Part 115
Geet was silent after hearing Maan for the longest 10mins of his life.
Maan: Say something.
Geet: I don't know what should i say.
Maan: I know he is at fault but he was messed up, he did not knew what he was doing. When Saanjh left us Shiv was the one most effected. I did not helped either. He said some pretty horrible things to me too.
"You should be f**king happy that u did not lose your love, then how will u know the pain of love? You are not even in love with Samaira. You pretend to be.
"I hope you will rot in misery like me Maan.
Maan: I know sometime he blamed me too. Because I could not save his love. His destruction was so high that he did not even knew he impregnated someone because he was so high in drugs.
Geet: These are excuses Maan. I know he is your best friend and you don't want him to lose his love again. But trust me he need to worry about saanjh only because i can't judge him. I won't judge him. And you don't need to clarify his image if you think I will blame him. U know me better.
Maan: I know jaan but will Saanjh understand it? She is still insecure in her love.
Geet: Give her time Maan. She was dead for past 5 yrs and suddenly when she got the reason to live again you tell me something like that, I hope shiv can make her understand the situation better.
Maan: I can only hope. He had suffered a lot. I don't want him to regret anything.
~~~~@~~~~
Shiv held her in his arm like fearing of her leaving. Saanjh sat there on his lap at the same position she was before but he can feel her numbness. She was cold and as they were so close he could feel her raised heartbeats. She did not fight. She could not but a thousand things ran in her mind that she could not concentrate on one.
Shiv: Saanjh
Saanjh: I want to hear everything.
Her tone was so emotionless that feared him. Shiv closed his eyes thinking about last 5yrs.
Shiv: when you did that, I mean jump off the cliff something went away with you. I couldn't finish my study, Maan and my friendship was ruined. And everyday I saw him with Samaira. She was giving him strength and he was coming back to his former self. But on my side there was no one. Dad never gave enough importance to me. But one heavy check always dropped in my bank account. I was lost in your thought, trying to punish myself for loosing you. I just rebel. And Went back to South Africa...
Shiv was silent for sometime, maybe thinking about those days. Saanjh could feel the stiffness in him. Her hand went on his chest. And her heat went through him.
Shiv: I went into street fighting, car racings, underground clubs, doing illegal things. From stealing cars, to breaking someones's bones to threating someone. I never did it for money though the money was pretty good. I did to prove to myself that I was not enough worthy for you. You did good to leave me like that. It was like I was trying to find a way to forget you. Sometime it helped. Sometime it did not. I was badly involved in drugs. Meth to coccain anything worked. And girls. I used them to forget you. But I regret everytime when in the morning I only saw your sad face.
A tear fell on her fingers which was rested on his chest. His tears. Unknown to him. And her eyes gave up the battle. Her own tears rolled down.
Shiv: 2yrs ago I got a reality check. I was framed with drugs trafficking and in SA the law is pretty tough. I did illegal things but never sold drugs. Took for myself yes, but never sold to anyone. Dad's business was suffering, and he almost dissown me. I told him I was innocent but he did not believed me. But one person did. That was Maan.
I never knew he was the one keeping me out of trouble for 3yrs. But his tolerance gave up. He confronted me, we fought badly in the jail. I took out my frustation by beating him. He let me do it because he knew i needed it. Then he got all information when, and what i did and for whom. He fought with everyone, almost lost his business but clarified my name.
But then again I did some stupid thing. Maan told me some girl in my gang did it, framed me. I was so mad and Automatically i thought about the girl whom I, I was sleeping. She was the only girl i was with for 3 months. She never asked for commitment, never had any interest in my wealth and never asked what i do in my own time. It was just a conventional means for both of us to forget the world.
When Maan said some girl in my gang did it, I thought about her because she was the only person closer to me. I went to meet her which I shouldn't. I was high on meth that day. Took her from her home and made her sit in my car and went to the racing.
Shiv stopped again, recollecting his strength to tell the further story and saanjh waited holding her heart. She knew what is coming but her mind is numb. She does not know how to feel anymore.
Shiv: I asked her if she did it. She was confused but I kept speeding the wheel. She told me she did not do it. I kept on telling her to accept it and she kept refusing. I did believed her but it was too late. She told me she loved me why would she do it. I was so angry on her. I told her some mean things. I told her how dare she love me when i already said nobody can love me. Then she said she is pregnant. I lost my control. I was processing the mere thought when something blowed.
It was our car. It just blowed. I Killed my own child.
Shiv: We survived, me unscathed but she lost everything. Her one side face was burnt. She lost the baby.I remember when I came to senses i ran to her room but seeing her lying there made me so guilty. I asked her forgiveness and you know what's the worse? She forgave me.
Saanjh could see the bobbing of his adam apple. He was trying to consist his emotion. And there she could not do anything. Her thought was everywhere. He released his grip and Saanjh stood up on unsteady leg.
Shiv: saanjh please.
Saanjh: I need time Shiv. Just give me some time.
Her voice was soft but some uncertainity grip his heart: Can i hold you tonight.
There was pleading in his voice. A grown up man like him begging to never be left was something that torn her heart but she needed time alone.
Saanjh: Not toni8 pls. Give me time to process all this.
Shiv: you said you would not leave me.
Saanjh saw the desperation in his eyes: I am not leaving you. Just asking for toni8. Can you give me that.
Shiv: you are not leaving our suite?
Saanjh: No.
Shiv: Okay. Can i stay outside your door?
Saanjh: Shiv pls
Shiv: I won't bother you promise.
Saanjh could not stand the uncertainity in his eyes and left the place without saying anything. She left Maahika with him because she knew he needed her.
Shiv sat outside her room door and one other side Saanjh sat there thinking about his every word.
~~~~~@~~~~~~
Maan: Geet, what if it was me instead of Shiv?
Geet: on what contray you saying this Maan?
Maan: sleeping with girls.
Geet sucked her breath: Are you saying you slept with women when you were with Samaira?
Maan nodded not looking at her. He waited for her to reply but Geet did not look at him.
Geet : I don't know what should I make of that.
Maan: I could not get physical with her but I wasn't saint. Maybe subconsciously I knew I did not love her but she was my Adat'. And habit die hard. She was my frnd and i did not wanted to lose her.
Geet: that should not give u the right to cheat.
Maan: She knew it.
Geet: what?
Maan: She told me a few days prior to our anniversary. She said she knew I never loved her, if I had, i wouldn't have cheated.
Geet: Do you feel guilty about it?
Maan: what should i say? Morally Yes.
Geet: from your heart Maan
Maan: No, I did not. And now thinking about anyone other than you make me feel dirty.
Geet: because you love me?
Maan: Yes,
Geet cleared her throat: will you ever,,,,,
She could not even finish her words.
Maan: will i ever cheat on you? Geet smiled weakly. Maan cupped her face, i did not said it to make you insecure, i could have hide it because it was in my past.
Geet: Answer me Maan. Will you ever,
Maan: No never, tum meri dhadkan ho Geet. when you walk around me I lost every sense to see any other living thing. You make me alive. I have never felt something so strong for someone ever. Do you still need words?
Geet shook her head in No: then I am fine with your Past till your present and future belongs to me.
~~~~@~~~~
In the morning they left for Lara's wedding in Maan's chopper. Sanjh was silent in the whole trip. Geet knew Shiv had told Saanjh everything. Geet silently supported him which shook Shiv. He never knew he was so worried about Geet's reaction as well as Saanjh. And Geet's support effects him as well.
Saanjh was lost in her own battle when the helicopter reached Bangkok. Lara had called her 10 times already and she had assured her that they will reach the venue before the wedding take place. Maaneet went to their room to get ready along with Maahika.
Geet: I am really worried for them, should I talk to her?
Maan: let them handle this, she needs to fight her own demons. And he need to battle on his own for her love.
~~~~~@~~~~~~
Shiv: Saanjh talk to me please.
Saanjh: not now Shiv please. Just give me some time.
Shiv held her hand and pulled her closer: time? How much time you need? Why you need it? I told you everything. You said you won't leave me and now,
Saanjh shrugged his hold: I am not leaving damit. I am here. Aren't I? If i wanted to run I would go back to India. But i am here with u. Am i not?
Shiv: but u r running. You r not not talking to me. U can't even look at me. I told you you won't forgive me still u insisted.
Saanjh could see the madness in his eyes. Its true that she had always dreamt to see such love for her but right now when she is messed up this madness of him is only making her weak and frustrated.
Saanjh: ok, let us attend this function then we will talk about it.
Shiv: Talk about what. God damn at least tell me what are you thinking? Do you hate me hearing I killed me own child?
Saanjh: No, no, just. She took a heavy sigh and really looked at him, he looked like a man in tears. It broke her heart. Shiv. You dumped something heavy last night. You not only told me about that tragedy but also told me how you spent your last 5 yrs. You not just said you carry a burden of loosing a child but also told me you first child belonged to someone else.
Shiv: I,,
Saanjh: You were so worried about your "sin that you forgot whatever else you were telling me. You know how much of a burden you carried and it was my fault. I am quiet because I am messed up right now. I am going nuts thinking about how much my stupidity had cause you. I am silent because I fear for our future. Yes you love me but I fear your burden of killing a child is much bigger that your love for me. You will always regret for that child who might have not survived in another case also.
Shiv: you know that was my fault.
Saanjh held his collar: see. This guilt of your won't let us live Shiv. Can't you see that? She could have lose that child in any way. It was fate that the accident happened. It could have been you instead of that unborn child, it was just an accident.
Shiv: how i wish it would have been me.
Saanjh left his collar and Shiv knew what he had done.
Saanjh: leave please.
Shiv: Saanjh.
Saanjh: I can't be your madness. And I can't live with your guilt. Get out.
Shiv: listen to me
Saanjh shouted: LEAVE...
Abruptly he left and she collapsed on the floor thinking of her fate. Saanjh cried and cried till her heart and throat felt soar.
~~~~@~~~~~
When Shiv entered Maan's room and explained that happened in there Geet knew she had to see her sister. Thankfully maahi was sleeping so she left both the men there and went to look after Saanjh.
Geet: If you break her this time, I won't forgive you Shiv.
Maan saw the tears glistening in her eyes before she mask it with anger.
When Geet entered Saanjh's room she was a mess. Saanjh hugged her and cried some more and then explained everything that happened from last night to this morning.
Geet: Shhh I know, i know. Maan told me last ni8.
Saanjh: I don't know what to do. I love him so much Geet. I can't see him in guilt like this. I don't want to spent my life over a guilt that wasn't his fault. It could happen anywhere to anyone. And okay even I accept it was his fault, will he ever forgive himself to start our own family? Will he accept the truth and go beyond it?
Geet: did you ask him all this Saanjh? Did you explained to him that to begin your new life he need to forgive himself?
Saanjh shook her head in negetive.
Geet: you said why you should not stay with him but did you explain why its important to forget the past to live your present with him? You told the worst but did u try make it better? He was already at his weakest and you left him that you swore not to do.
Saanjh: No, i never meant to sound like that Geet.
Geet believed her desperate attempt to convince her and a hope blossom in her heart that there is still something left to be join in their relation.
Saanjh: I should talk to him.
Geet: stop. Not like this mess. They are getting ready. You need to get ready too. Then meet him at the church.
With a slight hope Saanjh got up to get ready. On the other side Maan made Shiv dress up for the wedding. Though Shiv was adamant but he believed his friend will do the right.
Maan: this time I won't repeat my mistake. I won't let her go, I promise.
Geet to Saanjh: nobody will force you. I won't let anyone force you into a relationship that break you again. If he is right he will stick around, and if he is not, we will wait for something great.
How Saanjh wish she could say the same. His love is intoxicating for her still she can't live without it.
Precap: "I won't let my sister be forced into something that she doesn't want or that isn't right for her.
"suddenly you feel shiv isn't right for Saanjh? What happen to your friendship with Shiv? Blood is thicker than friendship isn't it Geet?
Yes i am bored with luvy duvy Maaneet, time for some action? Lol evil me.
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