MG-SS - Kaare Badra - Last Part - Page 77 - June 27 - Page 36

As dusk painted the beautiful sky above with shades of orange and red, I lay on the green grass in the garden of Khurana Mansion, thinking of this morning when I gathered all my courage to confront Maan. But even that came out as another shocking moment for me. His face changed its colour and the alteration in his stance... said it all.

Before I could ask any further, he looked down, as if stealing himself, then turned dejectedly n left. I didn't need to ask where he was going.

Later Adi did call up thanking me to have sent Maan n save one of the biggest project for KC. But only if he knew that it was another of those painful encounters with the harsh reailties of our life, with those growing insecurities n fears that are engulfing us each moment.

~o~

Nakul... What are u doing here ??? I asked as reached at the entrance of the Outhouse. Nakul turned to look at me approaching him as he closed the main doors behind him.

While walking back to the mansion, my steps came to a sudden halt as I saw lights in the Outhouse. In this last one month, I had never seen anyone or any movement in the Outhouse. I had heard Annie telling that no one is allowed to enter there. There were clear n strict instructions from Maan.

According to what Annie had told me nobody had ever peaked inside the Outhouse since past 2 years, since the time I had left. She said it had been Maan's hideout during all those years of our separation. The place that had witnessed his agony, his desperation to reach me, his anger n his pain.

Ma'am... I come here once in a week for cleaning... As no other staff member is allowed here... Nakul's answer broke my trance

Hmmm... I hummed absentmindedly n moved towards the now bolted doors. He was just about to lock them when I continued shocking him

Nakul... Rehne dijiye... saying so, I opened the doors making him gasp. But at this moment I could care less about his reaction.

I turned n told him to leave. But he stood there for a few minutes in a dilemma n finally left, knowing well, that right now I wouldn't pay any heed to his explanations or even Maan's instructions.

I had been pondering over this thought of visiting the outhouse since sometime now, but couldn't gather much courage to step into this place that holds the memories of the most beautiful phase of my life or rather our lives. It's the same place that had witnessed the most cherished n special moments of our lives, our love.

~o~

As I stepped inside the Outhouse, a strong wave of dj vu hit me like a tornado. It shook me to the core to have actually seen, what I had been hearing from Annie. One look at the living room n my heart ached with immense pain that my Maan had endured all these years. My vision blurred as tears clouded my eyes. My hands shook as tried to reach n feel each part of this place under my fingers. My feet refused to take even a small step.

The ache in my heart multiplied and with that the intensity of Maan's fears sunk - in. Not even a single thread was moved in the living room after I left. I looked exactly the same as I had left it. The pieces of my broken phone are still there, kept in transparent glass box on the center table. The cushions were still uncovered as I had removed the covers n sent for washing on that very morning. One of the shopping bag was still kept on dinning table as I wanted to send it for a size change, that day.

Everything was placed at the same place where I left it. Each nook n corner of this place screamed, telling me the story of how broken he was, cried about his sufferings, his pains.

The entire place spoke volumes about the pain he suppressed in his heart, told the story of all those tears the most beautiful pair of eyes had shed, the anger that he vented out on self.

~o~

By the time I climbed the last step my feet were shaking with fear to come across even worse. I moved forward... towards my bedroom with a thudding heart, apprehensive by the thoughts of what else awaited me.

After seeing the living room n kitchen downstairs, I tried preparing myself for what I would find here. But no words are enough to express what I actually felt after I saw my room, our room. It looked as if I was still living there only, the way I was, 2 years back. The salwar - suit, I wore when I got that dreadful call, was hanging on the bed rim as left it after changing hurriedly. The cupboard was unlocked, the dresser had everything intact and the bed sheet was crumpled as if somebody just got out of the bed. Two of my dupattas were lying on the bed, a pair of bathroom slippers were still kept near the bathroom door.

~o~

I froze at my place sensing him standing behind me, just a few steps away. All my courage had already left me, leaving me to sulk in self - loathing. The only person, who meant the world to me, suffered so much, all because of me.

The glimpse of his pain and sufferings that I had got today, made me hate myself even more. And with that resurfaced the pain and insecurities that he tried to hide this morning. Even after we are together his miseries seems never ending, infact it seems they had grown ten folds. The realization broke me from inside with each passing moment.

The unsettling ache in my soul wished the earth to consume me, may be then I would be able to feel a tiny bit of what he had been going through.

This man standing right behind me, loves me beyond words. His entire universe revolves around me. And I can give him nothing in return, not even a wink of peaceful sleep. He is my husband and I cannot even give him the rights he has over his wife.

I am incapable to perform the basic duties of a wife. He is the one who have always cocooned me in his embrace, shielding me from this cruel, mean world. And I, his good for nothing wife, cannot give any happiness, cannot offer even a moment of solace to his hurting soul.