Dil Chahta Hai # 2 updated part 14 on pg: 40 ON HOLD note pg 46 - Page 14

Originally posted by: Kalpana_Writer

Friends? How sweet! Hi! I am Kalpana! My dearest friends call me Kappa (mostly Chavvi16 and spvd) or Ana ( from the time when my username was different) I am also known as BB in Geet forum - BB as in Busy Bee! Not because I am always Busy but because you will never find me just doing one thing. I will always be doing two three works at one time like right now I am watching The Italian Job on TV, commenting on your work, chatting with Dona Di and Chavvi, and reading a FF on another site on House MD!😳 I cannot rest still and I have to be doing more than work at one time! My brain is never happy with one work!😆

I have other nicknames too but these three are the only ones I love! Pick one or call me Kalpana, I dont mind!

Thought I should introduce myself to my new friend!😉

I wont call it immature as you understand the nuances of story writing. It is your inexperience which is the problem! You will improve, I am sure of that!

One question: hpls - is it helpless or hopeless? Sorry! I am not good at understanding short forms!

Originally posted by: Kalpana_Writer

Hello Aru,

I wont be reading your fic today! Too tired mentally to read anything! Infact, I am just lurking around and replying reviews today! Feel that mentally tired! Hope you understand!

Thank you and take care,

Kappa

P.S. Will get back to reviewing and commenting tomorrow!

Originally posted by: Kalpana_Writer

Hello Aru and her co writers,

I am reading your Chapter 3 and again you have forgotten your fullstops.

Note to Aru and her friends: Please don't forget fullstop. It really breaks the flow of reading and that frustrates experienced readers. Newbies wont mind but readers who have been reading FFs and novels for ages will get frustrated easily! So be careful with that! At start, using fullstop will break your writing flow, I agree but after a while your fingers will be used to it and soon you will be pressing it without breaking your thinking process. So start using fullstops!😃

And no need to describe the girls as gorgeous or hot or sexy. We know they are. The get up that you described is already telling us how hot they are looking, no need to use the exact words. But if you still want to show that they are looking very hot or something like that, state something in the chappy like, "The moment the girls entered the campus, chaos started. Boys in the college ogled them while their girlfriends slapped them and stormed off. Other girls glared with envy and wished to be in their place. But our girls took no notice of it, after all they were used to it. For them, this was a usual occurrence!" That was just an example of how you can write it down. I can give you more examples by citing my fics, but I so don't want to seem like I am promoting my fics.

Found another flaw! I seem to be finding that a lot in this chappy, dear! Koi nahi! I am sure your upcoming chapters will be better! OK! About the flaw: one moment you writing in past tense, other moment you go present. For eg: Sia giving her silent treatment (present tense)

Sia totally ignored her (past tense) Most readers don't care about this, actually half of them don't even notice this😉, so it is not a big deal 😆 but you said you wanted to improve as a writer, so I am giving you this pointer. You can ignore it if you want to!😃

Oh! I also found the editing problem but I have already explained the problem to you and gave the solution in last comment! No need to hash that lecture again. But I have to say you write really good dialogues. The dialogues in between Sia and Geet is really well written! Mazaa aagaya!

All in all, some new flaws came up but overall the nok jhok of Geet and Sia covered up for it. That convo was really enjoyable! And the description of Geet was awesome but sometimes leave something for readers' imagination.

That's all for today folks,

See you soon

Kalpana thanks kappa I wl defntly wrk on full stops n tenses n ys it wl a plzr to me if u cite more n more egs.Ur egs wl make me understand hw shud I describe a particular scene ...😊

Originally posted by: Kalpana_Writer

Hello Aru,

Read the fourth part and it has the same flaws as the other so wont mention it again but I have to ask one thing: Are Sid, Alia and Shanaya important to future story? As in will they play any important role in MG love story? Will they help in getting them together? Or will Sid or the girls come in between Maan and Geet? Do answer. Waiting for your reply!

Kappa

Originally posted by: arunima.

thanks for this review dear ...honestly i dnt knw😕...alia n shanaya I dnt think par sid aur rehan I m cnfsd whom to gv a role in my ff😛 par u cn suggest who is bettr 4 a role ... wl be waiting 😃