he chose to not disturb them more in this tough situation. Upsetting for me cause dad was the sole one to keep us updating about Priyash.
I don't have the courage to go there in his house afraid I might break down in front of everyone. Whatever it is I don't want anyone to know about my feelings but in far corner of my heart a recluse wish is there to let only Priyash know how much he meant for me always. And I have full faith in my Almighty he will make Priyash hale and hearty Again. I will not held any grudges against him if he doesn't possess same feelings for me cause maybe he has taken me just as a childhood friend or maybe I meant nothing for him at all.
In starting months of our stay in this City it was not much difficult to adjust I had instantly grown to like this place then. I had grown to like my class mate Nawreen she lived just few blocks away from where we lived, it didn't take much time for us to become best friend. I chuckled at her thought apparently Priyash never liked any of my friends I don't know why though. He would always want me to play with him or his siblings not with anyone else, Not even his own cousins. Some kind of attention seeker he was!
It has been always like this he would criticize my friends and never liked their company even after we have Grown up. Nawreen too didn't like Priyash at all well there was nothing I could do to sort it out cause they would never listen to me. But despite of their scowling nature for each other we used to hangout at night or in morning walk more like morning race for 2 hours at Least.
Our family was really close, a lot Actually, there was no difference about anything so it was easy for 3 of us to be together anytime anywhere. It was always a common affair for them to be invited at our place for dinner or lunch. Even we have been to their relatives house or wherever they will go for holiday or anything. Anyone could have said we were one family. Though that compatibility could have been seen only in case of elders don't even mistake to think we children reflected same thing.
It would had been possible if Priyash wasn't so confusing rude character. Some days would had been spent like this we are so close like no friendship could be better than ours and some days like We were totally stranger or more like enemy who didn't want to see each other face and can you guess who would be at fault?
Of course it would be him I don't fight without any reason. He used to pick fight at small things or will stop talking to me abruptly I would not had any idea why he was angry with me at first place. And his both sister achieved this amazing trait of arrogance from him. Sometimes it will go months after months without both of us talking. Now I regret those useless fight where he was with me but I could not value his presence. Here now I am dying for his single glimpse. We both had cared for each other a lot then but it was never expressed through Words. Sometimes words are really necessary to depict your emotions. I wish I could open my heart to him now if I get to see him again then it is. He would be okay, Right? Nothing will happen I'm consoling my heart constantly. I wish there was some one to give me some assurance or comforting words that everything will be okay Again. I'm feeling so wounded from inside.
Until he arrives only his memories can give me the comfort of seeking his warmth. Those Moment were so remarkable that I have spent with him. We have done so many things together, I cannot even make a proper list. We could have been found at each other place always even if we were fighting I never stopped visiting their house. I would go there to be with Aunty or his sister. Same case was with him.
From morning to night and I meant literally we have spent each moment together and done so many things. Going for morning walk every day with our parents roaming around the city, climbing mountain we have been together always holding hands. Catching fish, flying kites, whenever there was no electricity we used to walk around the colony or sitting at the roof top gazing at the starts, studying too as we have the same tutor or going to school though we both had different school he was at boys and I was in girls common thing na.
And each moment was so beautiful so carefree like we were free bird flying till our fill roaming around the world. Love birds you may say ;) I just blushed at this Thought. I wonder when I have fallen for him or how? Actually I have spent like 7 years almost with him then how can I not feel anything for him. Was it even possible to be ignorant of his presence when he was in my every moment?
Though I find it difficult to believe even now I'm in Actually love with him. He never leaves my mind nowadays, he's always there, mentally if not physically. It's just incomprehensible. This feeling is so strange, it stretches throughout my whole body. It's overwhelming, yet makes me feel complete. It has no bound nor length nor depth, it's just absolute. It feels as though I'm in a dangerous fire, yet I'm completely safe at the same time. It feels as though someone's given me peace. Yet the peace is not completely sipping through me cause he's not there. Why did we parted from each other even?
Though things were not same anymore at last year of our stay at theirs. Differences started to make it's place between both family or both of us avoiding each other I don't remember much from that 8th year at their place but know one thing Everything was out of control that we had to move out from there cause the Bond between his family and mine was destroyed as it was many years ago I really don't remember anything or any reason. Even before that happened he had distanced himself from me totally and we never talked after that till now so you may say we have not talked to each other for 8 years!
I have not approached thinking why should I? When I don't know why he is ignoring me at first place. Worst thing We didn't even bid Bye to each other while leaving. I never liked that new place we moved later on even after months my heart would just crave to be there, to see him. Though I used to visit that place still cause Nawreen was there. Whenever I used to pass their entrance gate my heart used to long for his one glimpse but I never got that. This all started to affect me a lot mentally, emotionally and then physically. I started to stay ill all the time and upset my health was greatly affected. And my emotions were all over the place I could not bear that distance between us but slowly started to get adjusted to it though it pained a lot.
Once he was my sunshine, the one for whom I lit from the inside. I used to feel a frisson of warmth even if my thoughts turned his way for only a moment. But I had failed to realize he was the one whom I have Loved this much unconditionally until now. But what was in his heart that he was so ignorant towards me?
After one year dad and Uncle means Priyash's father started to get along again. It was then after two years I found myself in Their house. It was Eid day so festive season going on so Mr.Arrogant was busy in the house though I didn't get to catch his glimpse for long time. I was talking with his mother who was saying what happened in these two years how she lost her father and her mother followed too my heart just went to her seeing her crying she was so upset. I could clearly imagine it must be really hard to bear this sudden loss of both parents.
It was then 'Babu' came into the picture clearly displeased with his mother crying. And I could not stop gawking while he was talking with his Mom I was awestruck Almost he had changed so much over this two years! His voice had the manliness now, his dark chocolate Color eyes were so captivating, height was reaching almost 6 fit and his adorable facial features changed into sharp features now, no more Cute boy look it was replaced by Deadly handsome look, tight jaw and his 'M' shaped lips were more prominent now, too bad while I had done so many observation in his look just in few seconds he didn't spare me a look but what the heck Man this guy was not looking 'Babu' from any angle I realize they still call him that instead of calling by his real name. He must've been really pissed of with this thing given the history in past.
Actually he is really proud of his Name 'Maan' as it has so many meanings and weight to it but I really pity him no one from the family or relatives call him by that worse everyone prefers 'Babu'. It's his good fortune that his Mom and me we both call him Priyash unless his life was meant to be like hell for calling him in this 'weirdly cute' Name.
I stayed there Almost 4 hours but the warmth was gone I don't know why maybe cause he didn't acknowledge my presence! I decided to come back home and my dad and brother was ready too it was then I saw him sitting on the couch with his mobile, earphones plugged in his ears clearly drown in music and I could not stop staring at him for a while and suddenly he looked my way for a brief second and then averted his gaze again like he had never seen me before.
It hurts a lot now to think he did that to me not just once but couple of times after that. I have gone there when aunty was expecting and again when baby was 5 months old. He has another Beautiful sister now. I had not visited There for like 3 years. I could not go there anymore it was of no use, nor I could approach him knowing he doesn't show a single sign that he has known me ever and even I have some self respect so I have not initiated anything too. It was like back to square one or even worst than that and I was not someone to bow my head down first.
But all those stupid reasons has flown away from when I got to know about his accident. I am regretting it so much in our immature fight we have lost so many years. I could not open my heart to anyone. Though I have many friends but no one has known Priyash personally Except for Nawreen I have just said her how bad I'm feeling for him but didn't disclosed about my feelings I think they are better this way hidden from the world.
Love can be so confusing sometimes and entangle you in so many emotions that you get clueless what to be done and what not!
But whatever it is I got to know one thing clearly that what we had shared I can't replicate it with another even if he never felt same. This love, this feeling, is just him and me. I could travel the world and the seven seas, I'd still have to come right back here if I wanted true love. So whether this heart beats another day or another hundred years - it is his. Truly his!
~ Geet
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Next : Finally Maan in the scenario ...
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