Maaneet FF Binding Ties(2) New Thread Link added Pg 1 and Pg 153 - Page 85

Originally posted by: chingaming

Superrrb ff :D

Loveeeddd ittt to the coreee:D

Update soon:D

XOXOX!

CHAPTER 18

Maan heard a roaring in his ears, as the words Dev had just uttered, echoed inside his head. His baby brother had been hurting for so long and he'd known nothing about it. If he'd had even an inkling of the guilt embedded inside his brother's heart and mind, he'd have moved heaven and earth to free him of that guilt.

"No! No! No! Dev. Tum aise kaise keh sakte ho bacche. Tumahri koi galti nahi nahi thi Dev, koi galti nahi thi. It was just an accident..."

(No! No! No! Dev. How can you say that child? It was no fault of yours, absolutely no fault. It was just an accident...")

Maan looked his brother in despair, who was shaking his head negatively, even before Maan could finish speaking.

"Nahi bhai. Galti meri thi. Aapko yaad nahi, police ne kya kaha tha? Papa ne gadi mujhe bachane ke liye ghumayi thi. Aur mamma ne bhi apne aap ko bachane ki bilkul koshish nahi ki, kyu ki woh mujhe bachane mein busy thi."

(No bhai. It was my fault. Don't you remember what the police said? They said Papa swerved the car to save me. And mamma also did not make any attempt to save herself, coz she was too busy saving me)

Maan had absolutely no idea what to say to his brother. He had not known that Dev had heard the part about their father swerving the car to protect him.

His mamma, papa and Dev had been returning from a day out at the amusement park. It had been drizzling steadily, when an out of control truck had come barreling straight at them. Since they would be gone for a long time, Papa had decided to drive the car himself. His mamma had been sitting behind the driver's seat, beside Dev. When the truck had come towards them his papa had swerved the car to the left and the truck had hit the right side of the car hard. It had rolled over and over again and finally landed upside down. The police had gotten there immediately and Maan had raced there straight from the office, on being informed of the accident by them. It had been a year since he'd started working with his father in Khurana Constructions. It had only been that morning, when papa had told him he was going to let Maan handle the upcoming client meeting that day and that he himself was going to enjoy a day out with Dev and his Mamma. Maan had laughingly complained that it was not fair and that he wanted to be with them.

His father had grabbed him around the neck with his forearm and rubbed his head hard with his knuckles before telling him that from now on, he was going to build amusement parks, not play in them. "Yaar tu abhi jawaan hai, aur main buddha ho raha hoon. Muhe bhi apne jawni ke bache hue din enjoy kar lene de. Isiliye aaj sara kam tu kar main enjoy karunga."

(Buddy, you are still young and I'm getting old. Let me just enjoy my remaining youth, before I get too old. So you do all the work today and I'll enjoy.)

He had then hugged Maan and told him how proud he was of him. That was the last time he'd ever spoken to, or seen his father.

He had taken one look at the crashed car and known that only a miracle could save any of the occupants in the car. He had stood there in absolute shock for one moment then raced to the car, dropped to the ground and started picking at the glass and metal with his bare hands. He had been vaguely aware of somebody shouting and trying to push him away. He had ignored them and continued digging through the rubble with bloodied hands, trying desperately to reach the saree draped backside, he could barely see through the crushed back window.

It was his mother's favorite saree. He had gotten it for her the previous year, when he'd gotten his first paycheck from Khurana Constructions. She would find every excuse to wear the saree repeatedly. His father had constantly teased her about it.

"Aaj phir pili batti? Maan apni mamma ke liye ab ek hari , aur ek laal saree lake de do. Phir pura ka pura traffic signal lagengi tumhari mamma. Aur phir apne mood ke hisab se pehnogi toh meri zindagi bhi asan ho jayegi. Jyoti. Jab mood thik thak ho toh yeh pili wali pehen lena, jab bahut acche mood mein ho toh hari wali, aur jab mujh pe bohot naraz, ya phir gusse mein ho toh laal pehen lena."

(Yellow signal again today? Mann why don't you get a red and a green saree for your mamma. Then she can look like a proper traffic signal. And if you wear the colors according to your moods, my life will be so much smoother, Jyoti. When you're in an ok mood, you can wear the yellow, when you are exceptionally happy you can wear the green and when you are mad at me you can wear the red.)

The saree hadn't been the bright yellow anymore. It had been stained with patches of crimson.

He had seen vague movement and doubled his efforts to reach her. By then the police had started prying the doors open with crow bars and metal cutters. When he had finally been able to reach her, he'd pulled her gently with trembling hands and laid her lifeless body on the ground. It was then that he'd seen Dev lying beneath her. He was covered completely in red. At first, Maan had thought that his brother was also no longer with them, but then he had seen the vague hand movement once again. He'd once again reached inside and pulled his brother out and heard his shallow breathing. He had cried tears of relief and hugged the little boy to his chest. He had frantically searched for any injury on his body, but had seen nothing major, other than some shallow cuts here and there and the red on him had been all his mother's blood. It was then that a police officer had walked over to him.

"I'm sorry Mr. Khurana but your father is no more. He swerved the car at the last moment. That and your mother covering his body, with her own is what probably saved your brother's life. I am extremely sorry for your loss."

He'd stood there with Dev in his arms, tears and rain running a steady course down his face. His parents were dead and his brother, he'd come to know later, was paralyzed from the waist down.

As he looked at his brother now, he heard Dadi's choked rasp.

"Nahi Dev bete. Aap aise kaise soch sakte hain. Aap toh.."

(No Dev, how can you think like that? You are...)

He was so blinded by his conviction that he was the one at fault that all the reassurances were falling on deaf ears. He just looked at Dadi sadly and interrupted her too.

It's ok Dadi. I've accepted my punishment. I'm not complaining. Since Di came in our lives, I have been so much happier. I have even felt a sense of vague hope once or twice, although I have no right to feel it.

She raised her hand helplessly towards him in entreaty, then dropped it, while shaking her head and dropped heavily into a chair near Geet, tears flowing down her cheeks. Geet turned towards her, grabbed her hands and squeezed them gently.

"I'm so sorry Dadi. Par apne mujhe yeh sab kyu nahi bataya?"

(I'm sorry Dadi, but why did you not tell me all this before?)

"Too painful". Savitri Devi choked out. She had aged a decade in the past few minutes. She looked pleadingly at Geet.

"Meri madat karo Geet. Kya karenge hum gar woh aise sochta hain."

(Help me Geet. What are we to do if he believes such a terrible thing.)

She nodded reassuringly at Dadi, took a deep breath and turned towards Dev. She was startled to see her daughter slowly reaching her hand out to the man, whose face, at this moment held neither arrogance, nor anger. It was etched with lines of pain and seemed almost grey in the brightly lit room, as he seemed lost in some deep painful thoughts. She felt a pang in her heart and wished she could say or do something to take that look away. She didn't know why, but she preferred his arrogance to this agonizing landscape his face had become. Her little daughter's compassionate heart couldn't bear that look either and she gently patted his bearded cheek. Geet held her breath to see what he'd do.

Maan had been deeply lost in his painful past, when he'd felt a soft touch on his cheek. Two large eyes were looking at him without blinking and an unbelievably tiny hand was patting his cheek slowly. Maan felt the soft and warm hand against his cheek and a hot tear slid down his cheek and landed on her hand. He slowly caught hold of her hand and pressed his lips against the soft center of her palm. Geet felt tears smart her eyes, at this heartfelt exchange between her daughter and Maan Singh Khurana. She had not expected such vulnerability in him and she hoped, he'd found a small measure of comfort in her daugther's touch.

She had looked on in shock and misery, as Dev had fallen apart in Maan's arms. Till this moment, she had not completely understood the depth of that little boy's despair and hopelessness. More than anything in the world, she wanted him to stand up and kick that wheelchair from underneath him. However, that would be impossible unless his guilt had been addressed.

All she had asked was, if she could borrow his wheelchair to get downstairs, as it was going to be impossible to use her own feet to get there. Her left foot had a deep gash on the underside, that even now throbbed painfully and her handicapped right, which had not recovered fully after lifting Miri yesterday, had started to throb once again, after picking her up a few moments before. It would not handle the weight of her whole body. She had not liked the idea of getting back in that chair, but she'd seen no other option and so had asked Dev, if he'd lend it to her. He had looked at her in shock and horror and started crying and then those crippling, guilt laden words had spewed out of his mouth. This child had been carrying a burden, too heavy for his tiny shoulders, for far too long. It pinched her heart to see him so anguished, but she was also relieved. Now that the festering wound inside his heart had been exposed, the healing could begin.

She took a deep breath and jumped in.

"I want to talk to Dev alone for a few minutes."

No! I am not leaving him alone" Maan instantly blurted out.

"I am not asking, I am telling Mr. Khurana. I am telling you this in the capacity of his physiotherapist." "Please Mr. Khurana, this is such an important breakthrough for Dev. For once, let's just keep our personal differences aside and do this for Dev's sake."

Maan looked like he was about to argue, when Dadi got off her seat and touched his shoulder. She shook her head wearily at him.

"It's ok Maan. Geet se behtar koi nahi jaan sakta, ki Dev pe kya guzar rahi hain. Chaliya humare saath. Miri bete aap bhi chalengi humare saath thodi der ke liye?"

(It's ok Maan. Nobody knows better than Geet, what Dev is going through right now. Come with me. Miri dear, will you come with us for some time?)

Miri who had returned to her mother's side, looked at Geet questioningly. Geet nodded at her.

"Jao. Dadi ke saath thodi der ke liye chali jao. Main Dev bhaiyya se kuch kehna chahti hoon."

(Go be with dadi for some time. I want to tell Dev something)

"Go Bhai. I'm fine. I promise."

Dev prompted Maan. He stood up abruptly, glared at her and walked out of the room, followed by Dadi and Miri.

Geet knew that the glare that had been directed at her had not been personal. He just hated losing control of the situation and she was learning pretty fast that Maan Singh Khurana hated things that he could not control. She had partly lied to him of course. The things that she wanted to share with Dev were indeed very personal and she did not want Maan to pity her or think that she was playing some other mind games. Other than this one conversation, she would make sure that he and Dadi were part of Dev's healing process, all the way.

She slowly turned Dev's chair towards her.

"Dev, I am not going to treat you like a child. I am going to tell you some truths that I think an intelligent child like you can handle."

"Main galat hoon ya sahi yeh toh main nahi jaanti, par jab main tumhari jagah pe thi toh main chahti thi ki mujhse kuch na chipaya jaaye. Main kitni bhi kadvi sacchayi seh sakti thi, par jhooti tassali aur jhoote hosle nahi. Isiliye main tumhe jo bhi kahungi, tum mano ya na mano, woh meri sacchayi hain.

Mujhe pata nahi Dadi ne meri Aai ke bare mein tumhe kitna bataya hain. Tumhare mamma, papa toh ek hadse ke shikhar the, par meri Aai toh mujhe aur Miri ko bachane ke liye jaan bujh ke khayi mein kud gayi thi.

(I don't know whether I'm right or wrong, but when I was in your shoe I wanted the truht, no matter how bitter it was. I did not want false hopes and consolation. Therefore, whatever I tell you is my truth, whether you choose to believe it or not. I don't know how much Dadi has told you about my Aai. Your mamma and papa were the victims of an accident, but my Aaai jumped off a cliff purposely to save me and Miri)

Dev gasped.

"Di..." he whispered.

Geet went on to tell him all the incidents that had happened in Sawantwadi and her mother's ultimate sacrifice. Tears were once again flowing down her cheeks at the bitter memory.

Dev leaned forward to wipe her tears, but she grabbed his hand and wiped them off herself, fiercely.

She took his hand to her misshapen leg and let him feel the brutal ugliness of it through her clothes.

"Tell me Dev, is this my punishment for my mother's sacrifice?"

"No Di.."he gasped in automatic response.

"Why not Dev? Tum jaante ho pure ek saal tak mere pair pe kitne operations hue, par mera pair bilkul nahi hila. Phir ek din main wheel chair mein baithke jab kitchen ki taraf ja rahi thi, maine dekha ki meri chaar saal ki Miri, kursi pe chad ke chai banana ki koshsih kar rahi thi, apni Mamma ke liye. Usne stove pe bartan rakkh ke gas on kiya tha, pure kitchen mein gas ki smel fail gayi thi, aur woh match box jalane ki koshish kar rahi thi. Main apne pair ka dard, wheel chair apna guilt, sab kuch bhool gayi aur apni bacchi ko bachane ke liye khadi ho gayi. Main do kadam bhi na chal saki aur gir gayi."

(Why not Dev? Did you know, for one whole year, god knows how many operations were done on my leg? But my leg never moved a single inch. Then one day when I was going towards the kitchen in my wheelchair, I saw my 4 year old Miri, who'd climbed up on a chair and was trying to make tea for her mamma. She had kept the vessel on the stove and turned on the gas. The whole kitchen was filled with the smell of gas and she was trying to light a match box. I forgot the pain in my leg, my wheelchair, my guilt. I forgot everything in that moment and stood up and walked two steps before collapsing.)

"I dragged my whole body on the floor to get to my daughter, snatched her in my arms and turned the gas off. That was the first time I understood that a parent does not think when their child is in danger. They just react. They die willingly to save their child from any harm. And I, who was wallowing in my self-pity and guilt, was not being thankful to the mother who'd sacrificed her life for me, by living my life to the fullest. Six months later, I was finally able to walk out of that chair forever. That chair does not control my life anymore and so, I'm not afraid to sit in it, for some time to get downstairs. Besides being physically injured, I was mentally bound Dev and so I could not walk. Until I pushed aside the mental barriers, I could not heal physically either. That was my side of the story Dev. Haan it is ugly and I don't like my leg like this, but to me the physical limitations of my leg, tell me every day that no matter how big the challenge, I can overcome it."

"Ab tum bolo Dev? Kyu de raho yeh sazaa apne aap ko?"

(Now you tell me Dev? Why are you punishing yourself like this?)

"You like to read about every subject in the world, but you've never tried to find out what was wrong with your legs did you? You refused to go for any counseling with a psychotherapist. "

"Do you know what's wrong with your legs Dev?"

"Absolutely nothing. For 5 years, you have been punishing yourself by sitting in that chair. There is nothing physically wrong with you Dev."

"What you're suffering from is "Conversion Disorder"

"Basically what it means is that, even if a person is physically unharmed, they start showing physical symptoms. In other words, a person is "converting" a psychological stress into a physical symptom.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

His eyes widened to their fullest in shock and he whispered,

"You mean to say there is nothing wrong with my legs and spine and I can walk if I want to? Are you telling me the truth Di?"

"Well, it's not that easy."

"From now on you will have to attend psychotherapy sessions, we can try hypnotherapy and we'll have to get you another physiotherapist."

But Di. ...

"Don't worry. I will be there along with the other person, but I can't manage to lift you and do all the other rigorous physical therapies that you'll need.

"What do you think Dev? When you think about you're mummy papa, do you think they'd have liked to see you walking?"

"I don't think of them Di. Dar lagta tha unke bare mein sochne ko. Do you know, I have not looked straight at their picture for five years? Har saal jab shraddh karte hain toh bhi main un photos ki aankhon mein nahi dekh pata hoon. I feel guilty and I feel worse whenever I look at bhai and dadi. Isiliye whenever they try to discuss anything with me, I just ignore it. But I think, I am slowly understanding what you're trying to tell me Di. That I have to overcome my guilt, only then will I be able to walk."

"You think I can do it Di? Will I be able to overcome like you and walk?"

She hugged him tight to her and kissed his forehead.

"What do you think Dev?"

"I want to walk Di. More than anything I want to walk."

"Then you will. Absolutely."

Originally posted by: crazydream

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